Hey Guys.

Hoping you could help me out with a problem I'm having, any advice or information would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. :)

I don't know how to get married to my boyfriend, I'm in a tough spot right now. For privacy reasons lets call my boyfriend 'Jim'.



I've been in terrible relationships in the past, been cheated on, played and even physically abused on numerous occasions. I began to think there was something wrong with me, and became a different person, someone not recognizable when I looked in the mirror. I liked it at first but inside I knew I was lying to myself; Im not a barbie looking bimbo. It kept going down hill until I met Jim. He helped me find myself, the person I had been hiding from for so long, and he showed me that it's okay to love someone with all I've got because he felt the same towards me. With Jim, the ugly world I lived in before I met him turned beautiful. We have a lot in common, from goals to what television shows we watched when we were 6. His family, all wonderful people whom I get along with real well. Jim is my prince charming, he once told me he was going to give my back a rub and to turn around & to hold my hair up so he could reach my shoulders. Thinking he was going to give me that rub I was in total surprise as he put this gorgeous necklace around my neck. Our whole relationship is like that, wonderful and full of surprises. We would walk for hours in nature, enjoying the sounds of the birds and watching as the mother birds would fly off and come back to their nest with food for their offspring. Jim even wanted to take ballroom dance lessons with me because he knew that I wanted it real bad.

Thing's took a turn for the worst this past July. Jim was arrested for something he had done prior to meeting me, a joke you could say that him and his friends did but didn't expect it to get out of hand. Being the caring person Jim is, he decided to take the blame since his one friend's girlfriend just gave birth and the other is starting a career that he went to University to get. I have been informed that the prosecuters are aiming towards having Jim spend anywhere from 3-14 years in prison. In canada good behaviour while in jail can result in only having to serve 1/3rd of your sentence.

Jim means the world to me and I want to marry him, have him know I love him and am devoted to him as much as before he was taken away. I'ts been a month and I still cry myself to sleep, write him twice a week and think about him all the time. I love this man.
His trial could be in a year, it takes forever to get anything done in this awful system. A man could get bail after shooting someone but a man who didn't harm anyone just had a joke go out of hand can't get bail, this system is terrible. I've wanted to marry Jim, so it's not like I'd be doing it because he's locked up. I can still finish my education, get my degree's, it wouln't have much negative effect on my life. Of course there are 'other fish in the sea' but there is only one Jim for me.

Can somebody help me find a way for me to become his wife? Jim is only allowed to contact his parents but I can still send him mail. Thank you ahead of time for any advice or idea's you can come up with. I will appreciate it anything that helps. :confused:

Thanks,

Lilly

It is hard to know how to advise you without knowing why Jim faces up to 14 years in prison.

This sounds far more serious that a prank gone wrong, and for him to say he didn't do it, or you to say he didn't do anything (except save the futures of his friends) seems a little understated to me.

While he may be your prince charming, he may have a dark side that you do not know about, or are aware of. He has been good to you I admit, but, whatever he was involved in- does it require treatment while he is in prison?

To be fair and honest to you, I'm not going out on a limb here in support of you in your desire for a future with this man, until you can give some idea of what he's been convicted of.

Thanks for your honesty Jake.

Jim and his friends were lighting off fireworks, the usual Canada Day tradition that they have been doing for many years. Me, being the safety obsessed person I am decided to make a picnic dinner, champagne included and watch the fireworks put on by the town with the girls (from a far distance I must include). Anyway I guess one of the guys wasn't paying attention to how they placed the fireworks because one of the fireworks went on an angle and a house caught fire. The fire spread and eventually devoured a whole block 7-10 million in damages. The area is in a small net community, where nothing ever happens... maybe the biggest crime would be someone stealing a neighbours lawn decoration making this look tremendously bad. My boyfriend felt remorse and was shaken by this, they never expected an annual tradition to go this bad. Jim will not be receiving treatment in prison, though he's been slowly 'melting away' due to the pain of depression this event brought forward. I visited him not too long ago, he's skinny, his eyes are sunk in and he just doesn't look healthy, perhaps in the near future he will require medical treatment. I'm not saying that he didn't do anything wrong and he's not saying it either but I feel the punishment has gotten out of hand. A man could kill someone and be let out of prison in 2years but someone who maybe shouldn't have done fireworks and caused an accident can receive up to 14 years in the cage. It frustrates me to no end. Jim's a good person and him being where he is will destroy him, there is no way he deserves the maximum or close to the maximum sentence he was told.

I hope that helps you in helping me with advice. Thank you so much for replying to my first post.

I think the best thing would be for him to talk to the prison chaplain about situations like wanting to get married while in jail.

Wow, OK, now I understand. It was an accident that went horribly wrong and caused a lot of damage.

Under the circumstances you described, I hope that he's out for good behaviour soon.

I think Nohelp is right, speak to the prison chaplan about getting married. If I were in your position, and my beloved was in your beloved's position, I'd want to make it official so at least he can call you, and you can visit regularly. He'll do much better having you able to see him and it will give him something to look forward to.

I really hope this works out for you with the Chaplan. You might also speak to your own Minister or Priest, or a JP, and see if they will perform a ceremony for you.

All the best of luck to you, please let us know how you made out.

Take care.

I think talking to the chaplain is a great idea. It's a starting point at least.