In many of my answers I often tell people to date, dating is not just one person but you can date several people until you get to the point of a serious relationship.

But what about sex, does dating today normally involve sex, OK I know different groups have religious or moral ideas but I am talking about just what I would call the majority of people.

So what is your opinions

When I tell people to date several people am I telling them to also sleep with them ?

If so, is it wrong in the US, Canada or Europe culture as it is today to have ongoing sexual relationship with more than one person at a time.
*** Ok, not at the same time but whle seeing others.

In my opinion dating shouldn't not involve sleeping with any party.
Dating is something prior to that stage, it's getting to know someone.
For the majority of people though I believe that dating involves a sexual relationship.
Sex is so much more casual it seems now.
In my view, that is horribly dangerous and demoralizing.
But personally I have dated a variety of people while not sleeping with anyone.
If I decided that I wanted to take a relationship to that level then I would cut off all dating with any other person and focus on the person I was most serious about.

My opinion is that if you are dating and not in a serious relationship with anyone, do whatever you feel comfortable with. I do not believe there is anything wrong with casual sex so long as safety is considered.

As long as both people are okay with it and are being smart and safe with their other partners, I think its fine.

However, it may be safer not to unless you REALLY trust the person you sleeping with... cause if they are careless with sex then you could be subjecting yourself with some STDs

Realize that it's been a while since I dated, and the last time I did I was a teen, so take my answer with a grain of salt. ;)

If I was in the dating scene today I would probably not have sex with guys that I was dating, especially if I was dating more then one guy. I'd wait until I decided on the one and we had an actual relationship, not just going out and having fun.

As a teen, I would have had no problem sleeping with guys I was dating, even if there was more then one guy. Ya, I wasn't an angel. :(

I think it depends on the people involved, their beliefs. It also would require a lot of open communication because I do think that the people you're involved with should know if you're having a sexual relationship with someone else.

I really think that it depends on the person.

When I first met my husband about 10 years ago, he was 'dating' a number of women and sleeping with them. He'd had a number of responses to a 'personals' advertisement and was working his way through the 'responses'. It was very casual and I think they were aware of what he was doing.

He told me, and I told him that I wasn't interested in having sex with him while he was sleeping with anyone else. However, we continued to see each other and do things together. After about 3 months he told me he's stopped seeing any of the other women. I said 'that's nice". About a month after that we slept together for the first time.

So I guess that's both sides of the question you're asking - some people are OK with it (I guess it's important to be open about it), and some people, like me, prefer to date one person at a time and have sex with them.

I would suggest that the norm in English speaking countries is for serial monogamy - it's generally accepted that if dating involves sex, then you don't usually do it with anyone else. Of course there are always exceptions!

Aids, herpes, and hepatitis, and a host of STD's, kept me from having sex with different partners back in the day, but dating is not about sex(?), its about good clean fun.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Aids, herpes, and hepatitis, and a host of STD's, kept me from having sex with different partners back in the day, but dating is not about sex(?), its about good clean fun.

Thats my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Dating without sex is just buying dinner for someone you don't really like...

Kind of stupid, if you ask me. :)

Dating without sex is just buying dinner for someone you dont really like...

Kinda stupid, if you ask me. :)
You never know if you like them or not without dating them. And having a social life beyond sex, and romance, is crucial, and far from stupid, but rewarding, as far as friends, and activities go. Who says you're the one paying??

So I take it that you expect sex when you take someone to dinner? Bowling? Golfing? Volleyball at the beach? Movies, Plays, Darts?

If you read some of the stories here, sex complicates dating, when its done early on, in the dating process.

I am only 17 (Actually I am turning 18 on the 19th WOOHOO!).
And I am a virgin. This shocks some people I know. Which in turn shocks me.
I know a few people of the age of 14 or 15 who are not virgins. It seems to me that sex has become so casual, or that people rush into these things mindlessly.
I personally believe that sex should be something special, with the person you love and will marry.

When I was single, and dating multiple women, I was having sex with them. I was as careful as a condom allows, but still... That was over 12 years ago, and I consider myself very lucky as to NOT have contracted an STD. Looking back, I realize I was a sex addict, and didn't really want to be alone. Plus I was very loose back then. I knew I wanted to get that out of my system before I got married.

I found a wonderful woman who I love with all my heart, and would never consider cheating on her. She knows about my past, and loves me unconditionally. I've truly been blessed.

Nowadays, I think sex is a big part of dating. At least for the guys I work with it is.

Good on you joseph, sounds like you have found a good catch. For that matter, sounds like she has in you as well.
Sex is a big part of dating for some people, doesn't mean it should be. Sex should never be someone's goal.

You never know if you like them or not without dating them. And having a social life beyond sex, and romance, is crucial, and far from stupid, but rewarding, as far as friends, and activities go. Who says your the one paying???

So I take it that you expect sex when you take someone to dinner?? Bowling? Golfing? Volleyball at the beach?? Movies, Plays, Darts?

If you read some of the stories here, sex complicates dating, when its done early on, in the dating process.

I don't ever expect sex (and didn't when I was dating either). It just seemed to work out that way.

And I always paid. Not because I wanted something back... that's just how I was raised. I worked really hard to be able to afford to pay - and it made me feel good to do so.

Pardon my flippant attitude...

No problem Steve, its just that some people get attached by sex, or lust, and breaking hearts (mine included) was not my intentions, and casual dating just for fun, with no expectations, is like practicing safe sex, but on an emotional level.

I was raised to pay also, but have been asked out more than a few times, and they paid. I felt special, and honored, LOL.

IMO, the problem is not casual sex. Casual sex is not a bad thing. The problem is that not everyone can or will distinguish sex from love.

There are many time that sex is a replacement (and economically friendly) for other activities. Going out is expensive. Staying in is not. I don't find anything wrong with that mentality.

I dated a girl a few years ago and we had sex on the first date. The date was just OK... a little tense. The sex was great.

She is downstairs right now with our two kids wearing a ring that matches the one that I am wearing.

Aids, herpes, and hepatitis, and a host of STD's, kept me from having sex with different partners back in the day, but dating is not about sex(?), its about good clean fun.

Thats my story, and I'm sticking to it.

I like your story

IMO, the problem is not casual sex. Casual sex is not a bad thing. The problem is that not everyone can or will distinguish sex from love.

There are many time that sex is a replacement (and economically friendly) for other activities. Going out is expensive. Staying in is not. I dont find anything wrong with that mentality.

I dated a girl a few years ago and we had sex on the first date. The date was just ok... a little tense. The sex was great.

She is downstairs right now with our two kids wearing a ring that matches the one that I am wearing.


Does this mean that the news of the marriage is no longer a secret?

My concern with casual sex is/has been - and I'm talking safe sex here - that my idea of "casual" may very well be someone's idea of not casual, serious, relationship sex.

I think men can sometimes (and maybe women, too - I don't know. I don't date women - :)) nod their heads "yes" when "you" explain this is casual even though the words are not passing through their brains. Next thing you know - problems.

You just have to read the post here about feeling developing after "casual" sex, and then wondering if the partner feels the same. Or the ones, where the partners have sex early on, and assume the other partner's feelings are the same. Or the ones who hit it, and move on, and the partner is left devastated, and wondering "what happened, why haven't they called"? Yep! Problems.

Does this mean that the news of the marriage is no longer a secret?

My concern with casual sex is/has been - and I'm talking safe sex here - that my idea of "casual" may very well be someone's idea of not casual, serious, relationship sex.

I think men can sometimes (and maybe women, too - I don't know. I don't date women - :)) nod their heads "yes" when "you" explain this is casual even though the words are not passing through their brains. Next thing you know - problems.

I didn't know it was a secret. :-D

My idea of casual is no more than 3 different partners in a 24 hour period. Anything more than that crosses a line.

I think the word "dating" is ambiguous. It can mean sex or not.

It's obviously fine to have dinner with more than one person if you are not intimate. Personally, I would not have sex with multiple partners and I don't expect a "date" too either. I figure if he's doing that, he's not available for a serious relationship.

You just have to read the post here about feeling developing after "casual" sex, and then wondering if the partner feels the same. Or the ones, where the partners have sex early on, and assume the other partner's feelings are the same. Or the ones who hit it, and move on, and the partner is left devastated, and wondering "what happened, why haven't they called"? Yep! problems.

But if the 'offender' is up front about what they want, who's fault is it if the offendee gets hurt?

As long as everyone is honest about what they are after, no one has anyone but themselves to blame.

I think the word "dating" is ambiguous. It can mean sex or not.

It's obviously fine to have dinner with more than one person if you are not intimate. Personally, I would not have sex with multiple partners and I don't expect a "date" too either. I figure if he's doing that, he's not available for a serious relationship.

Depend on who you ask. I think you are confusing dating with exclusive.

So having dinner is OK but sex isn't? How about heavy kissing? Oral? Where does the line get drawn.

There are those that think that a goodnight BJ is just a polite way of saying "I had a nice time tonight - call me"

I see a huge difference between telling people to date around and sleep around. Going on a few dates when you're not in a committed relationship doesn't mean sleeping with all of your dates as far as I can see.

i see a huge difference between telling people to date around and sleep around. going on a few dates when you're not in a committed relationship doesn't mean sleeping with all of your dates as far as i can see.

Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree then... :)

Edit: After all, how do you know if you want to date them again if you haven't had sex with them?

I'm OK with agreeing to disagree. :)
I think I could have worded it better though. I don't think it means you HAVE to. I don't think more or less of anyone that does have sex after a first date.

Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree then... :)

Edit: After all, how do you know if you want to date them again if you havent had sex with them?
I agree. At this point in my life, I can't become seriously involved in someone if I'm unaware of the sexual chemistry.

I didnt know it was a secret. :-D

My idea of casual is no more than 3 different partners in a 24 hour period. Anything more than that crosses a line.



I wasn't sure about the "secret" part but now the cat is out of the bag!

And congratulations! And many, many happy years.

And now back to dating multiple people - which I assume you are no longer allowed to do. My husband was also touchy about that. :)

I wasn't sure about the "secret" part but now the cat is out of the bag!

And congratulations! And many, many happy years.

And now back to dating multiple people - which I assume you are no longer allowed to do. My husband was also touchy about that. :)

I haven't actually asked yet, but I can imagine how that conversation will go. :-D

After all, how do you know if you want to date them again if you haven't had sex with them?
If you both had a great time WITHOUT having sex, why not?

I agree. At this point in my life, I can't become seriously involved in someone if I'm unaware of the sexual chemistry.



What do you mean by "at this point in [your] life"?

If you both had a great time WITHOUT having sex, why not??

Because you are presumably looking for the one person that you are going to be having sex with for the rest of your life.

Because you are presumably looking for the one person that you are going to be having sex with for the rest of your life.


Agreed BUT do we agree that sex isn't the only thing "we" should be looking for? My husband was an invalid for a long time (enough said about that). Thank goodness I honestly love the man because if it had been all about fireworks and shooting stars we would not have lasted.

But maybe this conversation is just about sex and dating multiple people and I'm bringing it down.

As far as dating and having sex with multiple people - I'm not interested in having sex today with someone who had sex with someone else yesterday. Of course, you don't always know.

Agreed BUT do we agree that sex isn't the only thing "we" should be looking for? My husband was an invalid for a long time (enough said about that). Thank goodness I honestly love the man because if it had been all about fireworks and shooting stars we would not have lasted.

But maybe this conversation is just about sex and dating multiple people and I'm bringing it down.

As far as dating and having sex with multiple people - I'm not interested in having sex today with someone who had sex with someone else yesterday. Of course, you don't always know.

Don't get me wrong, I never did either... but not because I think its wrong... I just didn't stack dates like that. I never had a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. I just don't look down on those that do, so long as they are up front about it.

Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree then... :)

Edit: After all, how do you know if you want to date them again if you havent had sex with them?

Because they are interesting, intelligent, have good manners, appear to be kind, educated, have lots of friends, love their mother--unimportant things like that. :)

What do you mean by "at this point in [your] life"?
I meant that, for me, a lasting relationship is no longer out of the question--I graduated college and looking to buy me a home or condo--and I don't believe that's possible if the relationship hasn't been consummated, we can call it that to bring elegance to the matter. In my teenage days it really didn't matter what or who I did 'cause, as Vince Neil once said, I was "too young to fall in love".

In other words sex was only something to look forward to back in my teenage years where it may or may not happen... no big deal. But now, it's a prerequisite.

I meant that, for me, a lasting relationship is no longer out of the question--I graduated college and looking to buy me a home or condo--and I don't believe that's possible if the relationship hasn't been consummated, we can call it that to bring elegance to the matter. In my teenage days it really didn't matter what or who I did 'cause, as Vince Neil once said, I was "too young to fall in love".

In other words sex was only something to look forward to back in my teenage years where it may or may not happen... no big deal. But now, it's a prerequisite.



What or who you "did"? I'm too old for this board.

I meant that, for me, a lasting relationship is no longer out of the question--I graduated college and looking to buy me a home or condo--and I don't believe that's possible if the relationship hasn't been consummated, we can call it that to bring elegance to the matter. In my teenage days it really didn't matter what or who I did 'cause, as Vince Neil once said, I was "too young to fall in love".

In other words sex was only something to look forward to back in my teenage years where it may or may not happen... no big deal. But now, it's a prerequisite.

Sex is a prerequisite? Wow!

Okay, I have to point out that I did fall in love in my "teenage" years. Albeit the last teenage year but still. ;)

Back in the day I wasn't at all particular about the guys I took to bed. Regrets, yes, major regrets, can't change the past, no use beating myself up, it's done.

But, if I was free to date now, I wouldn't be having sex with every Tom, Rick and Harry (I had to say Rick, AMHD doesn't accept the other word :()

I wouldn't judge someone that does sleep around, I don't have the right to, but, why sleep with everything that moves? Why not wait for that someone special?

Am I totally off?

OMG, am I old? :eek:

I wouldn't judge someone that does sleep around, I don't have the right to, but, why sleep with everything that moves? Why not wait for that someone special?
The same thing could be said about non-sexual, Plutonic dating, why not wait for someone special?

I think if you're going to get to know someone, you've got to get to know them.

The same thing could be said about non-sexual, Plutonic dating, why not wait for someone special?

I think if you're gonna get to know someone, you've got to get to know them.

But does getting to know them have to involve sex?

Trust me, most of the guys I slept with, I didn't know them at all. Heck, I couldn't tell you their names, I couldn't pick them out of a line up. Ya, like I said, I wasn't an angel. :(

Getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex. Talking is a good thing. Dating helps you get to know someone. Sex is great, but you don't have to know someone, love someone, heck, you don't even have to like someone to have sex.

I don't believe in waiting for marriage, you should test the waters before you dive in, but dating multiple people and having sex with them? I don't think so, not nowadays.

Again, maybe I'm getting old. Maybe my morals caught up with me. Just how I feel now. Wish I had felt that way 20 years ago. ;)

But does getting to know them have to involve sex?

Trust me, most of the guys I slept with, I didn't know them at all. Heck, I couldn't tell you their names, I couldn't pick them out of a line up. Ya, like I said, I wasn't an angel. :(

Getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex. Talking is a good thing. Dating helps you get to know someone. Sex is great, but you don't have to know someone, love someone, heck, you don't even have to like someone to have sex.

I don't believe in waiting for marriage, you should test the waters before you dive in, but dating multiple people and having sex with them? I don't think so, not nowadays.

Again, maybe I'm getting old. Maybe my morals caught up with me. Just how I feel now. Wish I had felt that way 20 years ago. ;)

If something happened with my marriage( GOD forbid), and I was single again, I wouldn't do what I did in the past. I think I would be more careful of who I dated. I would be interested in getting to know one person, not several at one time. But I wouldn't want to be celibate, not for a long period. After my first time , I knew it was going to be an important part of my life.

I'm very happy and content now, and am glad to not be in the single category anymore. My life is great and full, not chaotic and empty, like it used to be.

I want both of my sons to enjoy their lives, and to be sure they are READY to get married, when the time comes. I think it's best to get your wild oats sewn before you settle down.

Unfortunately, relationships like Alty's, which start young, don't seem to last in today's time, like they did a hundred or so years ago. Of course back then they didn't have the temptation like we do now.

The same thing could be said about non-sexual, Plutonic dating, why not wait for someone special?

I think if you're gonna get to know someone, you've got to get to know them.



Is Plutonic dating when you date someone on the Planet Pluto?

Is Plutonic dating when you date someone on the Planet Pluto?

Nah. It's when you date someone with a magmatic personality (or maybe it's the radiometric dating of igneous rock).

But how do you sew wild oats?

Nah. It's when you date someone with a magmatic personality (or maybe it's the radiometric dating of igneous rock).

But how do you sew wild oats?

It's a horizontal procedure. Or vertical, or...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sew%20your%20wild%20oats

Probably need an itty bitty sewing machine...

Probably need an itty bitty sewing machine...

No I used an averaged sized "needle".

I don't believe in waiting for marriage, you should test the waters before you dive in, but dating multiple people and having sex with them? I don't think so, not nowadays.
You said yourself you were pretty cavalier back in your day, so the you of then probably wouldn't agree with yourself now.

My method ain't fool proof but I believe it's worked so far. I don't know what else to say.


Is Plutonic dating when you date someone on the Planet Pluto?
Plutonic relationship, of lava, lava moves slow, it's a play on words; describes a relationship that goes no where fast, waste of time which is what most Platonic relationships are, can't get too close or it'll burn you... It sounds pretty lame spelled out.

And it's a Kuiper belt object, not a planet :)

Ok, I am going to have to chime in here.

I am a firm believer in "dating". I think too many of us assume that we are all just naturals when it comes to love, relationships, sex, fear, jealousy, trust, honesty, and all these other things that we never experience while waiting around for Mr or Mrs Right to come along. Then when we think we have finally found him/her, we often just dive in only to end up hurt and bitter over the whole experience.

However, if we were to approach the same situation without all the expectations... without all the pressures... without all the worry and nervousness... we might get a quicker glimpse at who that person really is and if we think they might be right for us.

I am in my early 30's. Aside from a marriage and a couple decently long[er]-terms relationships, I have always dated. I have dated a fair amount of women... and I have probably slept with most of them. However, that doesn't mean that I would just run around trying to hump anything that moves. And it doesn't mean that it was ever "just sex". I hate "just sex"... no one, dating, married, divorced, dead, or whatever should ever have "just sex".

And I definitely agree that getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex (although, it can). And I also agree that having sex with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you know them or suddenly will know them.

However, I have to say that you can never truly know anyone until you share that with them.

So why wouldn't that be part it all?

And as far as that whole "saving yourself for someone special" thing goes... what exactly are we supposed to be saving? I myself have yet to run out of sex... ;)

Ok final thoughts... Chuck, no, I don't think that when you tell people to date you should see it as telling them to go sleep around or have sex. Dating should never imply having sex. However, if two (hopefully responsible, hopefully mature [enough]) adults want to share something intimate with each other and express their feelings toward them, how can we tell them it's wrong?

Love the speech DrJ. ;)

I never said I was right. Heck, I haven't dated in, gulp, 19 years, so what do I know?

I've been with the same man for, again, gulp, 19 years, so sleeping around, that was in the past.

What am I trying to say?

Why don't I just shut up now?

OKAY! :)

Ok, I am going to have to chime in here.

I am a firm believer in "dating". I think too many of us assume that we are all just naturals when it comes to love, relationships, sex, fear, jealousy, trust, honesty, and all these other things that we never experience while waiting around for Mr or Mrs Right to come along. Then when we think we have finally found him/her, we often just dive in only to end up hurt and bitter over the whole experience.

However, if we were to approach the same situation without all the expectations... without all the pressures... without all the worry and nervousness... we might get a quicker glimpse at who that person really is and if we think they might be right for us.

I am in my early 30's. Aside from a marriage and a couple decently long[er]-terms relationships, I have always dated. I have dated a fair amount of women... and I have probably slept with most of them. However, that doesn't mean that I would just run around trying to hump anything that moves. And it doesn't mean that it was ever "just sex". I hate "just sex"... no one, dating, married, divorced, dead, or whatever should ever have "just sex".

And I definitely agree that getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex (although, it can). And I also agree that having sex with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you know them or suddenly will know them.

However, I have to say that you can never truly know anyone until you share that with them.

So why wouldn't that be part it all?

And as far as that whole "saving yourself for someone special" thing goes... what exactly are we supposed to be saving? I myself have yet to run out of sex... ;)

Ok final thoughts... Chuck, no, I don't think that when you tell people to date you should see it as telling them to go sleep around or have sex. Dating should never imply having sex. However, if two (hopefully responsible, hopefully mature [enough]) adults want to share something intimate with each other and express their feelings toward them, how can we tell them it's wrong?


I have to agree and disagree - I never had sex with anyone because I felt pressured, like I owed someone something, because I was drunk, high or otherwise impaired. A lot of my friends did. However, I certainly DID have sex with people that in retrospect were not a wise choice for one reason or another.

When I met the man I loved and intended to be with forever the subject of numbers came up (no play on words) and I had to invoke, "Don't ask, don't tell." He was a very conservative man and I have no idea what he thought, expected or, for that matter, wanted my answer to be. He knew I had been married and divorced but I kind of figured that mumbling, "Umm, one," wouldn't work - :) Likewise, I honestly didn't want to know and I didn't ask him, not once, not ever. I honestly would have been haunted by his answer, I'm sure.

I'm dating someone now who has been in a series of relationships, a lot of them sexual, and, yes, it bothers me when we run into one of his "ex's" and he's still on good terms and they chat about this and that.

I'm not easiy threatened and that's not the problem but it does make me uncomfortable that they have a history.

So I don't know. I do find when I date now that men expect sex, no question. Maybe the subject is brought up on the first date, maybe the second but always by the third. Also, men I date tell me women EXPECT them to have sex and if they don't there is a suspicion that they are gay.

I read the relationship boards and see all the pain that is out there (and, of course, I've worked matrimonial surveillances for years) and so I see all the complications that relationships, particularly those involving intimacy, can cause.

So I have mixed emotions on this topic.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-using-me-386982.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/friend-benefits-387014.html

Just to make the point of how complicated casual sex can be.

I guess everyone has their own idea as to what "dating" means. Moral issues aside, I feel that anyone who has multiple sexual partners at the same time is a damned fool. STDs (some deadly), unintended pregnancies and the ensuing legal and economic repercussions and just the overall emotional ballast involved ought to be enough to keep people monogamous. Sure, it's OK to have multiple friends of the opposite sex when not committed to any one person in particular and to meet up with them for coffee, lunch, etc. But when it comes to sexual intimacy, monogamy is the best policy!

Eh... right... wrong, Alty... who really knows anyway? :D And yes, I seem to have a bit of a problem putting a lot of thought into things heh

JKT... yeah, the subject of numbers... that's always an interesting one, isn't it? I have been asked before and I have found myself wondering before. Luckily, it has been quite a while since I have had to go there with anyone. The truth is I lost track of that number some time ago. But with that, and other things, girls now tend to understand not to ask questions they don't want to know the answer to... because, while I may not offer up certain information, when asked, I will always answer honestly.

I think part of the problem that all of us deal with is this deep-seeded illusion we carry of what or who we want. I assume it comes from all the fairy tales, romantic comedies, and other forms of fantasy stimulation we have been subjected to our entire lives. But when we expect so much, we are usually let down. Hopefully, there are stronger attractions that can hold real relationships together but if there aren't, they will quickly deteriorate from unfulfilled expectations.

Have you ever been in one of those relationships (friend, dating, romantic, etc) where the other person just seems to always be saying: you're supposed to do this.. you're supposed to say that.. Always focusing on who someone is "supposed" be and never on who they are...

If we let go of all those expectations, we would be able really see people for who they are.

People's past, their number, running into ex's, seeing your partners attraction to another... all these things can breed insecurity and jealousy if you let them. I have seen it rip good relationships apart too many times... people that seemed so right for each other but just couldn't cope with each others past.

We are all just humans.. doing whatever we thought was the best thing, or the right thing, to do at the time.

After all, if that person hadn't gone through every single thing that they had, they would not be the same person that you know today... and you may have never even met them...


Oh yeah, I wanted to comment on this...

Most men want and expect sex. If they say they don't, they are usually just saying that to get in your pants. And if they get called out on it, they will typically reply with something like, "women EXPECT [me] to have sex and if [I] don't there is a suspicion that [I am] gay." I hope you know that's completely hogwash :)

As someone who (believe it or not) actually ISN'T one of "those" guys that only wants & expects sex, a woman that would suspect I was gay because I didn't try to have sex with them right away is the kind of woman I would have gone out with only to have sex with.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-using-me-386982.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/friend-benefits-387014.html

Just to make the point of how complicated casual sex can be.

Ah yes, that is where things can be complicated. Unbalanced feelings and dishonest intentions... people using people.

Old Hippie here and I never saw or heard the likes of what I do now with these kids. We were into freedom but not stupidity
.
Its ridiculous.
The morning after has suddenly become the new birth control ?

You F on your first date with anyone and ewwww probably nasty seconds and many other things!

I am proud to say I do not have male whores for sons.

They respect women and always will!

Girls are out of control these days! Why are they so mean and bad bad girls.
What happened to girls just wan'a have fun? (one of Starbys favs!)
Mothers.. step up!
Teach your children well!

Artsy, I was a girl that just wanted to have fun, sadly that fun included sex.

Just like DrJ, I don't have a number, lost count, wouldn't want to count if I could remember them all. That's the past, it is was it is, was what it was, can't be taken back and made me who I am.

I'm actually extremely surprised that I didn't have an unwanted pregnancy or an STD, I got lucky, really lucky.

If I could go back I would do things differently, because I know what I know now. I didn't know it then, obviously. ;)

My reasons for doing the things I did differ from most people. I was punishing myself, my body, tempting fate, allowing myself to be used because I didn't think I deserved better then that. Stupid me.

Kids nowadays, they just don't understand the consequences. Heck, most of them don't even know how pregnancy occurs. Got to love the "I gave by boyfriend a blow job, could I be pregnant?" SERIOUSLY?

It's a scary world, most of these teens have no idea what they're doing and what could happen.

I really don't remember being that stupid back then. :)

Artsy, I was a girl that just wanted to have fun, sadly that fun included sex.

Just like DrJ, I don't have a number, lost count, wouldn't want to count if I could remember them all. That's the past, it is was it is, was what it was, can't be taken back and made me who I am.

I'm actually extremely surprised that I didn't have an unwanted pregnancy or an STD, I got lucky, really lucky.

If I could go back I would do things differently, because I know what I know now. I didn't know it then, obviously. ;)

My reasons for doing the things I did differ from most people. I was punishing myself, my body, tempting fate, allowing myself to be used because I didn't think I deserved better then that. Stupid me.

Kids nowadays, they just don't understand the consequences. Heck, most of them don't even know how pregnancy occurs. Gotta love the "I gave by boyfriend a blow job, could I be pregnant?" SERIOUSLY?

It's a scary world, most of these teens have no idea what they're doing and what could happen.

I really don't remember being that stupid back then. :)

Hay I partied pretty good back in the day but I never hurt a guy. :) That's true. :cool:

Hay I partied pretty good back in the day but I never hurt a guy. :) Thats true. :cool:

I did too, and made sure I never hurt a girl. It was just fun, for both of us. I never "kept count". It wasn't about that, at all. We're raising our sons to respect girls, and when it comes to dating time, I can only hope they are careful, and most importantly, GENTLEMEN.

Times are different now, and STD's run rampant. A condom is never 100% effective. I remember when AIDS was first mentioned. We ( as most) viewed it as "homosexual only", then Magic Johnson was diagnosed as HIV positive.

Sex changed drastically, and condoms sales skyrocketed.

Ok, I am going to have to chime in here.

I am a firm believer in "dating". I think too many of us assume that we are all just naturals when it comes to love, relationships, sex, fear, jealousy, trust, honesty, and all these other things that we never experience while waiting around for Mr or Mrs Right to come along. Then when we think we have finally found him/her, we often just dive in only to end up hurt and bitter over the whole experience.

However, if we were to approach the same situation without all the expectations... without all the pressures... without all the worry and nervousness... we might get a quicker glimpse at who that person really is and if we think they might be right for us.

I am in my early 30's. Aside from a marriage and a couple decently long[er]-terms relationships, I have always dated. I have dated a fair amount of women... and I have probably slept with most of them. However, that doesn't mean that I would just run around trying to hump anything that moves. And it doesn't mean that it was ever "just sex". I hate "just sex"... no one, dating, married, divorced, dead, or whatever should ever have "just sex".

And I definitely agree that getting to know someone doesn't have to involve sex (although, it can). And I also agree that having sex with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you know them or suddenly will know them.

However, I have to say that you can never truly know anyone until you share that with them.

So why wouldn't that be part it all?

And as far as that whole "saving yourself for someone special" thing goes... what exactly are we supposed to be saving? I myself have yet to run out of sex...

Ok final thoughts... Chuck, no, I don't think that when you tell people to date you should see it as telling them to go sleep around or have sex. Dating should never imply having sex. However, if two (hopefully responsible, hopefully mature [enough]) adults want to share something intimate with each other and express their feelings toward them, how can we tell them it's wrong?


Excellent answer, but it doesn't address the most crucial part of the question, which is if it's advisable to have sex WHILE dating more than one person. True, no one should have "just sex", but when dating and/or sleeping around with more than one person, sex can hardly be anything more than simply "just sex." Unless there is some degree of exclusivity, sex is just sex.