I have been seeing a smart, sophisticated, funny, charming, and thoughtful man for the past few months. He's everything I've ever wanted. He tells me he loves me even when were intimate calls me showers me with gifts and treats me better than any man ever have. He is married with 3 kids. The catch is that he married his wife in the first place b.c he got her pregnant. He swears there is no connection or attraction. He says he wants to know me forever and predicts that once the kids are older he and his wife will divorce. How should I go about this? Any comments will be greatly appreciated!

Please leave him alone, this will cause enormous heartbreak for you, for him, his wife and his kids.

There is no if/and/but's about it with this matter, He's married. The end. No excuses, no lies, no self-denial. He's a married man and that means he is off limits to you or any other woman that is not named on that marriage certificate.

Do you realize how many married men "Predict" they will divorce their wives to string along their mysteriously all too willing sugar on the side?

You can sing "Not him! Not Me!" all day or until the sky turns purple and he'll still probably be married.

This completely excludes the emotions of his WIFE AND FAMILY. How would you like to be in this wife's place?

A cheater is a cheater is a cheater and even if you had your way what's to make you think you won't be the next "predicted" divorce?

Every man that cheats on his wife must be reading from the same book because they feed females like you the same lines and guess what? You fell for it.

Your nothing but his mistress and if you really want to know what to do then ask his wife.

He is married and can't often you nothing but stolen moments. Are you really prepare to sit and wait for him because if he was so unhappy he could leave his wife but I guess he refers to cheat.

Wake up and get yourself out of this web now! There are smart, sophisticated, funny, charming, thoughtful, single men out there besides this married one.

Did you think he was going to tell you that he does love his wife and that you are a wonderful distraction?
Did you expect him to say,I will never leave but I know I have to give you some hope?
He married her because she was pregnant but he didn't have to stay.
He is showering you with attention and whatever because he has a good thing going.
A mistress who will be waiting when he finds the time.
I have never seen the mistress end up the winner in this type of scenario.
The usual outcome is that everyone loses in the end.
Why would you believe anything a cheating man says? He is a liar from the get go.

I am sending you a link from a woman who had more than one affair with a married man.I think what she had to say is very telling.
From theotherwoem2008
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-do-when-affair-married-man-383280-2.html#post1902770

I have been seeing a smart, sophisticated, funny, charming, and thoughtful man for the past few months. He's everything i've ever wanted. He tells me he loves me even when were intimate calls me showers me with gifts and treats me better than any man ever have. He is married with 3 kids. the catch is that he married his wife in the first place b.c he got her pregnant. He swears there is no connection or attraction. He says he wants to know me forever and predicts that once the kids are older he and his wife will divorce. how should i go about this? any comments will be greatly appreciated!


He's smart, sophisticated, funny, charming, not at all thoughtful, a cheater, a cad, doesn't give a darn about the woman he committed to and only married her because she got pregnant but proceeded to have 2 more children with her after that.

So, you're willing to wait until his children get older, so he can divorce and be with you? Interesting, and what do you think will happen then? He may divorce (doubtful, but it could happen), he may marry you (again, doubtful) and then he'll replace you with another mistress.

You are breaking up a family. How would you feel if you were his wife?

What really gets me is this:


to know me forever and predicts that once the kids are older he and his wife will divorce

Point one, he wants to KNOW the OP forever. Know and love are completely different things.

Second and what really is the knee slapper here is the "PREDICT." He's not even saying I am getting a divorce or I plan on getting a divorce like most pathetic cheaters. He thinks that maybe someday in the future the relationship will end, maybe once his kids are older. How many years should be wasted waiting for a cheating loser to decide he might separate from his spouse when you could be finding a not cheating scumbag.

Jeeze, I'm sorry but if you truly buy that line then I have some magic beans here that will grow into a tree with leaves of money and bear the fruit of life...

You tell him BYE and let the door slam him in the butt.
You tell him come back in 20 yrs divorced and that is the ONLY condition you will see him under -divorce papers signed, sealed and delivered.

Like Liz said (have to spread the rep)
He handed you the oldest lines in the book and you bought them hook, line and sinker.

I have been seeing a smart, sophisticated, funny, charming, and thoughtful man for the past few months. He's everything i've ever wanted. He tells me he loves me even when were intimate calls me showers me with gifts and treats me better than any man ever have. He is married with 3 kids. the catch is that he married his wife in the first place b.c he got her pregnant. He swears there is no connection or attraction. He says he wants to know me forever and predicts that once the kids are older he and his wife will divorce. how should i go about this? any comments will be greatly appreciated!

He wants to know you forever because you are a liitle piece on the side. He has three kids and a wife. You are being used. He buys you gifts. He's paying for the sex. Don't you understand? Smart, sophisticated, blah, blah, blah, He's committing a sin, cheating on his wife. He swore before GOD, and lied. Do you REALLY think this is going to work out in YOUR favor?

He's playing you for a fool. And you are buying it.

Maybe one day YOU will get married. How would you feel if someone (just like you now)comes along and starts screwing YOUR husband.

Have you no conscience? Have you no dignity?

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Sigh. That's the sound of me hitting my head on my keyboard in frustration.

Please read a few of the posts on the Forum. If we had a $1 for every married man that says what your man has said to you we'd all be millionaires.

Liz and N0help4u are absolutely right - he is reading from the same book that all married cheaters read from.

The Book of Lies.

Problem is, not only is he lying to you, but he's lying to his wife and children as well.

I'm so sorry, but there are no happy endings here. You are being deceived because, yes he may care for you and enjoy having sex with you, but the statistics show that married men very rarely leave their wives. Why would he when he can have his proverbial cake and eat it too?

He is married. He is a cheater. He is a liar. He will probably never leave his wife.

The way that you should go about this - if you have any shred of self respect left and if you genuinely want a chance at real happiness - is to leave him. There is only pain, loneliness and unhappiness if you stay.

NYGIRL, don't fall for that line. Walk away, before you get hurt. He is stringing you along. They never leave, its just a line they give you. Why even get involved with someone like that. There are so many single guys out there. He is playing you for a fool. I would have more respect for myself, then hang around with a cheater..

He's smart, sophisticated, funny, charming, not at all thoughtful, a cheater, a cad, doesn't give a darn about the woman he committed to and only married her because she got pregnant but proceeded to have 2 more children with her after that.

So, you're willing to wait until his children get older, so he can divorce and be with you? Interesting, and what do you think will happen then? He may divorce (doubtful, but it could happen), he may marry you (again, doubtful) and then he'll replace you with another mistress.

You are breaking up a family. How would you feel if you were his wife?

I agree. He is only telling you that because, why would you stick around if he said he wasn't going to leave his wife. That would be dumb. You need to drop him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he does ever leave his wife, he is going to do the same S**t to you, and you know it. I have been cheated on plenty of times and the biggest mistake I ever made was trusting them to not do it again.

Proceed to the pawn shop, and hock the gifts, so at least you will have something of value later in life, when your old, and he has a new young plaything.

the catch is that he married his wife in the first place b.c he got her pregnant. He swears there is no connection or attraction. !

AND he got her pregnant another 2 times , so much for no connection or attraction :rolleyes:


Listen to what everyone else on this thread has said because they are all correct , we have seen this story so many times and it's always the same.

You wrote your question in earnesty and it seems you got slammed by people who have never been in your place. I have.
It is really hard to sit back and realise that the man who treats us better than any one else ever has - is married. I wonder if he is treating his wife as well as he treats me. I wonder if he gives her as much attention and love and time. I wonder if I am the only one. Mostly I wonder why no other man has ever treated me this well.

I guess the question I started to ask myself is why. Why was this the longest and most successful relationship I had. Why was this the person I cared about the most. I think it takes some deep soul searching to try and understand our own underlying issues. Do you value yourself enough? Do you act differently when you are with other men? Do you deal well with the real relationship stuff ( You know making real decisions with a partner, illness, moving, financial issues) How do you handle other peoples demons? How do they handle yours?

A relationship with a married man - or being some ones mistress is the easiest relationship you will ever have. You do not have to deal with the realities of life. You get to escape and you get pulled into a make believe world. That world is nice and fun and feels wonderful but remember Mr. Prince Charming is the kind of man who rather than deal with his wife honestly, is willing to lie to her and cheat on her as he believes every one wins. He does not leave his wife and kids stranded but he gets what he needs. Is this the kind of man you really want to be with?

If you are sure that is what you want - keep doing what you are doing. Do not do it thinking one day he will marry you and you will live happily ever after. He won't be prince charming once you and him are dealing with life issues ( he has already shown you how he deals with them). If you think you want something more - get up some courage to believe you deserve more and go chase it!