Threads merged

Hey guys I've never posted on here before, but my girlfriend of over a year and a half just told me she needed some space to figure herself out.

It started with her moving out. She had quit her job where we were living and would end up spending most of the day at home while I was at work. (problematic I know) She packed everything up one night, and said she was going home for a while to help on her parents large farm. I thought it was great, I mean she needed to be doing something, although I would miss her. After she left, I didn't here from her for a couple of weeks. I finally called her and asked if we were all right. She hesitated and said that she thought we needed to take a break. We talked for a while and by the end agreed that we owed it to ourselves to try and work on things. The week passed, and we talked on the phone every night. Everything seemed OK. The next weekend she was supposed to come out to my cabin for the weekend, and we could really sit down and talk things over. When it came time for the weekend, she told me her grandma had become ill and she needed to spend time with her. I was understanding and sympathetic, to later only find out it was a lie, and she ended up in another city with some old friends partying all weekend. (she drove right by my cabin on the way to this other city). We ended up talking on the phone again Sunday night, and again agreed to try and work on things. Another week passes and it seems fine. This coming weekend we are supposed to go to a wedding togeather near her farm. I decide to go up a day early and surprise her with a night at the spa in the neighboring city. She was surprised and we had a nice supper. After supper she ran into an old friend and instead of having a night talking things out in a romantic room, we went to a pub and she ended up getting drunk. I was upset about it, but kept my cool. Now the day before the wedding, I worked for her dad all day, while she was in the city seeing some friends and doing some shopping. She was supposed to be back that afternoon. Well I never heard from her, and then after wating until 11pm for her, I decided I needed to take a stand for myself, and I left to go home. When she finally did get home at 1am she realized I wanst there and sent me some very rude text messages. I could tell by the tone of the message she was drunk. Early the next morning she called to apogize. After that I just let it be. She was leaving for a 2 week trip with a girlfriend the next day.I didn't call to say goodbye or anything. After about the 3rd day of her trip with no contact. She text me to tell me she's been thinkign about me, and she can't wait to get back home to me. I wasn't even going to respond, but I didn't want her to resent me for ignoring her. I finally just sent her a very causal email. When she wrote back she said she really wants to work on us if I can forgive her for hurting me. Now she has text me just about everday of her trip. Always brief but she is contacting me. Now she's in Vegas, and I'm really worried about what might happen there. I've never been there myself, but everyone tells me it's pretty crazy there. Unfotunately she can't handle her alcohol very well, and I'm afraid what might happen after a few drinks. I don't know what to do. I know I can't tell her I'm worried, she'll sense the insecurity and it will only push her further away. She was textin me last night, and during the day I ran into some of her old co workers. They told me I should be worried. So when I responded to her text, I told her that some old co workers of hers told me I should be worried, but that I wasn't. She didn't respond, and now I'm mad at myself for saying that. I'm sure she saw right through it. I have been trying my best to get out with friends, and been going to gym everyday. But I can't even enjoy time with my friends, she's all I think about.

Sorry for the incredible rant. I needed to get it all out. Part of me says I shouldn't even want her back after some of the stuff she pulled, but my heart says otherwise. This came out of no where for the most part, and I think we have potential to be great for one another. Any advice/ comments appreciated. Thanks.

Break = breakup

Why is she still contacting you? Hoping you can still remain friends and so she will feel less guilty.

Sometimes our hearts lead us down some strange alley ways.I think you need a long break from this young lady who amongst other things seems to have a problem with alcohol.she s messing you about.walk away and try to find out who you are and what you want from life.

You will never heal, and gain any peace of mind until you cut the contact with her, and put your life back together. You need some time, and a lot of it, for a better perspective on your situation.

Potential, and reality are two different things. Her actions, speak louder than her words.

You will never heal, and gain any peace of mind until you cut the contact with her, and put your life back together. You need some time, and a lot of it, for a better perspective on your situation.

Potential, and reality are two different things. Her actions, speak louder than her words.

I completely agree talaniman. But how do I cut contact with her, when she's the one that contacts me all the time? I can't just ingore her can I? That doesn't seem like the right thing to do. So far I have been responding, but just keeping things very casual and upbeat.

Change your phone.it works.ignore her.move on.get your own life back on track.

so far I have been responding, but just keeping things very casual and upbeat.

Why?? Why are you letting her call the shots for you. That's sort of being a bully. Why haven't you told her straight up leave you alone? Why aren't you standing up for yourself Why? Why??

You have it in you to stand up to her.you should do this for YOU no one else.noone should run your life but you.step away from all this.

I don't know. I want this to work, I think it can. She said she has been doing a lot of reflecting while she was gone, and that she really wants to be able to work on us too. I don't want her to think I have given up by me ingnoring her. I want her back, but just don't know how to do it. I have gotten ex's back before with the no contact method, but they never contacted me like she is. I am scared she will be react negatively and go do something she regrets in vegas as a rebound. Like I said, I don't want her to think I have given up, but I don't want her to think I'll be waiting with open arms when she gets back. I did tell her "she can't have her cake and eat it too" meaning she can't want a break, yet still talk to me all the time and tell me how much she cares for me. Tonight is her first night in Vegas. I made a mistake by telling her about her co workers telling me I should be worried. I'm sure she saw right through that. So if and when she texts me tonight, I guess I'll just ignore it!?

For your own sake please ignore her texts and calls.I think you re being bullied here.and that will only stop when you no longer allow that to happen.No contact works-its tough at first but it gets easier by the day trust me. I can't even remember which day I'm on anymore.you are only responsible for your own happiness.

I don't know. I want this to work, I think it can. She said she has been doing alot of reflecting while she was gone, and that she really wants to be able to work on us too. I don't want her to think I have given up by me ingnoring her. I want her back, but just don't know how to do it. I have gotten ex's back before with the no contact method, but they never contacted me like she is. I am scared she will be react negatively and go do something she regrets in vegas as a rebound. Like I said, I don't want her to think I have given up, but I don't want her to think I'll be waiting with open arms when she gets back. I did tell her "she can't have her cake and eat it too" meaning she can't want a break, yet still talk to me all the time and tell me how much she cares for me. Tonight is her first night in Vegas. I made a mistake by telling her about her co workers telling me I should be worried. I'm sure she saw right through that. So if and when she texts me tonight, I guess I'll just ignore it!!??

Of course. Ignore everything from now on. The only way you can be with her now is if she comes back begging you to take her back.

Thanks to all of you. I appreciate the advice.

Talaniman,

I was reading another thread where the persons (username ATG 94) is almost identicale to mine. In there you told him that the time for NC was in the beginning, not after they were trying to make it work again.

This is identicle to what I'm feelign I guess. I did initiate NC, but she contacted me after 3 days. After debating to even respond, I finally wrote her a brief email and said you wanted your space so take it. She responded saying she really watns to make this work.

So with that are we not at the point where we are trying to make it work, and should have open communication? This is all complicated by the fact that she is traveling along ways away right now. Thanks.

This is all complicated by the fact that she is traveling along ways away right now.

That was pretty much my point, as she is not there, and texting just doesn't cut it. Back away, and be a lot less available, until you can see each other, face to face. Sorry guy, but I'm just not as trusting as you are about her, and the way she does things.

OK, thanks Talaniman. She text me again last night, just letting me know she made it to vegas and to say good night. I didn't respond.

So when she does come back, and we eventually meet up and talk about things, and possibly try to work through some stuff, how do I ask her about Vegas? Normally I wouldn't have to as I would trust her 100%, but with her sudden erratic behaviour and white lies the last month, that trust has crumbled somewhat. How do I ever know what if anything happened there without asking her? However, in asking her it only acts to push her further away. I guess, I'll just have to give it time, and if things do work out, then maybe I can bring it up when the relationship is in a more stable phase?

She treats you very poorly, and shows no respect. You can't trust her, and now she won't leave you alone via the texts.

I have the impression that between the texts she's having a very good time. Just changes hats once in a while to appear to be sincere. I do not believe she is.

If the situation were reversed, and you were cancelling dates, not showing up, or showing up drunk, off with your buddies on vacation, her hearing from your co-workers that you have reason to worry etc. would you be surprised if she dumped you?

The most basic thing in any relationship is trust, you don't have that with her. Even if she comes home after 'reflecting', and seems sincere, you can't ever know if this time is different because you have doubts about her integrity.

You keep investing of yourself, and I don't see her doing likewise. She is in single mode, and you are thinking as a couple with a future.

You have to stand up for yourself, or keep getting emotionally manipulated.

Send her an email, and tell her that you won't text her, and won't accept any texts from her, and you will not be calling. Do what you have to do to figure out if you are ever going to have a meaningful relationship with her.

Time to think without worrying how to react.

When you have set YOUR groundrules, stick to them.

[QUOTE=Jake2008;1914017]

I have the impression that between the texts she's having a very good time.

QUOTE]


I agree, she probably is having a very good time. As she should be. She's on vacation with a friend. I want her to enjoy it.

You will never have a healthy relationship if you cannot trust your partner. The way things have gone, you don't trust her, and have become very insecure with YOURSELF, worrying about what she is doing.

Make a decision to take a risk, either let go, or be all in. Ignoring her, then being available is a game you lose, because you simply don't know how to play.

Better to balance your life, and be having fun yourself without her. Then at least you will have a better perspective, to make decisions based on facts, and not FEAR of losing her.

That doesn't mean you ignore her, that means your not as available, or needy, and a lot less insecure.

As to the trust issue, that's up to you to see through her actions, and not just words, that she is worthy of that trust. If not, let her go, and be done with it. That's when you go NC, and ignore her, and disappear from her life.

OK, now I'm a little confused about what you guys are saying. At first it was to be 100% NC, but now it's either all in or NC. I agree you can't ignore her for a while and then be available. So that being said, and the fact that I don't feel this is over yet, where does it go from here. We need to sit down and work through some stuff, but that can't happen until she is back. I'm reading a book by Blasé Harris, and in there his basic approach to getting a loved one back is to love them 100%.

The headline for your original question was, "Ex says we're on a break, but she keeps contacting me."

It is not a break, it's not no contact, it isn't a breakup, just what the heck is it.

I think it is her that is sending the mixed messages to you, and I'd be confused too.

About 10 years ago, after 23 years of marriage, I grew really despondent over the future of my marriage for many reasons. While he was trying to figure me out, I was trying to figure me out too, and I needed time and space away to think. Not to party, not to whoop it up in Vegas, not to text to keep in touch. Time away to think.

I bought a ticket to Scotland, where my mother was from, and did the bed and breakfast thing, and bought a full pass ticket. I toured the countryside, stopped in at pubs, sat on the beaches and pretty much did the backpack hippy thing.

To me, that was NC. I needed the space, and the distance, and no phones and computers.

I spent 10 days in the fresh air, slept like a baby, and thouroughly enjoyed being alone.

What conclusion did I come to? That me, included him. There wasn't any problem that I was willing to walk away from and throw an otherwise loving relationship down the drain.

I came home, clear headed, and things worked out.

That's what, to me, no contact means. It is not the end of anything necessarily, it is just a way of being on your own, totally on your own, in order to think and figure out what you want in this person that you love, and if its worth fighting for.

If you have a solid relationship based on trust and respect, you are independed within the bounds of the relationship itself. You are not bound by obligation, but by choice.

Our relationship was (and is) solid enough to allow that freedom.

You have to figure out if yours is or not.

I'm telling you to make a decision, and not sit on the fence. From what you wrote you were dumped, that's NC, but you kept at it, and think she is receptive, so you have a decision, to keep trying, or stop trying.

From what YOU wrote, I'm out of here, as I require a lot more to trust some one who has taken the actions she has. That's just me though. Your decision should be based on your own facts that YOU have.

My advice is confusing, because I think you're a bit confused, as you put a lot into her texts, which I would not.

I am not sure what you want at this point.

Ultimately I want to be in a relationship with her. She hasn't been herself the last month, and we need to talk about it in person. No more texting. I'm having such a tough time with this because it is so unlike her. Before she started acting this way, she was an amazing companion, and I could not have dreamed of a better partner.

I haven't heard from her since she left me the message saying that she made it to vegas on Sunday night, which I didn't respond to. Now this morning she sends me a text asking if I am OK. I haven't respnded. And now as I was typing she sends me another message. "mad?"

You're are right I am confused. Like I said I want a relationship with her. One mintute she says she wants to work on us, the next minute she doesn't. It's frustrating to say the least.

Well we are going in a circle now, because you are just so available, every time she texts you go crazy.

Forget her until she comes back. You can accomplish nothing until she gets back any way.

You do realize your doing this to yourself don't you?

How much time do you really want to spend trying to figure out what's going on in this young lady's mind and heart?don't allow yourself to suffer this any longer.

OK, so it's been quite a while since I've been on here. I've been doing quite a bit better for the most part.

When I last posted on here, I had just been told by the ex she wanted a break and she was down in Vegas. She went hot and cold towards me several times while she was in Vegas. When she got home, she told me she wanted to make it work, and that she was going to come see me that weekend to talk it out. Just like her behaviour in the month previous, she didn't end up coming, but instead getting drunk with her friends, and sending me some pervese drunken text messages. I finally called her and just said look this is ridiculous, and I don't deserve to have drunken texts thrown at me every few days. I told her I needed my space from her, and that maybe after we each collected our thoughts for some time we could get togeather and chat about some things. She agreed to that, except to only send me some more drunk texts the following weekend. This time they were quite rude, and she accused me of sleeping with some girl that she was jelous of, but I had never had any relations with whatsoever. Anyway, this was a mistake on my part, but I phoned her the next day and left a message. I just said look, you're obviously really upset about somehting, so if you need to talk about it, I'm here. It seems like we're not going to have the space we need until you get whatever is bothering you off your chest. She responded via text, just saying that she couldn't be with me, because it wasn't right, and that I was an amazing guy, but it was her not me, and that she wasn't herself when she was with me and all the typical cliché break up lines. I just said well if that's the way you feel, then I respect that, and know that I care for you, and I left it at that.

Then 3 weeks or so went by with NC. Then I got a text from her asking her when I was going to be in the city. I was assuming she just wanted to come get the rest of her stuff from my place. I responded just saying that I wasn't to sure, as was going to back on the farm for harvest for a few weeks. Then 2 days after she text me again, saying that she had a 3 hour layover in the city where I lived if I still wanted to chat, and that if I couldn't make it she would come see me in person when they were finsihed harvest on their farm or when they got rained out. I just said no can do, but that maybe we could meet up for a tea or something when harvest settled down for both of us.

Again 2 weeks or so weny by NC. Then she text me again giving me her new number because she changed it, and just asking how harvest was going for me, and when I was going to be back in the city. We made some small chat via text. And then another week of NC. Now again on Sunday night she texts me asking if I'm back in the city. I said I would be here for most of the week, but that I would be in a city close to where she is living for one day during the week. She asked what I was doing there, and when I told her I had been offered a job at a company there, she was very inquisitive, and impressed with the role I had been offered. (I had been looking for a career out there for sometime while we were together as we both wanted to live out there together) She asked how I had gotten the interview, and when I told her that a friend I had met had an ucle who was a VP with the company, she immediately questioned if it was a girl that I had met. When I told her it was, she said she figured it was, and then she asked if I was seeing her. I told her we were just friends and that I had told this new girl that I had just gotten out of a relationship and that I wan't looking for anything. (this is what happned) She just said OK, and asked what day I was going to be there. Then she asked me "did you still want togehter for a talk?" I didn't respond as I was in a meeting, and she wrote back again after an hour and said "well you think about it and let me know."

This morning I text her telling her I would be there tomorrow, but that my day was already full as I had to fly there and back within the day. I just said we'll play it by ear I guess. Then she asked if I was going to take the position, and told me it would be a great opportunity for me. I haven't responded. I do need to tell her that she needs to come get the rest of her stuff from my place though.

I guess I feel like I don't really know where she is at. I do feel like she is maybe trying to reach out to me, but on the other hand it's hard to get a good read on her because all of this is via text which is very frustrating. I have been doing much better, been very active with friends and the gym etc. I do still have feelings for her however, and I want to play my cards right. Do I call her, or text her telling her that she needs to come get her stuff, and maybe we can have a chat then, or do I just let it go again, and wait for her to contact me again. I do feel she is curious about this new position I've been offered, and that she will probably eventually contact me to see how my meetings with the prospective employer went. Sorry for the long post. Thoughts and comments appreciated. Thanks.

If it was me I would text her saying she needs to get her stuff and when she comes to get it take her out to dinner and discuss everything. Lay it all on the line- tell her were either getting back together or its over. If she's still unsure or is giving you vague answers then be done with her completely. Sounds like she's just stringing you along and is totally messing with you for the most part.

Just thought I would give a quick update. She continued texting me this afternoon even without me responding. In regards to my job decision, she just said "follow your heart and don't let the $ decide" then she said "well good luck tomorrow, and let me know what you decide" I still didn't respond. Then she text me asking if I was at my house. I responded a few hours later telling her I wasn't there but would be shortly. She said "no big deal I was just looking for something, but it's all good, have a good night." I figured this was a good time to tell her she needed to come get her stuff since I had just rented my house out for Nov. 1st. I just said "I forgot to tell you today that the house is gone as of Nov. 1st, so you need to come get your stuff." Hasn't been that long yet but still no response.I want to be straight with her, and make sure she knows I need my space, yet not be cold. So hard to do via this damn text messaging!

So hard to do via this damn text messaging!
While you were texting for some failed hook up/chat nonsense, you could have easily told her to get her stuff by such and such date, and been done with it, so don't blame the lack on communication on the medium, it was you prolonging the inevitable. The sooner you handle your business the right way and stop that insane texting, the sooner you can find your own happiness, and end this nonsense texting over nothing.

We all can see you want that last chance to see if something can change, but it won't.

You're right. I guess I did't tell her she needed to get her stuff right away, because I was trying to feel her out a little bit, and get an idea of where she was at with things. Would I still like things to work out? Of course, but I am also in a lot better spot than I was 2 months ago if it doesn't. Doesn't her more frequent contact with me, and her interest in my career opportunities and her asking if I'm seeing anybody, show that she is in a little different spot than she was 2 months ago?

She responded to me telling her she needed to get her stuff this morning. She just said "yes I know, we've been going steady (with harvest) but I move today, so I will have some time to make a trip up there." Where she's moving to I have no idea. One of the two major cities that neighbor their farm I guess.

I think you do yourself a disservice by always reacting to what she texts you as clearly from what she has written (and you) your still holding out hope.

If she is to busy to discuss your future, take the hint, and be concerned with your own future without her. She simply has no time for what you want. You have been reduced to text buddy, accept it, and act accordingly.

Yes, I will admit still holding out hope. Ridiculous, maybe. I guess I just feel there won't be closure until we can sit down face to face and resolove it one way or another. If we are meant to go our own ways for good, that's the way it should happen. Not just her leaving one day saying she's going back home to help out on the farm for a few days...

We have both been too busy to discuss our futures lately. And she has contacted me twice, asking if I still wanted to chat. To me that shows that she is at least somewhat willing to give me some time no?

She maybe willing to tell you to your face she is moving ahead with her life without you, but hasn't done it, and neither have you. That should be your closure, at least a strong hint, the relationship is not a priority in her life, and neither is getting her "stuff".

Don't be fooled by willingness, and no actions to back that willingness up. That's holding on to false hope, and delays the healing process from starting for you.

You could be 100% right. I guess what bothers me about that is why? I honestly don't know where this all came from. Outside of us being unhappy with where we were living, the relationship was good. We both recognized we needed a change of place, and I was working to make that happen. I could understand if there was something that I did that hurt her, or something I wasn't doing, but like I said the relationship seemed good, and if there was something bothering her, why couldn't she just talk to me about it. We were normally very good at having mature conversations about when something was bothering someone, and resolved issues quickly and painlessly. If there was something that I wasn't doing, why not talk to me about it, rather than just moving out with no explanation?

The explanation doesn't matter. What matters is that she longer wants to put the effort anymore. You can't force someone to put the effort, it has to happen naturally. Respect her wishes and move on. I know it's tough to accept this truth, but the sooner you accept the truth about your situation, the sooner you can get on with your life.

Dude even in the most perfect relationships, when the feelings change, the person changes.

When you are in that position (your feelings change, and you just want out) you may get a better understanding of what happened.

Sometimes we don't want to fix things, we just want out of the relationship.

Threads merged

Hi all. About 5 months ago, my girlfriend and I got back together after we took a break for about 3 months. Previously we were together for a year and a half. We have been doing the long distance thing, and like most LD relationships it's been frustrating for both of us at times. About a week ago she told me she needs a break again. The last time I talked to her (about 5 days ago) she had agreed to see a relationship councilor with me, as she will be in the city where I live at the end of the week. I was supposed to contact her with and let her know when I was able to get an appt. We had been talking about doing this for sometime. We were also going to have some Myers Briggs work done as well, in an attempt to really try and understand one another better. Now I've noticed she has deleted me from Facebook, and I haven't heard anything from her. I feel this is a little immature on her part, and I'm not too sure where to go with it. The first time she told me she wanted some space, she broke up with me in much the same way, not ever really talking to me directly about what was going on. So do I call her, and let her know I've arranged to see someone? I know I should, but I have a feeling she's going to say "there's no point, this isn't going to work anyway." I know I should call her as that's what the original plan was, but I've seen her pull stuff like this before, and I'm wondering if I should just leave it be, and implement NC already? I really need some for of closure with this, as I was in the process of changing my career path, in an attempt to move closer to her. The career transition is something I've been considering doing for myself for a long time, but being closer to her was definitely a part of the decision, and now I find myself questioning the move. Your advice is appreciated.

I would send one email to let her know about the appointment-if she's not interested,I'd say,no contact and move on with your own life.

I agree to send the email,but if this is her usual way of dealing with the situation,perhaps rethinking the whole relationship is the best thing to do,and certainly avoid any major life decision re: moving,until you are completely happy with the situation,and have considered all angles.

Sorry guy, but she doesn't sound like she is going to go along with your plan. That would be twice now this has happened. Hmmm, could this be starting a pattern that you should be paying attention too?

No communications, no relationship. No matter how hard you try.

I just read this whole post not realizing this has been going on for several months and multiple episodes. Listen, I see it like this.

It's a LDR, she despondent, and the pulse is weak.

Pull the plug.

You know I'm terribly blunt. I'm not apologizing for that because sometimes that's what the doctor ordered. I know you love her but you're holding on to a greased pig. As soon as she finds another mate she'll wiggle free from you and cut you off clean.

All right, so I've been doing the NC thing for about 3 weeks now. She emailed me once. It was an excuse to reach out to me. She works for a company that I use with my business, and she said she had some things for me. Funny part was I hadn't even heard of what she was talking about, and if I had, it should be my rep that contacts me not her. I ignored it completely. Now about a week later she sends me a text message. She asked if I still have her I pod dock, or if it's at my old place. (I am in the process of moving.) Again I wonder if it's an excuse to make contact. I've had this damn thing since way before the first time she broke up with me. Why is she worried about it now? I also think it was a way for me to have her new number. She changed her number and had not told me about it. Now, I obviously have her new number. If she really didn't want me to have it, she could have emailed, text from her work cell, or called from her home or work numbers. She sent this a day ago. I want to ignore this one too, but she is asking about stuff that is hers. I really don't want to break NC as I've been doing good with it, but I guess I should acknowledge that I still do have one of her things. Thoughts??

Gather all her things, and make sure she gets them, so that can be the end of this story.

I'm in the process of gathering her things. I was just going to leave them at one of her relatives place and she can pick them up there. I haven't yet responded to her text, and she just text me again. "you know I know you're not too busy to reply" Then that was followed by another one that didn't make a lot of sense, and was quite rude. It's late and St. Patricks day, so she's obviously drinking.

Like you said,leave her things with a relative.

Delete her texts without reading them and block her number if you can.

Stick to NC. Good luck.

I know you guys will think I'm crazy, as all of the advice on here seems quite blunt. I'd like to keep the possibility of things with her open in the future. With NC she has slowly started to be bothered by the fact that I'm not there for her whenever she wants anymore. And therefore, she has stepped up the frequency of her messages to me. It also makes her mad, (probably both at me and her) and therefore she reaches out to me with this anger. Her last rude message said "i want what I deserve, you have no respect, I'm Fu@%ingad I was w u so long" That's how it was. Mispelt like that. I have a feeling what it meant to say though. So. How do I convey to her that I do care for her, and that I do respect her as a person, but I don't respect when she says stuff like that to me. I'm not expecting her to, nor do I want her to come running back in her current state. She has to figure herself out. She knows that although, knowing and doing something about it are two different things. So how do I tell her I care for her, and that I might be there down the road once she is at peace with herself? Continuing NC will probably only push her further away, yet by responding, she knows all she has to do to get my attention, is hurl some offensive and hurtful remarks my way. Kind of a loose loose situation...

Give her stuff back, and continue to leave her alone guy. You can't sit on the fence and hope the future will work out with her. Yes she is upset, so what? That's no longer important. What is important is that you deal with reality, not your reluctance to let go of her BS. That's why she contacts you, to keep you confused, and false hope alive.

All right, well I've decided to give her a day or two to cool down a little, and hopefully I don't receive any more nasty messages over the weekend. Then I'm going to email her and tell her when I'm available to meet. I'm going to try and be assertive without be rude or aggressive.

She's got you just where she wants you.

That isn't going to be good for you. Now or later.

Don't be a sucker as she's doing what she wants, leaving you to worry if she's going to hookup or not. Who needs that BS?

Trust is everything. And you can't trust her. Then or now.
But real the point is she wanted a break. Moved out. Later dude.
(ie, not be with you)

Lose the false hope & get in control of your life. Which means moving forward without her. Don't be her friend. Don't hang on.

She's one of a million girls out there, cool ones. If you really want to man up, then go NC with this juvenile.

How does she have me right where she wants me? Sure what she is doing is getting at me, but I'm not giving her the pleasure of seeing that. She's obviously bothered by the fact I haven't responded, so haven't I taken some of that control she wants away from her?

Take full control of your own life and stay away.

Why think about meeting up and give her the chance to start the mindgames again?

How does she have me right where she wants me? Sure what she is doing is getting at me, but I'm not giving her the pleasure of seeing that. She's obviously bothered by the fact I haven't responded, so haven't I taken some of that control she wants away from her??


Again... you're missing the point. It's about you moving on and NOT letting her effect you anymore.

I had a feeling you guys were going to say that ;) Trouble is, I DON'T WANT to move on. I want to work on things with this woman. I know it takes two to work on things, and clearly she doesn't want to do that now. I do think that she has some really deep rooted feelings for me, and that they will resurface again.

I wonder if I should have told her that I'm going NC? She clearly resents me for not responding to her. She told me in a very rude message that I have no respect for her, and I'm sure that comment came from her resentment of my ignoring her.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when it’s so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush
She will take longer than a few days to cool off, and for now she just wants her stuff back. Stop waffling and holding on because you think holding her stuff hostage will keep your foot in the door.

Trouble is, I DON'T WANT to move on. I want to work on things with this woman. I know it takes two to work on things, and clearly she doesn't want to do that now. I do think that she has some really deep rooted feelings for me, and that they will resurface again.
All the advice we give means nothing if false hope is so strong, but the decision to what you do is ALL yours.

You are contradicting yourself.

You say it takes two, but she clearly doesn't want to. That's not two.

How long are you going to pressure with indecision & heartache?
What? Wait around?

False hope in a nutshell. Lets this one go.

May be the best thing you ever did.

You can realize it now & suck it up, or realize it later & do some serious crying.

Like Tal says don't follow your heart here from past joys, follow your gut.

You already said and I quote " I shouldn't even want her back after some of the stuff she pulled"