junebloom
Aug 4, 2009, 11:57 AM
Hello. I am a mess. I need some desperate advice. I feel so silly writing all of this but I know if I hear it from someone else. I can feel better.
I have been dating this guy for 5 months. The first month was incredible. Then all of a sudden things started getting bad. He didn't turn out to be the person he so desperately wanted me to think he was. Turned out he is an alcoholic and drug user, but he told me that he lied because he knew I would not stay with him if he had told me the truth about the drugs. At the moment, I liked to drink too, but only when I'm out having a good time and not to he point where I pass out. So the drinking did not bother me as much. But the drug issue really bothered me, as I have had issues with past relationships with guys dealing or using and I made it clear I wanted none of it.
But I was already so into him and he pleaded he would stop using drugs. After that he stood me up twice and he got drunk and said some things. I'd dump him and then I would forgive him. I think I told him it is over about a million times. And he keeps telling me not to.
A couple of times we have drank and then get into an argument. He punched the wall a couple of times. And we both have said some pretty mean things when we are mad. Sometimes he says immature and stupid things even when he is sober and I usually just tell him, "hey don't talk to me like that." Then he says just kidding. He also has trust issues, but I have never lied. I have trust issues too. Mainly because he doesn't answer when I call. Like Thursday he didn't answer. He shows up at my house at 5 in the morning said he was at work because he wanted to take the day off Friday, and didn't answer because I sent him a neurotic text. (I admit I did, but it was 1 am and no answer till 5 am). Thing is he always wants to know where I am at what I am doing yet he won't answer it makes me wonder. Anyhow.
We got into a couple of arguments because he would drink so much that he would not answer his phone when he is out, tell me mean things, and then he would blame it on the booze and say I'm sorry. And I would forgive him.
Well for two weeks he decided to stop drinking because it was ruining our relationship. Things were going good, then slowly we started drinking again. I keep my cool and just ignore stuff because I know he is drunk and talks dumb things. For example Earlier on in the week he called me I think he was high but he denied it and sad he was drunk, and started accusing me of cheating and said he was going to kick my . I got a little mad, but I ignored it.
On Saturday we were drinking at my house and he said something about I'll kick your if I see you talking to another guy and I said you better stop threatening me I mean it. I wasn't drunk yet at the moment. But then I ended up getting so drunk, we started arguing I don't know what he said to me but I was enraged. I remember he was being mean and I wanted him to stay. He took off and I was so mad. I sent him a mean text and a voicemail. ( I don't know what I said on vm) He said he was leaving and I went out there he flipped me off when he was in his car and I ran out and punched him in the face more than once. And he rolled up his window and I broke it. Then I told him to get the hell out. I told him that I treated him good, I would cook for him, be there when he needed me and he just treated me like a piece of crap. He didn't hit me back. He just sat there in shock. I think I saw tears.
Then he begged to come back in. I finally opened the door and made him get on his knees, then let him in the house. In the morning I felt so bad. I also made a hole in my wall. I told him to go and that what I did was just not right. I told him I was sorry and I don't know what got into me. I told him that we could not fix this because it was too much. He still wanted to stay together. Said that I just want to run away from our problems, but I don't understand why was he being nice when I was mean, but mean when I was nice. He said we would just not drink anymore, but I don't believe that will happen. I didn't say anything. He was laughing about the whole thing. He told me he would forget about everything if we had sex, but it didn't feel right and I said no.
Then couple hours later he kept throwing it in my face. I told him, what is the point of making up if you are going to throw it in my face. He finally went home. I gave him the cold shoulder the whole time. I don't know why. I guess I felt what I did was wrong and I knew he would be angry and not forgive me.
He finally left that day and have not talked since Sunday afternoon. I feel terrible. I am depressed. I can't eat or sleep. I texted him that I was sorry and I understood if he wouldn't forgive me. I told him I don't know what got into me but I knew he would change his mind and I was sorry. He replied that only god can judge people and everyone is forgiven. And goodbye. I texted him some other stuff about I am unhappy and I ruined the relationship and I would leave him alone.
I feel really bad. I feel like a crazy person. I don't know why I did what I did. I have never ever done that before. I am going to leave him alone, but I am so sad. I want him back, but I think we are just not good for each other. I think we are both a little crazy. There is no trust. But I fell that I still want him back? It has only been 5 months, why can't I just walk away? Should I ask him bak or just walk away. Am I just giving up like he said? I am confused.
I have been dating this guy for 5 months. The first month was incredible. Then all of a sudden things started getting bad. He didn't turn out to be the person he so desperately wanted me to think he was. Turned out he is an alcoholic and drug user, but he told me that he lied because he knew I would not stay with him if he had told me the truth about the drugs. At the moment, I liked to drink too, but only when I'm out having a good time and not to he point where I pass out. So the drinking did not bother me as much. But the drug issue really bothered me, as I have had issues with past relationships with guys dealing or using and I made it clear I wanted none of it.
But I was already so into him and he pleaded he would stop using drugs. After that he stood me up twice and he got drunk and said some things. I'd dump him and then I would forgive him. I think I told him it is over about a million times. And he keeps telling me not to.
A couple of times we have drank and then get into an argument. He punched the wall a couple of times. And we both have said some pretty mean things when we are mad. Sometimes he says immature and stupid things even when he is sober and I usually just tell him, "hey don't talk to me like that." Then he says just kidding. He also has trust issues, but I have never lied. I have trust issues too. Mainly because he doesn't answer when I call. Like Thursday he didn't answer. He shows up at my house at 5 in the morning said he was at work because he wanted to take the day off Friday, and didn't answer because I sent him a neurotic text. (I admit I did, but it was 1 am and no answer till 5 am). Thing is he always wants to know where I am at what I am doing yet he won't answer it makes me wonder. Anyhow.
We got into a couple of arguments because he would drink so much that he would not answer his phone when he is out, tell me mean things, and then he would blame it on the booze and say I'm sorry. And I would forgive him.
Well for two weeks he decided to stop drinking because it was ruining our relationship. Things were going good, then slowly we started drinking again. I keep my cool and just ignore stuff because I know he is drunk and talks dumb things. For example Earlier on in the week he called me I think he was high but he denied it and sad he was drunk, and started accusing me of cheating and said he was going to kick my . I got a little mad, but I ignored it.
On Saturday we were drinking at my house and he said something about I'll kick your if I see you talking to another guy and I said you better stop threatening me I mean it. I wasn't drunk yet at the moment. But then I ended up getting so drunk, we started arguing I don't know what he said to me but I was enraged. I remember he was being mean and I wanted him to stay. He took off and I was so mad. I sent him a mean text and a voicemail. ( I don't know what I said on vm) He said he was leaving and I went out there he flipped me off when he was in his car and I ran out and punched him in the face more than once. And he rolled up his window and I broke it. Then I told him to get the hell out. I told him that I treated him good, I would cook for him, be there when he needed me and he just treated me like a piece of crap. He didn't hit me back. He just sat there in shock. I think I saw tears.
Then he begged to come back in. I finally opened the door and made him get on his knees, then let him in the house. In the morning I felt so bad. I also made a hole in my wall. I told him to go and that what I did was just not right. I told him I was sorry and I don't know what got into me. I told him that we could not fix this because it was too much. He still wanted to stay together. Said that I just want to run away from our problems, but I don't understand why was he being nice when I was mean, but mean when I was nice. He said we would just not drink anymore, but I don't believe that will happen. I didn't say anything. He was laughing about the whole thing. He told me he would forget about everything if we had sex, but it didn't feel right and I said no.
Then couple hours later he kept throwing it in my face. I told him, what is the point of making up if you are going to throw it in my face. He finally went home. I gave him the cold shoulder the whole time. I don't know why. I guess I felt what I did was wrong and I knew he would be angry and not forgive me.
He finally left that day and have not talked since Sunday afternoon. I feel terrible. I am depressed. I can't eat or sleep. I texted him that I was sorry and I understood if he wouldn't forgive me. I told him I don't know what got into me but I knew he would change his mind and I was sorry. He replied that only god can judge people and everyone is forgiven. And goodbye. I texted him some other stuff about I am unhappy and I ruined the relationship and I would leave him alone.
I feel really bad. I feel like a crazy person. I don't know why I did what I did. I have never ever done that before. I am going to leave him alone, but I am so sad. I want him back, but I think we are just not good for each other. I think we are both a little crazy. There is no trust. But I fell that I still want him back? It has only been 5 months, why can't I just walk away? Should I ask him bak or just walk away. Am I just giving up like he said? I am confused.