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View Full Version : What do I do?


Mommy3
Oct 21, 2006, 03:07 PM
My husband & I have been married for 2 yrs. We are pregnant with our 2nd child and I have a child from a previous relationship. With this pregnancy we have had severe complications (our baby has a hole in her brain). I was a part time student until school made me withdrawal due to complications but other than that I am a stay at home mom. A decision we both agreed upon. My husband has blamed me for the complications with our baby. He Tries to be controlling and domineering. I am not afraid of him because he knows that I would do major damage to him if he ever tried. But he does try to control our money even my child support to tell me what bills to pay when he actually doesn't even know what or when anything is due. He has admitted to me that I am emotionally stronger and better at dealing with life than he is. Yet he refuses any professional help and I am ready to toss in the towel complicated pregnancy and 2 other kids regardless. I have raised my daughter alone before and actually prefer it to his attitude and mean spirited ways. Any advice?

jean48329
Oct 21, 2006, 06:03 PM
It appears you have answered your own question!. Are you familiar with the "circle" of abuse that "abusers" typically follow... your description seems to fit him to a t!. If you aren't going to leave immediately, at a minimum, make sure you have a bag in the trunk with some changes of clothes, a little bit of money, diapers, etc. so if you should need to leave immediately at some point, you can... there would be no need to pack, grab the kids and go! I think, in your heart, you know what you need to do, but sometimes it seems easier if some others voice there opinions in agreement... get out before you get hurt.. I was dragged 200 feet by a pickup truck and left for dead because I was completely unaware of men doing these kinds of things, and he had successfully dragged me down so low, I could barely function anymore... I'm now permanently disabled, and in severe chronic pain from not doing what I should have done from when my mind first thought of this... don't cry for me... I don't want pity, just trying to help you before anything like this happens to another person!
Take good care of yourself and the kids... it'll all work out in the end... believe me! There is all types of aid available to emotionally abused women, and that is where he's starting... on emotional abuse!
Let us know how you fare!

aqua@home
Oct 21, 2006, 07:04 PM
I think you should take a long hard look at what you want to do. Is this a relationship you want to save? Is this a man that is worth it? Is it even possible for it to get better? For the love of yourself and your children, you really need to decide... stay or go?

As jean48329 has stated, things can go horribly wrong without even realizing it. I don't think this is inevitable, but it may be a possibility. Only you know for sure.

s_cianci
Oct 22, 2006, 01:24 PM
If his controlling and domineering behavior is that bad that you feel you'd rather be alone, then maybe you should, at least for a while. You said that you'd "do major damage to him if he ever tried." What exactly does that refer to? If you have a legitimate card to play, then play it and force his hand. Otherwise, give him an ultimatum and be prepared to go through with it.