I really wish I should have seen this forum before doing all the BIG frekin mess I did when my ex broke up with me over the phone after more than a year together . When he broke up with me I was OK the first week, after that I started tripping out BAD, I was so hurt , I lost total control of my feelings, I sent him HATE texts every weekend for over 4 months, telling him exactly how I felt, and what I thought about him, I disrespected him horribly, I told him that I felt like he never loved me, that everything was a lie all the " I love you" all the "I'll keep you forever" and "I will never hurt you" , I told him that he was a fake for telling me all that, I told him that I hated him, that he was a jerk, and that he was a player because he played with my feeling throughout the whole relationship. I was emotionally destroyed by the break up, I was a wreck.


OMG, I was horrible and mean, and every time I sent him a hate text I would cry like a baby after, I was in so much anger and pain. But I kept doing and doing it, hurting myself even more, without thinking that I was hurting him too by telling him all that, he was very respectful through out the whole texting, he never said a bad word to me, and ke kept saying that he loved me and that he always will, for some reason that made me even madder and more upset, because I thought that he was still lying to me.

Maybe he wasn't lying, but I just couldn't understand whey he kept saying that to me and didn't want to be with me, I know you can't force someone into being with you, but why do he kept saying that he loved me ? He said that he loved me very much but it wasn't the right time to be together, that he had to concentrate on school, not on me. I always supported him on his studies, I loved that he studied and wanted to be successful and I loved sharing that with him, while I was In school to. He broke up with me so out of the blue. I regret so much sending him all those messages, when at the same time I wanted to be with him again so bad, but I knew I couldn't work anymore, the damage was already done, He hurt me by breaking up with me and I hurt him by losing control over my feelings with all those hate texts.

I'ts been a month since I stop all that, but I sometimes still beat myself up by thinking " I should have been stronger", " I should have respected him and his decision" , " I should have le go of my pain some other way". Now I know is all lost, and It all ended up so dramatic, but I have to deal with it and move on, I just want to stop beating myself up for that.
Should I tell him I am sorry for what I did, for what I told him and for not leaving him alone for such a long time? I don't want things to ens like between us, sometimes I just can't sleep thinking on how mean I was to him, I was very hurt when I told him all of these things but I regret it so bad, maybe he doesn't care about it at all but I feel horrible for everything that I told him . Please someone tell me what to do. I really need some advice, I am desperate , don't know what to do.

Apologize and forgive yourself. Explain that you were venting and that your sorry. Try to live the rest of your life in better control and with no more regrets. <---- meaning think things through before you act. Become active not reactive.

Along with the other advices you've been given in the nc thread... move on... that's the only thing you CAN do. Perhaps at a later time, you can apologize, mend things, perhaps even start a friendship, but right now, you two need time apart to heal on your own.

Best of luck, keep your head up.

I really want to move on, I'm just get upset for what I did and hoe it all ended, I know there is nothing I can do about it now. What done its done, and I won't make the same mistakes as the ones I made with this break up. I wanted him to remember me as the sweet girlfriend she had, but by being stupid and not knowing how to deal with my pain now he will think about me with resentment, that sucks.

Hey,how are you today?

What's done is done,you can't change the past,and you can't go back.
Its seems to me that he understood you were very hurt and that's where all the angry,mean texts were coming from.
He said he still loved you. That's probably the truth,since he did not respond to the nasty messages.
HE made a decision to end your relationship,that decision,that you had no control over 'destroyed' you.
Now that you realise what you have done,and your sorry for the way you behaved,but also know it was done out of hurt,and you were not yourself.the self that he knew and loved.
Its time for you now to make a decision on your life.. to continue and build on what you have learned,or continue to suffer.
Forgive yourself.
You were hurt and lashed out.
Leave him alone.no more texts.
Start loving you,and taking care of your broken heart.

You are not the first person to react like that and you won't be the last.

Sometimes, we let our emotions get the best of us and lash out and say things we really don't mean.

I'm pretty sure he understands you were hurt when sending those messages.

But don't break your NC just yet, you're still too emotional right now to contact him.

Let some time pass by, and then see how you feel at that point.

You can apologize some other time, but forgive yourself first.

You were unconsciously angry at him, because you felt he tried to hurt you.

Now stop feeling bad, because you are hurting yourself.

Again heal yourself first, then worry about fixing the wrong later. Because that unconscious anger can come out again if you apologize to him now and he doesn't give you the reaction you were looking for.

redhed35,

Thank you so much for your wise words. He was my first true love. When I was venting that wasn't the real me, the real me was covered by horrible negative feelings, I've been digging myself out form that junk now.

It really does sucks that I didn't tell him how sorry I am for venting with him like that, I was just in so much pain. : ( aww, feel like crying right now. Today is my birthday and I'm hoping to get something form him, but I probably won't, he probably resents our relationship now.

I was also really hurt that he broke up with me over the phone, It hurt me that he didn't do it face to face, I really do think that would have let me less hurt, because that shows that he cared for what we had together, but I think he really cared otherwise he would have never be that kind during the whole texting MESS.

It has been really hard to forgive myself for what I did, But this lesson will help for my future relationship, I will control my feelings better.

Happy birthday.

A lot of people find it difficult to break up with someone face to face.. they know its going to hurt.

There is a really good thread here about how to cope with a breakup,ill try and find it and post it here for you.

Crying is good,your grieving for the end of the relationship..

Hopefully the angry part is over for you now,and you can accept the relationship is over.
You have learned something about yourself,and also you can admit you were wrong to send the nasty messages... thats good.

You now have a story to tell and help other people...

Its up to you how your road to healing ends.

Redhead,

I guess the angry part is over, latetly I haven't been feeling angry, just sadness and regret for what I did. Honestly, I still miss having him in my life, I miss his friendship.

I have learned a lot with all of these, and going through here and reading similar experiences makes me feel so much better, every advice in here is so honest and true. I am really helpful for taking soe of your time to help pass this rough patch : )

Again heal yourself first, then worry about fixing the wrong later. Because that unconscious anger can come out again if you apologize to him now and he doesn't give you the reaction you were looking for.

Hi Jolie,
You are so dead on about the unconscious anger, I never thought about it that way, actually I apologized to him a couple of times after sending him a hateful text, but after a few days my unconscious anger came out again, and I would sent him another bad text, I was too emotional, and no healed at all, still am. My mind was just so blurred by sadness and anger, and every time I had a rage wave I sent him a text to vent, and right after I felt like sh**, and the thing that beats me the most is that I kept doing it and doing it. I was hurting myself even more than when he hurt me.

People are going to come and go throughout your life. Some pleasant, some not, but in the end it's how we deal and cope with the gains and losses of life that defines us. Take the good with the bad, learn and move on a better person. That's all that can be expected of yourself.

It's normal to be mad and upset, don't worry about it. It's good that you realize you were maybe too mean to him, but don't feel that guilty. Coming from someone who was the one that got dumped/cheated on, it's best to let it go. I yelled at her too, and it made it even worse. Eventually I forgot about it, but now she's the one yelling at me for no reason.. so yeah.

Good luck, and I hope you feel better.

I think as you give yourself time to heal, you will know what you need to do. It will take some time so be patient with yourself.

I was checking pics form a mutual friend on face and all of a sudden I saw a pic of my ex with him and some girls. I kind of freaked out, I had to delete that mutual friend form my fb, I don't want to see anymore pics of him again, I know I am not very strong, and If had kept that mutual friend as my fb friend I would have gone back to check if he had any new pics with my ex. . I already got read of every single thing related to him, except my memories with him, you can't get read of those, sometimes I wish I could, just like 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'.

You need something to do that makes YOU happy. Get busy and find it!

Tal, I know what you mean, I wan to be the happy girl that I was when I was single, I know I'll get there, I'll keep NC, till I stop thinking a about him for good.

Cocada,

You are doing so good. Just by reading everything u wrote up to this point, I have to say the fact that you are sorry for your actions that you made while you were hurt, shows your true colors. What would be wrong is that you aren't sorry after doing what you did.

Your true colors are perfect and you are truly going to make a great wife to a man one day. With your true colors now in check, you need to smile and love life now. I'm honored to meet you and to have crossed paths with you as I am everybody in this forum and this universe(even the ex).

Don't beat yourself up over this.

For awhile I blamed myself as well,because my ex said my 'freaking out behavior' pushed her away.

We both have to realize,whether it was wrong or right,we freaked out for a reason.

I know I'm not crazy and I assume you aren't either

We were both really hurt and had fustration about the unanswered questions.

Meanwhile our exes (at least mine) had someone on the side.

We are human,we say things we don't mean.

On the bright side at least one of those things wasn't "I love you"

Cocada,

You are doing so good. Just by reading everything u wrote up to this point, I have to say the fact that you are sorry for your actions that you made while you were hurt, shows your true colors. What would be wrong is that you aren't sorry after doing what you did.

Your true colors are perfect and you are truly going to make a great wife to a man one day. With your true colors now in check, you need to smile and love life now. I'm honored to meet you and to have crossed paths with you as I am everybody in this forum and this universe(even the ex).

Hi elousia, Thanks for your kind words

I broke NC, I don't feel like , but I know I screwed up. I sent him a text about something that reminded me of him, he answered, as he always does. Dang.. why is it so hard to let go. I need to be strong. It really is like a drug, I need to detox myself from him.

I screwed up countless times, so no worries. Just learn from your mistakes.

I screwed up countless times, so no worries. Just learn from your mistakes.

Hi KC, I keep screwing up! I mean, these are mistakes I can prevent now, I know I can, but I keep making them, Is it purely just a broken heart situation when you keep on doing the same mistakes? Like in my case, sending him a text and knowing it was a big mistake, promising to myself "I wont do it again" and after a few days I miss him and I send him another text! It's a vicious cycle that I need to end NOW. The secret to success is not to repeat the same mistakes, I will never get over him if I keep repeating those mistakes. I've been thinking about canceling my text messaging service form my cell, that way I won't be able to send or receive texts messages, if that's going to help to stop contacting him I am going to have to do that.

I really don't know what's keeping me from letting him GO for good. Is it because I got used to all of him ? Is it because I still love him?

In time you will have made enough mistakes and screwed up enough that eventually you realize that you cannot move on and cannot be yourself if you don't put an end to it. You will reach that point, as I did. One day it will click and you will start living for yourself.

One day it will click and you will start living for yourself.

Really hoping that day comes soon.

In order to keep the NC going u just have to keep busy and know that nothing is going to come from your messages, it will just set you back further. I haven't made contact for since July 1st now and this is the longest I have gone and it feels good. I really miss my ex, but she isn't real anymore, the relationship is over and I have to come to terms with that> That's why NC is important because by going NC it shows that you understand that it is over and not holdig onto something that willl never happen.

Its hard to let someone go when you love them but what else can you do? I say meet other people and don't rush into a sexual relationship with them, but spend time talking and doing things a couple does but with no physical aspects involved. Enjoy the company of each other and one day you will have found yourself moved on, and not having the ex control your thoughts.

In order to keep the NC going u just have to keep busy and know that nothing is going to come from your messages, it will just set you back further. I haven't made contact for since july 1st now and this is the longest I have gone and it feels good. I really miss my ex, but she isn't real anymore, the relationship is over and I have to come to terms with that> Thats why NC is important because by going NC it shows that you understand that it is over and not holdig onto something that willl never happen.

Its hard to let someone go when you love them but what else can you do? I say meet other people and don't rush into a sexual relationship with them, but spend time talking and doing things a couple does but with no physical aspects involved. Enjoy the company of each other and one day you will have found yourself moved on, and not having the ex control your thoughts.

You are doing a good job by keeping NC, Iam glad you fell so much better. I know that if I keep contacting him I will never heal, and I need before even thinking on having a boyfriend again. I dated a couple of times couple of months after my break up and they went horrible, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, and I wasn't comfortable at all during those dates.

Its true, I really miss him too, and I know that I won't get anything if I keep texting him, I would just slow down my healing process. Its hard to realize that it's the END. I miss what we had, I miss him as my friend. Last weekend one of my relatives asked me about him (not knowing that I still wasn't over him) and I just burst in tears, it was so weird.

Will I ever stop crying for him? I just want to the pain to go away.

If it's meant to be, rather it might be now or future.. no matter what you do or what you say. If he truly loves you, he'll come around. Patience is the key... if it's not meant to be than no matter how much effort you try or do it won't bring him back.

None of us on here, doesn't matter who the breaker or breakee is... you can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel. Now you might be single, but having single benefits u in many ways... explore the world and understand yourself and u have more time to do the stuff you enjoy. Just always remember to keep your head up high, no matter what happens either in the past, present, or future just know we make our own choices, it's never the end. You might not have him now, but you can't see the future, u can't just skip your whole life and seek it through. It's not how life is... so now is now... and make some amend on your life and when it's suppose to be it'll be. We all make our paths, it's never the end... it's just more option down the road and now when you've learned your mistake than just make amend on not doing it again than ull be surprised on how time can change everything.

To love is to accept pain... when you put your heart out there for him, than your trusting him not to break it. Nothing is perfect, if every love is perfect than no one would be here right now hurting or seeking for more advice. I'm not saying don't go NC... but go NC for your own benefit, work on yourself... NC doesn't mean to end everything once in for all but its to make a better choice in your life and accept things as it is. You might not speak to him for a few months, it's cause your helping yourself and improving on yourself and when your ready and still feel the same... go back and talking to him as a friend and things might be a fresh new start once more. As I said before Patience is the key... Great things happen in time, not for the moment. If you're hurt and he's hurt.. and having a relationship is just a total mess so just live your life... make sure your fine and know ull be fine with or without him than your ready to be friends again. At the same time, it may or may not work so just don't hold on to too much hopes... let time take its coarse and who knows... 2nd chance might be it.. everything happens for a reason.

Oh girl. *hugs* I know how you feel. I'm all pregnant and reading this made me crrryyyy. I had that kind of hurt toward an ex for a year after we broke up. Sometimes even now I think of him and want to e-mail him and tell him all the horrible ways I wish he could hurt like I did, other days I want to thank him for helping me grow as a person. And I am 27. Really loving someone doesn't get easier when you are the one who wanted to be in that relationship and it ends.

After I broke it off with my ex we only talked a very few times, each time was very hard on me. It gave me nightmares, and effected the way I was with my friends. So here's what I finally did, maybe some of it will help you.

A.) I deleted his number from my phone. It makes you think about it more if you have to dial the number to txt them.

B.) I deleted every mutual friend we had online so that he couldn't look at my profiles, and I wasn't tempted at 3am to drunkenly make comments on our friends photos about how hawt or bad he was looking with my affection. I also sent each of them a note AND a txt telling them why I was doing it for some closure, and that it wasn't personal, I just needed it to move on with my life, a life without him in it. (This helped more than anything else because I am very social, he wasn't shoved in my face anymore.) Yeah, I can dig you having to delete ONE friend, but I highly suggest doing them all. They got yo number honey. They will call. Mine did.

C.) Take a big deep breath and a few weeks to try and see him ending it from his point of view. I did this, I hated every moment of it, I saw his decisions and why, and it made me more mad, but I did eventually start to understand why we weren't meant to be. That was really my first step in forgiving myself for all the guilt I had over the way I acted.

You DO need to start taking the steps to forgive yourself. There will never be a point in asking him to forgive you if you cannot start to forgive yourself. Leave asking him for forgiveness as the last step. And realize that you are going through a grieving process. You are grieving for that relationship, the loss, the love, the expectations that were crushed, and for him not being who you thought. It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to express that hurt, but try to do it in a healthy way. Without dwelling, but without repressing it so badly you never recover either. If he says he will always have love for you then realize he has probably already forgiven you, and understands that you hurt when you did all of it. You are your own worst enemy in this case, because you see yourself at your worst more than any other being. Start doing what you need to for yourself, and with time, and a few steps, it does get easier, the perspective comes, and you can eventually accept his forgiveness. Just know that his forgiveness is not nearly as important as your own, you have to live with it for the rest of your life, and someday, he is going to be not a lot more than a memory you shared once.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you are still needing some support. I'll be checking. *hugs*:p

Hi Chey,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me. I am soory I made you cry : ( Its funny that you mentioned as one of you tips to see him ending it from his point of view, because I do that a lot, and it does hurt, and I get mad too, but then again I didn't make the break up easy for him at all , I was really mean to him for quite a while, and I do regret that. I feel like crying every time I put myself in his shoes, and wonder what he thinks about me now, I KNOW its over, but for some reason I really don't want him to resent our relationship, to resent what we had, because of what I told him, He was always so nice to me, even after our break up, after everything that I told him he never treated me bad, not once. And I was sweet to him too (before the break up), but it just sucks that for my mistakes he won't remember me as that sweet girlfriend, I hope he understands that I was an emotional wreck , and that I was so hurt , still am.

I really do feel like my own worst enemy right now, I just hope that from this experience I won't make the same mistakes with my future relationships. I cry almost every night thinking about him, Im exhausted of it, Im so tired of crying.. you have no idea, but I can't stop the tears from pouring out of me.

I can't stop wondering if I would ever meet someone as special as him again, you know?

Hi Chey,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me. I am soory I made you cry : ( Its funny that u mentioned as one of you tips to see him ending it from his point of view, because I do that a lot, and it does hurt, and I get mad too, but then again I didnt make the break up easy for him at all , I was really mean to him for quite a while, and I do regret that. I feel like crying every time I put myself in his shoes, and wonder what he thinks about me now, I KNOW its over, but for some reason I really don't want him to resent our relationship, to resent what we had, because of what I told him, He was always so nice to me, even after our break up, after everything that i told him he never treated me bad, not once. and I was sweet to him too (before the break up), but it just sucks that for my mistakes he wont remember me as that sweet girlfriend, I hope he understands that I was an emotional wreck , and that I was soo hurt , still am.

I really do feel like my own worst enemy right now, I just hope that from this experience I wont make the same mistakes with my future relationships. I cry almost everynight thinking about him, Im exhausted of it, Im so tired of crying.. you have no idea, but I can't stop the tears from pouring out of me.

I can't stop wondering if I would ever meet someone as special as him again, you know?

I know it's futile advice because I have never taken it myself, until I did without realizing I had... heh But you need to stop dwelling on the way he views you. It sounds to me like he doesn't have a bad opinion of you, never did, but you can't see that and accept it because of all of your hurt. Normally I don't tell people to try counseling, that's everyone else's answer and sometimes the obvious is what we need.

But if I were you I would find someone professional to talk to about this. Someone who can help you find the closure you need, and in the right order. If you are still in school, be it up through college, there is counseling available to you, all you need to do is seek it out. Very little but time and forgiving yourself will heal a hurt so deep you feel it in your soul. But taking the steps to reclaim your life, to feel like you have forgiven yourself, and he has forgiven you (I'm only saying that because it's as important to you as your self) to move on and start living instead of dwelling over what could have been done differently.

These are all things you will need to do before you WILL be free to find someone you can love, who will love you back just as perfectly, if not better, than you had ever imagined. It is possible, love is flexible. You cannot keep holding back your life with an inability to stop hurting and feel peace. A good counselor will help you with this. I know it can feel suffocating and like the end of everything, but you are capable of doing this. All you need to do is try, and trying for yourself to be healthy never hurt a soul.

Apologize and move forward. The windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror. Don't look back in regret, just try to take something from it and learn. Good luck to you.

Let me know when you have had enough beating yourself up, and are ready to forgive yourself, and get busy making changes for the future. I do realize its still fresh, but its not all your fault. Has it been 2 months since the break up??

Don't mean to be harsh, but maybe getting busier for yourself is what's needed? Whens the last time you did something good for yourself?

Let me know when you have had enough beating yourself up, and are ready to forgive your self, and get busy making changes for the future. I do realize its still fresh, but its not all your fault. Has it been 2 months since the break up???

Don't mean to be harsh, but maybe getting busier for yourself is whats needed?? Whens the last time you did something good for yourself??


You are not being harsh at all, sometimes being harsh when trying to help someone, really do help. I really appreciate your advice, you are obviously more experienced than me and you know what you are talking about, and I know you are telling me all this because you WANT to help me to get over this, I appreciate that immensely.

It has been 5 months ! Since the break up, I kept contact with him through out all that time until I finally discovered this forum! And when I finally started NC, I broke it 2 times.. won't do it again, no no... not cool breaking NC.

I will most def let you know when I had enough FOR GOOD, I am getting there, I just still think about that and makes me cringe, but once I am totally recovered, It will be amazing! And I will love to share that with you and with the awesome people here that has giving me their advice and support, without even knowing me! I think that's so cool.

I've been swimming almost everyday, its my hobby, I've been doing that for quite a while , waaay before I met my ex boyfriend. I count that as something good for myself, I've also been painting a lot, which I enjoy, in between working full time and going to school full time, and going to the gym, you must think I don't have time to think about him, but I still do, everyday once or twice and I miss him on weekends, because we only saw each other on weekends, but now he is just that... just a memory, I finally accepted the END, and accepting that makes my want to cry a little bit some nights, he is not part of my life anymore he WAS part of it, and he will be in my memory forever (unless I get amnesia), and I now that by doing NC, eventually those memories of him will start to fade away till I get to the point that I will remember him only once in a while, and feel good about it, or feel.. nothing about it.

I know its OVER, and I WILL stop contacting him, for MY own good , for ME to be spiritually healthy again, for me to be ME and enjoy life that way. I know I AM strong! I CAN do it! I know I am a brave girl! 2 years ago I came into this country all by myself to follow my dreams, and Im sticking to those dreams, and I won't let a broken heart bring me down! Not anymore!. I know I need to be patient though, I know TIME WILL heal me. (that was a cheer for me... and it felt good)

I read your thread and is like 90&#37; similar to what I was doing to my ex, though I'm the one that did the breakup and kept going back and forth with my decision until he got tired of it and stopped responding, but we recently decided to be friends but I still have this little anger towards him and still say mean things sometimes but after reading this I've decided to let him be from this moment and cherish the friendship and don't mess it up. I've hurt myself as well as him. I wish I'll never see him again but we have very close family tires that I can't excape crossing paths again. I ithink somestimes anger make you hold on, but as soon as you let the anger go things start getting better.this thread has helped me a lot and just stay strong times heals all wounds.

Hi odilians10, I am not friends with my ex, I cant, I still miss him, I might get there but it will take a lot of time and by that time I might not even want a friendship with him, who knows. He called me on my birthday on my birthday a few days ago, after that I broke NC again by sending him a text of something that reminded me of him and that's it. I don't feel anger anymore , well after letting it all out with him, which was the wrong freakin way of letting it go, I made the break up really hard for both of us, harder on me because I had the ability and the power of stop texting but I couldn't stop because all those negative feelings were blinding me from being reasonable, but hey... now I know better.

I am glad my thread helped you, and you are making a great decision by stoping the texting and respecting him, believe me , he will appreciate that very much, because he still cares about you and you are showing him that you care for him as well by doing that. I don't wan to see my ex again either, it still hurts when I see a pic of him, seeing him right now would be total torture, and I'm tired of torturing myself, I am done wit that.

Good luck with everything! Keep me posted ! Keep NC, I will too

How come I still fell like a I love him ? It's been almost 6 months since the break up , I've been keeping NC for two weeks now. Is it still love? Why do I still miss him?

No its not love, just you un-attaching yourself from old patterns of familiarity. Intense yes, as love sometimes, but its more you yearning to feel good, and revisiting those feeling at the last place you had them.

The most important part of NC, is when you realize you must love yourself, not just to heal, but to feel good about yourself, and be happy with yourself.

Ahhh!! I am going through a weak moment right know, my unconscious anger against him is raging right know, about 3 weeks ago he said he was really sorry that he hurt me , and sorry that I was going through a hard time because of him. I told him that it wasn't his fault , that I loved him very much and he just stopped. I thought about what I told him and I regret telling him that it wasn't his fault, It was his fault why I got hurt! He broke my heart, out of the blue ! And he hurt me because he kept telling me that he loved me and that he didn't want to lose me, he told me all that but he didn't want to be with me! He hurt me by lying to me telling me that he still loved, It was his fault that he hurt me, he could have just STOP lying and he didn't! I feel so weak right now, I really really want to tell him.. "you know what? ... It is your fault that I am going through a tough time! becuase you kept lying to me , why would you do that? why wouldnt you stopped telling me that you loved? If you really loved you wouldn't have broken up with me! you liar! "

No one breaks up with you if you if that person still really loves you, they just don't let you go and hurt you like that. That's not LOVE!

Why did he kept telling me that?! I just don't understand.. was he trying to make me feel more like sh**? Did he wanted to intetionally hurt me even more? Why?!

I'm sorry you are going through a weak time, but just hang in there time heals really, you have to stop asking yourself those questions, tell yourself that you don't need to allow anyone make you feel bad. Sometimes our ex contact us just to know they still have some kind of control over us. So you have to keep telling yourself ill not let him control me anymore and you will be able to let go without any anger. Hope it gets better for you

No contact so essential, acceptance, after 4 full months of talking with my ex it got to the point where I would get so sick emotionally hearing anything that was coming from her.

You can not have any contact, read listen talk messages, nothing... this is sooo DAMAGING to your pschye.

It was and would be for me

Heya COCADA. Having withdrawals again, huh? I'm sorry you are feeling that way about how he handled it, but you should keep in mind that as much as you feel like he messed up he probably messed up too. Maybe he felt like telling you that was the best way to respond. It was wrong, and it did nothing but confuse you more, but he probably just handled it badly. Keep doing what you are doing trying to let go of it. You've already expressed all of these things to him and now it's time for you to start moving on. Start reminding yourself you decided to forgive him when you think like that, hopefully it will help you move in that direction so you can get on with your life.

Hi Chey,

Yes I get withdrawals, from time to time, very often still .I had no contact with him but is still so difficult, I still think about him a lot, not ALL day, but at least once or twice. I still have so many unanswered questions, that probably will never be answered, I still wonder if I will ever see him again, or talk with him, sometimes I want to know what he's been up too and how he is doing, I just wonder, because I don't really want to know, I know it will mess up and slow down my healing process.

I still cry sometimes, and I thought I didn't get angry anymore , but yesteday I felt like punching him in the face, like I felt when he broke up with me. I feel so much resentment against him . I was always so nice with him, he said I was perfect, so I guess he expected I was going to be all peaches and cream after the break-up, but I was not , I was extremely hurt, and I did not made the break up easy at all, he told me that he wanted be with me someday again, and that I fu**ed it up by being immature when I sent him all those texts messages.
I don't think that it had anything to do with matureness, I did hard time controlling emotions, yes! But I was hurrt so bad, I had so much pain in my heart and he was so cool, because brakees are always so cool and they move on so quickly, I guess he wanted me to react the sameway.
How can someone move on so quickly, after "loving someone so much" (according to them) How is that possible? I guess it wasn't real love after all, which made them fakes. That's what I think most of the time.

I don't think that it had anything to do with matureness, I did hard time controlling emotions, yes! but I was hurrt so bad, I had so much pain in my heart and he was so cool, because brakees are always so cool and they move on so quickly, I guess he wanted me to react the sameway.

I meant BREAKERS

Ahhh !!!! i am going through a weak moment right know, my unconscious anger against him is raging right know, about 3 weeks ago he said he was really sorry that he hurt me , and sorry that I was going through a hard time because of him. I told him that it wasn't his fault , that I loved him very much and he just stopped. I thought about what I told him and I regret telling him that it wasn't his fault, It was his fault why I got hurt!! he broke my heart, out of the blue ! and he hurt me because he kept telling me that he loved me and that he didnt want to lose me, he told me all that but he didnt want to be with me !! he hurt me by lying to me telling me that he still loved, It was his fault that he hurt me, he could have just STOP lying and he didnt!! I feel so weak right now, I really really want to tell him .. "you know what? ... It is your fault that I am going through a tough time! becuase you kept lying to me , why would you do that? why wouldnt you stopped telling me that you loved? If you really loved you wouldn't have broken up with me! you liar! "

No one breaks up with you if you if that person still really loves you, they just dont let you go and hurt you like that. Thats not LOVE!

Well actually it's life. I understand your pain but you are doing nothing to get yourself better! You are still in contact with him! How can you get better if he is constantly around you. If you cut all ties with him, you cut the source of the pain and your brain will do the rest for you (aka forgetting about him). Now the questions you need to ask yourself is what now? What are you going to do? Are you going to sit and wallow in your sadness or are you going to get out there and heal? There is plenty of single guys and girl out there. Stop all contact with him!

I stoppped contact with him , is been 3 weeks , and I still can't get him out of my head.

I wander that myself as well cocada, how can they move on so fast and not give a when they said the loved us... I get filled with so much pain thinking about my ex, its hard but I try not too, I still have brief moments in the day where I almost cry and sometimes do... I get scared to be alone..

Why would someone that loves or says that loves you breaks up with you ?

Maybe they do love you but they realize that it wouldn't be best for them to remain with you?

I don't know. It's been running through my mind as well...

But by breaking up with you they are taking the risk to lose you, which will probably happen, someone that loves you won't break up with you because he/she wouldn't want to lose you.

Perhaps they love you but are not *in love* with you or they have fallen out of love.
I love my exes but I am not in love with them.
By the very fact that I loved them deeply once I still have a place in my heart for them.

It may also be possible that someone that says they love you doesn't really understand what they are saying at all.

Or that they are only saying what they think you want to hear.

Or, as was said, that they may love you but are not, or are no longer, "in love" with you.

In any case, if they have broken up with you, there is a reason. Whatever it is, deep down, they do not feel for you the way that they should.

Maybe it's best that you found out sooner... rather than later.

Some people say they love you, but don't really know what love truly is.

I really wish the Dumper would stop saying that to the Dumpees , just causes more confusion than is already present when someone gets dumped.

We hear this on nearly every breakup thread and it's one of the most confusing things for the Dumpee because they get lost with False Hope when their Ex says "I still love you"

Everyone above has made some good points and they are all correct but only the Dumper really knows why they say it , whether it be they still hold a place in their heart for you , they still care for your well being or what I believe is the main one and that is to suppress their guilt.

Either way you DON'T Dump someone you "LOVE"

Calm down guys, it all in the normal process. My ex-gf left me after she cheated on me and it took me 2 month to recover (now we are in month 4) and a trip to Europe, but I still think about her and it hurts sometime. Cocada and Elousia you are probably two great women that has a lot to offer and there is plenty of great guys out there.

The fact that both of you are wallowing in your pain shows that you haven't taken an ACTIVE part in your healing process. The first step I would suggest is sport, and lots of it. Not only will it make you feel better but you could have a great body and all the guys will be after you. Your healing process only starts now and you have to take it in your hands.

As for the exes, it's their loss and our gain and if they are able to move that fast it means they are only going to be doing the same mistakes again and again until they will really get hurt. It's Karma :D

From what I've noticed when the person who dumps you says "I love you still," it is normally a way of softening the blow.

I don't know how it is for others, but I still do care for my exes whether I was the dumper or the dumpee. I do know it's not love, just a general concern. Maybe that's what they meant by love.

I had so much of this after an ex once I opened a public diary on a site like livejournal and would journal about it. Having it be public helped because I got feedback from strangers and didn't feel like I was being judged by anyone near the situation. After about 6-7 months I noticed I had started writing more about my daily life and other things. But I still had days. You might want to consider it as an outlet to get it out without it effecting anyone. I know that it helped me, and I also made some great friends. I can't recall if I deleted all of the posts but you can go read it if you want. Send me a note if you want and I'll share the link with you.

I believe the best way to handle a situation like yours is to properly initiate no contact by sending the appropriate message.

If you follow a step by step plan while you practice NC you will begin an evolution that will get your life (and hopefully your ex) back again.

Most of the time once you get your life back your ex follows... why?

Because you are no longer the same person that they broke up with... make sense?

Too many people focus on either getting their ex back, or moving on (forgetting their ex), like these are the only two choices they have.

What about learning what went wrong and then learning, growing, and evolving from what you discover?

I believe things happen for a reason, and break ups are really just a chance to become a better person, and/or lover.

Attitude is everything if you believe it's over and there is no way to fix it, then you make that become true... and that leaves you trapped and you locked the door.

I have seen much worse situations than yours turn completely around.

If you try to hide from, or numb the pain, instead of discovering what caused the pain in the first place... you're missing a chance to evolve.

I have seen much worse situations than yours turn completely around.



Hi , Thanks for the post. What did you mean with this ?

I don't think I'll get him back, honestly I feel like I really lost him after everything that I told him, I don't even think about that anymore, because I know that's not an option.

Cocada you re right by not thinking about that.it was broken for a reason.and you re fine and getting better.

Hi , Thanx for the post. What did you mean with this ?

I don't think I'll get him back, honestly I feel like I really lost him after everything that I told him, I don't even think about that anymore, because I know that's not an option.

I have worked with a woman who went from slashing her ex's tires, not eating, or going to work to getting her ex back.

But, if you don't believe you can do it... then you're right.

Where your mind goes your body follows.

Don't be fed false hope, its all about your healing, and being healthy, and happy, not getting back an ex, who doesn't care.

Don't let you pain now, make you miss better options, and opportunities, that are present in your life. You will see that soon. I can promise you that.

I agree with talaniman.your relationship is over and you are strong enough to start loving the person you need to love first-yourself.

So so true, thank you tal and amicon..

I do realize that I can't count on anyone to make me happy but ME. I need to be happy again, my good happy passionate self is somewhere inside of me and she desperately wants to see the light again, I have so many things to be grateful and I am missing out on awesome things and opportunities, I know I am. I will be OK, I just need to take care of myself.

I know you will.look after yourself.hugs

Threads merged

Is it normal to feel like dying after a really hard breakup ? Just the feeling of it, not actually planning on doing it, not at all, just feeling like you want to die for a sec or 2. Sometimes I get so tired of feeling such a deep pain all around me, that I get desperate with it, and I just want it to go away and it just won't, and I just feel like dying so I won't feel that pain anymore. Why does it hurt so damn much ?

This is normal. Your world has completely changed and you don't feel like you're ready for it or that you can handle it. One day at a time. Don't worry about the day before or the day after, just worry about making it through today. It does get better with time.

Good luck.

I can't answer why. I can only tell you that most of us have been there. It does get easier. You learn to cope, to let go and to heal. I think when you really love someone and the relationship ends, you feel an understandable void in your heart, head and soul. It would be like a family member saying "you aren't good enough to be related to me". It hurts deeply when you love deeply. For many out there, they refuse to let someone in that close in order to avoid the possible loss that accompanies a break up. Having done both, it's not worth doing if you don't do it with all of your heart. You can't win if you don't play. The best advice I can give is to accept the way you are feeling is perfectly normal and that some day, you will be past it.

The passage of time will slowly heal your heart. Helping others seems to speed it up.

Some days are tough but it will get better.check your private messages in your profile please. :-)

Is it normal to feel like dying after a really hard breakup ? just the feeling of it, not actually planning on doing it, not at all, just feeling like you wana die for a sec or 2. Sometimes I get so tired of feeling such a deep pain all around me, that I get desperate with it, and I just want it to go away and it just wont, and I just feel like dying so I wont feel that pain anymore. why does it hurt so damn much ?
Its definitely normal to feel this sad and low especially when the feelings were so strong.But,people deal with heart-breaks differently.You just have to find your way of healing.But first,you really need to WANT to heal.Initially,let yourself feel all the pain and the sadness.Let loose all the pent up feelings.But once you are done with that,start your healing.

You broke-up because things weren't right,could be anything,but whatever it was,it has ended.Grieve,cry,but understand that you live only once.As there's pain,sadness,heart-breaking misery,so's there love,joy and hope.Bad times come so that we learn from them,grow and become better,more mature people.We'll get hurt again,maybe in the next relationship,the next business venture,the next step that we take but we don't stop living till the day we die,isn't it?It sucks but that's life.And it only gets better,I promise you.Take it from someone who felt her world had ended,8 months back,after her relationship ended.Today,this is the same person talking to you,by God's grace.

In a way you actually are dying. A broken heart changes someone, forever... there is no going back. The person you were is dead after you have healed. I don't mean the character an morals, but the actual experience of this changes you completely.

While healing you get the chance to build a better YOU. This is just one of those experiences in life that, while awful to go through, are life changing.

You re right kc-and we also have to mourn the death of the relationship.

Thank you all so much for your comments. Today is a good day, I was feeling very sad last night, and needed to hear (read) comfy words like the ones you posted. I surely hope that something great will come out of this pain.

Thank you all so much for your comments. Today is a good day, I was feeling very sad last night, and needed to hear (read) comfy words like the ones you posted. I surely hope that something great will come out of this pain.
I can assure you it will,but you have to allow yourself to learn that lesson.There were times when I actually cried so much that I had no control over my tears.I couldn't trust myself in public because the taps used to open,just like that,without any provocation and I had to run to the nearest loo and sob my heart out into my sleeve.It was that bad.

Today,I am a new ME.A more patient,calmer,composed,happier,peaceful and definitely WISER ME,somebody who has been able to get a grip and start over.Write words like this,to give some comfort to somebody else in pain.I am much more confident,positive and more than anything the months of healing,spending loads of time by myself,the introspection,looking within and sharing on this forum have made me love and understand myself like never before.

I know what I am and what I want.My perception of love and relationships has changed in a big way.Now I know,for sure,if its real love,of the absolute true kind,it doesn't go.Its only the "never-meant-to-happen" kind,the kind we mostly run after,that comes and messes with us and steers us off-course.And makes us grow up:)And I actually have managed to gather the strength to wait for the real kind and not settle for any other kind:).Am sure you,too,have it in you to reach such a zone,IF ONLY YOU WANT IT REAL BAD.

Starry nights,

The first 3 moths or 4 after the breakup I couldn't control my tears either. Every time someone asked me about him, I just started crying like a baby, I used to cry everywhere, even while I was doing exercise , I am a swimmer so I am pretty sure no one around me noticed when I was crying and swimming my heart out.

I still cry some nights for little bit, because it still hurts, Its been like 7 months now, and I still cry. I've cried him a river... literally.

Reading your post gives me a lot of hope. I want to go back to be that extremely happy girl I was before I even knew him, I mean I was sooo sooo excited a about life and my future! I was so confident. This breakup really knocked me down bad, I lost a big part of myself... I lost all of myself. I didn't know the person I became after the breakup, I just couldn't recognize who I really was anymore, so weird . I am not a mean person, I am really nice and warmhearted or.. I thought I was. After saying all those mean things to my ex , I am not even sure if a really am a nice person anymore. Honestly, I don't even remember everything that I told him, after I realized what I sent him I felt like something possessed me when I was doing that, I asked myself.. 'why the hell did I sent that? '... and the worse part is that I did the same thing so many times. I just couldn't control it.

I never ever thought I could feel so much anger, sadness, pain, absolute loss of self control... from a broken heart! It has been a really horrible rollercoaster of emotions. I loved him so much, but at the same time I hated him for breaking something so beautiful. I've already started to learn big lessons, But there's still a big part of myself missing somewhere inside of me. I want to find myself again so so bad, I wan it really bad now. I am tired of beating myself for what I did, I just want to let go.

Thank so much for your words of comfort and hope Starry, I really like knowing that I WILL get through this, just like you did and everyone that gives advice through this forum has.

Hey Cocada,

I believe you when you say you are a beautiful person... we all are :-). Only sometimes we forget about that and concentrate on the negative aspect. Feelings and emotions sometimes take control over you and it is hard to stop that. Yet you can do it...

Accept what happened and you are taking over ownership already... that is really good and the first step.

One of the keys to heal here is to FORGIVE YOURSELF. I am trying to do the same currently and it is freaking hard. Once you forgave yourself, you will feel better.

Be gentle on yourself and especially patient. Finding yourself again is not a short journey. It will take some time and discovering yourself is paired with pain sometimes (old wounds) but also with beautiful moments when you see your great personality and positive side, even new aspects :-).

I know the feeling of being tired of beating myself up, but it stills happens. Try and let go of it. There is no good coming out of it. You will get better for sure... it takes time... time is a really good friend of us and one day you will look back to this time and realise that it made you a stronger and more loving person...