I need urgent help quick. I'm being emotiobally blackmailed to marry someone and I don't know how to get out of the situation. I'm so scared. I love someone else but my family won't let me marry him because they don't approve of his fathers second wife. Its such a stupid reason! Months have flown by and I thought I would have the courage to leave my family but I cant. My boyfriend and his parents have tried to talk to my parents and they are being so stubborn. The wedding is weeks away and all the invitations are out. I hate my fiancé and I'm scared of him even coming near me. I would rather kill myself than have him touch me. But it hard leaving my family they said its either him or them but my family are all I have ever known and I'm finding it hard to leave them. What's worse is that after marriage I am going to have to stay with my inlaws and look after my fiancés family. I love my boyfriend so much he could have left md by now but he's trying to fight for me and I'm letting him down. I feel so pathetic and I hate myself! I have no confidence left to fight and I'm heartbroken. My fiancé and his family don't have a clue what's happening to me. They think I gave full consent to the marriage. Am scared though of losing ma family though. And I know I'm weak! Please help me!

What country do you live in?
And how old are you?

You need to get some confidence right now and tell your parents NO! (Although that might be difficult if you live in a country that believes in arranged marriages).

Also, if your country's law isn't the case, talk to your fiance'. If he's a nice guy, he'll understand enough to let you go (no doubt he will be angry, though, so don't be surprised if that happens; but who wants to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them?). You need to stand up for yourself and voice your desires and wishes!

If you can't do this because of your country's customs/laws... then unfortunately I am not sure what to tell you. I hope there is a way you can get out of it (by the way, suicide isn't the answer).

Good luck.

Believe it or not I actually live in scotland. I am 23 years old I met my boyfriend at university. I'm a smart person, I know they're emotionally blackmailing me but still they're threats are still scaring me. See my ethnicity is pakistani but I was born here and my parents have never been strict with me all of a sudden they decided I wasn't mature to find a husband myself. My fiancé is a complete mummys boy he would mess things up for me if he knew what was happening. Ma family said I have to protect my familys honour by marrying this guy. I'm not allowed to go out myself and not allowed to work. I've hardly seen my friends and I feel like am going crazy. Before all of this started me and my family were so happy. And now its like they're different people. I told them two weeks ago that I didn't want to get married. My boyfriend even went to my dads work and pleaded with him and my dad just ignored us. They said if I get married to my boyfriend I'll never c my family again and I will be too ashamed to face my relatives

Is your fiance' of Pakistani descent, too?

Sounds like you need to disown your family and GO with your boyfriend asap.
I would leave my family in a heart beat if they made me marry someone that made me cringe at the mere thought. If they can do that to you then they aren't being loving to you. No matter how much you love them you shouldn't go through with this, YOU are the one that is going to have to live with it the rest of your life.
Don't bow down to them and hate the rest of your life.

It boils down to do what your parents say, marry this guy and hate yourself the rest of your life

Go with your boyfriend and start a new life with him and your parents don't want anything to do with you.

Go with boyfriend sounds like the better option

Yes my fiancé is of pakistani descent and from scotland also. What's ridiculous is that ma boyfriend is also from pakistani descent. They actually agreed to the marriage until they found out about my boyfriends dad. My family said to me if I leave it will kill my grandad and that they're going to take me little neices and nephews to pakistan in case they have girl or boyfriends at uni when they grow up. It kills me that something bad mite happen to them. Me leaving will have concequences that's what's scared me from leaving. I've never known life without my family and just imagining never seeing then again is what's stopping me. I wish I was stronger I'm so angry at myself for being so weak. On the other hand imagining life wirh my boyfriend sounds like heaven he's only 24 but he said he wants me to boyfriend his wife so badly.

You need to reach out to someone you trust and you need to do it NOW. Close girl friend? Better yet, close girl friend an her parents? A professor from your university? A teacher from your childhood? THINK THINK -- if no one comes to mind go to a crisis center. (Or e-mail a center if you can't get away from your parents). This is critical. You need to be in a safe place and you need to do it NOW. If your parents disown you, then they do. I know that it horrible and painful, but you CANNOT take those marriage vows. You CANNOT.

Simply put, you cannot be forced to marry against your will in Scotland.

If you choose to allow yourself to be manipulated emotionally into marrying someone you do not want to marry, then that is your choice.

I agree with Jake2008. If you allow this to happen to yourself, then you are to blame in the end. In the United Kingdom you CANNOT be forced into marriage for any reason.

GET OUT NOW - while you still have a life to save. (yours)

Be fair to the man who loves you if you can't do it for yourself (though you and only you, should be your first reason )

Your all right. All my friends have said the same thing. If this was a year ago I would have left my family in an instant. I had more confidence then but by keeping me in the house and emotionally abusing me they have took all that confidence by threatening me. My mum said if I leave she'll kill herself and as I said before my actions would have repercussions on my neices and nephews. Do you think I am gullible for believing that? I know it would be my fault and at the end of the day its up to me but yet why does it feel so hard when I could pack my bags now. How do I get rid of all of the guilty feelings I have for my family. How do I make myself feel nothing for them. I wish I wasn't so soft hearted.

You have to remember, just like you have choices they have choices as well. They can't make your choices for you, just like you can't make their choices for them. If you choose to leave, and your family chooses to be unsupportive and unloving, you cannot control that. If they decide to take their anger out on your nieces and nephews, you cannot control that. What you can control is your life. Why should you have to be unhappy for the rest of your life? I'd pack my bags and leave now if I were you. You may end up without your family. But you'll have your boyfriend. Someday, you two could start your own family. You'll have his family. You'll have your friends. I know its hard, but sometimes with people like that, controlling manipulating people, you're better off without them. Even if they are family. And who knows. Maybe some day they'll come around and have a change of heart. Expect the worst, hope for the best.

It sounds like this may be the defining moment that your life has been leading up to. These kind of moments will make you or break you... ultimately, the choice is yours.

This is your chance to reverse whatever negative karma you are paying for by ending up with in this situation.

So what do you mean? That in order to restore negative karma I need to marry my fiancé in order to redeem myself? How can there be negative karma lol I don't think I have ever done anything wrong in my life to deserve this when there are happier people out there that have done much worse. Is this the price a have to pay for falling in love?

Maybe being cut off from your family is the price you'll have to pay for falling in love, if you end up marrying your boyfriend. But it's up to you to decide if its worth it. And compare it to the price you'll pay to keep your own family happy. Possibly your entire life's happiness.

Woah wait what? No, no, no... why would you think I was actually advocating THAT side of it?

Look... whatever your purpose or reason is to be where you are, the life that you have led and allow happen to you is boiling down to this moment.

I imagine this isn't the only thing that you have just kind of let happen to you. It would seem that only someone that is accustom to that behavior would even allow something like this to go this far.

How old did you say you were? 24? Don't you think the time has come for you to take control of your own life?

Do you really think Grandad would be happier for you if you let yourself get bullied into a life of unhappiness and sorrow?

so what do u mean? that in order to restore negative karma i need to marry my fiance in order to redeem myself? how can there be negative karma lol i dont think i have ever done anything wrong in my life to deserve this when there are happier people out there that have done much worse. is this the price a have to pay for falling in love?

No we mean that you need to break the cycle of living up to your parents expectations if you ever want real happiness. NOT marry someone you don't love. The only karma you will get from marrying who your parents want is years of unhappiness.

You shouldn't be scared you have to stand up for yourself. Don't marry a guy that you are not in love with.you should tell your boyfriend everything that happening. Your parents should be more understanding. Its your life ands you have to live it . If they still want you to get married in 3 more week don't show up and then they will no your serious. I know if they don't forgive you now they would at some point . Your of age were you can choose for yourself and make discusion. Hope this helps you .

There are shelters and organizations that can help and answer your questions. Please check out this website located in Glasgow. www.islamicgarden.com/glasgow.htm

I lived in England for several years and had many friends from backgrounds where marriages were arranged. The bride usually had no rights once in the family and had to serve her husband's entire family. Each member of the family could also beat the brides if they were displeased with them. Most of the stories were not good.

Please seek out friends who will be able to support you if you make a decision to go against your family. Your family is still bound by their culture and traditions. They expect you to follow them as well.

For you, you have lived in a country, Scotland, that everyone is free to choose whom they wish to marry.

Step out of your comfort zone and do what is right. It does not mean you are going against your parents, just against their beliefs. Someone has to stop this vicious cycle of forced marriages. Sure, some of them may work out. But as a whole, there are more women that are being abused and miserable! RNRG

Marriage is a contract and Free Consent of both parties essential for this otherwise it is not valid. You should tell your parents its against the Quran and Sunnah, you do not like your fiancé with the core of your heart so this marriage will be not valid. You should keep say NO NO NO for this marriage.
Send your parents to any muslim scholar and I hope he must convince them in the Light of Quran and Sunnah. If you enter into this contract forcefully you have right to come out from this contract by ( Khulla ).
Don't worry be cool and pray I hope your matter will be solved peacefully.

Ch. Ejaz Ashraf Lawyer ( Pakistan )