So my girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years. She came to me out of the blue and says that she wants to take a break. She wants to KNOW if I am the one she wants to spend forever with. She says that there is no one else and that she doesn't want another guy she just wants to hang out with friends and do whatever she wants without me. She said she loves me with all her heart and I really do believe that.

I told her she was making a huge mistake and she said that is what she needs to find out for herself. She needs to know what life is like without me.

We have not spoken in a week now and I am dying. I know that she has been out with her friends and even at the bars a few times. I am so confused as to what is going on. Why would someone throw away or even chance losing something so great for what? I am crushed and don't have any direction.

She has a ton of stuff still at my house and she has not made an attempt to get it. I believe that is a sign that maybe she is not that serious about this and maybe just does want time to go out and blow off some steam and hang out with friends. She still wanted to text me and I asked her not to because it was too hard for me to get those from here just wondering what's up like the good ol times.

I got an email from her friend that told me that she is hurting really bad right now as well but this is something that she feels she has to do. She told me that she can tell she loves me with all her heart and its killing her that she has done this to me. She also told me that "if I were you i would not let go of her quite yet".

I am so confused and lost. The only thing I know to do is give her the space she is asking for but for how long. Honestly how long can you expect someone to just wait for you.

What do you guys think about this?

You shouldn't have to, wait. I'm going through the same thing. The thing is, I've come to realise. Do they actually love us with all their hearts? Really, truly? Because if they did we wouldn't be feeling like this. I can't let go. I hold onto everyhting but what if they decide that they are better off without us? Love shouldn't come with all this pain. Yes, they are hurting but I feel what they are putting us through is worse.

I did this with my husband for 6 months before we got married. Be patient with her, but don't let her forget about you either. If you can't handle it then tell her, it's important to communicate with her how you feel, my husband still has issues with me because I did this.

If I could have told her not to do this before she decided to I would have. Not so much because I regret taking time for myself, but because I hurt my husband. Everyone we knew tried to convince him I was cheating on him and whatever else. I never did. I just focused on me for a little while because I had never taken the time to do so.

I know I am not the same as your lady, but if I were you, I would try to be patient with her. If you feel like you can't or it hurts too much then tell her so. Her friends say she is hurting too, then she must know either that it isn't right or that she shouldn't be doing it to you. Loving a person doesn't mean running away to go take on the world without them, if you don't like this I would suggest telling her you want to be with her, she cannot take you for granted, if she doesn't want to be with you she needs to be honest. But you need to be willing to accept that her breaking up with you might be an option on the table.

Either way it's pretty unfair of her to make this decision without you, she's making decisions for her life, but your relationship is a part of that life. Talk to her, but try to keep it calm and be understanding.

You are a person too, you should be able to tell her what's going on with you, just like she did when she asked for a break.

I am willing to give her time and space to try and figure things out. I love her and respect her so much I will do that even though it is literally killing me. I miss her so much every minute of the day but I know what I have to do. Space and time is what she wants so that's what I have to give her.

I just don't understand how she can do this to me. She talked about marriage often and couldn't wait to marry me. We always agreed that we would wait a while so that is what we have been doing. We were going to be engauged within this year. I just don't understand what it is that she is looking to find out with me not in the picture.

Her family has contacted me and told me that they are upset with her decision and they reall miss me and hopes this works out. Honestly Im a mess right now. I know if I push her then she will only pull away further.

The point of relationships and love is to grow and tackle problems TOGETHER, not apart. I fail to see why you should be expected to live your life in limbo as she goes out and does whatever she wants... just isn't fair in my opinion. I would make myself really scarce from her life, and I can guarantee you if I was in your shoes, she wouldn't be the only one living it up! Life is too short for this BS... live your life, if she comes back fine, but I wouldn't put things on hold. Do you have a freeaking time frame? Is she supposed to let you know when it is convenient for her to return?

Go out, have fun and damn the rest. Time to put the big boy pants on and live a little.

Here's a few suggestions to help you ease the pain of waiting.

1) As painful as it is, it's better that she's doing this to you now before either of you make a stronger commitement, like marriage.

2) If she really loved you, she will come back to you. If she doesn't come back, then she didn't love you that much and had a change of heart. So it's out of your control now. You've been together for 2 years, so there's nothing more you could do now than you should/could have done in the last 2 years.

3) She's spending time with her friends. Maybe she's in pain, maybe not. It doesn't matter. Easier said than done, but try your best not to think about her and what she's going through. You should focus on yourself.

4) Have you decided that she's the one for you already? This time apart also gives you a chance to reflect on the relationship. If you've decided that she's the one you want to be with, then take a few steps back. You've figured out your part, so let her figure out hers. You said you respect her wishes, so leave her be.

5) Focus on doing other things now. Think about it, you have more free time to yourself. So hang out with your friends. Reconnect with old friends. Play sports. Pick up a new hobby. Just stay busy so you can get your mind off it.

6) If you really loved her as much as you say you do, then be patient. She will come back to you with an answer eventually. But in the meantime, there's no reason for you to put your life on hold. Stay busy!

Good luck. I'm sure you can get through this. If you feel like venting again, feel free to vent all you want on this forum. We'll always support you.


The point of relationships and love is to grow and tackle problems TOGETHER, not apart.

I agree with this, but I guess some people need to figure things out on their own. We don't know what is going on in the girl's mind in this situation, but many times, it's not a relationship problem, it's more of a personal problem.

You and I might not handle this kind of problem this particular way, by asking for time and space, but some people choose to.

We just got to remember that if our significant other asks for time and space, it doesn't mean we have to put our lives on hold and wait around. We can go on with ours lives too.

I agree with this, but I guess some people need to figure things out on their own. We don't know what is going on in the girl's mind in this situation, but many times, it's not a relationship problem, it's more of a personal problem.

You and I might not handle this kind of problem this particular way, by asking for time and space, but some people choose to.
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To be honest, if I said that I needed space, it really means I no longer want to be in a relationship with you... no hurt intended to the OP, but that is my literal interpretation.



We just gotta remember that if our significant other asks for time and space, it doesn't mean we have to put our lives on hold and wait around. We can go on with ours lives too.

My point exactly. It may suck and it isn't fun to go through, but time doesn't stop, and time is the most valuable currency we have...

I'm agreeing. I needed space, now I don't want any and I bet he wishes I would go away sometimes and let him breathe. Take it one day at a time, but don't let it hold you back. Life is meant to be lived, it's not meant to be wished. Are there things you have always wanted to work on for you? Go get all buff n manly or something. Beat every level of GTA3 and unlock every achievement. Learn how to play pool. But don't waste away, she's not.

Thanks for the posts. Keep them coming.

I have been doing a ton of new things to keep myself busy. Reconnecting with old friends. Going out more. Projects around the house.

I just really miss her. I honestly knew that she was the person for me. I had made up my mind. We were so happy together. Everything was so perfecct.

I just think that she lost her identity. She is done with school all her friends are still in school. All her friends are single and despretly looking for a great guy they just can find one. She just wants to live care free is what she told me. She wants to KNOW that I am the one she wants to be with. I don't understand it but what else can I do?

Her parents split up 3 times before getting married and I think that may also have something to do with it. She may just have it in her head that if they did that then we must to be successful.

Each situation is different, it kind of sounds like you already know she's going to come back, you just think it sucks. If that's true, I say go get the ring, text her a pic and say its ready when you are, and then go get your drink on. Don't sit around waiting for her, take the time to ensure you have a nice big hold on your own identity.

Each situation is different, it kind of sounds like you already know shes going to come back, you just think it sucks. If that's true, I say go get the ring, text her a pic and say its ready when you are, and then go get your drink on. Don't sit around waiting for her, take the time to ensure you have a nice big hold on your own identity.

I hope you are joking... I wouldn't pony up thousands of dollars on someone who hasn't "found herself". You guys need to lay off the Kool Aid... she wants to live carefree?? Are you serious? You know what that means right?

"I want to be able to do WHATEVER I want without having to feel guilty for doing it"

Don't buy a ring for her. I wouldn't reward her for this crap! If I were you I wouldn't contact her, email, nothing! She would be the one getting ahold of me, not the other way around. Text a pic of you at a bar with some ladies around... tell her you are merely helping other girls to live "care free"!

So my girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years. She came to me out of the blue and says that she wants to take a break. She wants to KNOW if i am the one she wants to spend forever with... What do you guys think about this?
I think she has known you aren't the one for some time now.


I just think that she lost her identity.
That's a huge f***in' thing to lose! And yes, that often does happen in long-term relationships.

And you don't understand her linefeed to give each other space so she can know for certain if you're the one she wants to marry because it's senseless. If she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, she'd be spending her life with you as we speak. But that sounds nicer than "I wanna be single and hit the bar scene. Sorry for talking about marriage a few weeks ago, I knew even then I didn't want to marry you, but you seemed happy at the hint of it so I went along with the flow of the conversation."


"if I were you i would not let go of her quite yet".
Exsqueeze me? Girl's got some nerve.

Look, I am not saying what I think she's doing is right, but I certainly would not refer to it as crap either. dhosera, you know your girl better than anyone else does, I'm not telling you to wait around for her, but I am not encouraging you to be cynical either.

kctiger- I'm going to call this a huge difference of opinion and leave it at that.

I cannot bite my tongue on this. To those that want to play the pitty card and act like this isn't a load of BS coming from her, live in la la land all you want. And I respect your opinion Chey, I just think it is very selfish of her to do this to him.

You don't get to just break some poor guys heart because you think you have no identity. What she meant was she doesn't know what it's like to be a single woman. Going out having fun with her other SINGLE friends and being able to do whatever she wants is exactly what she has in mind... not some soul searching BS. He has been given no timeline and is just expected to sit back while she lives a "care free, do any guy I want to" life. How on earth is that remotely right? I realize I paint it to an extreme of black and white, but this is pretty cut and dry to me. FACT: She wants to be SINGLE!! FACT: That means she DOES NOT want to be with the OP. (And yes, obviously things can change)

Regardless of opinons the facts are pretty clear. This is life, you don't get to just leave when things aren't going your way, and you certainly shouldn't have the right to lie and BS to a boyfriend who is clearly in love with you. It is what it is...

I don't know that she is coming back to me. I really don't know. This is so unlike her to do this. We had something great and everyone else can see it. I know that she was happy. Im not some idiot that can't read his girlfriend.

I just don't know what to think of the whole thing. She said she is not out looking for a new guy and I really do believe that. But I also think that she does want to do whatever it is that she wants without any consequences. She is not the girl to go some other guy at all as we are two very religious people and she just has never done that. Im not saying it couldn't happen, but that is just what I guess I think.

I am not going to change my opinion about this. Unless you think she is lying to you, you need to talk to her about how you are feeling, but it still sounds to me like you already know. You can't date a girl for two years and not know her at all. You've never called her a liar, you appear to have a clear idea of what she said.

From my personal experience, having done what she is doing, and then going back to the guy and marrying him. I feel like I have to speak for the other side, the side that doesn't call her a liar or take it to a cynical extreme. If you feel like she's treating you that way though, you need to call bull immediately.

I was never one to walk on people, or let them walk on me, so I didn't have an issue telling my man exactly how it was. But like I said, I am not this girl. In the very least you need to expect her to be honest with you.

Im not some idiot that can't read his girlfriend.


I just dont know what to think of the whole thing.

Those two lines contradict.


But i also think that she does want to do whatever it is that she wants without any consequences.

Sounds about right to me.


She is not the girl to go some other guy at all as we are two very religious people and she just has never done that.

If you don't think she'll cheat on you, then you don't have much to worry about.

Just leave her alone and she will find you when she's ready.

We suggest that you get on with your life and don't put it on hold. There's a chance that when she finds you, she will tell you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Even worse, there's a chance that she might never come back to you.

She's getting a get out free card right now and you're the backup. She can go off experimenting and meeting new guys, while you're the safety net. If it doesn't work out with other guys, she's always got you to go back to. Hopefully none of this is true, but it's a possibility.

Therefore, it's better for you to get on with your life. If she comes back to you, then great! If she doesn't, at least you'll be in a better position to move on with your life.

The only thing I know to do is give her the space she is asking for but for how long
Since you didn't ask, and she didn't tell you, my advice is don't wait at all. Get a life that you enjoy, without her, and leave her life alone.


Honestly how long can you expect someone to just wait for you.

Once you get dumped she loses all her girlfriend privileges, and you better get your manhood back in order, because she might not ever come back.

I know you said this came as a shock out of the blue, but its very obvious, her feelings were not as strong as yours about this relationship.

Keep your dignity and self respect intact by leaving her alone and disappearing from her life and worry about your own.

Talaniman Rule- Never listen to the BS of someone who dumped you.

I'd suggest anytime you feel the need to question things talk to a personal friend, family member or come on here. Talking to her or anyone to do with her right now isn't an option. You're the one suffering most out of this just remember that. Its up to her to sort herself out if she's not willing to be with you.

Thank you all for the posts.

She actually texted me tonight for the first time in a week. She said that she knows that I don't want to talk to her but asked me about some money issues that we have to clear up. I responded that I didn't mean I never wanted to talk to you again I just can't have you texting me wondering what's up like old times like nothing happened. She misunderstood me when I asked her not to contact me anymore.

She said that she would call me sometime when she is ready to talk and that is how we left it. I think that the texting conversation went well tonight. She is still going out with friends as I am doing the same right now.

I know what hand I have to play next. The I know that maybe we did spend too much time together. I have discovered that hanging out with my friends more is what I want to do and I don't think that I am willing to give that up just quite yet. We were too much into each other and there were too many rules on what we could and couldn't do. I think that this is my only shot at getting her back in the long run. Don't get me wrong if she messes around with another guy I am gone but if she truly just wanted to show me this then what more can I do but take this route?

Good for you, self empowerment will help you stop worrying about her all the time and live your life. I hope it all works out in the end. However that may be. Good luck!

I knew a couple who had about the same experience, but this guy knew what to do about it. He made it totally all right for her to do this. He agreed with her idea 100%. It was not long after that they got married. So, I would agree with her when she contacts you again, a change of heart, see. It's funny how you should do the opposite of what you think you should do in life sometimes...

UPDATE:

So its been 2 weeks since we broke up. She has texted me twice. The last time she did she asked why I talked to her friend and not her about things. Her friend called me and email me to see how I was doing. I told her this and she said that she just thought I would talk to her about things before I talked with one of her friends. She said she would call me sometime this week to talk about things.

I have talked to her family as we were extremely close and they are all being so supportive of me. They are all going on a family vacation for a week and they have told me that the subject of me and her will be brought up as it needs to be talked about. Her mother has told me that she thinks of me as a son and wants what's best for us. She did tell me however that what she thinks I must do is move on and not wait for her as she thinks its going to take a lot of time for her to grow up and realalize that she made a mistake. It was hard to hear but it helped as it brought some sort of closure to me.

She has still not taken any of our pictures off Facebook. She has still not come over and picked up any of her things from my house. I really still don't know what to think. I still love her with all my heart and think about her every minute of the day. But I have learned to deal with the fact I am without her. If we did get back together I think I would make some major changes. More time with friends and not so much time together is what I think killed us in the first place. We need to be able to be do things seperatly without each other getting pissed off. I have lost 20-25 lbs and look a lot better. Still have 15 more to get to where I want to be. I have been running everyday and like that I am being more active.

I have been going out with my friends every Night for the last two weeks. I have had so much fun. I have met a lot of new people and they all know that I want nothing to do with a relationship with a different girl right now. Im just not ready and don't know when I will be. I can't seem to get interested in any girl that I have met. Im not saying that I am not attracted to any but I just haven't seen anything that makes me say wow I want to know more about her. Its weird but I don't know.

So I guess I am doing better but I still love her and want her to come back. I miss her like crazy but also like the changes that I have made in this short amount of time. This weekend I am so looking forward to the plans that I have so I guess we will just have to wait and see what happenes. I will keep you updated. Thanks all for posting I look forward to reading your opinions and thoughts.

Thanks

The point of relationships and love is to grow and tackle problems TOGETHER, not apart. I fail to see why you should be expected to live your life in limbo as she goes out and does whatever she wants...just isn't fair in my opinion. I would make myself really scarce from her life, and I can guarantee you if I was in your shoes, she wouldn't be the only one living it up! Life is too short for this BS...live your life, if she comes back fine, but I wouldn't put things on hold. Do you have a freaking time frame?? Is she supposed to let you know when it is convenient for her to return?

Go out, have fun and damn the rest. Time to put the big boy pants on and live a little.I have to wholeheartedly agree with this. The whole taking time for 'me' kind of thing is a big crock in my opinion. You see, love isn't about 'me.' You can only receive by giving. Therefore you can only be loved by someone if you love them in return. Sure, we all love ourselves, at least most of us do. And even those who maybe don't probably don't realize it. But if you're only going to love yourself, if you want to do things by and for yourself then you don't need to be in a relationship with another person. Anyone who, after 2 years, needs "time alone" in order to "make sure" is either a little crazy or a liar in my book. Either way, proceed with extreme caution and be prepared to accept the idea that maybe this isn't the right one for you.

I've read every single post on this thread, and I have to say I am in a similar situation, albeit mine was long distance and not as long, but I am hurting just as much.

I agree with the fact that this is a very selfish move. As a guy, this sort of break up is so hard to deal with because there are so many questions left unanswered. Good to hear that you're moving on and trying to stay healthy. Either you want to be with someone, or you don't. That simple.

Best of luck and keep giving us updates.

You shouldn't have to, wait. I'm going through the same thing. The thing is, i've come to realise. Do they actually love us with all their hearts? really, truly? Because if they did we wouldn't be feeling like this. I can't let go. I hold onto everyhting but what if they decide that they are better off without us? Love shouldn't come with all this pain. Yes, they are hurting but i feel what they are putting us through is worse.

If you love her with all your heart, then she isn't putting you through anything. Your feelings are your responsibility, not hers. What it comes down to is:
Is she worth waiting for? If you want to wait, really love her, then you don't need her as a crutch to feel good about yourself. You decide to wait and just roll with it.

If you want to make her responsible for your feelings, you aren't ready for a relationship that may lead to marriage. If you feel sad, or lonely, those feelings are generated by you (as much as we would like to blame it on someone else) and the way you are thinking about it. A relationship isn't about finding your other half, it's about two whole, self-sufficient adults enjoying their time together.

Good luck d! Distracting works for a while, just keep in mind the long run. You need to figure out an amicable way to ask her to come get her things. And she needs to deal with how she treated you as well. Hurt is hurt, but so is closure. I hope it all works out for you, whichever way that becomes. If you decide to move on though you need to make sure you take all the steps. Don't deal with everything because she blows it off. She needs to get her stuff. With or without you there.

So its been 3 weeks since I have spoken to her and 4 weeks since our break\break up. She has been to my house twice to get little items like a shirt and some hair cutting things. She still has everything there! I have heard from her family and friends that she is going crazy with the whole going out thing. She posted some pictures of her hanging all over guys on the internet for all her friends and family to see. She has pretty much publicly made me look like a fool. I know that she did that on purpose because she knows that I would eventually see those. I am not retaliating because I just don't play those games. She wants to be single and play that game then that's what she is going to get. I have told myself that I am done and moving on. Someone who has no regard for the feelings of others and can do the things she is doing is not someone I want to be with. Someone that can do those things after 2 years of building a life together and throw it away so effortlessly is not who I thought she was. Tonight I am packing all of her **** up and it will sit in the corner. When she comes over next to get some things she will see that I want her out of my house and my life. I am going on Vacation here in a week and during that time I know she will most likley be over and that is when she will see her things packed.
I have been going out hang hanging out with friends and having a ball doing so. I have had opporitunities with other women I just can't seem to want to do anything with them. Like I don't even want their number because I just don't want anything to do with them right now. With time I'm sure that will pass.
I still cannot believe that she would do this. Thank you all for the posts. They are all great pieces of advice. I know that someday she will know that she made a mistake but I garuntee I will not be there to let myself be walked on like I am now. I will find someone that enjoys being with me as much as I love being with them

OK I'm going to let a secret out of the bag here When women do this its called circular dating. So what I need you to do is 1 don't put you life on hold go out with your friends and have fun 2 sit her down and ask her why and this time listen if you have a hard time with it have her write it down. Women who love their men do this because their unhappy they don't want to leave them but they want them to change their ways