This is my first time posting but not my first time on this site. I have been on for quite a while now and have learned a lot from other people experiences. I wished I would have came on this site before I made most of the mistakes people make. Anyway my questions is,

If someone still gets jealous when they see the other person with someone else, does that mean that they are still in love with that person, or at the very least not completely over the other person?

Personally, I think a person will be jealous if they see someone with someone else if they think that person belongs to them or is theirs.

I do think being jealous means you have some strong feelings for that person, but you need to remember even if they are dating you or not, they are not a possession, they are a human being, and so they have free will and choice.

Nobody is the property of somebody else.

jealousy= abusive behavior.
First signs of (it's part of control)

Or jealousy=lack of trust. (if it's actually for a reason,you cheated on them or one of their exes did in the past and they have trouble trusting,but again the feelings are just spite)

There is nothing about love that is connected to jealousy.

I should have not said love and should have said not completely over that person.

My Ex who left me gets jelaous when she see's me with other "friends" (girls). We have been separated for a while now, and its she has not said she wanted to get back together so why is she getting jealous?

Jealousy tends to come from insecurity, you cannot base feelings from something off self-consciousness.

If you get jealous over seeing the "other" person with someone else, I'd say he/she is still not over him/her. It doesn't mean you're still in love, it just means that it's not that easy to let go.


Your girlfriend needs to let go. She doesn't want to get back together with you but she's still jealous of your friends.. . who cares? Ignore her and let her deal with the problems of leaving someone.

I think you are right and after coming to this site I have finally started the NC. Its only been a month but it's the first time in a long time that I have not been avaible to her. I have been doing everything else as far as meeting new people going out on dates and having fun. During this NC is when she seen me with another girl.

Girls (and boys) have a tendency, once they break up with someone, to want to have the person they broke up to drool all over them forever.

She wants you to still want her, but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. So when you're with other girls, that means you're obviously not worried about her or thinking much about her, and that makes her feel insecure or angry.

That's what it seems to be like to me, anyway.

jealousy= abusive behavior.
First signs of (it's part of control)

Or jealousy=lack of trust. (if it's actually for a reason,you cheated on them or one of their exes did in the past and they have trouble trusting,but again the feelings are just spite)

There is nothing about love that is connected to jealousy.

This is very well stated, but I have to tell you that there is not either/or. Jealousy is abusive, insecurity, and possessiveness. I have no doubt that the one was the same way while you were together. Once a couple splits up, and both parties agree that[/B] it is over[/B], and the one continues in jealousy; It is all about possession. Long after the break up, their behavior is based on possession. My wife and I split up with my wife over a year ago, she hates me. When ever she finds out that I'm involved with anything social no matter if it's with another woman or just other friends, she does what ever she can to sabotage the activity. As far as she's concerned, I'm still her's. I hope this not something that you'll have to go through. If it continues to be as bad as what you made it sound, you may just have to more distance between you.

Jealousy is definitely a feeling but I don't think it means you are still in love, or not over the person.
If you are jealous because someone is with someone else, it could just mean that you are "not happy" that you are alone.

Thanks all these are all good points. Lucky for me she didn't say anything that night or anything to me at all in fact. The next day she called me for her things back but sounded as if she was upset with me. I found out from a friend what she was saying about the situation. She was upset at the fact that this "new" girl and I have been hanging out for a while now and she thinks that we were going to get together soon. I don't think she wanted me to know that she was upset about it because she always act like she doesn't care.

She was jealous during our relationship though, but I think that came from immaturity as well as being hurt from her last boyfriend.

Ohh enough already. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. No one is above it. A little jealousy is perfectly healthy. Too much becomes all of the things you are all saying, but give me a break with the dime store psychology. Of course relationships involve a little bit of a possessive quality. If they didn't you wouldn't say "my ex", "my wife", "my girlfriend", "my father", etc. In relation to you, they are your "blank", ergo a possession.

Again, too much is unhealthy, but if my partner never showed a hint of jealousy ever, I would think a) an alien b) gay c) not in love with me or d) a sociopath.

Jealousy doesn't mean love, but to say they have no relation is idealistic at best.

Thanks for your input, I was asking the questions because as much as she tries to act like she doesn't care (to other people) I and people closer to her has the feeling that she dose. Not saying that we will get back together. I think I am past the denial stage but I did know that my gut was telling me that she was not being honest with herself or to others about her true feelings that she still has for me. Feelings and love doesn't always keep a relationship together and I feel that different circumstances and timing is crucial in our demise. At least I can walk away and know that I felt love and that it wasn't just one sided.

Keep walking away, as she is the one to deal with her own feelings.

She does in deed. I don't think she has ever tried to deal with her feelings yet. She seems to push everything away and to the side. I am glad that I am moving on but to say that I am completely over her would be a lie. I saw her (not on purpose) after writing this post and I got clear signs that she is not over me yet. I used to dwell on the things she said and did and tried to rationalize everything but since I have been sticking to my NC its so much easier to see her and not think twice about it. We are friendly to each other but do not talk like we used to. Unfortunately I know I will continue to see her because of our particular situation that I can avoid but by sticking to my guns and not letting her or this breakup get the best of me. I have gone on dates but am not interested in having another girlfriend. I think I need to take this time for me and to be alone. I have always had a girlfriend and always kind of depended on them for companionship. I have learned a lot about myself from this break up seeing as how it's the first time its happened to me. I am glad it happen because I will know how to handle things like this in the furture. I am just venting and writing down my thoughts. Opinions are always welcomed. I do have one question though, no matter what happens between us we never seem to stay mad at each other. When we have seen each other no matter how long the time laps has been, people around us including me feels this instant chemistry that we always have had with each other. My question is why is it still so strong still? I know we aren't getting back together so its not that I am looking for hope I just can't figure out how someone can connect so strong with someone after all the drama.

I agree with Inertia but you should nt; be worring about if she is jealous. Why does it matter to you? Because it feels good to you that she is jealous of you?
I'd say that that would be as bad as the jealousy itself.

If someone has jealousy yes it is a form of feeling whether it is a good healthy jealousy or a bad type jealousy it involves feelings.

Ok so I have never really told my whole story and I think it will take far to long to type. Here is a little insight. Me and my ex have had this long drawn out breakup that is finally coming to a close. We had a strong relationship for 3 years, but she is young and wanted to explore the world. I took this break up very hard because for the first time I felt like she was the one. I could have been a better boyfriend and although our connection was out of this world, we clicked on some many different levels I did lie to her and have hurt her. (not cheated). Its been close to two years and we both haven’t been in another relationship.. Fast forward... She asks me to come over to her house to help her move a bed. I go over to her place and I see a wrapper in her trash can. We have been broken up for a while but that is def something that I don't want to see. So I tell her that what I just seen in the trash and that we should just hurry and load up this Bed. She starts to tell me that it isn't hers and goes into this long out drawn out explanation. I tell her that I don't want to talk and we load it up and I leave. She calls me about 2 min later and is still trying to explain why it was in the trash. I hear what she has to say and she basically knows that I don't really believe her. I haven't spoken to her after that. Part 2 is that I live with her brother, we have been friends for years and have live together for a while. Anyway come to find out that she visits her brother and has brought over her "Friend" to my place. I am super pissed about this and want to tell her something about it. My rational is why do you lie and give me and explanation (When I didn't ask for one) then turn around and bring this same guy in question to my house. Granted I wasn't there but I find it really disrespectful/hurtful. My questions is, am I over reacting? I want to tell her something about it but not sure if I should just let it go? How can get her to not do it again? Why dose she explain herself to me?I don't think this new guy should know where I live much less come inside. On a side note, I have been out with this new girl and my ex has seen me with her. Well my ex runs into this girl in question at a disco and is giving her dirty looks. Later that night she walks up to her and asks her if we are talking, then introduces her self as My EX, and then starts being rude to her. I would also like to say something to her about this, but not sure if I should let this go as well. I don't think that my EX should be saying anything to my friends, especially if she ended it with me and has obviously moved on. She is throwing salt on my game and trying to make it so that I can't meet another girl.

I'm not sure what you expect by living with your ex's brother. Your lives are bound to cross paths. You both owe each other no explanation and it is NONE of your business who she dates, what she does and who she does it with, and vice versa. I am sorry, but your room mate has every right to host his sister over there, regardless of who she brings. I would suggest finding another room mate as this seems to be way too much drama. Just my opinion.

Also, she isn't throwing salt on your game. If your "game" is top notch the girl you are with won't pay any attention to what an ex has to say. Don't use that as an excuse to confront her. Let her be immature all she wants, that doesn't mean you can't be classy.

I understand that our lives are bound to cross. I am not interested on who she is with or what she is doing. It isn't so much my roommate that is in question here but more along the lines of why bring him over to my place. Was it necessary for him to come? So in other words you think I am over reacting?

I understand getting worked up about it, I would to, it is natural, but is there really anything less you should expect? It was probably bound to happen sometime, don't you think?

Honestly, I do think you are overreacting about the wrapper and all that. From what I gather from your post, you have been broken up for a couple of years? If that's the case, neither of you should be too invested in the other's love lives.

However, it is a tricky situation because you live with her brother. I'm sure it was bound to happen that someday she would visit her brother, and she may have a boyfriend at the time, and may bring him along.

I do think it is uncalled for that she was giving dirty looks to your date. It seems as if she is immature, and that neither of you have really let go or moved on from your relationship.

I would try to get over the fact that she came to your place to visit her brother with her new boyfriend, and if she treats a date of yours rudely again, I would definitely call her out on it, and ask her to please stop.

It seems like the both of you are getting yourself work up for no reason at all. The two of you are over and it is expected for the two of you to date other people. I don't think the two of you are really over each other and this is why your act the way you so towards each other dates.

Also, why did you have to help her move her bed? I think you took this as an opening to get back into her life. This is why you acting the way you did when you saw the wrapper in the garage. You two have been broken up for two years so what did you expect??

KC, yeah I knew it was bound to happen, I just don't think I would ever bring an interest into her house. Kind of like behind enemies lines type of deal. They are not "together" yet so to me its not like it's a boyfriend who she cares so much for that she wants to bring to her brothers house knowing damn well that I live there too. I just feel that I don't know where he lives or what he has but yet he has been able to go to his new interst Ex boyfriend house. To me it feels as if he has the upper hand and is laughing all the way to the bank so to speak.

KC, yeah I knew it was bound to happen, I just dont think I would ever bring an interest into her house. Kinda like behind enemies lines type of deal. They are not "together" yet so to me its not like its a boyfriend who she cares so much for that she wants to bring to her brothers house knowing damn well that i live there too. I just feel that I dont know where he lives or what he has but yet he has been able to go to his new interst Ex boyfriend house. To me it feels as if he has the upper hand and is laughing all the way to the bank so to speak.

The upper hand on what? Come on man, act like a mature person that I KNOW you are. Who gives a rat's a$$ what he knows. You have your own life and own things going on. I think you are creating this sort of game or competition in your head. I am sure that guy didn't feel comfortable going to your house. I know I wouldn't want to go to my girlfriend's exs' house. I am starting to think you really want her back... am I wrong? I think BOTH of you are to blame here and you are both trying to push each other's buttons. To me that seems childish and it would be in your best interests to be the bigger man and ignore her BS.

Liz, I really didn't want to help her with the Bed. I don't call her or try to hang out with her. The bed was for someone in my family so I picked it up for them. I am not mad at the fact that she is with other people so much at the fact that if you knew I was coming over and invited me that you would have the decency to clean up a bit. Also I didn't ask her about it or who it was but that I seen it and was upset. She didn't have to lie about it right. Why not own up to it. I think you are right though I need to let this go. It just grind my gears.

The upper hand on what? Come on man, act like a mature person that I KNOW you are. Who gives a rat's a$$ what he knows. You have your own life and own things going on. I think you are creating this sort of game or competition in your head. I am sure that guy didn't feel comfortable going to your house. I know I wouldn't want to go to my girlfriend's exs' house. I am starting to think you really want her back...am I wrong? I think BOTH of you are to blame here and you are both trying to push each other's buttons. To me that seems childish and it would be in your best interests to be the bigger man and ignore her BS.

I do have my own life and things going on and you are right I prob shouldn't care. I just do, it makes me upset that this guy is walking around in my house. No honestly it isn't about getting her back, I have been down that road. I have been the bigger person through out this break up to be honest. I didn't call her, but if it things were reversed I would have gotten the phone call as soon as she found out. You all are right though and I don't think I am going to call her out on it. It was just create more of a drama issue then I want.

The only thing clear is that after TWO YEARS neither one of you is recovered and moved on. I imagine because you have tried and continued to have contact throughout the two years.

Who cares what she has in her trash. That was what was supposed to be at the top of her thoughts when you were coming over to move a bed? Maybe she left it there to annoy you and see if she could spark a reaction. These are all just games and right now you are just as guilty. She can't play a game if she is the only participant.

Either sit down with her and iron out your emotions and restart the relationship, which is what you both want OR enforce No Contact and as long as her visits (and whomever she brings) are with her brother when you are not home, you do not have any control. So you can move if you don't like it or get over it.

Yeah and ironing out your emotions and restart the relationship is not going to happen. I have been I NC for a little while now, and we barely speak as it is. But yes you are right, this whole time we continued "speaking" with each other. It was hard for both of us to let go because of how strong and how much we had been through. She reached a point in her life where she wasn't sure what she wanted. I wish I would have found this site to avoid all the mistakes I made. She would never fully let go though and kept on sucking me back in. That's just a rant but back to the question at hand you all are right. We are not together and are not getting together again. I just didn't think she would be like that and bring this guy to my house. I don't understand!!

I just didnt think she would be like that and bring this guy to my house. I dont understand!!!

Perhaps in her eyes, she was bringing a guy over to her brother's house. I'm sure her brother cares about who she dates, and she probably wanted them to meet. I don't blame her for this.

Like others have stated, it's hard to believe you did not see this coming at some point.

You are way overreacting. What ever buttons she is trying to push, after the long drawn out break up, your allowing by acknowledging your mad, and upset.

Talaniman Rule- Never let them see you sweat!!!

When you play kid games, with a kid, that makes you a kid too!

I did see it coming, and am OK with her dating other people. Her brother has met him before but she tells even him that he isn't an interest but just a friend and that nothing is going on. Regardles of that, I just didn't feel that it was necessary to bring him to my house. You could have came alone, or you guys can go out somewhere to meet. I understand that I shouldn't call her out on it. But am I really wrong for feeling disrespected? We have been through a lot together and it was a serious relationship.

Tal-How am I the one playing games? I haven't said anything to her, I haven't said anything to her friend. She will call me out in a heartbeat the min she hears anything about me. I am always cool when I see her, no matter all the we are going through. I at least say hello, I am polite when she calls and tried to be the bigger person through out this whole ordeal!

But am i really wrong for feeling disrespected? We have been through alot together and it was a serious relationship.

I believe that you are. I don't find it disrespectful. It is her brother's house as well and you were not home. She is still just calling him a 'friend' anyway.

Yes, I think it would be bothersome to me, it would hurt my feelings (not after two years and if I had moved on) but given your circumstance it is to be expected. If you choose to stay great friends with her brother than your paths will cross.

I imagine it is just as disrespectful to her that you maintained a relationship with her brother following a break up. He is family, you are not, I imagine that bothered her quite a bit also. Now she is expected to modify her relationship with her brother for your consideration? You didn't consider her while maintaining that friendship.

Tal-How am I the one playing games? I havent said anything to her, I havent said anything to her friend. She will call me out in a heartbeat the min she hears anything about me. I am always cool when i see her, no matter all the we are going through. I at least say hello, I am polite when she calls and tried to be the bigger person through out this whole ordeal!

Well I would think that even acknowledging what you found in the trash is not appropriate and makes you a partcipant.

After you left, why did you even accept the phone call.

If you aren't no contact, you are a participant.

Originally Posted by overayear https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/say-something-not-say-something-disrespectful-399101-2.html#post1993925)
Tal-How am I the one playing games?

Whether she knows how you feel, or not, your letting her get to you.

Its been close to two years and we both haven't been in another relationship.

Wonder why??

I imagine it is just as disrespectful to her that you maintained a relationship with her brother following a break up. He is family, you are not, I imagine that bothered her quite a bit also. Now she is expected to modify her relationship with her brother for your consideration? You didn't consider her while maintaining that friendship.[/QUOTE]

I would usually agree with you here and say that it would be disrespectfull, but we were all friends before my Ex and I got together. Which is why my Ex and I tried to be friends after. Not only that but we both thought we would get together again. Doesn't quite work out that way, but it is what it is.

Yeah you guys know how to whip someone in Shape. I didn't think I was playing a game, but maybe I was playing into them. I haven't been in another relationship because I didn't want to be and really wasn't ready too. Maybe I was over reacting.

You are still invested in the relationship emotionally, we are not. It is easy for us to be direct but if you think about what is being said there is a lot of value in the opinion of people whose emotions aren't invested in the situation.

You have lengthened your healing time by trying to maintain a 'friendship' with your ex before your feelings were resolved. I don't think that you are ready to date still today and that is because of trying to maintain that 'friendship'. Is it possible to remain friends with your ex? Yes, but that can't be done until you have emotionally healed and moved on. Until you can find trash in her trash can and not have it feel like a slap in the face. Until you can find out that she visited your house and be upset that you missed catching up with her.

We have been through alot together and it was a serious relationship.

This the problem. The two of you were together but that ship has sail. The two of you get upset when you see one another with someone and you let each other see it. Both of you are entitle to be with whoever you want and need to move forward. It doesn't matter if she tells you the guy she is seeing is just a friend or more because after all you shouldn't care but if you do it just proves your aren't over her.

I actually do not wish to catch up with her or see her for that matter. The times she has come over the house I made it a point to not be there when she arrived. On the other hand I believe its her who tries to visit when I am around. All this really doesn't matter. Liz. I wouldn't say that care that she has found someone. But I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me when I first heard the news. I knew this time was coming. Its just something you can't really be preapared for. I am moving on and doing things I like to do, but when you are with someone every day then you break up and still see each other for a year then finally break it off. Its not an easy thing to over come. I will though and have all ready calmed down since my post earlier today. I do not plan on telling her anything about it or even speaking to her for that matter. People should really think tiwce about starting a relationship with a friend. If you guys break up, its hard to keep that friendship.

Soo my ex invited me over to her new place to hang out for a bit and to check out her new spot. I haven't seen her or talked to her since our last incident. Since then she has texted me saying she miss me has tried calling a couple times, now has invited me over to her place. Should I go hang out for a bit?

You are continuing to prolong this agony. If you want to continue posting here about how she is confusing you, then by all means go. But if you wish to post on here about how you going NC is helping you heal, then avoid this "hang out"

As a friend who doesn't care if she has a boyfriend? Are you really ready for that? This is where you have to be honest with yourself.

I know and that is what I can't really figure out. I mean like I have said we all have been friends for a really long time. We were good friends before we started dating, had a great friendship while we were dating. I can't undestand why she wants to hang out because when her and I were together she didn't hang out with ex's. I have come to terms that she is dating, and I really can't be mad because I am dating too. I finally texted her back and told her I couldn't go yesterday because I had things to do (which was true) but that I would call her to set something up later on. Not sure if I should though. She hasn't invited me anywhere in a long time and vice versa so not sure where all this came from.

I am doing a report on cheating and am looking for help. What is considered cheating on your lover? And why do you think people cheat?

Who do you think cheat in relationships more? Men or women. And why? Again its for my paper... any opinion will help