There's this kid who freaking has a crush or something on mygirlfreind, but she only sees him as a friend, and he allways tries to make sexual jokes with her, but he don't know jack about the female body or how any of the stuff works
Well anyway, he allways tries to 1up me on anything romantic I do for her. I buy her dinner at sweet waters, he offers to take her to bonefish! I buy her flowers, sunflowers because I'm a hick and she finds it cute, he gets her expensive roses!! I get her a card and a bear for her birthday, he got her a freakin iPod shuffle(wich she didn't need because she has a iPhone so she gave it to me, muahahah!)!
He allways tries to 1up my coments and wallposts to her on facebook; she says she has a headache, I say "aw, im sowwy sweety, i wish i was there so i can make you feel better" he says " i feel so bad for you helen! Im gonna walk over there and kiss your forehead and give you some medicine! <3 love ya" motherf###r right! I meanan all I want to do is have a relaxed loving relationship with my girlfreind without having some creep to compete with, I know I shouldn't worry, I'm the one she loves, but god! Its soooo annoying! And he's so flamboyant and feminine, wich makes my hatred for him worse! He tries to tease her and call her a stripper, this was before he knew me and her were a couple, he says something like asking her what the price was for that night, and I said "HEY!" As in, you know, stop, right, but he keeps asking, and then he looks at me and says " is she your stripper for tonight too?"! First, that isn't how strippers work! Second, I was ofended, she was ofended, and he kept asking, whil I kept telling him to stop
So I grab him by the neck and push his back into the wall and yell at him, saying " i thought i told you to stop!?" And to my surprise helen was laughing, but she was still mad, so beating him up is out of the question, because he's just going to go crying to her
So what do I do, I really need help on getting rid of him, its sooo annoying

Is he really a friend of your gf's? Or is she getting annoyed too. If he's really her friend, you have to talk to her. If she's getting annoyed too, then you both have to tell him to knock it off.

Yeah, I don't know how she feels about him exactly, I know once I asked if she would care if I beat him up, she said not really, then I asked if he went to her, and told her I beat him up, what would she say, she said shed say" i dont care" so idunno really, she says she gets annoyed by him, but he's still her friend??

Well, obviously, you are being insecure.

If your girlfreind had a problem with any of this, she would do something about it. All it would take would be her desire for it to stop. Block him from face book, do not accept the roses. It's really simple.
Obviously, since she is laughing, she doesn't think it is the same as you do. She views it as cute. She doesn't view him as a threat on your relationship. And, the fact that you are taking this so seriously shows how you are becoming jealous, and you differ in your opinion. He's not a stalker, he's just a little kid with a crush.

Also, just pointing out that, he is not calling her a stripper, he is referring to her as a prostitute. Before you try to make him look stupid by telling him "that aint how strippers work", realise it ISN'T that she's stripper he's implying, but rather a prostitute.
You say "i was ofended, she was ofended, and he kept asking" in response to this. Then, you say she was laughing. She wouldn't laugh if she was offended.

You are taking this too seriously. You are being petty, jealous, and having a hard time controlling your anger. I've seen you on this board, and you are smarter than that. However, you don't seem to understand that she is still with you. Stop taking it so seriously, and just have fun with what you have while you can. Don't do anything stupid.

She laughed when I threw him to the wall, he called her a "stripper" not a hooker man, come on, it's there in plain text, not yoda language
I am cute, I'm adorable, and I think she's just letting him keep on doing it to tease me, because she's awefully playfull and she's mean to me that way
The other day we were taking a nap for some reason, I don't remember, we were board, and her phone went off and she had gotten a text from the kid, we were "spooning", it was inocent napping so don't fret, I was the big spoon and she was the little spoon, so I was reading over her shoulder, because she's worse, she reads my phone when I just leave it around to annoy me, and she had gotton a text from him, like I said, and it read,"i dont like your boyfreind, he doesnt treat you good enough, i would treat you like a queen, you should dump him" she looked at me and kissed me, cute, and gave me the phone, I called the rat! It was fun! Who the hell is he to say that I don't traet her good enough! I spoil her, I tell her that I adore her all the time, I open doors for her, all that whipped stuff, I treat her like a princess maaaan, that mofo
Hes where ever me and her go, some how he finds out, he allways tries to talk to her whalst wer holding each other! His buggy little peepers freak me out man! I just want to be left alone when I'm with my girl! I don't need an audience or a dictator! Who the hell does he think he is

Time to block his number and delete him as a Facebook contact.

This may be a touchy question but does your girlfriend lead him on at all?

She has acepted his gifts in the past, I'm just wondering how she talks to him.

If she is leading this guy on (no matter how 'innocently' she thinks it is) it could be the reason this guy is sending messages like that.

Tell him to off or she can get a restraining order on him. He sounds like my ex and he was a sick perv. Just say to him "hey dude she doesnt like you so go screw yourself"!!

I don't think that will do any good since she talks to him and allows the relationship to continue. I don't see why she would get a restraining order when she continues to accept gifts from him and joke around with the guy.

Could you post a picture of your girlfriend?

Tell the guy you are buying her a BMW.

Had to spread the rep no help, but that made me laugh. I'd add a gift certificate to a spa. And one to a really fancy restaurant too. Hehe

*little "stalker" dude pulls up in a lambourghini!*
XD
EDIT for justcurious: *little "stalker" dude gives her tickets for a weekend spa retreat for two, and dinner with [insert her fav celeb here]"

Anyway, I STILL say that if your girlfriend really cared, she'd just stay away from him herself.
And, if she really cared for YOU, and sees how much it bothers YOU, she'd stay away from him for you.

This is not about the kid, it's about your relationship issues with your girlfriend. The kid just brought them to the surface, but they were there the whole time.

Exactly she gets a new car, says thanks and drives off into the sunset with AManWithNoName.

Exactly she gets a new car, says thanks and drives off into the sunset with AManWithNoName.

Hmwahahahaha!
And then she gets pulled over by the cops, goes to jail for stealing a Lambo, and you don't see her for a few years...

My point is: No good can come from using this kid.

How did she steal it if the guy bought it for her and put it in her name?
He sounds stupid enough to do something like that.


***edit: I am missing the part where using a kid is mentiioned

And hes so flamboyant and feminine, wich makes my hatred for him worse!
I lol'd

Let him know if he crosses the line just one more time you'll knock his block off, that's usually enough to stop it and it won't come down to fisticuffs. I mean, if you're going to have the ol' spaghetti western Clint Eastwood as your avatar, you pretty much have to do this.