My wife and I are separated and she has two of the kids, which are 9 and 6 years of age. She has left them home before and the time frames are unknown, but this past week my 6 year old called me at work and my wife was not there. I got the call at 9 pm and she didn't get back home until a little past 1 am. They did have contact with her via cell, but we're talking 4 hours (that I know of). Who should I contact in a case like this?

Department of child services, or department of children and family services. DCS or DCFS in most states AFTER THE POLICE ARE CALLED DURING THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT.

They have guidelines, if they are not met, it will be looked into---however the call should be made while the mother is away to the police so that there is a "witness" and a "report". Just you calling does no good, it looks like a 'mad person getting back at someone".
Then get a copy of the report and call dcfs and ask them to follow up---or tell them to check with the police for the report.

my wife and i are separated and she has two of the kids, which are 9 and 6 years of age. She has left them home before and the time frames are unknown, but this past week my 6 year old called me at work and my wife was not there. I got the call at 9 pm and she didn't get back home until a little past 1 am. They did have contact with her via cell, but we're talking 4 hours (that i know of). Who should i contact in a case like this?

What state are you in ? Many states do not have a minimum age limit for a child to be left home alone. The reason being its more of a descretion thing. So there may not be any laws being broken.

9 and 6 are kind of borderline. The 9 yr old may be capable of taking care of the 6 yr old. But to leave a 6 yr old without adult supervision would generally be considered child abandonment. Calling your local family services agency or the police is the right course of action.

Leaving a 9 year old kid in the car just to go pay for the gas at a gas station is considered child abandonment in the state of Illinois, even if it was for five minutes and you were in full view of the child. The police is 100% sure to get involved, and within 24 hours later, you'll get the DCFS pounding on your door. Leaving a 9 year old along with another younger child is illegal as a child that young cannot babysit another. It is also illegal in Illinois to leave a baby napping in the crib in the house while you go smoke outside on the porch. Trust me, I've seen people being busted for that. Call the DCFS and just ask for a guideline, and then ask when it would be considered neglect/child abandonment. Once you're sure, call the hotline and the police.

Leaving a 9 year old kid in the car just to go pay for the gas at a gas station is considered child abandonment in the state of Illinois, even if it was for five minutes and you were in full view of the child. The police is 100% sure to get involved, and within 24 hours later, you'll get the DCFS pounding on your door. Leaving a 9 year old along with another younger child is illegal as a child that young cannot babysit another. It is also illegal in Illinois to leave a baby napping in the crib in the house while you go smoke outside on the porch. Trust me, I've seen people being busted for that. Call the DCFS and just ask for a guideline, and then ask when it would be considered neglect/child abandonment. Once you're sure, call the hotline and the police.

Can you cite the statutes that support this. I did find this statute:
Illinois Criminal Code of 1961 - 720 ILCS 5, Section 12-21.5 - Illinois Attorney Resources - Illinois Laws (http://law.onecle.com/illinois/720ilcs5/12-21.5.html)

But that refers to a 24 hour period, not 5 minutes. It also does not cover a situation where the car is within sight of the parent.

Can you cite the statutes that support this. I did find this statute:
Illinois Criminal Code of 1961 - 720 ILCS 5, Section 12-21.5 - Illinois Attorney Resources - Illinois Laws (http://law.onecle.com/illinois/720ilcs5/12-21.5.html)

But that refers to a 24 hour period, not 5 minutes. It also does not cover a situation where the car is within sight of the parent.

And I can guess from all the ones we get here screaming abandonment they never read this far.

" Child abandonment is a Class 4 felony. A second or subsequent offense after a prior conviction is a Class 3 felony. "

It's a wonder how so many can abuse a word so bad.

:confused:My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce. We have 3 kids together and one of my kids is actually my stepchild. I live in Florida and was wondering if someone could help me out. My stepdaughter is 11 and I’ve been in her life since she was about 7 months, so naturally she always wanted my last name, and I always wanted her to have my name but sad to say I never really fully trusted my wife. And since we’ve split she has put me on child support for one of my kids out of anger. So you may be able to see why the trust was not 100%. She recently asked me if I was going to change my stepdaughter’s last name to my last name. But my question is can I be put on child support by my wife for my stepdaughter if her last name is changed to my name?

:confused:My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce. We have 3 kids together and one of my kids is actually my stepchild. I live in Florida and was wondering if someone could help me out. My stepdaughter is 11 and I’ve been in her life since she was about 7 months, so naturally she always wanted my last name, and I always wanted her to have my name but sad to say I never really fully trusted my wife. And since we’ve split she has put me on child support for one of my kids out of anger. So you may be able to see why the trust was not 100%. She recently asked me if I was going to change my stepdaughter’s last name to my last name. But my question is can I be put on child support by my wife for my stepdaughter if her last name is changed to my name?


As far as your natural children - I don't understand how trusting your wife and supporting your kids are connected to each other.

And, no, I don't see why the trust was not 100%. Fathers SHOULD support their children. Has nothing to do with trust.

Did you adopt the child? Your wife should look to the natural father for support. There have been questions similar to this in some States where the stepfather (without adoption) was ordered to pay support for the child.

What State?

You need an Attorney - why, in the middle of a divorce, would you consider changing this child's last name, particularly if this is the child you do not want to support?

Judy Kaytee seems bitter about something??

You are not legally responsible for supporting your stepdaughter. You are of course responsible for supporting your other 3 children. I'm a little curious how your soon-to-be ex put you on child support for "one" of your kids but not the other 2 (unless the one is with her and the other 2 are with you.) Now about your stepdaughter's last name, she may elect to use your last name if she desires. That in and of itself doesn't obligate you to provide support for her. The only way to legally change her last name to yours would be if you were to adopt her. And if you did, then you'd be responsible for supporting her.

Judy Kaytee seems bitter about something???


No, I just don't understand a father who considers a request that he support his children to be a trust issue.

If you want legal advice, please answer my questions.

And if you continue in this vein, I don't expect to see you around here for very long.

You are not legally responsible for supporting your stepdaughter. You are of course responsible for supporting your other 3 children. I'm a little curious how your soon-to-be ex put you on child support for "one" of your kids but not the other 2 (unless the one is with her and the other 2 are with you.) Now about your stepdaughter's last name, she may elect to use your last name if she desires. That in and of itself doesn't obligate you to provide support for her. The only way to legally change her last name to yours would be if you were to adopt her. And if you did, then you'd be responsible for supporting her.



Sorry, but you are not legally correct. The obligation to support varies from State to State and depends on circumstances. This has been asked and answered before. To quote GV 70 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-support-non-biological-father-400146.html#post2000308):

"... The court may hold that because he acted like a parent and permitted the child to rely upon him -- even though he was legally a "stranger" to the child.- he adopted the biological or "real" parent's duty.
According to s.c.”Estoppel theory” if he promised to support the child in question and interferred in child's and father's relationship, he will be obligated to continue his support after divorce.
The doctrine may apply when each of three elements exists: (1) an actual or implied representation which induces conduct or forbearance of another; (2) an act or omission by another, in reliance on that representation; and, (3) resulting detriment to the relying party.

The triggering representation occurs when a stepparen voluntarily promises to provide economically for a child to whom that person owes no legal duty of support; and/or he does so, in fact.
The relying party's conduct, or failure to act, consists of either releasing the other legal parent from his support obligation, or of failing to pursue a non-paying obligor; either at the request of the volunteer payor, or because the need to do so is eliminated by the voluntary support.

ALI principles divсde parents as legal parents and parents by estoppel. It is possible support obligations to be imposed under this estoppel theory:
1 whether the person and the child act toward each other as parent and child and, if so, the duration and strength of that behavior;
2 whether the parental undertaking of the person supplanted the child's opportunity to develop a relationship with an absent parent and to look to that parent for support;
3 whether the child otherwise has two parents who owe the child a duty of support and are able and available to provide support; and
4 any other facts that may relate to the equity of imposing a parental support duty on the person."

This is a good and reputable site. National Stepfamily Resource Center (http://www.stepfamilies.info/education/Articles/finance/obligation.php)

If you have research to the contrary, please post it.

I'm starting to wonder if this question isn't monetary-driven:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-support-stepchild-405094.html

He doesn't think he should have to pay child support if he isn't divorced yet. I wonder if he's looking for grounds to get the children just so that he doesn't have to pay support, period.

Sorry, but you are not legally correct. The obligation to support varies from State to State and depends on circumstances. This has been asked and answered before. To quote GV 70 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-support-non-biological-father-400146.html#post2000308):

"... The court may hold that because he acted like a parent and permitted the child to rely upon him -- even though he was legally a "stranger" to the child.- he adopted the biological or "real" parent's duty.
According to s.c.”Estoppel theory” if he promised to support the child in question and interfered in child’s and father’s relationship, he will be obligated to continue his support after divorce.
The doctrine may apply when each of three elements exists: (1) an actual or implied representation which induces conduct or forbearance of another; (2) an act or omission by another, in reliance on that representation; and, (3) resulting detriment to the relying party.

The triggering representation occurs when a stepparent voluntarily promises to provide economically for a child to whom that person owes no legal duty of support; and/or he does so, in fact.
The relying party's conduct, or failure to act, consists of either releasing the other legal parent from his support obligation, or of failing to pursue a non-paying obligor; either at the request of the volunteer payor, or because the need to do so is eliminated by the voluntary support.

ALI principles divсde parents as legal parents and parents by estoppel. It is possible support obligations to be imposed under this estoppel theory:
1 whether the person and the child act toward each other as parent and child and, if so, the duration and strength of that behavior;
2 whether the parental undertaking of the person supplanted the child's opportunity to develop a relationship with an absent parent and to look to that parent for support;
3 whether the child otherwise has two parents who owe the child a duty of support and are able and available to provide support; and
4 any other facts that may relate to the equity of imposing a parental support duty on the person."

This is a good and reputable site. National Stepfamily Resource Center (http://www.stepfamilies.info/education/Articles/finance/obligation.php)

If you have research to the contrary, please post it.Thanks for the info, and the link.

Thanks for the info, and the link.



"GV" is the one who found it - he does great research, amazing research. Some of what he finds flies in the face of everything that makes sense but he does know the law!

I'm starting to wonder if this question isn't monetary-driven:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-support-stepchild-405094.html

He doesn't think he should have to pay child support if he isn't divorced yet. I wonder if he's looking for grounds to get the children just so that he doesn't have to pay support, period.Good catch. This poster is questioning child support for 3, possibly 4 children. As it is, there seem to be some irregularities in the info he's provided. Bottom line is, he's not going to get out of supporting his kids, period, regardless of what he "proves" about the mother, etc.

s_cianci I'm in Florida and we have 3 kids together. We both had 1 child a piece going into the relationship, and we had 1 child together. And Judy my kids are taken care of. Different people in different environments do different things. I know how people should act, but it's never that simple, is it? I really loved my wife and would have done anything for her. But you pick up on certain things when you're in relationships over a period. We had a great relationship at one time, but something changed about 7 years ago. When a woman starts joking about alimony and child support it raises red flags. Especially when this person is easily influenced by others. . And there's much more to it but I'll save that for another time. There are 2 sides to every story but unfortunately you can only get one today lol. I could go on for hours about my situation but I won't. I would like to thank s_cianci and Judy for their help. Thanks guys!

s_cianci I'm in Florida and we have 3 kids together. We both had 1 child a piece going into the relationship, and we had 1 child together. And Judy my kids are taken care of. Different people in different environments do different things. I know how people should act, but it's never that simple, is it? I really loved my wife and would have done anything for her. But you pick up on certain things when you're in relationships over a period of time. We had a great relationship at one time, but something changed about 7 years ago. When a woman starts joking about alimony and child support it raises red flags. Especially when this person is easily influenced by others. . And there's much more to it but I'll save that for another time. There are 2 sides to every story but unfortunately you can only get one today lol. I could go on for hours about my situation but I won't. I would like to thank s_cianci and Judy for their help. Thanks guys!


You are on the legal board - you asked a legal question concerning child support. The rest of this is part of a relationship board.

As far as your kids being taken care of - that's not the legal issue. Taken care of or not the custodial parent is entitled to petition for and obtain an Order of Support.

Two sides or not don't matter - you have a legal obligation to support these children. That's the law.

You seem to think I'm insensitive or touchy on the subject - I'm not BUT I will say that I was divorced some years ago, later remarried. I know about relationships going bad and I will say I had a part in it. He wasn't the awful person and I was the good person - it takes two people.

And, again, as far as why your relationship ended the way it did, that's a question for another board.

Okay Judy! I'm new to this site and I clicked on the subject of interest. I didn't know it was that serious. If I offended anyone, I sincerely apologize, and thank you again.

I'm starting to wonder if this question isn't monetary-driven:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-support-stepchild-405094.html

He doesn't think he should have to pay child support if he isn't divorced yet. I wonder if he's looking for grounds to get the children just so that he doesn't have to pay support, period.



You beat me to it! Saw this thread and was going to post and saw you here.

This should be combined with the other thread, of course.

I DO notice the child called and the mother was not there - no allegation no babysitter. Another guy who had children (how many depends on which post you believe) and now she's crazy and irresponsible and a danger.

Have to wonder about his motives.

Sorry, but you are not legally correct. The obligation to support varies from State to State and depends on circumstances. This has been asked and answered before. To quote GV 70 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-support-non-biological-father-400146.html#post2000308):

"... The court may hold that because he acted like a parent and permitted the child to rely upon him -- even though he was legally a "stranger" to the child.- he adopted the biological or "real" parent's duty.
According to s.c.”Estoppel theory” if he promised to support the child in question and interferred in child’s and father’s relationship, he will be obligated to continue his support after divorce.
The doctrine may apply when each of three elements exists: (1) an actual or implied representation which induces conduct or forbearance of another; (2) an act or omission by another, in reliance on that representation; and, (3) resulting detriment to the relying party.

The triggering representation occurs when a stepparen voluntarily promises to provide economically for a child to whom that person owes no legal duty of support; and/or he does so, in fact.
The relying party's conduct, or failure to act, consists of either releasing the other legal parent from his support obligation, or of failing to pursue a non-paying obligor; either at the request of the volunteer payor, or because the need to do so is eliminated by the voluntary support.

ALI principles divсde parents as legal parents and parents by estoppel. It is possible support obligations to be imposed under this estoppel theory:
1 whether the person and the child act toward each other as parent and child and, if so, the duration and strength of that behavior;
2 whether the parental undertaking of the person supplanted the child's opportunity to develop a relationship with an absent parent and to look to that parent for support;
3 whether the child otherwise has two parents who owe the child a duty of support and are able and available to provide support; and
4 any other facts that may relate to the equity of imposing a parental support duty on the person."

This is a good and reputable site. National Stepfamily Resource Center (http://www.stepfamilies.info/education/Articles/finance/obligation.php)

If you have research to the contrary, please post it.


To add to my previous post:
It may depend on :
Whether he provides financially for the child
Whether he discipline the child as a parent would
Whether he hold himself out to the child and to the public that he is responsible as a parent to that child
Whether the child still has a relationship with his/her absent biological parent
Whether he and his spouse have had their own child, creating a blended step family
Whether his step-child participates in his family the same way as his biological child does
Whether the step-child uses his last name
Whether he has ever considered adopting the child
Whether the step-child calls him Dad
Whether he has a good or a poor relationship with his step-child, and how long it lasted
Whether he ever took any steps to exclude the biological parent from the child's life and showed him intended to replace that parent
How old the child is, and if he/she ever knew her absent biological parent
Does he have custody and/or visitation rights?



Honestly,this doctrine is not wide recognized in Florida.

Basically this is not abuse or abondment, if the police are called when they are alone, they may do a drive by for a safety check but that is about it.

You can call the DCFS ( children's service by what ever they are called in your state) and report it, and they may ( or may not) investigate it. If they do and believe that the children were in danger, they may do many things, most likely have mother do a parenting class. But may do more.

I have no problem paying child support people.
Like I said there's more to the story but I don't want
To just spill my life out online. I pay child support willingly
And since some have the wrong conclusion about the
"Poster" , I will put this out there. The child I'm on child
For was living with me until This past January, he went to stay
With his mother after numerous arguments about my job hours
And school hours, and whatever else she could dig up. Long
Story short, I tried to keep the peace and let him go with his mother for
A while. I got child support papers in the mail just about 28 days
Later! (Trust Issue?? ) The best answer she could give me after more argueing was
"I knew you wouldn't give me the money I need when I need it".
I could be wrong just seems premeditated. And can speak for anyone
Else, but I don't have money laying around like that. I don't mind
Doing for my kids at all, but if you need something from
Me, don't come to me the day of or the night before and say "Hey! I need X
amount of dollars for sports, books, talent contest, etc. Also to clear up some
other issues, my wife walk out, not me. I stayed
in the home we shared. One her views on marriage is that
when you have an arguement or you need time to sort things out, someone
should leave the home and stay with a family member or close friend. Sorry I wasn't
raised that way, and I'm not raising my kids that way. And the issue about my kids at
home by themselves, maybe I'm to old fashioned, but my parents didn't leave us home
to go hang out. Especially after late at night. If any of you have kids, put yourself in my
shoes. Your at work, 10 o'clock at night, 6 year old calls you
and lets you know that mommy's not home and we don't know where she is because all she
tells us is...."I'm going out and I'll be back later. And not only is mom not
Home but, this isn't the first or second time mommy has left two of your kids
That are under the age of 13 home alone until after midnight. And then your spouse
Tells you that she not that far from home and the kids can call her if there's a problem. I'm sorry!! I can't tell my young kids "I'm going out for awhile. Call me if there's a problem".

So much is a matter of maturity for the kids, my ex wife and I have been discussing what age our son can stay by his self, he is now 8, we both felt he could now ( would be able to) but that we see no need for it but could for short periods,

So often it is really a family choice based on monetary needs, ( afford a sitter ?) there are milliions of what is called latch key kids all over the US that go home to empty homes every day after school

I have no problem paying child support people.
Like I said there's more to the story but I don't want
to just spill my life out online. I pay child support willingly
and since some have the wrong conclusion about the
"Poster" , I will put this out there. The child I'm on child
for was living with me until This past January, he went to stay
with his mother after numerous arguements about my job hours
and school hours, and whatever else she could dig up. Long
story short, I tried to keep the peace and let him go with his mother for
a while. I got child support papers in the mail just about 28 days
later! (Trust Issue???) The best answer she could give me after more argueing was
"I knew you wouldn't give me the money I need when I need it".
I could be wrong just seems premeditated. And can speak for anyone
else, but I don't have money laying around like that. I don't mind
doing for my kids at all, but if you need something from
me, don't come to me the day of or the night before and say "Hey! I need X
amount of dollars for sports, books, talent contest, etc. Also to clear up some
other issues, my wife walk out, not me. I stayed
in the home we shared. One her views on marriage is that
when you have an arguement or you need time to sort things out, someone
should leave the home and stay with a family member or close friend. Sorry I wasn't
raised that way, and I'm not raising my kids that way. And the issue about my kids at
home by themselves, maybe I'm to old fashioned, but my parents didn't leave us home
to go hang out. Especially after late at night. If any of you have kids, put yourself in my
shoes. Your at work, 10 o'clock at night, 6 year old calls you
and lets you know that mommy's not home and we don't know where she is because all she
tells us is...."I'm going out and I'll be back later. And not only is mom not
home but, this isn't the first or second time mommy has left two of your kids
that are under the age of 13 home alone until after midnight. And then your spouse
tells you that she not that far from home and the kids can call her if there's a problem. I'm sorry!!! I can't tell my young kids "I'm going out for awhile. Call me if there's a problem".

You say your child was living with you but you allowed him/her to go live with their mother after you had repeated arguments about your work schedule. You then say that you're at work at 10pm. You then asked a question about your wife leaving the children unattended... who was with your child while you were at work when you still had primary placement?

Where is your stepchild when the mother is gone? Are they babysitting the two minor children?

I work nights and my parents did the sitting for me.

I don't understand - the child lived with you BUT you allowed the unfit mother to take the child in January because you didn't want to argue with her?

Did she become unfit after she left and obtained physical custody?

Again - I don't understand your "outside the Court" arrangements. Why didn't you fight to keep your child with you and/or take the entire custody/support matter to Court?

You live with your parents?

This should be combined with your other thread - once again child support is an issue. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-support-stepchild-405094-2.html#post2027208

I work nights and my parents did the sitting for me.

That answers one question but not the other that I asked. Where is your stepchild? I assume that they are babysitting your two children. At the age of 13, that might be pushing it a bit but isn't necessarily illegal.

That answers one question but not the other that I asked. Where is your stepchild? I assume that they are babysitting your two children. At the age of 13, that might be pushing it a bit but isn't necessarily illegal.



So you are actually expecting your questions to be answered? :D

So you are actually expecting your questions to be answered? :D

A girl can dream... ;)