Ok so like many others I guess I'll try to summarize my situation as clearly and concisely as possible. So my now ex-girlfriend (We're both in early - mid 20's) and I had been dating for a little under 13 months when she decided to break up with me. The 13 months were good. 3 months into our relationship she went on a bible retreat / getaway with one of her friends who doesn't really care for me for reasons I'm unaware of. She would always tell her you shouldn't be dating like this, yadda yadda.. but they went away for the weekend and when she came back she broke up with me... total shocker, because at that time everything was great too. But after that, we got back together a couple weeks later. And things had been really good, with normal relationship ups and downs I guess, but no big fights, like I said all good.

Her parents are devout Christians, and didn't like her dating me, and they didn't even know me. We would go hang out and everything would be OK, and they would be nice to me and me likewise, but the stuff that they would say to her behind my back really got at me. She comes from a fairly strong Christian background, and I went to Church as a little kid, I stopped going when my parents stopped forcing me to go :) I would go with her, but if we went to the Church her parents went to I wouldn't really be thrilled about it, and it would kind of show. I may not have a religious upbringing, but my parents have instilled in me strong Christian-like values, so jumping back into my faith has been fairly easy, and quite rewarding. Anyway, one morning we kind of got into our first "fight" I guess you could call it... FYI we've never yelled or raised our voices at each other or anything physical, we just more or less both left upset with each other once we were done. If you guessed it, our debate was about faith and I was just pointing out people who pervert religion and use it to their will, etc... as to show that just because you go to Church doesn't mean you're a better person that somebody that doesn't blah blah blah. So anyway, we both left upset and apparently her Mom and friend's mom (who has never met me) prayed with her and they didn't think she had met her husband (ok, so that's a mom that doesn't like me because I'm different, and a lady whom I've never met assessing our relationship just for those keeping score at home). Anyway, she came over later that day and talked about how she think our goals in life our different, we have different time frames, yadda yadda and we essentially broke up. For a few weeks I just couldn't understand it, so we tried establishing boundaries but I'll admit I pushed it some because I had to know what went wrong... I mean just like 2-3 weeks ago you were talking to me about getting married. So anyway, over the course of meeting a few times over the next few weeks tears were shed, there was a little bit of pleading, asking for another chance, saying we could change stuff... you know, all that stuff you're not supposed to do LOL, and looking back on it I'm embarrassed for myself. She said she still loved me, but was not in love with me... (yeah, that line lol). She said that she needed to learn how to put God first in her life, and that by being with me she can't not focus on me, or have me not be her top priority.

Not to go into too much detail. After that I went NC for about 10 days or so... really evaluated things. I called her and let her know I agreed with the breakup, we were starting to suffocate each other a bit, but I also felt that she was really stressed out with a lot of stuff going on in her life. I let her know that I missed her friendship though. So we did hang out as friends and things were really good, we were just like we were before... and that of course lead to physical stuff. I initiated a lot of it at first, but more recently she had been the one initiating it, and she was acting like she did when we were together. Anyway, we met up recently and once again, were physical (no sex, I drew the line there - for several reasons) sent her home leaving on Cloud 9. Everything was good, I didn't have any expectations at this point, because she would say she was still really confused. But then we met up just to do something lax and she says I don't think we can hang out anymore, because I don't like how I'm acting, and giving you false hope / mixed signals. I'm like... I know that you're confused (her actions say one thing when she is with me, but then her words say something different two days later). So anyway, all of our conversations had been really rushed lately due to other activities we have going on, but I was just like, well I would like to talk to you tonight about it a little more just for closure etc... waited and waited, never called (I knew she had prior plans) but she did finally call early in the morning and I didn't answer (I felt ignored at this point). She then text me and thought I was guilt tripping her (for asking for less than a hour of her time to just talk). That kind of irritated me, so anyway I've gone back into NC after that... been about 3 days and don't plan on breaking NC at this point, although I know I will run into her at some point in the next couple weeks... but at this point I need to back off and just let NC do what it does... because I know that she is still way into me, but is stuck on putting God first in her life. I know that backing off for now is just what needs to happen (just FYI - we've been equally responsible for initiating contact between each other).

I've found solace in the fact that everybody I tell (not just my friends) that she broke up with me, they're like wait... SHE broke up with YOU? I mean.. I'm a really nice guy, treat her awesome, tall, good looking, muscular and in shape, college educated, good job, money saved, etc... I do love her unconditionally, but I don't deserve to be treated this way you know? As in kind of strung along...

So anyway, I've just been sitting back improving myself (ever since our official break up now 2 months ago), hitting up the gym twice a day and getting ripped (I'm already pretty darn chiseled - dropped about 7-8 lbs. in the less than 2 months), finding my faith by myself, and keeping busy with other things. Anybody care to offer any additional insight? Sorry for going on so long.

She was torn between you and her mother. She wanted to obey her mother by not seeing you but her heart wouldn't let her to it but ultimately she did.

Being friends with her didn't work out because, lets be honest, the two of you crossed that line. Once the line is crossed it rare to just stop doing the extra stuff and focus on being just friends. And the break-up was fresh and the feelings were raw so again being friends were out the window.

Her faith came in between the two of you along with the outside interferes from her family and friends. You didn't have a chance and sorry your faith was judge but you and her were raised differently--religion wise.

So right now you cut the confusion and work on healing yourself so you can get over her. Don't try to be friends again and try your hardest not to contact her.

Thanks for the response. Yeah the religion was definitely a large wedge. I mean the whole time we were together there were probably like 3 weeks total (1 week she was on a family vacation) where we did not sleep in the same bed. She is like I love sleeping next to you, but we shouldn't because we're not married. I didn't necessarily agree, but was open to her not staying over, but she just continued doing so and apparently it got to her? Most likely out of her parents pointing out that she is not living correctly... I'm so awesome and treat her so good that I can't not be her main focus if she is with me, and our sex is so amazing that she can't not be tempted by it when with me. I'm just like OY I need to stop being so darn good here!! What really kind of stings is that I've been going to my own church that I've really liked for the past few months and know it is something that I could really enjoy doing with her. I guess I'm just sticking with my NC and seeing what will happen with her. She may be moving away, and may not be. Such confusion, but the good thing is that all of my initial hurt is definitely over from this. When she said I don't think we should hang out I was just pretty non-chalant about it.

She's a MOMMA'S GIRL.

If you ended up marrying this chick, you would NEVER be able to get away from her mother, because the girl would always go to her momma first before she does anything, and no doubt this would cause tension.

Her mom would be running your marriage.

As far the religion issue, as you know, Christians will ALWAYS put God first. So I'm pretty sure she's not going to "unstick" from putting God first over you.

She's definitely confused about what she wants, most likely because her family is dogging her about it. I think you should be relieved you got out of that situation. You're doing the right things, though: going to the gym, hanging with friends, etc etc.

Let NC do its magic and just live for yourself. Seriously reconsider if you want to be in a relationship where you're basically dating the girl's mother.

Good luck.

NC, things are still sour and sore, I know it's hard but coming between family will never work out. Resentment would only follow, give the time and space needed to recover and you will feel better, it may take some time but it will get better

Yeah and it doesn't help that she is moved back in with her parents (this happened a little after the initial break up... but had been planned for a couple months, due to her not liking her current roommate / never being there and paying rent, etc... ) so I definitely know that they are in her ear constantly about what she should do. And to be quite honest, my presence is the only thing keeping her confused I think because she is still in love with me... while the parents continue to sway her elsewhere. I'll just continue sticking to my NC and if I do happen to run into her just be friendly and keep it brief...

Question, sticking with NC... however I would like to say that I'm happy for an older family member of her's who will be having a baby sometime in the near term. I would like to send happy thoughts and prayers and congratulate them... but I want to keep NC. What to do, what to do?

Question, sticking with NC... however I would like to say that I'm happy for an older family member of her's who will be having a baby sometime in the near term. I would like to send happy thoughts and prayers and congratulate them... but I want to keep NC. What to do, what to do?

It would be best if you stay out of her friends and family for NC to work.

Haha... well too late I guess because her sister came into the store where I worked at and kind of initiated the conversation. I just asked her about the baby that she's expecting within a week or so and just had a light conversation with her. I was just more or less wanting to give congrats to them directly when the baby does arrive w/out involving ex who I'm sticking to NC.

She's a MOMMA'S GIRL.

If you ended up marrying this chick, you would NEVER be able to get away from her mother, because the girl would always go to her momma first before she does anything, and no doubt this would cause tension.

Her mom would be running your marriage.

As far the religion issue, as you know, Christians will ALWAYS put God first. So I'm pretty sure she's not going to "unstick" from putting God first over you.

She's definitely confused about what she wants, most likely because her family is dogging her about it. I think you should be relieved you got out of that situation. You're doing the right things, though: going to the gym, hanging with friends, etc etc.

Let NC do its magic and just live for yourself. Seriously reconsider if you want to be in a relationship where you're basically dating the girl's mother.

Good luck.


Artlady: Yeah I totally agree, on some level :) She definitely was way too busy in this relationship, I mean who in the heck tells their daughter that he will try to make you happy but he's not the one for you when you don't know a single thing about them!! And the problem is that I will be dominated by no mother thank you very much. She swears up and down that her parents don't hate me (I'm like... umm, never said they hate me, they just disapprove you dating me and influence... ). I did a bad thing and broke NC, just one text though... one of my pets back home was run over yesterday (when it rains it pours no?), and she is a big pet lover so I simply told her to hold all her pets tight that night and don't let their little mannerisms annoy her, because one day they will be gone... And she responded that she was sorry that had happened and that was the end of it, no more contact.

I am doing better, and am beginning to see more and more that I do not deserve to be treated like this. Quite frankly, I could snap my fingers and have a new girlfriend (no way do I want to jump into that right away right now). It is hard getting her off my mind though. For a few weeks back when we talked I let her know I was working out in the mornings / nights... and then what happens maybe less than a week later, guess who shows up at the gym in the mornings. And then she knows where my roommate works, so she went and saw a childhood friends sporting game and was talking with my roommate about stuff. I'm just like ugh... she keeps putting herself in these known familiar places... just really starting to irritate me, and I think I can see the game being played. Of course, I am keeping all this frustration to myself... and maybe my roommate a little bit lol.

Talaniman Rule- Never worry about what exes do, just what your doing.

Sorry guy but don't put her down, she just wasn't ready for a guy like you.

Well buddy, it looks like you two are finished. She has different values than you and you're both at different points in life. She doesn't think you two are on the same path, which happens all the time.

You both had problems with communication and therefore had problems understanding where each other were coming from. You each have different goals and ambitions and could not learn to work together and support each other on them.

Basically, it looks like things between you both have run there course and it's time to let go.


That kind of irritated me, so anyway I've gone back into NC after that... been about 3 days and don't plan on breaking NC at this point, although I know I will run into her at some point in the next couple weeks... but at this point I need to back off and just let NC do what it does... because I know that she is still way into me, but is stuck on putting God first in her life. I know that backing off for now is just what needs to happen (just FYI - we've been equally responsible for initiating contact between each other).


Don't use NC as a tool to get her back. It is not meant to be used in this way. NC is meant to allow both people to take time for themselves, regroup, reflect on what went wrong, change themselves to become better, and over on to better relationships.

This is not time for either of you to play games. In the end it will hurt both of you. Stick to your guns and if you plan on sticking to NC than do it. Don't flip flop back and forth. You do it or you don't.

You sound like a nice guy, who has a lot going for him. She just doesn't see it that way and you have to respect that. There will be other woman coming your way that will be better for you.

Dude... it was over the first time you broke up... and another thing you never ARGUE with a woman... you'll never win...

And also not to be so harsh you ought to read my story... but her being "CONFUSED"... is bs quite frankly... If she had a HIGH INTEREST in you she wouldn't be CONFUSED... when a woman says that she is confused that means low interest. Nothing else...

You held her interest for a while but lost it...


You loss this one buddy... sorry

Learn from it and moved on...

Talaniman Rule- Never worry about what exes do, just what your doing.

Sorry guy but don't put her down, she just wasn't ready for a guy like you.
Yeah I'm working on it, and I'm definitely not going to put her down any.

Because:
A.) that's not how I was raised
B.) I am better than that
C.) I do still care for her, and am not out for revenge our anything. If anything at all, just prove her how wrong she was lol.
D.) What do I have to gain by doing it? It would only make me feel worse.

Thanks for the input.

Well buddy, it looks like you two are finished. She has different values than you and you're both at different points in life. She doesn't think you two are on the same path, which happens all the time.

You both had problems with communication and therefore had problems understanding where each other were coming from. You each have different goals and ambitions and could not learn to work together and support each other on them.

Basically, it looks like things between you both have run there course and it's time to let go.



Don't use NC as a tool to get her back. It is not meant to be used in this way. NC is meant to allow both people to take time for themselves, regroup, reflect on what went wrong, change themselves to become better, and over on to better relationships.

This is not time for either of you to play games. In the end it will hurt both of you. Stick to your guns and if you plan on sticking to NC than do it. Don't flip flop back and forth. You do it or you don't.

You sound like a nice guy, who has a lot going for him. She just doesn't see it that way and you have to respect that. There will be other woman coming your way that will be better for you.

Good input. Yeah, I've told her from the get go since our initial breakup (the 2nd time around) that she did not communicate any of these frustrations with me. I am not a mind reader. She was like well if I told you these things you would not do it for yourself and change stuff around and end up resenting me in the future. I was like, that is crazy... relationships are all about communicating things with your partner and making compromises if necessary and supporting one another. Any time in the past when we had minor arguments and then immediately talked about things, things were perfect afterwards. I even TOLD her in the future all we need to do is communicate and we will be find. It doesn't seem like that ended up happening. So this one time there's no communication and all of a sudden oh my gosh it's the end of the world and wait we're all of a sudden very different. To be honest, it sounds like you're emotional, and upset, and didn't get your way so you're taking your toys and going home, and a little immature in my opinion. I care about her and support her 100%, but I would by lying if I didn't think there was some growing up to do as well.

I'm not using NC as a tool against her, I'm really not. I'm doing it to get her off my mind. I was really just overtaken by grief of the loss, and the combination of both being animal lovers I thought I would send something as a reminder (ironically enough, what I said I think holds true for relationships too). I don't think it had any profound effect or set me back any.

Thank you for the kind words at the end :) I have a TON of stuff going for me, and I do realize that, and everybody tells me that so that support helps. What really helps me get over the bruised ego is every time I look in the mirror :)

You seem like you are taking the right approach.

You know... sometimes things just don't work out. It's sad, but true. Countless times, things start perfect and end up miserable and no one is ever sure how they got there. When this happens, you have to face reality and accept that things went south. You tried your best to work it out with her, but she just didn't see it.

So you just have to take the blow, take your life in your own hands, and get out of the rut. That's the only thing that will get you through in the long run... believing in yourself and forging on toward the future.

You are on the right track. Before you know it, you will be at the end of the dark tunnel admiring the sunny bright weather.

The catch is to look at the REALITY of the situation. Not allowing yourself to constantly rationalize someone's actions by looking at them through the eyes of your ego...

Dude...it was over the first time yall broke up...and another thing you never ARGUE with a woman...you'll never win...

And also not to be so harsh you ought to read my story...but her being "CONFUSED"....is bs quite frankly...If she had a HIGH INTEREST in you she wouldn't be CONFUSED...when a woman says that she is confused that means low interest. Nothing else...

You held her interest for a while but lost it...


You loss this one buddy...sorry

Learn from it and moved on...

Haha... yeah, I definitely found out the hard way of never arguing with a woman. Even if in the opinion of the unbiased that you're right, the only opinion that you're arguing against is her's, and of course she will always think she is right.

Oh yeah, I'm sure she's definitely sugar coating it and trying to let me down easy -- I'm sure she's even said something similar at one point. I mean, she doesn't really have anything to be angry at with me anyway... I know this girl like the back of my hand --outside of her occasional emotional outbursts and when her parents warp her mind. The only part that I know where she is legitimately confused is between pursuing her faith and being with me. The portrait being painted by her folks and friends who don't care for me is that all of the stress of your life (working a job not in your desired field, being on a really tight budget, being in school, having sporting commitments, time limited in general, etc.. ) is all caused by you dating a guy "how you shouldn't be" and not being a devout Christian who lives in solitude in a monastery.

"She just doesn't see a future for us" -- but she can obviously see a present with us, as every time we're together we're amazing. It's like you just want to say... so if every day was like today for the rest of your life, that would make it the future no? (I'm trying not to sound too much in denial here, or getting all philosophical, just pointing out that humorous irony to me... ) The truth is, that I could still call her, have her come see me or vice/versa, have a great time together, have it be just like when we were BF/GF, and get naked afterwards, but that's really not doing any of us any favors at this point lol.

Sorry for the long venting... feels good to get it out though.

That's why we're all here... LET IT OUT MAN... VENT...

Haha the sweetest "revenge" I guess you could say is just getting all of it so I'm not upset about it when I do run into / talk to her and that I'm already looking 10x better than my already previous amazing self. Now all this website needs is a punching bag or track for me to run laps of some sort lol.

You were together for just about a year. All along, it's reasonable to presume that you knew who/what she was when it comes to matters of religion and she likewise knew who/what you were. That said, I think the whole religion thing is a big red herring. She wanted to cut you loose and needed an "excuse" and religion became the excuse. That said, I think it's over. Move on, work on yourself and don't look back. It's not the end of the world because you invested a year of your life in a bad relationship.

If she had a HIGH INTEREST in you she wouldn't be CONFUSED... when a woman says that she is confused that means low interest. Nothing else... This says it all. If she was really interested in you she wouldn't give two hoots about what her mama, her friends, her religion or anyone or anything else has to say.

This says it all. If she was really interested in you she wouldn't give two hoots about what her mama, her friends, her religion or anyone or anything else has to say.

Very true. I would agree with everything but the religion part. Religion is the overriding factor that even if she is still in love with me, which her actions show... she would not be with me. But very true on the other accounts.

So an update... lol. We do work together and I had to fill in at the store where she was at the other day. Everything was fine at work, I am a professional. I ended up talking to her for about a hour and a half after work, pretty light conversation about just stuff that she'd been doing, and she asking what I had been up to blah blah. I asked her why she kept saying she was confused, what was she confused about? And she was like well all the stuff that you've said is what I've been wanting to hear but never heard when we were together. And I'm just thinking in my head that I'm just putting all my chips on the table, that way I have no regrets, I'm not saying anything to purposefully confuse you. So I was just like well we never did talk a while ago, and I would prefer to do it face to face (I'm just that kind of person) so she was like yeah that sounds good this weekend. So not more than the next morning she (unaware to me) tries coming over to my apartment, and apparently she knocks to see if I'm home and I don't hear it, I get a note brought in to me and it's from her saying how she has to defend herself and her thoughts around me all the time and she doesn't think that I think that she makes her own decisions. She thinks I try controlling her through her emotions (uhh yeah right, if I had this ability I wouldn't be in this situation lol) and that we can't hang out, and we can't be friends and that she is working towards transferring and thus moving away for school (which I have always been the BIGGEST supporter in her life to stay in school [she dropped out last term and changed majors], even advised her which major I thought she would be best at... which she ends up choosing a few months later and is now looking at pursuing. I definitely want her to succeed, but I really don't see how she can afford, but we'll see). So anyway I didn't like that she attempted to see me, and then left me a note for something I would like to hear in person. I tried calling right after I got the message (only after hearing that she knocked and tried to see me, otherwise I get the picture that she couldn't bring herself to see me... for whatever reason. So anyway, I left her a voicemail to call me if she wanted to, and she didn't call back that day. The best thing is that it did not upset me very much at all, I want to find a girl that will appreciate everything I have to offer, not one whose actions say one thing, and then a day later she says something else. Yeesh...

Welcome to the world of the confused girlfriend who doesn't appreciate, or recognize, anything you do for her. Don't even try to figure out why she made the decision she made, because all she is going to tell you is pure BS to cover herself and make her feel like she made the right decision.

It's sucks... and I know exactly how you feel, because that was how it was with my ex.

Seriously, you are better off now. You will eventually find someone who will appreciate all of the devotion that you gave to her. She will realize what she had with you now that your gone, and she will have to live with that decision for a long time.

Welcome to the world of the confused girlfriend who doesn't appreciate, or recognize, anything you do for her. Don't even try to figure out why she made the decision she made, because all she is going to tell you is pure BS to cover her and make her feel like she made the right decision.

It's sucks...and I know exactly how you feel, because that was how it was with my ex.

Seriously, you are better off now. You will eventually find someone who will appreciate all of the devotion that you gave to her. She will realize what she had with you now that your gone, and she will have to live with that decision for a long time.

Thanks, it sounds good to hear somebody go through something similar. I did send her a final email because I thought we were both better than leaving it at here's a note, so long see you. That just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I basically just said what was on my mind and wished her the very best with or without me. And I am happy with having done that. Now back to focusing on me and forging forward.

Kind of an update / vent. So after I sent my email wishing her best, seeing her in a person to finalize / talk instead of just getting a note. I was ignored for two days. Then I was sent a message while at work asking me where I was going to be after work. I ignored because I was not in the state of mind, and was going to be working out. I then called her the next day saying I could not talk the day prior due to other stuff going on, but I would be open to now. That was yesterday, I'm back in getting ignored mode. I will see her tomorrow at some point at a large group meeting. Aside from looking VERY sharp in the morning, just a smile and hello, or ignore? I'm leaning towards the first option. I guess I'm just frustrated about the ignored part in general so I'm venting about that. And I feel like I'm the jerk for ignoring for a day when I know I should not feel like that. I am better than to just do the ignore thing when I see her, because I see that as rude. I don't know, just thought I'd hear opinions...

She dumped you. If anyone should feel bad about anything, it's her. She made this choice, not you. You wanted to work on things together, where she wanted to be apart.

I know it's hard not to feel bad about ignoring her because you still love her. You have look at things in terms of the facts... not feelings. This is what she wanted and you are giving it to her.

Over the past 9 months, I have yet to ignore my ex when she calls me, even though I know I should. There is still a part of me that can't resist talking to her because of my feelings toward her (although I am getting better).

If she contacts you, it your choice to acknowledge her. If you do talk, be prepared for the potential pain that follows. If you don't, you have nothing to worry about.

As far as seeing her tomorrow, be polite and say Hi. She will probably want to sit and talk to you. If you can't handle it, tell her. Don't torture yourself. If possible, try and sit someplace away from her, where she is not in your view.

It's going to be hard either way. Just try to maintain your composure. If you need to leave, excuse yourself.

Don't be rude. It will show others how much of a strong and respectful man you really are.

Good Luck.

Thanks for the pointers and support. It was more or less just a sit in the audience and listen to speakers type conference so there was not audience interaction either with the speakers or each other. She was not in my view, I was in her's though (I think... ). Was lookin' sharp, when the conference adjourned we just both left due to needing to get to work, didn't say anything to each other. She just kind of looked at me as she drove away. I shall just keep on keepin' on. I will never understand the rationale behind a women's mind by being so in love with somebody just months ago, to apparently not even wanting me in her life anymore. You would think that I did something very terrible to her or something. Who knows, I'm done trying to analyze things. Just hard to keep her out of my thoughts. I guess I know that she probably thinks about me a lot too though. Man... this crazy dating / love / relationship game.

I'm done trying to analyze things. Just hard to keep her out of my thoughts. I guess I know that she probably thinks about me a lot too though.

At the stage you are right now, it will be difficult to keep her out of your head. It will be difficult for some time, but you have the right mindset going here.

There is no point in analyzing anything further. Over time you will get answers to any question you have. There is no need to ponder the "what ifs" or anything like that. What happened has happened and it's time to accept that and face the challenge of rebuilding your life to something you are happy with.

It looks like you are well on your way!

Update...

So after not talking for a few days I called her after work and we spoke... for about two hours. More or less just about what I had said in my letter to her. She's like yes its everything I want to hear but its all just empty promises because you never said it in our relationship, and too little too late. She says that nobody can realize all of these things this fast. What can I say, I'm a fast learner? I'm like, there is nothing empty about them, this is how I feel and did feel in our relationship. The conversation was really light hearted, she still says she doesn't want to give us a second chance or date casually because that is a joke, as it can easily wind back up in a serious relationship. She then throws in the I'm still confused part. She's then just like what if my feelings are just a physical attraction to you? I'm thinking to myself, if your feelings for me were all just physical why can we hang out for 8 hours, or talk on the phone for hours while not doing anything physical.. Anyway, I think that she is currently in the oh he's chasing me too much phase so I am resisting everything. We'll see how she is when we haven't talked for a while.

She then goes on to state when I recommend we don't talk for a month and just meet up for something light hearted and maybe re-evaluate things. She doesn't want to do that. We had originally planned on doing that after the 'initial break' and we can't do that anymore because I crossed the boundaries... oh please, you started showing up where I was working out is why we started hanging out and talking again. So the problem was I did not say things in the relationship, I then said them after the breakup but what I really should have done was ignore everything and it magically would have worked out? Yeah, not buying that one. I do wish that we had just not talked for a month though, but can't change that now, and I really don't believe it would've solved anything. And apparently I "manipulated her" when I asked her to hang out as friends... and then things got physical again. I'm just like how the heck can I manipulate you, all I am doing is being myself... you initiated some of the physical stuff too. I definitely do not understand the manipulate thing. She can't hang out with me in person because she doesn't want to have to deal with holding herself back around me, or thinking about that. I just told her to open her heart and we said bye. Anyway I feel a lot better after we had the phone conversation, and no emails or letters. She has a ton of stuff going on in her life right now, and I don't want to be seen as a negative in her life, because I am just being my same amazing self around her. It's not my fault she is still way into me. I am now implementing NC for myself for at least a month yesterday. Then what happens... circumstances have us getting put at the same store on that day lol. I don't go out of my way to talk to her, but she comes up to me to do a remedial task that anybody else in her department could have done. And I tell you, this girl still turns into a shy little school girl when she is around me. I swear I could still get her naked right then and there if I wanted to lol. So anyway my NC is not calling/txting, and not going out of my way to talk to her if we happen to see each other during work, but I can't control it if we're at the same store. This turned to be pretty long, but maybe she'll realize that her attraction to me is not just physical and some of her confusion will dissipate... that's up to her. In the meantime I will continue getting ripped (I have come a LONG ways since the initial breakup a couple months ago --I was still pretty cut then, but now even more so lol). We'll see how well she can handle me having a 6 or 8 pack and benching over 275 again :). And I am really excited to start playing the guitar again. I should be able to keep busy with all of that stuff. I still do think about her a lot though... can't help that though lol. And it definitely boosts my ego that whenever I walk into a room, I can see all of the 2nd and 3rd glances I get from girls, and especially the "eye-f@!%" from them too lol. Thanks for the listen.

Dude those girls that are eye-f-ing you, should be the girls that you should talk to... not your ex. That conversation you had says to me, that no matter how hot you look, she doesn't want to be with you. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Now you know where she is coming from and can stop wasting your time chasing her.

Go after some other girls. They will be more worth your while that this confused female.

Haha thanks jmw yeah I know I should be. I hate that I am such a good guy that even though we have not been an item in 2 months that I still think that I'm cheating for even looking at another girl. I am getting past that point though. I had this hot little blonde eye f-ing me in the store a few days ago after I got out of the gym, but I couldn't move in because my parents came from out of town and I was meeting them there. Dang parents cock blocking! Lol :)

I'm on day 5 of NC... feeling good, don't have the urge to call at all, but she's still on my mind a lot. It may seem a little morbid, but I guess I just thinking to myself that she is dead to me, because it's not far from the truth. The girl I loved I still see in person when we hang out, but it's a total stranger on the phone two days later. I'm continuing to hit the gym hard, and the guitar, and hanging out with friends (who ironically enough have their own relationship situations lol) to keep me occupied. The longest that I had gone with NC before was... like 8 or 9 days I think (I forget), I'm definitely going to beat that. I did get an email from her Monday thanking me for helping her with something on Friday work related and she apologized if she was a little rude. I didn't bother responding.

Good job. Don't respond. You are doing well enough on your own without her.

On day 9 of NC and going strong... thinking about her less and less, although she is still on my mind quite a bit... that's to be expected though. Yesterday I kind of had a about with why she did what she did, but it passed... because I'll never know why, because she doesn't even know why. Still no urge to call or anything... no real reason to you know. There is a company get-together a little over a week away, don't know if she plans on going. I'm still 50/50 deciding on whether I will. I would like to go, but at this point I would really prefer not to see her. I don't want to go about "manipulating" her again... lol. I guess I'll just see how I feel as the week goes by...

An update... officially 2 weeks of NC. Doing a lot better on the subject. I did lose a relative over the weekend though and that hurt really badly. Am I a horrible person to have expected just a txt, phone call, email or SOMETHING from the ex regarding my loss?? I mean just like 4 months ago she lost a relative and I was the absolute pillar of strength there in taking care of her. Yes, we were a couple then, but its not as if we hate each other right now. But still not even a simple hey I'm sorry to hear that happened and for your loss. I'm not sure why I am so irritated that I did not get the slightest gesture from her. Anyway, I think I'm going to be working at the same store within the next couple of days, I really prefer not to see her because well for obvious reasons... I'm doing fine on my own, but just going to stick to being busy and polite. It's all I can do...

Hi.you r doing really well but its early days yet and the missing her and many questions are bound to still be there.stick to NC.Good luck.

Maybe she didn't know that your relative died. Either way, you can't worry about what she does. She doesn't owe you anything, even now. I know that's a little harsh to hear, but it's the truth.

Sorry for your loss. It's hard when a family member dies...

She knows, and said nothing. I agree with her not "owing" me anything, but you think it would be common courtesy. Especially from somebody who constantly verbally puts out there how much of a Christian she wants to be, and was just in this situation not too long ago. I would say my response to the other's loss was a little more compassionate in the eyes of God. Perhaps I over-estimated the quality of her character.

Or maybe your expectations, are not realistic.

Perhaps I over-estimated the quality of her character.

Yes you have. This just shows you what type of person she really is.

Tal: I'm not sure about my expectations not being realistic, I mean how hard is it to say "hey I'm sorry to hear about your loss..." I'm not expecting a box of tissues brought to me and pamper me all day... I've heard that simple saying from numerous people already whom I did not invest 13 months of my life with and thought I knew inside and out.

Jmw thanks for the input, I still can honestly not believe I did not get any sort of condolence. What kind of person does that.. Ugh that frustrates me so much...

Welcome to reality, where not everyone has your moral sense. She dumped you, and she is through with you, that's reality too.

Right on both accounts! Lol. And quite frankly, the lack of moral sense allows it to be so much easier to let go.

So now day 16 of NC... although I did see her for the first time in a while at work yesterday. I had to help fill in at a store that she works at, that's not breaking my NC streak though... I can't help it offering to help where help is needed. Still did not hear any sort of condolence about my relative's passing. Just made light chit chat for a few minutes. Once again, can obviously tell she is still way into me. Ya know what, I really just don't like being around her anymore. I mean, I just don't want to see her, don't want to hear her voice, don't want to hear her laugh, don't want to know what she is or will be doing,. anything. I'm really not even sure why I care anymore, I mean looking at things objectively, I'm more intelligent, better career and further along in it, more educated, wealthier, more athletic and a more muscular toned body, damn handsome, better sense of humor, superior in so many ways (I'm trying not to be a narcissist here - she is cute, and a good person -- although maybe not as good as I thought with how she's handled certain things). It is so clear that she is towing the family line, her mom even came into the store where I was working when I was there (don't know what for - just saw her come in). It was so funny, when we were together I would help her with and even do some of her homework / tests for her, and when she was looking for a different career I created a resume for her based off mine which is crafted from a business school education. She is currently looking at a new career and when we happened to run into each other a little way into the chit chat she asked me if I still have that cover letter and resume I did for her. (I about fell out of my chair laughing) , I simply responded nope I deleted it (along with everything else related to you from my computer honey! - SO wanted to say that :) ). I was like... yeah right, you put me through all this hell and go from we're not right together to well maybe we just need a break, to showing up where I am and then us hanging out together, you acting like my girlfriend again, then asking if we just need time, then two days later saying we can't hang out anymore, then a week later we can't hang out anymore or be friends... I'm manipulating you, blah blah blah... Sorry for the rambling, just trying to portray the evolution (and venting a little bit). To NOW wanting my help with the awesome resume that I created for you. Sorry, find somebody else to do that for you, you revoked your girlfriend privilege card remember? How about having your Mom do it for you... oh that's right she didn't go to college and is a homemaker (Not hating on homemakers here - good ones are very necessary for society, just showing lack of certain skills). That did feel good to shut her down on that. That, and I'm looking damn good! If anything right now, I'm using all of this frustration as motivation to get absolutely ripped in the gym... I'm talking like fitness model ripped lol. There is no better motivation than rejection in my book!

So my updates right now are basically just upgrading on my status. Day 20 of NC and going strong. I think I'll stop counting once I reach a month. No urge to call or anything, I've had several good things happen lately for me financially so that is helping me think about her less and less. Still hitting the gym hard, work going good, and getting richer. Life is good! :)

NICE! 20 days is well done sir.

Keep up the good work.

Yes keep going. Keep hitting the gym hard. 20 days is great, but look out for those down days... that's when the gym really helps out.

Well, one good thing that's come out of all this. (You going to the gym, that is).

I'm intrigued though... you have an awsome resume and a college education and a business school and you work in a store?

I keep my company of employment and some other details vague for Google search reasons :) Maybe I am just paranoid lol.

Thanks for the encouragement guys. I really haven't had any "down days" in a couple of weeks, I am definitely doing my absolute best at keeping busy. I just sold my car and pocketed a few thousand $$$ in equity, and will be saving about $500 / month between car payment/gas/insurance and will be biking to work. Not like I'm hurting for money or anything (quite the opposite, I have a very nice nest egg saved up). But the benefits are two fold, I'll save even more money a month, and get more exercise in (yes, so that is biking to and from work, and lifting weights after work - every day of the week -- I told you, I am on a mission for 6-7% body fat %). So a lot of things are really falling into place. You just have to have faith in yourself (and God - really been focusing on my faith still). It is possible to get better. I more or less just realized that I am an awesome person and am a heck of a catch for anybody, and if somebody can't see it then I don't have time for them.

Here's hoping for no setbacks :)

Just an update, nothing too exciting sorry... :)

So I'm just about to complete Day 25 of NC and doing good. For some reason yesterday I really thought about her a lot, not really sure why... because the few days before that was when I really started to go a couple of hours without any thoughts of her creeping into my mind. Still hitting the gym hard and chiseling away to single digit body fat %. I did get to help out a really cute girl who came in as a client while at work today and we were really connecting. She is a little bit older than I am (not even a year) but has a lot of similar interests as me, and is also out of college with a finance degree and a year or so into a career. Now I just need to find a way to ask her out without coming across as unprofessional / out of line / weird lol. This totally helped me take my mind off the ex though. I guess more or less it was just an outward manifestation confirmation of what I've always known in my head - that I have a ton to offer women. We'll see what happens... not sure when I will talk to her again.

Just 5 more days until one month of NC! Each day I get richer and in better shape, there are positives! :)

NICE! I am so happy for you C. Well done.

It will be interesting to ask this girl out seeing as she is your client. Perhaps it would be best to ask her out for lunch or coffee, something that doesn't over imply a dating scenario...

Ok so just an update...

I think I've completed like 35 days of NC now... (I stopped keeping track at a month). Still going strong. I'm thinking of the ex less and less and just sticking to keeping busy, not concerning myself with what's going on with her. I've had a lot of people telling me that I'm looking way lean and fit lately, it's been quite the ego boost :) In the last 3 months I've lost about 15 lbs. and have gotten stronger at the same time, so I'm keeping my mind focused on keeping up that good progress. Haven't had any alcohol in about a month and a half to help contribute to those gains. I've had this other really cute girl be really flirty with me lately, but she has a boyfriend currently... so I'm not pursuing that more than just being friendly and kind of flirty back, but I know the limitations and do not pursue taken women. It's funny because I hung out with her a few times (nothing happened) before I started dating my ex, and was kind of interested in her, but more so in my now ex... because I knew my ex better on a friendship level, and I like to start relationships with friendship. Anyway, I'm more or less doing that I guess to boost the ego a little bit, and it also helps get my mind off the ex too.

Just sticking to what I'm doing... and have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with me, and am really disappointed in myself with how broken up / semi-desperately I acted when she first initially broke up with me. But live and learn no? Lol. I'm just like... wait a second, I know everything that I have to offer here... are you kidding me? I have a work related get-together in about 2 weeks and am not sure if she is going to be showing up to that or not... I kind of don't want her to, but whatever, I want to go and am not going to let her dictate what I can and can't do. Ok, keep strong fellow AMHD'ers :)

Great job with NC.

So an update...

Ugh, so by shifting of some personnel and such, guess who will be working in my building with me... yep, I'm sure you guessed it correctly. So now I'm going to have to deal with that for a while apparently. Not the way that I would like to find out about that with her greeting me and me not having a clue that she was going to be there. Oh well, a simple hello, and didn't chat outside of that. Because frankly, I don't want to hear what she has to say... about anything, and I really have nothing else to say to her. Yeah I'm sure I could have a good chat with her and just shoot the breeze and be my normal crack-up self, but I just don't feel like it around her. I just stuck with conversing and joking around with my other co-workers while ignoring her. Not a setback, just something I would not prefer. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger no? :)

Exactly how old are you two? Are either of you in school? And if so, how far apart?

Both mid-20's, she's a couple years younger than me. I've had my Bachelor's for a couple years now. She was a couple years into school... changed majors, currently not going to school.

Ohh okay I didn't catch your ages (more like I forgot to re read it and was more focused on everything else)

Anyway, She's confused. All I really know what to say is what other people have already told you. Be considerate of their advice. Good luck!

Just go about your normal business and don't let her get to you.

Ohsohappy - haha, no problem, confused is beyond what she is lol. I don't think I'm ever getting involved with anybody ever again who has ultra-religious parents. I mean, I am a Christian, but I am not super insane crazy Christian, and going to judge and meddle in other's affairs.

Jmw - thanks for continued input, I do continue to just do my thing. I had a really great commission month last month so that makes me very happy. It's very funny, if I'm around the same part of the building that she is, the sound of her voice has just become like nails on a chalkboard to me... seriously. Isn't it funny when you can not see somebody for roughly a month and a half and just be like... I have no idea who you are anymore. I have walked past her, and been around her for a couple of days now, and I just don't don't even want to talk to her or even look at her. From what I can tell she has seriously become her mom. I continue to just keep ripping up the gym and socking away money. It's funny I was talking with another friend at work who I workout with and talk with outside of work who is a pretty cute girl, older than me by a few years, and there's absolutely nada going on with us romantically... and who I've kind of vented to about my whole situation... regarding her being back at my building and she was like --- 'yeah I saw that, how's that going. You know it's funny, and I could be way off here, but I think she hates me now, or doesn't like me, because I looked at her and smiled and just got the cold shoulder'. I was just thinking to myself, oh goodness...

I'm looking at planning a trip to Europe within a year, and it's funny because had we still been together I was going to take her with me and probably would've proposed to her on that trip. Oh well, I don't think she quite knows it yet, but she'll get a reality check about life here eventually and the whole wanting to move out of state and go to a public university down there (while I wonder how on Earth will you pay for that?)... which sucks because as much as I tried to avoid that for her, I don't want to see her get hurt. But it's not my place, and I can't do anything about it anymore.

So I happened to run into the ex on a break today. Pretty much had to chit chat, because I did not want an awkward silence. I asked nothing about what she'd been up to, and didn't break into a whole lot of detail when asked about things that I've been doing. She did happen to mention that her doctor thinks that she might be going through some depression, and is prescribing some things for her to do. I don't want to sound like a terrible person and that I delight in her agony, because I don't, I'm not happy to hear that she may be depressed (we're coming up on almost 4 months -next week- since she initially ended things), but it did make me feel good that everything is not all rosy fields on the other side by the breaker. I guess more or less for everybody out there who was dumped and currently hurting badly, and they think that their ex is just living the high life now without them, it's not always the case.

P.S. - I would be depressed too if I had given up such a catch as myself ;) .

P.S. - I would be depressed too if I had given up such a catch as myself ;) .

HAHAH Smart A** =P
It's good that you're still confident in yourself. :)

HAHAH Smart A** =P
It's good that you're still confident in yourself. :)

Haha of course I am still confident in myself! I can't say that I'm totally over her by any means yet, I mean she is my first love (I had other girlfriends/dating for a few months, nothing too serious before this), but all of the 2nd/3rd looks I get by girls, and just looking in the mirror everyday I love what I see. And as I said earlier, if somebody else can't see it, it is their loss.

P.S. - I will say, that there is a part of me that loves that she will have to see me and how good that I'm looking / doing, at least for a short while. Time to make her suffer some... in a nice way :)

Oh boy. I'm just going to leave that one alone, I don't even know where to start. But I'm going to say this, Don't place too much value on appearances.

Oh I don't trust me, and I always told her that I loved her for her personality and what was inside her. I am not that superficial, which is why I was offended when she insinuated confusingly if our attraction is all just physical, as if I'm some kind of neanderthal idiot with nothing else to offer.

Sad. :(

Dontcha hate it when all females can see is your body? :mad:

Yeah, but I definitely know that I'm more than just my body so that doesn't affect me too much. It's funny how I was offended by that though, where some people may see it as a compliment. I'm one of the nicest / most sincere / caring guys you'll ever meet. I don't put too much stock in much of anything that she says anymore though. Plain and simple she does not know what she wants out of life right now. The "reasons" that's she has given for the breakup seemed to change every single time we talked. The truth is she doesn't know why she broke up with me, she just says stuff to try to validate her decision. It is, and will always be my belief that she finally just gave into what her parents (aka Mom) wanted for her -- which is to control her. Apparently the grass is not so much greener in Mommy's backyard though with the whole depression bit. I think she's just fishing for sympathy, but I'm just standing firm and not succumbing to offering to be there as the weeping shoulder.

Dontcha hate it when all females can see is your body?? :mad:

Hahah funny you'd mention that. Because a lot of females feel the same way about men. :)

So just a little update. So she did show up to the company get together to celebrate somebody's work accomplishments. And it caught me off guard because I did not think she was coming. Anyway, just kind of avoided / ignored / didn't pay too much attention to her. But for some reason it just really pissed me off seeing her... I don't know what it was. It is weird to think that somebody you use to care about so much, and still do to a point, that you could feel that way towards them. Ugh... I had a near moment of weakness to call her after the thing got over and everybody was disbursing, but I resisted and thought it would be best that I do not. Argh... I just have some anger building in me about the whole thing.

If you can find it on my posts, look for the question "how do I find myself?" I posted a comment that I think would really help you with the anger thing. About Triggers and emotions. If you can't find it let me know and I can copy and paste it for you. I just think it would help you calm down in this situation.

Thanks for the response, yeah I did find it. I will try to incorporate that and think about why I feel a certain way about something. I'm not angry to the point of punching walls or anything like that, it just really agitated me. I just got done doing a whole lot of push-ups lets say! :) I consulted with who other than... Mom lol when I got home. She more or less pointed out that probably part of why she showed up was to see how I was doing when she is around. And maybe if she succeeded in turning any feelings I had for her to being pissed off / upset when I see her. She hasn't changed any, and she's miserable (her recent mention of being tested for depression / low saratonin levels) and probably hopes that I'm miserable too. I don't know... I am just very happy with myself that I did not give the satisfaction of showing that I was agitated by her presence.

Good for you! I hope that other post helped. It's not just for being "I'm gonna punch a wall" angry. LOL. Your mom sounds like a smart lady! :)

With due respect, I am never comfortable dating super religious people. Your story sounds so much like a couple of my friends who had ultra-religious boyfriend or girlfriend, and all those breakups or drifting apart happened because priority of you and GOD was the most important question.

Personally speaking, I can be great friends with ultra-religious people, but for me, it's a red flag when it comes to dating.

I know I sound very biased, but those who have been in this situation, know what I am talking about. It took so much effort on my part to help my friend who was dating this girl who would discuss their sexual matters with the priest and behave that night based on what the priest advised her.

My concept is that LOVE is GOD, and if you are in LOVE, you already found GOD, so why is there a priority conflict?

Anyway- those who got hurt by my statement (cuz religious people are usually very touchy), I apologize, nothing personal OK?

No I'm not offended at all, and I've already told my friends that I am staying far away from girls with ultra religious parents, or are just super religious in the first place. Because look where it has gotten me... in not a good place (mentally anyway). This has been one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through. It just boggles my mind how a girl can go from talk of wanting to marry you, and then no more than three weeks later breaking up with you because all of a sudden priorities are different. It's just really ****ed up in my opinion.

Try not to dwell upon what was said-that was then.concentrate on staying focused and moving forward with your life.

She didn't see you in her plans and got rid of you. Now you need to move forward with your plans and leave her in the past.

So I thought I'd update, although my updates are really boring nowadays because I've cut all of the drama regarding this situation. Haven't spoken to her in like... 2 months or so?? Who knows I'm not keeping track anymore. And more importantly, I haven't seen her in roughly over two months... which is great because I hate seeing her because it reminds me of who I was with, and that's not her anymore. I had to call her about something work related a couple of months back, just a quick conversation and that was it though. She tried calling me at work a few weeks ago for help regarding something and I just ignored her, she must have got the hint since then... because she hasn't tried calling since lol. It's actually been nice, I'm getting to the point where she is not the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I know that a part of me still loves her, but I think it's more or less the part that misses the good times that we have. All in all I'm pretty happy with my progress. I haven't drank any alcohol in 4 months, and have only had about 2 beers since we initially broke up. I've lost 24 lbs. in under six months. I'm down to low, low teens in body fat %, and I can bench 70 lbs. more than my body weight right now and overall I'm just looking dang good in general! Still haven't pursued dating at all, mainly because I've been too busy with stuff I do by myself... I'll just let that come naturally, I'm not going to force the issue... and I don't really have it on my mind to be honest. So yep, that's pretty much what is going on... :)

So I thought I'd update, although my updates are really boring nowadays because I've cut all of the drama regarding this situation. Haven't spoken to her in like... 2 months or so??? Who knows I'm not keeping track anymore. And more importantly, I haven't seen her in roughly over two months... which is great because I hate seeing her because it reminds me of who I was with, and that's not her anymore. I had to call her about something work related a couple of months back, just a quick conversation and that was it though. She tried calling me at work a few weeks ago for help regarding something and I just ignored her, she must have got the hint since then... because she hasn't tried calling since lol. It's actually been nice, I'm getting to the point where she is not the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. I know that a part of me still loves her, but I think it's more or less the part that misses the good times that we have. All in all I'm pretty happy with my progress. I haven't drank any alcohol in 4 months, and have only had about 2 beers since we initially broke up. I've lost 24 lbs. in under six months. I'm down to low, low teens in body fat %, and I can bench 70 lbs. more than my body weight right now and overall I'm just looking dang good in general! Still haven't pursued dating at all, mainly because I've been too busy with stuff I do by myself... I'll just let that come naturally, I'm not going to force the issue... and I don't really have it on my mind to be honest. So yep, that's pretty much what is going on... :)

Hey man- good for you. You're where I want to be and hopefully will get there soon enough with some hard work. Sounds like you've been doing great with the working out aspect and also not drinking. I know what you mean when you say "shes not even the same person anymore"... its funny how when you see the ex'es after they dump you you see them in a whole new light.

That's very great news.
Keep up the good work!

Just another quick boring update! So things have been going really well lately. I haven't spoken to the ex in forever... seems like 4-5 months? I don't even know. Whenever there are meetings involving other different locations I have been successful at totally avoiding her (I don't want to see her or hear her -- she's dead to me). She tends to try to call me for help with stuff about once every 2-3 weeks and I just ignore the calls. There are plenty of other people in my organization who can offer her help, so why she feels the need to call and ask me I have no idea. Her life was worse off with me in the picture apparently remember..

Work has been going really well, and I've been getting acknowledged for how well I've been producing in a few different areas. Last month was a pretty good commission bonus month, and I've made around $5 G's trading in the stock market over the past couple months which is awesome. Oh yeah... and I bought a hot new sports car / luxury sedan and love it!! Everybody I work with is completely envious of me for it haha :) . I think I'm getting to the point now where I'll be out looking for dates again too. So yeah, in a nutshell... life is good.

Hey Clue- that's great man. Happy to hear about your job and the car. You two broke up the same time as me and my ex so were in the same time frame as far as healing. Like you I'm ready to start dating again... hey man both our ex'es lost out. Yea my ex also contacts me every 2-3 weeks- its like clock work haha. I guess they don't want us to forget about them. Lol

Fantastic! I want a hot new sports car... but I'm about to put a down payment on my own house! It's amazing how much money you can save when you only need to spend it on yourself and various essentials.

Good on you! The past is the past and now you can look forward to your own great future. Happy dating!

Bjohn - yeah it's funny... when we were together I recommended she get a position like the one she took a few months ago (I'm sure her MOM recommended it this time, so now it makes sense... ) and I would constantly explain and give her help on things. Where did that get me? Her saying that I needed to be with somebody who is interested in that stuff -- When I only explained it to her because she constantly moaned about not understanding it! Lol. Now it's totally ironic that she needs help and will still try calling me at work. Do I have doormat tattooed across my forehead or something? :) Does she not realize there are like 50 other people who do my same job that she could call? It's funny one of my other friends at work tells me she always calls her for the help after I don't respond. Yeesh... she was the one who wanted me out of her life, I'm just trying to oblige. Yeah, they may not realize dumping us was a huge mistake, but they will eventually. I'm just going to keep on rocking and not concern myself with it.

Jmw - Congrats on the house down payment. I've held off on buying a house until I know what city I want to settle in, that's my next step I think... Yeah, isn't it amazing how much money you save? I'm pretty thrifty in general and wise with my money. I was saving up money to get her through her final 2-3 years of college, and a trip for both of us to Europe. There was something very satisfying about putting a little chunk of that money towards a HOT new car for MYSELF! Lol.

Just giving my monthly update. I definitely only come here now to stop other people from making stupid mistakes and falling for ex's antics. :D

Gymnasion has been on. I've switched gears and am no longer cutting down, I'm shifting into beast mode now and bulking up, and feeling and looking great in that regard. I had an interview for a management position but another candidate was chosen. It's what I expected; they had been with the company six years longer than me. After all, it wouldn't have been fair for me to come in as a fresh faced college grad as a peon entry level worker to a management position in a little over two years. I feel good that I got an interview.

It was really funny, I wear nice suits to my interviews, it's what I do... so I was looking sharp. I happened to be interviewing in the building where the ex now works (on several different floors from where I would be working). The second I walked in the building, every single 20-something girl in the building had their eyes trained on me. Talk about a confidence booster! :D
Not surprisingly the next day I get an email from guess who about something work related that I had helped a client with. It seemed to be right on cue... a few weeks after she last tried calling me at work. Once again, I did not even acknowledge or send a response. I browsed it quickly to see if it was anything serious work related that required a response and then deleted. Ahh how you can go from emailing all the time in a joyful, joking and loving way while together to not even wanting to get an email from that person. It's funny because it more or less just made me mad that she contacted me at all. She wanted me out of her life, why can she not just give me that? I swear she does it just to try to get back into my head in some regard. It gave me great motivation for the gym that night. All in all, things are good though. Still not dating at all, but I'm keeping my eyes open to it, but it will happen when it happens and I'm not in a rush.

It has been kind of funny, because this really hot girl (who also works for the company I do - E gads, I know not again!) who has a BF that's way older than her is always pretty flirty / teasing with me. I had hung out with her as a friend only a handful of times around or a little before my ex and I got together. She'll occasionally ask me if I'm back with my said ex yet, and seems to take an interest if I have any secret girlfriends or anything lol. I get the feeling that she is interested, which is a total bummer because I would be all over it if there was not a boyfriend in the picture - at which point my morals do not allow me to do anything. So what it becomes is a big confidence booster for me and a way to help me move on. Life is good people... life is good.

Hey Clue-you're doing great!
And I enjoy reading the advice you give others here.
Well done you! :-)

Slowly but surely continuing to heal. I've managed to avoid seeing her and have ignored all of her calls at work for a good amount of time now. I've gotten to the point where I can go hours on end now without her popping up in my mind at all. It still kind of irritates me that I will think about her from time to time, as I don't feel I should now that I'm like 5-6 months into NC. It was funny the other day though because her older sibling came in to where I work and had me help her out with something and I got to talk to her for a little bit. Just on how it was good to see me, what I've been up to, and just stuff about her husband / kids, etc... did not ask anything about you know who. She had always approved and liked me, and it fed my ego a little bit when she mentioned how in-shape and buff I looked :)

Aside from that though, not a whole lot new on the dating front. I'm keeping my eyes open, but more or less I'm just enjoying "getting the eye" right now, as I still feel I have some baggage and mistrust of women in general right now to pursue anything past friends.

Dude this chicks a hypocrite... sleeeping around with you then saying she needs to put god first? This chick needs to take the mote out of her own eye before she starts railing on you about stuff... I say move on dude and NC. Your in a dead end road man.

Yeah it was an up and down roller coaster at times. She would occasionally have these "flare ups" about not wanting to have sex due to religious reasons (most likely from pressure from her parents). Which was fine by me, I'm like I enjoy other things about you than sex so it wasn't a huge deal for me giving it up. But then she would be the one to re-initiate it even after I'd ask her multiple times if she REALLY wanted to. In the end I feel like she ended up blaming me for "tempting her" with sex (yeah... apparently I'm that irresistible *rolls eyes* :)... ). I stopped a long time ago wondering why she did what she did. As somebody else stated way back in this thread I'm thinking her parent's meddling and the religious aspect of it was just part of her leaving. I think she just got comfortable with me and bored / whatever you want to call it. We were around each other all the time, and no matter how amazing somebody is everybody needs there alone time. When I started trying to have some alone time she saw that as me ignoring her and taking her for granted.

She was incredibly easily swayed by her parent's and friends input, and that definitely played a role in her leaving me. A couple of her friends (the really religious ones) thought that she should date around more often than just being in a serious relationship, and sleeping at each other's places every night. I just find it funny how everybody that works with the both of us tell me how I'm so much better off now lol. But like I said, whatever... what she does is not my concern. I wish her the best and really don't care if she's dating anybody new (I'd rather NOT see it of course), I know that I'm a hell of a catch for anybody - so best of luck replacing all I have to offer.

Keep those spirits high. I understand how you feel. I am Christian myself but who cares. You guys shared something and it was special. I can't believe she would just leave that. Good luck to her trying to find something good. Just keep trying your best and your best will soon come. I wish you the best. All I know is that staying busy is the best way. I am doing great but only because I stay very busy! The people here give great advice and I followed all of it. Hang in there. I hope I can heal 100% but I'm almost there.