I have a 5 year old daughter whose biological father has never been around in her life. He has not done anything for her nor has he ever even attempted to. My husband of 5 years has been the only father she has ever known and is wanting to adopt her. What can be done to terminate my daughters biological fathers rights? Many people have suggested filing abandonment charges against him. He would never voluntarily sign his rights over. Is there anything that can be done?

First, did you ever file for support from the bio father?

If the bio father will not relinquish his rights, there is little you can do. The people who have advised filing abandonment don't know the law.

However, if you have never filed for support then do so now. If you have filed then go through the courts to enforce it. That may provide the incentive for him to relinquish rather then deal with support.

I never filed for support. I do not want anything from this man. I just want my husband who is her father to legally be her father beings how he is the one who supports her and gives her a loving father daughter relationship.

I never filed for support. I do not want anything from this man. I just want my husband who is her father to legally be her father beings how he is the one who supports her and gives her a loving father daughter relationship.

Except you DO want something from him... you want him to voluntarily terminate his rights. Filing for support provides some leverage.

You will be very hard pressed to get his rights involuntarily terminated. That is a very rare exception usually involving felonies on the part of the unfit parent.

Yes, as Steve pointed out, getting an involuntary TPR is a longshot. You NEED for him to voluntarily relinquish his rights. So you tell him that if he doesn't relinquish, then he will be forcing you to make him live up to his financial responsibility as a parent.

However if I file for support then won't that give him the right to see her? She has never seen him and I will never allow him to see her. All that would create is confusion in her life. Like I said tthis man has never done anything for her. And she has a dad, my husband who is more than willing to take on all roles and all legal responsibilities as her father.

I know he is on drugs, and does not even have a high school diploma. The situation would not even come close to being a safe environment for my daughter.

however if i file for support then won't that give him the right to see her? She has never seen him and I will never allow him to see her. All that would create is confusion in her life. like I said tthis man has never done anything for her. And she has a dad, my husband who is more than willing to take on all roles and all legal responsibilities as her father.

He has the right to see her now, if he goes to court and asks for it. Support and visitation are not really related.

So even though this man has never even seen her or attempted to see her, if he decides to go to court and wants to see her there is nothing I can do about it? I'm sorry but that just doesn't seem right to me. Why should a man who has done nothing, never bought a diaper, never bought formula, never paid for a dr visit, never been there emotionally for her, have the same rights as me? I do not think so. He is not on her birth certificate, however when I had her I was on MC+ and the state made us take a paternity test in which he was proven to be the biological dad. Now 5 years later she is on my husbands insurance.. He pays for her and he supports her emotionally. NOT HER "BLOOD" father. There's got to be something that can be done about this.

You are not listening to us. It matters not what you want or think fair. It matters what the law is. The law states that he has rights unless he can be proven to be a danger to the child. And I don't see enough to prove that. At the most, if he asks for visitation, he would get, at least, supervised visitation.

If you want your husband to be able to adopt, then you need to get the bio father's rights terminated. Since the courts are not likely to involuntarily terminate, then your option is to get him to relinquish. If he won't voluntarily relinquish then you have apply leverage. And your only leverage is child support.

Your best bet now is to consult a Family Law attorney in your area to explain your options. I doubt if he will tell you anything different, but maybe he knows the local courts better than we do.

One last point. Who's fault is it that he hasn't paid for anything or supported his daughter? Did you ever ask him for anything? Did you ever try to get him involved? I'm not saying you are totally to blame, but you have to look at this from both sides.

however if i file for support then won't that give him the right to see her? She has never seen him and I will never allow him to see her. All that would create is confusion in her life. like I said tthis man has never done anything for her. And she has a dad, my husband who is more than willing to take on all roles and all legal responsibilities as her father.

The confusion was compounded by your actions, he does have rights. You should have handled this five years ago. Child support and visitation are not related. He is more likely to see a child that he is financial responsible for and he is more likely to handle the financial responsibility of a child he sees and knows.

Unfortunately, you can not just choose who you want to be the child's father. DNA plays its role. If he is an addict who never finished high school that should have been thought about that before fathering a child with him.

Maternal rights aren't exclusive.

I am listening to u all and I appreciate your responses, however there has to be something more that can be done, the best interest of the child should play a part in this. And her best interest is to not have him anywhere around and to have her father whom she's known her whole life be her father by law.

You well to answer your reply at 16 years of age, I wasn't planning on who I was going to have a child with, and I am not being hateful just trying to get some information and input so please do not be so with me.

I am not being hateful, I am being upfront. Your legal options are to file for child support and hopefully use that as leverage to have him relinquish his rights.

Your math seems a bit off, a five year old daughter, a five year marriage, a different father for your child and you were 16 when you got pregnant.

You can not choose your child's best interest alone.

EDIT: Or get yourself a really good attorney and hope he doesn't. That's pretty expensive, but it may get you what you want.
You can also ask for him to relinquish his rights, he hasn't tried to use any of his rights thus far.

My daughter will be 5 next week, my husband has been around since she was one month old. We have been married 4 years now, sorry my fault for not explaining that.

I am listening to u all and I appreciate your responses, however there has to be something more that can be done, the best intrest of the child should play a part in this. and her best intrest is to not have him anywhere around and to have her father whom she's known her whole life be her father by law.

The best interests of the child DOES play a part in this. But so do the rights of the bio parent. You can't just take away his rights. The courts will NOT do it, at least as far as I know.


ya well to answer your reply at 16 years of age, i wasn't planning on who i was going to have a child with, and i am not being hateful just trying to get some information and input so please do not be so with me.

I don't see anyone being hateful, just realistic. You are looking at things from one angle only and that's what YOU think is in the best interests of the child. But the courts have to look at things from EVERY side. AND they have to follow the law.

So, again, consult an attorney who can advise you about what your local courts will do.

As already pointed out you can't just have his rights taken away. You will need an attorney for the adoption anyway (even if you do convince the bio father to go along with it) so you may as well get one now and he/she will tell you exactly what your state requires.

I have asked him to sign his rights over and he won't do so... says that she is his daughter no one else's

I have asked him to sign his rights over and he won't do so........ says that she is his daughter no one elses

So file for child support. Lets see if he changes his tune when 17% of his paycheck is sent to you.

You well he just told me that he will just pay it, that it has never been about the money.

ya well he just told me that he will just pay it, that it has never been about the money.

Then he pays it and there isn't much you can do. Like it or not, he IS the child;s father and that's just the way it goes. Sorry.

You we will c about that. I just found a lawyer who is willing to help me and says there is something I can do but thanks for your responses. It put things in a whole new light for me.

ya we will c about that. I just found a lawyer who is willing to help me and says there is something I can do but thanks for your responses. It put things in a whole new light for me.

I hope you are right, but if the father is unwilling, I am doubtful.

Listen... be wary here. Lawyers charge by the hour win or lose... and this wouldn't be a historical event if he were to tell you what you want to hear and a few months and a few thousdand dollars from now say "sorry... "

Well he's not going to even charge me anything except the retaining fee unless we win. And no price tag can be put on my daughters happiness... I talked to a lady from the state as well and was told after 6 months of no support, no inititave on his part then I can claim abandonment, and since its been 5 years then I can def go ahead with it.

well he's not going to even charge me anything except the retaining fee unless we win. and no price tag can be put on my daughters happiness....... i talked to a lady from the state as well and was told after 6 months of no support, no inititave on his part then I can claim abandonment, and since its been 5 years then I can def go ahead with it.

I never said you couldn't go ahead with it. If he chooses to fight it, I don't think you will win. I could be wrong. I don't think I am.

The state laws vary on abandonment, so I didn't factor that in... but I am maintaining my stance that I don't think it will happen if he fights it. Courts are very reluctant to terminate parental rights against their will if they are fit parents.

Its good that the lawyer isn't charging if you lose... that is one of the downsides of this kind of thing... in many of the cases, the only one that benefits is the lawyers.

well he's not going to even charge me anything except the retaining fee unless we win. and no price tag can be put on my daughters happiness....... i talked to a lady from the state as well and was told after 6 months of no support, no inititave on his part then I can claim abandonment, and since its been 5 years then I can def go ahead with it.

The lady from the state told you wrong. If he has never been established as the legal father then he has no obligation until the courts place him as the father of the child. The morality of thinking does not apply. What state are you saying has this law ?

Paternity has been established. Right after she was born a paternity test was done. Missouri

While paternity may have been established, no visitation or support order was established. This could be an impediment to using abandonment as grounds.

This site:
Termination of Parental Rights in Missouri - Part 2 (http://www.mobar.org/675d730d-ee38-455f-990d-2a1d557ea8d7.aspx)

Seems to have a lot of good info for you. It makes using abandonment as grounds possible, but certainly no slam dunk, especially if he fights it. I think the lady from the state was also talking generally. According to what the site I linked to says, it's a possibility. But I think the fact that no support order or visitation schedule was in place is going to make it harder to rule. I really think if the bio father tells the court, that he's sorry for the way he's acted and wants to now be a father, they may very well agree.

I just hope you realize that the information we gave you was as correct as we could given what we know of such cases. But that local laws and conditions could change things.

I'm glad you found a lawyer to help, its what I suggested several times. While we can only speak in generalities, especially since we didn't know what state you were in until a couple of posts back, a local attorney is more familiar with local laws, and more importantly, the way the local courts rule.

I hope things work out for you and please keep us posted.

Good luck to you please let us know how it turned out!

Just so you all know, I did file abandonment charges. Her biological father tried to fight it at first but then was told that if he wanted to see his child he needed to pay me 5 years worth of support that he missed out on and then he could have visitation rights, his rights are terminated!!

I still say the only reason his rights were terminated was because your husband was waiting to adopt. I think the judge may have violated the law by threatening him with retroactive support.

But I'm glad things worked out for you.

i know he is on drugs, and does not even have a high school diploma. The situation would not even come close to being a safe enviornment for my daughter.

But can you PROVE it? Can you PROVE that he's a danger to his child?

If you can't PROVE he's a danger to his child, and he won't voluntarily relinquish, you're out of luck.

Be GLAD that the laws are framed the way they are--otherwise ANYONE with a grudge could start getting people's rights taken away--like YOUR rights--for reasons that are really superficial--in your case, for preventing your daughter from seeing her biological father.

EDIT: I should have read all the way through. I, too, am sure that the only real reason that rights were terminated was to pave the way for adoption.

Well either way I don't care how it happened... he is no longer in my life and will never be again. When my daughter gets old enough to make the decision for herself then I will let her until then it IS my decision to make and I am making the decision that is in the best interest of my child... and no I never refused to let him see her, he never wanted to until I told him that my husband wanted to adopt her. OH WELL ALL IS WELL!!

I know you don't care how it happened, but we have to deal with the realities of the law here. We need to make sure people understand that getting a TPR is a difficult things and will generally be granted under limited circumstances. That's why, when someone tells that something was done that doesn't appear to conform to law we have to see why.

Congratulations, Allison. I believe from what you have said that you most definitely acted in the best interest of your child.

When and if she has a relationship with her bio dad will now be up to her and him many years down the road. Until then she has the opportunity to be raised by her mom and "dad" who love and support her in all ways.

I do agree with the others, though. Involuntary Termination is hard to get, but in my state, Pennsylvania, I have seen it happen many times after many court hearings and expert reports of supervised visitations... it can happen but it only ever happens when there's an adoptive parent stepping in to replace the terminated one.

As far as the judge using the child support as a threat, I have to agree that it does sound like a violation of the law... or a bluff at the very least because visitation and support are two different ball games, as unfair as it is.

I'm happy for you