On the verge of giving up- I know, you hear it all the time...

I've seen so many counselors / psychiatrists / psychologists and it all seems useless. I've been down for a good 8-10 years . I got by by saying "Things will get better after XYZ" but I've run out of XYZs and things aren't better- why would they be?

I've been on several anti-depressants, and although they help with the "downs" they don't help with the hopelessness and feelings of no-point to life. My last psychiatrist put me on ADHD meds and antidepressants- he says it's pretty common with adult ADHD people with high IQs (172), as I think so deeply about everything it kills me (maybe literally)

Although I did take an attempt on my life in 2002, I've gotten through it all by what I said above- (thinking things will get better after xyz) or by thinking that there may be other options.

I've run out of options, and I just don't know what to do at this point. Is there anything I haven't tried which may help, or places to go that may be able to help?

Why have you been through so many counselors, etc. What is your time span with each and why do you dump each one?

1 year, 1 year, 6 mo, 3 mo and 1.5 yr spread over since 2001... although the two psychiatrists I saw were sparingly through psych/counselor referrals.

I stopped seeing them because of a mix of financial reasons, complete feeling of uselessness, I can't handle "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down" comments, sometimes feeling so down I don't think I'm worth the psych's time of day, and because of moving / change of insurance.

Thanks for taking the time to help... I appreciate it.

1 year, 1 year, 6 mo, 3 mo and 1.5 yr spread over since 2001... although the two psychiatrists I saw were sparingly through psych/counselor referrals.

I stopped seeing them because of a mix of financial reasons, complete feeling of uselessness, I can't handle "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down" comments, sometimes feeling so down I don't think i'm worth the psych's time of day, and because of moving / change of insurance.

Thanks for taking the time to help... I appreciate it.
Any therapist who says to you, "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down," isn't worth a dime of your money, and should be promptly shot. (He apparently never heard of Albert Ellis who said, "Don't should on yourself.)

Well, you've come to the right place. We will do what we can to help because, in some way, shape, or form, we have all been where you have/are or have a loved one who has. Plus, my IQ is higher than yours, and I'm a well-trained and well-regarded counselor. Feel free to emote.

Any therapist who says to you, "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down," isn't worth a dime of your money, and should be promptly shot. (He apparently never heard of Albert Ellis who said, "Don't should on yourself.)

Well, you've come to the right place. We will do what we can to help because, in some way, shape, or form, we have all been where you have/are or have a loved one who has. Plus, my IQ is higher than yours, and I'm a well-trained and well-regarded counselor. Feel free to emote.

Early on it was tough for me to realize that counselors are just like any other profession- there's going to be great ones, and there's going to be terrible ones, so I'm trying to exercise resiliency after some less than positive experiences.

excellent. Thanks again, I look forward to anything you or fellow posters are able to offer. I certainly see value in being a well trained counselor, and its great to see you helping other people here at ask me help desk.

Early on it was tough for me to realize that counselors are just like any other profession- theres going to be great ones, and theres going to be terrible ones, so I'm trying to exercise resiliency after some less than positive experiences.

Yup, I met a few in grad school I hoped I would never see again. Now I inherit clients from suchlike.

What's your daily life like right now with responsibilities?

Lifes fairly boring at the moment... I work from home most days, and do extra consulting work plus volunteering at the local business incubator just to give me something to do and to work with people.

The only responsibilities I really have are home, wife, job.

I went back to school to get my MBA and finished that up about 2 months ago, so an influx of free time is a fairly new experience for me. Historically I've tried to keep myself so busy that I didn't have a chance to think about life or myself.

Lifes fairly boring at the moment... I work from home most days, and do extra consulting work plus volunteering at the local business incubator just to give me something to do and to work with people.

The only responsibilities I really have are home, wife, job.

I went back to school to get my MBA and finished that up about 2 months ago, so an influx of free time is a fairly new experience for me. Historically I've tried to keep myself so busy that I didn't have a chance to think about life or myself.
What type of business are you in?

Maybe it's time to think about life... and yourself.

What type of business are you in?

Maybe it's time to think about life...and yourself.

I'm a marketing executive for a smaller product/services company, in addition to the consulting work I mentioned prior.

Thinking about life and myself comes to two conclusions, although I am embarrassed to say so- life is pointless and I'm useless... hence the reason I don't like to think of either... however, I'm always thinking in depth of everything (I hear "you think too much" very often) and therefore even when I am busy I can't help but going down those paths at times.

Although most people that know me in a professional sense or as an acquaintance would actually think I am overly confident to the point of cockyness, the truth is simply that this behavior creates results. I do recognize now that myself esteem is extremely low. This doesn't make sense because I have seen great successes in my past (always feeling like I have to prove myself so I've taken on a lot of challenges and triumphed, but nothing ever seems to suffice). That's why any time I talk to friends and stuff the "should" comes out- "You should be proud of yourself" or "you should be happy", but those only go to cause greater internal strife as I blame myself for not being able to be appreciative.

One problem I have when I talk to counselors and the such is that I am really good at reading people, and I am a disturbingly big "people pleaser" and unfortuantely that means I can never discern between what I want and what I think someone else wants of me; therefore I have often unintentionally lead anyone working with me down random paths based on their behavior and thought patterns. I try so hard not to, but it is tough when even I am unable to discern between the truth and the façade. I must say that is one positive to getting feedback online- I don't have the opportunity to read or adapt easily.

Thanks!

Hi, ryans2fast4u!

If you would like to do it, I have an activity that I like to do with people on this site that can potentially help them to feel better about themselves.

If you would like to know what it is and possibly participate in doing it, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

Clough,

Presuming your activity is legitimate and legal, I'd certainly be interested in learning more/consider doing it.

Thanks.

Hi again, ryans2fast4u!

Of course it's legitimate and legal! Otherwise, it wouldn't be allowed on the site! :)

What it is, is writing songs and actually being able to here what has been written here on a site on the Internet.

Are you into music, poetry, writing poetry or the lyrics to songs?

Thanks!

Hi again, ryans2fast4u!

Of course it's legitimate and legal! Otherwise, it wouldn't be allowed on the site! :)

What it is, is writing songs and actually being able to here what has been written here on a site on the Internet.

Are you into music, poetry, writing poetry or the lyrics to songs?

Thanks!

Yes to all of the above... in fact, I always dreamed of being a musician... haha. I've written poetry and music lyrics for years, even won a few awards for poetry (nothing major, more like school contests and the such). Haven't much the past few years, but I used to all the time...

Tell me more!

Well, what you do is to post something in the Writing forum topic area. That's one of the areas that I moderate, and if something goes "Oops!" I can fix it there.

We could figure out how to start the thread on this thread, though.

Do you have an acoustic piano or an electronic keyboard of some kind?

Thanks!

I have a half decent keyboard.

What brand of keyboard is it and what is the number associated with your keyboard. I bet that we can find an image of it on the Internet. I would like to know what you have available for you to use...

Thanks!

What brand of keyboard is it and what is the number associated with your keyboard. I bet that we can find an image of it on the Internet. I would like to know what you have available for you to use...

Thanks!

I think it's a casio CTK-519 or similar... it's in storage I'd have to pull it out. Not a great keyboard, but it works. I never really had the patience to really learn piano/keyboard, but as a saxophonist, Oboist, and an electric bass player, I should be able to get by.

There you are! I was wonderning where you disappeared to!

Are there images of what your keyboard looks like on the following search?

Casio - Google Image Search (http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&q=Casio%20CTK-519&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi)

Thanks!

I'm going to have to go for a little while, ryans2fast4u, but I will return after a bit.

Thanks!

I think its a casio CTK-519 or similar... it's in storage I'd have to pull it out. Not a great keyboard, but it works. I never really had the patience to really learn piano/keyboard, but as a saxophonist, Oboist, and an electric bass player, I should be able to get by.
I got home from work around ten and came dashing over to the computer, but it looks like Clough has things well in hand. I'll be around and about if you need me for anything. Don't forget about me.

There you are! I was wonderning where you disappeared to!

Are there images of what your keyboard looks like on the following search?

Casio - Google Image Search (http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&q=Casio%20CTK-519&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi)

Thanks!

Google Image Result for http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/profile_mojo_data/4/0/2/8/402854/pics/_c237262_image_0.JPG (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/profile_mojo_data/4/0/2/8/402854/pics/_c237262_image_0.JPG&imgrefurl=http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Shredex/pictures/gear/90838/237262&usg=__xG5P6OKbvnGgLeaP62wIrj6gKpI=&h=533&w=710&sz=65&hl=en&start=1&um=1&tbnid=XVEvuvIWf2n-lM:&tbnh=105&tbnw=140&prev=/images%3Fq%3DCasio%2BCTK-519%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1)

I got home from work around ten and came dashing over to the computer, but it looks like Clough has things well in hand. I'll be around and about if you need me for anything. Don't forget about me.

I would like to thank you for what you have offered, and would like to ask what your take is? What paths are worth exploring- is it worth looking into new counselors? Any suggestions on what directions to try to make some progress? Any things you see as significant besides the self esteem?

I would like to thank you for what you have offered, and would like to ask what your take is? What paths are worth exploring- is it worth looking into new counselors? Any suggestions on what directions to try to make some progress? Any things you see as significant besides the self esteem?
Hmmmm. Self-esteem. Jesus said you can't find yourself until you give yourself away (Mark 8:35). Pardoxical concept! So how are you giving yourself away? (And no, I'm not a Bible thumper.)

What part of the world are you in? If I were you, I would definitely give counseling another try, but you have to be careful and canny in finding the one who is right for you.

Hmmmm. Self-esteem. Jesus said you can't find yourself until you give yourself away (Mark 8:35). Pardoxical concept! So how are you giving yourself away? (And no, I'm not a Bible thumper.)

What part of the world are you in? If I were you, I would definitely give counseling another try, but you have to be careful and canny in finding the one who is right for you.

I want to believe What you say, but its hard to give of yourself when you don't feel there is value in humanity or nature, but I guess it is likely as you suggest, the value is not evident until you give yourself away.

as far as what part of the world I'm in, I am in the States- East coast and Mid west (in the process of moving).

How do you recommend finding a counselor, and how do you recommend determining who is right for you? I have spent a lot of time and a lot of money with little positive outcomes in the past, and so it is tough for me to believe there is much opportunity left, but maybe a hidden speck of resilience will allow me to jump back in.

I got home from work around ten and came dashing over to the computer, but it looks like Clough has things well in hand. I'll be around and about if you need me for anything. Don't forget about me.

Hi, Wondergirl!

I hope that you don't think that I was trying to hijack this thread. You know that I have something different and additional to offer that usually takes place on a new thread.

You're doing a great job, here! :)

Thanks!

Google Image Result for http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/profile_mojo_data/4/0/2/8/402854/pics/_c237262_image_0.JPG (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/profile_mojo_data/4/0/2/8/402854/pics/_c237262_image_0.JPG&imgrefurl=http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Shredex/pictures/gear/90838/237262&usg=__xG5P6OKbvnGgLeaP62wIrj6gKpI=&h=533&w=710&sz=65&hl=en&start=1&um=1&tbnid=XVEvuvIWf2n-lM:&tbnh=105&tbnw=140&prev=/images%3Fq%3DCasio%2BCTK-519%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1)

Hi again, ryans2fast4u!

That keyboard for which you supplied a link to the image should be more than sufficient for us to accomplished what we'll do on this site!

We'll probably be able to orchestrate a piece on a larger scale then just the piano by making use of the various combinations of sounds that it has.

Is that image of your own, actual keyboard?

Thanks!

I want to believe What you say, but its hard to give of yourself when you don't feel there is value in humanity or nature, but I guess it is likely as you suggest, the value is not evident until you give yourself away.

as far as what part of the world I'm in, I am in the States- East coast and Mid west (in the process of moving).

How do you recommend finding a counselor, and how do you recommend determining who is right for you? I have spent a lot of time and a lot of money with little positive outcomes in the past, and so it is tough for me to believe there is much opportunity left, but maybe a hidden speck of resilience will allow me to jump back in.
How on earth did you ever become so cynical?? Even puppies and kittens have no value? But, then, that goes to the core of how one goes about looking for and finding value in something.

(Moving. Been there, done that. I'm from NC and NY State and now live near Chicago.) I suggest you move and settle in before finding a counselor.

What characteristics would you want a counselor to have?

ryans2fast4u;1826853]I want to believe What you say, but its hard to give of yourself when you don't feel there is value in humanity or nature...

Why specifically, did you state the above, please?

Thanks!

Why specifically, did you state the above, please?

Thanks!

Sorry I don't mean to sound too cynical... and I do appologize for my comment.

I just mean the world is full of dissappointment- like you help a friend and they stab you in the back. You build a house for habitat for humanity, and then you find out the family that moved in scammed the system. You donate to a good cause and find out it was fake and someone took it all.

I should clarify that in life I believe there is goodness and value to life and people, although often it is difficult to see it when your view is clouded with all the negativity, hatred, and anger. But yes I will strive to give of myself even if it is difficult to see the value or goodness in the world at times.

Hi again, ryans2fast4u!

That keyboard for which you supplied a link to the image should be more than sufficient for us to accomplished what we'll do on this site!

We'll probably be able to orchestrate a piece on a larger scale then just the piano by making use of the various combinations of sounds that it has.

Is that image of your own, actual keyboard?

Thanks!

No, it was from the Google search you sent. Storage facility doesn't open till 9 am tomorrow, so I can't grab mine until it does!

Thanks.

Sorry I don't mean to sound too cynical... and I do appologize for my comment.

I just mean the world is full of dissappointment- like you help a friend and they stab you in the back. You build a house for habitat for humanity, and then you find out the family that moved in scammed the system. You donate to a good cause and find out it was fake and someone took it all.

I should clarify that in life I belive there is goodness and value to life and people, although often it is difficult to see it when your view is clouded with all the negativity, hatred, and anger. But yes I will strive to give of myself even if it is difficult to see the value or goodness in the world at times.

To me, a big part of life is about making choices, dealing with the cards that I've been dealt and cost and benefit. I don't mean cost and benefit in the sense of money but about the choices that we make in the way that we think and for what we do.

There's some really bad stuff happening in my own life right now. I have friends that are helping me to cope with those things. It's really hard for me to make the good, positive and proactive things that I know that I need to do and prepare for with positive thinking, which is also hard for me to do. But, I will do it because I know that I have to.

Do you have a good support system of family and friends on whom you can rely for help with the way that you think and subsequently do?

Thanks!

How on earth did you ever become so cynical???? Even puppies and kittens have no value? But, then, that goes to the core of how one goes about looking for and finding value in something.

(Moving. Been there, done that. I'm from NC and NY State and now live near Chicago.) I suggest you move and settle in before finding a counselor.

What characteristics would you want a counselor to have?

I echo the appology/comment on the same cynical statement I left with Clough.

Currently moving from upstate NY myself.

as far as characteristics, I'm not quite sure what I should be going after. I'd imagine that I would want someone who could prod me a little bit and help me open up, who wouldn't seem to pass judgement, who wouldn't fall for my unintentional mind games, can help me sort through flip-flopping, and who wouldn't come in with preconceived notions. Someone who could understand that I live behind a façade and that my behavior is typically based on how I feel I should behave and not how I want to behave. I would like someone who honestly wants to see me gain value from the interactions, and someone who could empathetically see things from my perspective even if they don't agree. Lastly, the one thing I can't stand is someone who simply echos back exactly what I say. I know that works for a lot of people (I've had those interactions with friends for example), but even though I know no one can tell me exactly what's up, I need someone who can help me figure me out, who isn't afraid to push, anger, and stress me out, and is willing push me out of my comfort zones.

What do you think about what I wrote in post #31 above, ryans2fast4u?

Thanks!

There's some really bad stuff happening in my own life right now. I have friends that are helping me to cope with those things. It's really hard for me to make the good, positive and proactive things that I know that I need to do and prepare for with positive thinking, which is also hard for me to do. But, I will do it because I know that I have to.

Do you have a good support system of family and friends on whom you can rely for help with the way that you think and subsequently do?

Thanks!

I'm sorry to hear about the bad things happening, but I am glad to hear you are working through them with supportive friends, and positive thinking. I certainly hope for the best in whatever those bad things are.

As far as a "good support" system of family and friends, I would say no. Family relationship is very superficial ( https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-family-people/successful-but-dont-feel-can-meet-parents-expectations-killing-me-365489.html ). Never had much communication within the family, although on paper it looks near perfect. As far as friends are concerned, I've never been too good with friendships. People tend to really like me as an acquaintance but not much more. I typically cycle through friendships in 6 mo to a year through my entire life (through school and into adulthood), and over the past few years I have been actively trying to maintain friendships better but with limited success- Overall, this means I never get to the real "supportive" stage. In high school I lost some friendships when I went through a hard time. Felt like as soon as I needed someone they would scatter, and have always been skeptical about the possibility of having a close friend- probably a self fulfilling prophecy. The closest thing I've had to a support system is I always have had a girlfriend since about 5th grade (not the same one)- don't think I've been single more than a week in my life (I know that's NOT something to be proud of) but typically I go for girls who are poor communicators like me, so I don't really ever end up sharing much, although it helps give me some security.

Water seeks its own level, it's a basic law in physics. It's the same way with people.

I haven't read everything over yet on this thread but have done some scanning. So, please forgive me if I ask about something that's already been clarified. There's a lot to take in here.

You are living on your own. Is that correct?

Thanks!

Are you still there, ryans2fast4u?

Thanks!

Water seeks its own level, it's a basic law in physics. It's the same way with people.

I haven't read everything over yet on this thread but have done some scanning. So, please forgive me if I ask about something that's already been clarified. There's a lot to take in here.

You are living on your own. Is that correct?

Thanks!

Sorry- If I stay on the page it doesn't send me an email to tell me I have a response- I just now figured that out.

I am not living on my own, I have a wife who I am living with.

Okay, that tells me a lot there. I didn't know that you were married.

How long have you been married, please?

I haven't gotten the email notifications in many hours now either.

Thanks!

I've been married for 2 years now, although I am not sure how much longer it will last. Not sure how much details you want, but we actually get along great- we both just kind of feel like roomates instead of a married couple and thought we should consider ending things before we have children. I know that's a whole other issue, but I think the root causes are related.

Hey, I made it 2&1/2 years! I'd like to see you beat me with yours lasting at least 50 years! :D

If there are any things that are going on negatively in your marriage, would you mind sharing them here?

Thanks!

I can see that you're modifying a post either on this thread or on another one, ryans2fast4u.

I can see that you're modifying a post either on this thread or on another one, ryans2fast4u.

I guess I can go in a little more depth (I modified the post about the marriage if you haven't seen it)

I gave up on the idea of being in love with someone...

I couldn't handle the constant jealousy, fear of them leaving, worrying, etc. so I found a good compliment and married her- never even said "I love you" because I didn't. I always thought that I naturally would over time though. My pastor also always said "love is an action, not a feeling". Now I believe she deserves better and I believe its worth the jealousy, fear and worrying... and its worth hoping for and waiting for someone even if the possibility of really falling in love with someone isn't real... Plus I'm still crazy about an ex, and you can't have a good marriage when you haven't gotten over previous relationships.

Seemed like a good idea at the time- but as I said before, we get along fine but we're pretty much "roomates" and friends. The most accurate response is probably simply youth and naivity. Immaturity isn't an age, and some of us can be very mature professionally... but very immature interpersonally. I would put me in this basket.

Are you afraid to tell someone that you love them?

I've told it to two people before... but of course I'm very reserved because I don't handle rejection (or even thje belief of rejection even if it isn't real)

Thinking through this just makes me really realize how useless I really am... I really don't have a place, and I can't figure out what's wrong with me that I am unable to be a good friend and a good lover, and a good person. Your right about what you said with the water- if I cannot be a half decent person, how can I expect to surround myself with half decent people?

I think that we need to work on some of the fears that you have.

I never had a problem telling my mother that I loved her. I just couldn't bring myself to tell my dad that I loved him until the last year before his death.

Now, with many people I always take advantage of telling them that I love them. We never really know if it may be the last opportunity that we have to say it.

With my mother, especially in her last years, we would always say to each other, "I love you and I'll see you later". We didn't say goodbye.

"I love you and I'll see you later" were the last things that we said to each other before I watched her die a few days later.

Hey also, telling someone that you love them is very much like asking someone for a date. We're going to get rejection. It's a part of life. If we doon't take the risks that are worth taking in life, we become stagnant, sterile and don't really progress ever onward and upward the way that we should.

When is the last time that you told your wife that you loved her?

Thanks!

Thinking through this just makes me really realize how useless I really am... I really don't have a place, and I can't figure out whats wrong with me that I am unable to be a good friend and a good lover, and a good person.

Now you're beating yourself up. Why? What you say isn't true. I've done it many times myself. You haven't yet commented on the "choises" part I put in an earlier post. It was almost like you didn't read it. Although, maybe you did.

I have some very strong things to add to it that might make a difference for you. I learned the lesson a long time ago...

Thanks!

I'm hoping for a response from you yet tonight, ryans2fast4u! You're obviously depressed. So am I!

I would like to help you...

Thanks!

Your probably going to laugh at this, but I've never asked anyone on a date either... haha I was always afraid to, so I just got every one to the point where the question was raised "so we're exclusively dating, right?". It's almost humourous how far and creative one can go just to avoid rejection.

So as I bet you can determine from that, I don't take risks.

As far as my wife is concerned, I have never told her I loved her, even prior to marriage. I know it bothers her, I just haven't been able to say it because I still feel that love is reserved for someone else and until I can get over that, it will be tough for me to move on. I do LOVE her even if it's not necessarily romantically- I really do want to see her happy and cared for, and I would gladly step aside for another man as long as he treated her right... because of that I know I should say it and show it because its only fair to her.

Let's see...

Married for two years. You know that she would like you to say it.

What do you mean by the following statement, please?


... I still feel that love is reserved for someone else...

Thanks!

[QUOTE=Clough;1827043]Now you're beating yourself up. Why? What you say isn't true. I've done it many times myself. You haven't yet commented on the "choises" part I put in an earlier post. It was almost like you didn't read it. Although, maybe you did.

To me, a big part of life is about making choices, dealing with the cards that I've been dealt and cost and benefit. I don't mean cost and benefit in the sense of money but about the choices that we make in the way that we think and for what we do.
[QUOTE]

I presume this is the "choices" part you mentioned?

I don't make choices. I want to, but ultimately I choose what I think I'm supposed to choose, instead of what I want to choose- I avoid the risk. I feel like I've done that so long that I almost don't know how to have my own wants or interests anymore- like I just have to do exactly what is expected of me... whether that's my career, my personal life, my marriage, or anything in between. I can't even choose where to go to dinner at night- even though I get a hard time about things that simple- when I do choose, I make the choice that I think others want (regardless of whether my assessment is in fact accurate)

Let's see...

Married for two years. You know that she would like you to say it.

What do you mean by the following statement, please?



Thanks!

I mean I'm still not over an ex-girlfriend that I feel I truly loved. I know this sounds foolish, especially since my wife really is just about perfect- nice, caring, great with kids, incredibly attractive, intelligent, active - I just don't have as much control over those emotions as I thought I did.

(and this is not something I talk about readily... I guess there are benefits to talking to a stranger- although I do not feel like I am talking to a stranger, so I thank you for that)

I mean I'm still not over an ex-girlfriend that I feel I truly loved. I know this sounds foolish, especially since my wife really is just about perfect- nice, caring, great with kids, incredibly attractive, intelligent, active - I just don't have as much control over those emotions as I thought I did.

(and this is not something I talk about readily... I guess there are benefits to talking to a stranger- although I do not feel like I am talking to a stranger, so I thank you for that)

Yes, I don't feel like I'm talking to a stranger with you, either!
I have loved many women in my life. Do I still love some of them? Yes. Do some of them still love me? Yes.

But, for one reason or another, things just didn't work out...

Is it okay to still be in love with an ex or ex's? Absolutely!

My ex-wife makes the best lasagna that I've ever tasted! She is the mother of our children. One of my ex-girlfriends told me a number of years ago, the she and her husband never have the deep conversations like she and I did.

You need to give yourself permission to take risks...

Thanks!

[QUOTE]
I presume this is the "choices" part you mentioned?

I don't make choices. I want to, but ultimately I choose what I think I'm supposed to choose, instead of what I want to choose- I avoid the risk. I feel like I've done that so long that I almost don't know how to have my own wants or interests anymore- like I just have to do exactly what is expected of me... whether that's my career, my personal life, my marriage, or anything in between. I can't even choose where to go to dinner at night- even though I get a hard time about things that simple- when I do choose, I make the choice that I think others want (regardless of whether my assessment is in fact accurate)


I'm going to have to disagree.

You are making the choices...

Have you ever lost a job where you were employed?

Have you ever applied for a job and then not gotten it?

Do you ever try to read into what others say or what you think they are thinking?

Thanks!

Yes, I don't feel like I'm talking to a stranger with you, either!
I have loved many women in my life. Do I still love some of them? Yes. Do some of them still love me? Yes.

But, for one reason or another, things just didn't work out...

Is it okay to still be in love with an ex or ex's? Absolutely!

My ex-wife makes the best lasagna that I've ever tasted! She is the mother of our children. One of my ex-girlfriends told me a number of years ago, the she and her husband never have the deep conversations like she and I did.

You need to give yourself permission to take risks...

Thanks!

Do you know why I broke up with my ex?

I broke up with her because she was a in a 6 year program in school and I was in a 4 year program in school and I didn't think I could handle a long distance relationship, nor would anyone approve of my staying somewhere for a girl. So I took the less risky route and left her. Justified it by thinking I'm young and should try being single while I'm in school to figure myself out. All I figured out was that I was dating a different girl a week later and never lost the feelings for my ex. I look back at things like this and just want to hit myself upside the head... but there is no use regretting the decisions of our past. Learn from them and move on I like to think. Sometimes easier said than done!

So this sounds almost funny, but how do you give yourself permission to take risks... just tell yoruself next time you have hesitation that it's OK to take a risk and it's OK if you fail?

You are making the choices...

Have you ever lost a job where you were employed?
No (fortunately)

Have you ever applied for a job and then not gotten it?
Yes

Do you ever try to read into what others say or what you think they are thinking?
All the time- and I try to adjust myself/my behavior/my words accordingly.


I guess you are right about I am making choices. Maybe for the wrong reasons but I am making choices. My ex GFs for example were also choices. I may regret them, but they were choices I made in life. So you are accurate.

Thank you for trying to be open and proactive here, ryans2fast4u!

I'm going to leave for just a few minute, but I will return...

I have something very important that I would like to share with you.

It's something that my mother told to me many years ago. I've never forgotten it because it made such an impact on me.

Thanks!

... but there is no use regretting the decisions of our past. learn from them and move on I like to think. sometimes easier said than done!

So this sounds almost funny, but how do you give yourself permission to take risks... just tell yoruself next time you have hesitation that it's OK to take a risk and it's OK if you fail?

You're exactly correct with those thoughts! Ever onward, ever upward!

Thanks!

Thank you Clough- I appreciate your extensive attention and assistance. I know there are many other things you could be doing right now... (such as sleep for example- I know its late)

So certainly don't hesitate to leave any times you need to, as simply the amount of time and effort you have already put in to talking to me has been incredibly helpful.

Thank you, ryans2fast4u!

I just want to share one, last thing with you for tonight before we retire for the night...

It will be up momentarily. I just wanted to let you know that I'm back on here.

We do have that other project in music, that we will look forward to doing at a later time... :)

Thanks!

Sounds good Clough. I'm on the eastern time zone so I'm certainly looking forward to my 8 am conference call tomorrow morning... haha. However, staying up a little later than normal for some self discovery has certainly given me some more hope and drive for self improvement, and it's a decision/choice I know I won't regret.

Thank you for your time, and I certainly look forward to your continued feedback and point of view in the near future.

The year was 1982...

My wife left me... She was pregnant with our son.

I resigned from the church that I had been "married" to for seven years. In seven years, I think that I missed a total of three services. I had been both the organist an choir director there.

My dad died...

It was a day where I woke up really feeling sorry for myself because of the problems with which I was having to deal.

I woke up and called my mother while I was still in bed...

I complained and complained to her. I was feeling very sorry for myself...

She said something to me then, that I'll never forget...

"Everyone has problems. How you deal with them shows to others the kind of man that you are."

I will never forget the way that she said it to me. It was like a bolt of lightening hit me! Basically, I interpreted what she was saying to be, "'Get up! Get off your duff! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! You can't change the past, but you can try your very best for the future! You've got problems to face and choices to make. If you are truly a man, then you'll face the problems head on and make the best decisions that you can based upon your having faith in God that you're doing that right things and that others also feel the same way!"

However, others don't always share the same beliefs. It's part of the risks that we take with the decisions that we make. But, to be looked upon as a man who knows how to take care of himself and those who are dear to him, to be in control in a loving way, a leader of the family as well as a partner in making decisions for the family, it's just something that we have to do.

People won't always remember what you've said. But, you can be darn sure that they'll remember the way that you made them feel.

God's Love and Peace to You, ryans2fast4u!

Thanks!

Sounds good Clough. I'm on the eastern time zone so I'm certainly looking forward to my 8 am conference call tomorrow morning... haha. However, staying up a little later than normal for some self discovery has certainly given me some more hope and drive for self improvement, and its a decision/choice I know I won't regret.

Thank you for your time, and I certainly look forward to your continued feedback and point of view in the near future.

I'll be here! You're pointing out "self-discovery" is very admirable and noble!

I discovered a lot about myself through a number of years of counseling sessions, both as a group and as an individual, one-to-one basis with counselorss.

But, that's another story. It might also be helpful to share it with you, though.

Thanks!

How are you doing now, ryans2fast4u?

Thanks!

"Everyone has problems. How you deal with them shows to others the kind of man that you are."
Your mum was a very wise lady x

Clough- Good to hear from you...

I reverted back to my comfort zone- made myself so busy that I couldn't think about it... I really need to cut that out... but that's easier said than done.

Clough- Good to hear from you...

I reverted back to my comfort zone- made myself so busy that I couldnt think about it... I really need to cut that out... but thats easier said than done.

Then, hopefully we can come up with some ways that you can deal with that kind of thing in a proactive rather than reactive way so that you'll be able to carry on so that you can move forward rather than backwards.

Thanks!

That is certainly probably a good idea... so I guess I can stop making myself busy and try to buckle down.

Yes, buckling down is a good idea! I'm sorry for the slow response from me here! I've had to be in the hospital, yet again...

It's getting really old...

Thanks!