Hey,

My tail of woe and misery dates back a couple of years. I was in what started as the most fantastic relationship - everything was perfect. As it always is.

Unfortunately the girl of the story had been subject to a tramatic event in her earlier life and perhaps overwhelmed by our relationship slipped into depression, the medication destroyed our sex life and after a month or so I could see her becoming more and more frustrated with both me and our relationship. We were still in the early days and it seem sensibly to split up.

It was my decision but not want I wanted. She had become utterly dependent on me and kept pushing for us to remain 'best' friends. I needed to break but felt compelled to stick with it for her health and my feelings (in that order believe me). Predictably sex and feelings clouded the whole matter.

Amongst all this we did actually become incredibly close, it retrospectively was the time we needed before a test like depression came along. Predictably all ended up bad - I tried moving away but that just made it even my compicated and in the end - it was me who ended up depressed, confused and dependent. Naturally as she was recovering she found someone else and I got the break (and broken heart) I needed.

SO two years down the line, minimal contact, new city/life and a new relationship been and gone - She contacts me, she's been offered her dream job and is moving to five minutes from where I live. We have many common friends and my best male friend his her best male friend.

I've seen her once and had a few text exchange banters and it feels a bit back to the start. I was before contact over her and not interested in any relationship at all. However, meeting up and talking kicked in some feelings and now I'm confused. I'm happy for the time being to let her do the running but am not sure whether I want her back in my life. Although it'll be near impossible to not see each other regulary.

Any ideas on how to proceed?

To remain in a relationship with her, you would have to educate yourself on her mental illness and the medication she is on. L know the symptoms you have described. It's a little more work than a so called level relationship (is there such a thing?). There are many factors you would have to consider like, is she working hard to secure her stability? EX: Has she stopped drinking? (booze is a depressant.) Does she eat healthy and keep to routine? Does she get enough sleep? If she is working hard to maintain a healthy mental life, you could become more. L would swallow my feelings and just stay friends for now. You are in a good position sitting back analizing the situation. You wouldn't be able to if you were in the picture.

I think it best to cope with those old feelings in a realistic way, and not let them cloud your judgment. Maybe back away from anything personal and intimate with her, and keep it brief, but keep it moving.

Hey thanks for the replies. I reckon the stand back approach sounds best - I've made a lot of progress over the last couple of years and I reckon someone else shoud get the best of my friendship, not her.

Strange though how feelings flow back and forth so easily - the human mind really is a gutton for punishment, when we let it. :-)

Her moving near your place can complicate things, but it also tests how much progress you've made since the break up. Just don't fall into the same traps.

You don't need to force a friendship with her. Keep things simple and go with the flow. If you start feeling confused again, then take more steps away from her.