I am a mother of three children, my oldest child (12)has falsely accused me of abusing her, Twice, (once 4 years ago and again in May)in an attempt to live with her father. A man that has not done anything for her emotionally or financially for the past 10 years.I went through the motions and have recently gotten my charges of D.V and assault and a TPO dissmised and I waiting for the paper work from child services stating that my case is closed. Although they found her claims to be unsubstantiated, they kept my case opened until my court case was dissmised. Sadly, for me I can no longer deal with her. I love my child whole-heartedly but I REFUSE to continue to jepordized the safety and well being of myself and my other children because of her actions anytime she get upset with me. I would like to relinquish all of my parental rights to my child because I refuse to begin to pay her father or his relatives one red cent!! I have raised her all by myself for the past 10 years without Any help from ANY of them AT ALL. He owes me over 16,000$ in child support as we speak. It may sound petty but I feel like it his and his families turn to struggle the way I have. He only has 6 years to go. I can no longer trust her and I do not want her to come back to my home, I am afraid to be around her without witnesses, besides she wants to be with him and his family and that is where she is. And I can't live like that with my OWN children. We were never married and he didn't even sign her birth certificate because his family told him he wouldn't have to pay child support if he didn't. I have asked her father to go file for custody of her but he will not go probably out of fear that he will be arrested for failure to pay child support. We live in Ohio but in two different cities. So my question is how do I get this process started myself.

If he has never legally acknowledged your daughter how have you established that he owes 16, in child support or is that for the other kids?
Why don't you just tell him that if he or his family plan on filing for child support you will go back to court to enforce the order on his child support.
What all do you hope to gain by relinquishing your rights besides the child support issue?

Oh, hooray! Yet another parent that can't handle the child that they raised!

Guess what? You can't just relinquish your rights to a child without someone willing to step in and adopt---are you going to place your 12 year old, behaviourally difficult child for adoption? Good luck finding parents for her--no one ELSE wants that kind of child either. The courts generally do not allow ANYONE to relinquish rights, especially not if they just want to get out of child support.

2 things here:

1. Go back to court, and get the child support order enforced. Get the father to either pay the back child support or go to jail.
2. Get counseling. You cannot just hand off your CHILD when you get sick of her. She's not a puppy, for heaven's sake! You raised her to this point--surely your parenting has had SOME influence on her! And if it hasn't, well, whose fault is that?

You can refuse anything you want. I am sure the judge will care about your feelings on the matter as he is ordering you to pay support or go to jail.

Learn to parent. You cannot just pass off a child because you don't like how it turned out. This is your child. Who, justifiably, will probably hate you forever.

Since his family is willing to finish raising her you need to take it to court and go through the proper procedure.
You are worried about ending up having to pay child support
While he is not paying child support. I think the support issue should be the least of the concern now. Your daughter having a place stable place to live should be the main concern. Since your in laws were willing to take her in and the dad owes that much support I am sure you can come to some amicable agreement.

[QUOTE=N0help4u;1817079]If he has never legally acknowledged your daughter how have you established that he owes 16, in child support or is that for the other kids?
Why don't you just tell him that if he or his family plan on filing for child support you will go back to court to enforce the order on his child support.
What all do you hope to gain by relinquishing your rights besides the child support issue?[/QUOTE

We have gone to child support and an order was established when my child was 1 years old. I want my child to be happy, but that was not the purpose of me explaining my situation. He owes me 16,000 in C.S for her and her alone. I'm not here to explain myself to anyone! I came here to get REAL legal advice. If all the info. I have given wasn't enough it's obvious you can't help me and I guess I was wrong about this website

I was just trying to better understand the situation.
Other than going to court and straightening this all out I don't know what else to tell you. You sound like you are looking for another legal out without the court involvement but the court IS the legal way. So no I do not know what else to tell you.

You can refuse anything you want. I am sure the judge will care about your feelings on the matter as he is ordering you to pay support or go to jail.

Learn to parent. You cannot just pass off a child because you dont like how it turned out. This is your child. Who, justifiably, will probably hate you forever.

Thanks

The legal advice is "you cannot terminate your parental rights unless someone is adopting the child" and "you cannot get out of paying support if the custodial parent/other wishes to pursue it in court"

Since his family is willing to finish raising her you need to take it to court and go through the proper procedure.
You are worried about ending up having to pay child support
while he is not paying child support. I think the support issue should be the least of the concern now. Your daughter having a place stable place to live should be the main concern. Since your in laws were willing to take her in and the dad owes that much support I am sure you can come to some amicable agreement.

I already replied to you but this is what I think of this comment... You have your opinion and I have mine... But yours will count to me when you struggle to take care of a child

I gave you legal advice before I gave you personal advice.

Sure, I have skeletons in my closet--who doesn't? I have 2 years worth of posts here--go through and read about my skeletons, if you want.

I can see from your treatment of me WHY your daughter wants to live with your in-laws. If you treat her the same way, it's no wonder at all.

I don't give a flying fig about whether you WANT to pay child support. Either you raise your child, or you pay child support. As a taxpayer, *I* don't want to pay for your child. You brought her into this world--you have the responsibility to take care of her UNLESS someone else wants to adopt her.

You want a way to get out of raising her AND get out of child support? Adoption is it.

Get a good lawyer, regardless. You'll need one to even ATTEMPT what you are trying to do.

I already replied to you but this is what I think of this comment...You have your opinion and I have mine...But yours will count to me when you struggle to take care of a child

Okay
I raised 4 kids. My one was a problem from the time he was 7 yrs old. I can't count the number of times he kicked me in the chest to the point my lungs burned all because he was beating up my other kids or neighbor kids and I was trying to pull him off before he sent them to the hospital. Almost 16 yrs later I still can feel the pain in my head at times where he smacked me with objects. He had serious emotional issues and took it out on everybody else. Eventually, as a teen, he was taken off me and Children's services decided to take my other son as well because they saw him as a problem too.
I am not nor have I downed you for your need to let go of your daughter because I HAVE been there.
All I am saying is that you want to know what to do and I DID give you the legal answer.

Further more I really don't know what kind of legal advice you think would solve your getting out of paying child support IF they pursue it. If it were that easy to get out of child support every dead beat dad in America would be relinquishing their rights.
Even if you had called Child protective services and complained to the point they removed her and placed her where ever, they could technically come after you for support in that situation as well.
I was fortunate enough they didn't come after me and make me pay, but they very easily could have.

25 yrs ago my bf's was living with his parents and they put their name on the papers when my boyfriend got his son. Even though his parents are now dead and his son grown he is still paying back support even though he raised his son simply because his parents wanted their name as the guardians and then went after him for support.

Did you even take the time to read this ?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/signing-over-rights-read-first-116098.html

I don't think I will need a lawyer because the proof is in the pudding by his payment history...

I know you don't want to hear this but IF HIS parents get guardianship and go after support then his legal obligations and arrears have NOTHING to do with him in a court of law because THEY would be going after you for support and he is out of the picture legally.
What he owes you would be considered a totally separate issue.

If you don't like the answers you are getting here then go talk to your lawyer. They will charge you a lot more than on here (being that you are getting this information for free) but he/she can tell you the same thing and make something off it at least.

The legal advice is "you cannot terminate your parental rights unless someone is adopting the child" and "you cannot get out of paying support if the custodial parent/other wishes to pursue it in court"

You must not know the law or it's different in your state, because there is NO WAY a judge would make me pay child support to a man that is 16,000$ in debt to me for child support save your advice because as you said you are not an expert.

Since you seem to know the law so well why are you asking?
Talk to a lawyer and get the ball rolling on getting him to pay back child support.

If you don't like the answers you are getting here then go talk to your lawyer. They will charge you a lot more than on here (being that you are getting this information for free) but he/she can tell you the same thing and make something off of it at least.

As I stated earlier I thought that this was a website with legal experts, and no I don't like the answers, and I doubt they will say the same thing as what a lot of thes people are saying... I didn't know that the experts are self-proclaimed. I am not just trying to get out of child support, but I don't think I should have to pay him when he has not helped me in the past ten years... but your right, you get what you pay for. And as for no help I didn't see your comment about arrears at first but that's the only sound advice on here so far. But as I said in my orignal post... I ASKED HOW DO YOU GET THE PROCEDURE STARTED! NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS.

Since you seem to know the law so well why are you asking?
Talk to a lawyer and get the ball rolling on getting him to pay back child support.

Look this is my last comment to you too. If i knew the law i would not have asked the question that not even you can seem to answer! How do i get the procedure started myself that's all i asked, nothing more, nothing less

I do hope you come back and let us know how it went with once you have gotten the proper legal advice you are seeking. If we are so wrong maybe we could learn a lot from your experience.

How do you get the procedure going? We told you take it to family court and let the Judge sort it out.

I do hope you come back and let us know how it went with once you have gotten the proper legal advice you are seeking. If we are so wrong maybe we could learn a lot from your experience.

How do you get the procedure going? We told you take it to family court and let the Judge sort it out.

I said I wouldn't say anything else to you but... ARE YOU SO BENT ON GETTING SMART THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY QUESTION OR DIDN't READ IT ALL. (I said that we live in two different cities so since you do know everything maybe you could tell me do I go to the county they live in or the one I live in.) NO, WE didn't tell me anything ONLY YOU are you upset that I think you don't make sense to me. That's not an answer to my question I know I need to go to family court but I need DETAILS. Not all this critism surely you or no one else on here thinks that am just going to lay down and take th B.S you all keep trying to tell me without speaking up for myself. P.S I would tell you people anything else about my situation you all think you're here to judge and condenm your not trying to help anyone.

I have been telling you to speak up for yourself and go to court. You are the one that didn't seem to want to hear that from me or others.

I don't see where I have judged you or condemned you in any way. You are the one that keeps telling us we are wrong for telling you to go to court.
I would go to the court where he is in arrears with to start with.

I don't understand why you are getting argumentive with me when I have been saying take it to court and get payment for the arrears to get enforced. Your comments back to us are what lead me to believe you must already know the answer or only wanting to hear what you want to.

Here is the bottom line. If the father gets custody then he will be awarded support but before you have to pay anything the judge (at least judges around here) will lower the amount he owes you each week in the amount that you would owe. However, if it is your in-laws that get custody then you and the father will both be ordered to pay them support. That money does not go to a man that owes you $16,000 it goes to the people raising your child.

Here is the bottom line. If the father gets custody then he will be awarded support but before you have to pay anything the judge (at least judges around here) will lower the amount he owes you each week in the amount that you would owe. However, if it is your in-laws that get custody then you and the father will both be ordered to pay them support. That money does not go to a man that owes you $16,000 it goes to the people raising your child.

Exactly how the legal system is looking at it. It is for the children and they can't just go without if mom and dad have a dispute about their support money issues.

First, I can understand your being upset here. But you are taking it out on the people who are trying to help you.

Second, there were three legal issues you raised in your original post. First the issue of relinquishing your rights, second the issue of how to get the process of having the father take custody started and third, the issue of child support. However, in addition you raised issues about caring for a child so it is not unreasonable that people would comment on those as well.

So lets deal with those three legal issues. If you had read the sticky not at the top of this forum, you would have had the answer about relinquishing rights. Only a court can terminate rights and they are unlikely to do so in your case.

So the second issue is having the father assume custody. In my opinion, the best way to deal with that is through the local Children's Services agency. Since she is acting up in order to go live with her father, talk to them about changing custody. You can't force the father to be a father, but they may be able to if it's a choice between living with him or foster care.

Now we get to child support. Family Courts are governed by prevailing law. I believe, if the father became the custodial parent, you would be required to pay child support. However, I also believe that the courts would take his arrears into account and you would be given a credit for that amount. So that your support payments would not actually begin until the $16K he owes was used up.

But, I see a fight shaping up here and if Children's Services can't or won't help you, then I would strongly urge you to consult an attorney. Your situation is not usual and if you will have to go to court, you will need representation.

You would file in the courts that have juridiction where the child currently lives.

One last point. I've given you a warning about attacking people here. Any further attacks will not be tolerated.

Exactly Scott BUT also if he has his parents to be legal guardians then it gets more complicated because the fathers arrears would not be taken into account as Stina was saying they would both be gone after to share the support to his parents.