So I hung out with this girl a few times, and we ended up sleeping together after the 3rd night of hanging out. She was totally all for it- I was actually surprised.. but I was not going to say no. Anyway- the next time she came over (4 days later), if I even tried to kiss her neck she kind of turned away from me. Anytime I tried to do anything other then kiss her lips she kind of slapped my hand, or moved away. She said she was just in a mushy mood.. OK no biggie. Well jump ahead a few hours and after trying one more time she made the comment "Can't we just hang out, your making me regret what I did last week". Well... I was pretty taken back. I kind of gave her the "Are you serious" look. I asked if I was being too pushy and she said a little. But the previous week she said I was too shy/not aggressive enough. Talk about mixed signals...

To a guy- if you're going to sleep with me I kind of figured fooling around the next time I saw you wouldn't be that big of a deal. Now what I am thinking is.. she wants to make sure I am not just using her for sex/hookups. We go out to eat, movies, all kinds of stuff so I woulnd't think she would feel that way. I told her of course we can just hang out, I have no problem with that. But when she said something about regretting what we did it f'ing hurt, because I'm not the kind of guy to use girls... at all. Maybe she does not believe me.. I don't know. This was all last night- and I have not brought it up to her again today but we did talk on the phone real quick about nothing related.

I want to clear the air/make her unsterstand that I don't care if we don't have sex all the time etc. I like her, hanging out with her, etc.. How do I say this/convey this to her. Before she left last night she said she was 'dissapointed' in me, talk about a kick in the b!lls...
Thumper

I asked if I was being too pushy and she said a little. But the previous week she said I was too shy/not aggressive enough. Talk about mixed signals...

She wanted you to chase her, not just for sex. That's not a mixed signal, just a challenge.


To a guy- if you're going to sleep with me I kind of figured fooling around the next time I saw you wouldn't be that big of a deal.

That was your thinking, obviously your mistake. It was a big deal to her, but you missed it. Not a mixed signal, just you thinking with the little head and sending her the signal, that you wanted more sex.


Maybe she does not believe me.. I don't know.

You never know what she believes, or what she has been through to make her feel the way she does. Not a mixed signal, but you not paying attention. Not your fault, how could you know.


I want to clear the air/make her understand that I don't care if we don't have sex all the time etc. I like her, hanging out with her, etc.. How do I say this/convey this to her.
Actions over time, to not send her mixed signal, but a willingness to enjoy getting to know her, so her signals may be clear, and not mixed.

Before she left last night she said she was 'disappointed' in me, talk about a kick in the b!lls...

And you didn't ask for clarity? No wonder your signals are all mixed up. You have missed the opportunity to find out what she means and have assumed what she is saying, based on what? Your own feelings.

Its up to you to ask the right questions when your confused about what she says. Not assume what's on her mind.

An update- I called her because I wanted to clear the air. I let her know what I am totally OK with backing off a little physically and taking it at a slower pace and she said she would like that and thanked me. Maybe she regrets going so fast, or maybe she does need more confirmation that I am not just another d!ckhead.. BUT with that- I am definitelyyy DEFINITELY not trying to just be a friend to her. Lol I don't need any female friends in my life atm... especially not ones I already slept with.

Tala- I'm not used to these 'challenges' etc.. As you know I have been out of the dating game for 12 years always being in relationships.. so it's a little new to me. I'm too blunt of a person and straight forward lol and.. yes I am a guy with a penis and she is hot.. so what can I do, it's not easy being passive.

I will just enjoy spending time with her, and take it slow.. it's just a shame that we took it FAST and now I have to backpeddle and back-off..

Thumper

That's exactly what you do, back peddle, and think with the big head not the small one. The small head has no ears. You need to hear what she says, and question what you don't understand.

The problem was that she had sex with you too quickly and part of her wishes that she can take it back. But at the same time, she's willing to give you chances by asking you directly or indirectly to slow it down.

So just spend some time getting to know each other more by talking. You said it yourself that sex isn't that important at the moment. You've only seen each other a handful of times, so let things flow.

It sounds like she wants you to take charge and ask questions later. And if she doesn't bite, forget her.