Hi,

I had an order of protection placed upon me over 1 year ago. It stated no contact with my wife, and supervised visitation only on Tuesdays and Saturday. Well, that lasted about 1 and a half months, then we began going places together, I was invited into the house (hundreds of times in the last 9 months alone) as well as her letting me take my son to my residence when she was working including Saturdays and Sundays.

So essentially her Order of Protection was for her convenience when she wanted to keep my son from me, but when she needed my help with him I picked him up, stayed at the house with him. Or took him to my residence to care for him. There was also many overnight stays at the house and even has sexual relations with her.

Now she wants to continue the divorce process and retain the original terms of the Order of Protection. Since she initiated and agreed to change the terms of the Order what are my options to make the Order invalid?


This subject has come up before on this board and the answer to your question can vary from state to state. From what some have mentioned here, restraining orders in some states are automatically mutual and, as I recall, in some places they may automatically cancel if the protected party invites contact. Neither is true in California, where I practice. Here, restraining orders are never mutual and cannot be made mutual even by agreement of the parties unless the court makes specific findings that each party acted primarily as an aggressor and not in self-defense. Second, invited contact never cancels the order.

So, in California you would have violated the order multiple times.

Best to check with a local attorney about having the ordered rescinded or modified.

I live in Illinois, what resources can I use to find the answer. I cannot afford an attorney right now!

Thanks Cadillac59!

In the state of Illinois, when the Petitioning Party has invited and encouraaged contact with me and my son, can this be rescinded easily?

I am able to prove this easily by 9 months of Text and Phone records at the same time each day when she finished work and I had to drop off my son. I also have many witnesses including adult aged children children and step children as well as my mother-in-law. A very clear pattern was established within a month after though order went into affect and we attempted to reconcile.

Does any of this count when I go back to court?

Thanks!


It may depend on the circumstances. Like if you abused the kids the state could step in and get her and you in trouble. If Child protective services were involved and told her she is to have no contact this would also be a problem.

I have known a lot of people that rescinded the order through the court after they got a PFA on them but it depends on the circumstances.

There was No Abuse of anyone involved in this case. This is just a general "mental cruelty" ALLEGATION! There is just simply a woman who had been through the system before and knows how to use it against a man.

Within weeks of the O/P we were going places together and was watchinh my 3 yr old son UNSUPERVISED, when she was working. That should tell you that this was a total scam job.

What do you think about my chances now?


She should be able to rescind it through the court easily. BUT IF she persists in getting orders against you the court is going to end up seeing her as the kid who cried wolf. If she has these kind of problems she could end up pulling something really serious on you. I wouldn't trust her.
Courts don't like wasting their time on women that keep getting PFA's at their convenience and then don't follow them at their convenience. PFA's are meant to be followed by both party's. They do not mean she can contact you but you can not contact her. At least in my state neither one of you are allowed to give a message to a third party to pass to the other.

I take it this is your kid? Let her get the order rescinded and then go for visitation rights. I don't know how it will work out but it is worth a try.

Thanks for the help. But you see, now she has decided to move forward with the Divorce and she is insisting on keeping the OP in effect to make me look bad since it has been over a year already. She has not let the court know that we were attempting to reconcile or that she made contacts with me(100's of calls) and let me take my son Unsupervised. I want it rescinded, but she wants to keep it in place.

No. The Order can only be recinded by the Judge who signed it. Stay away from her or face the consequences. You should never have kept seeing her and having sex against the Judge's Order.

Twinkie is right, on the other hand, if you can prove a pattern of her violating the Order, its unlikley you will get into too much trouble. However, if she violated it once and you got caught you would have been in big trouble.

You need to go back to court and get the order dismissed.

While you may get out of it, but after you are arrested, bailed out and gone to trail, it is a lot easier to do it right

No. The Order can only be recinded by the Judge who signed it. Stay away from her or face the consequences. You should never have kept seeing her and having sex against the Judge's Order.

I would like to add something to this. Most orders of protection have a experation date to them. Depending on the state ( like some 2 1/2 years ). If they are not renewed then they expire.

Either way your playing a dangerous game by violating the no contact order.

I would like to add something to this. Most orders of protection have a experation date to them. Depending on the state ( like some 2 1/2 years ). If they are not renewed then they expire.

Either way your playing a dangerous game by violating the no contact order.

In Florida it was a year or it had to be renewed at a hearing with both parties being notified and having to attend the hearing. It was not automatically renewed without a hearing.

This subject has come up before on this board and the answer to your question can vary from state to state. From what some have mentioned here, restraining orders in some states are automatically mutual and, as I recall, in some places they may automatically cancel if the protected party invites contact. Neither is true in California, where I practice. Here, restraining orders are never mutual and cannot be made mutual even by agreement of the parties unless the court makes specific findings that each party acted primarily as an aggressor and not in self-defense. Second, invited contact never cancels the order.

So, in California you would have violated the order multiple times.

Best to check with a local attorney about having the ordered rescinded or modified.

It may depend on the circumstances. Like if you abused the kids the state could step in and get her and you in trouble. If Child protective services were involved and told her she is to have no contact this would also be a problem.

I have known a lot of people that rescinded the order through the court after they got a PFA on them but it depends on the circumstances.

She should be able to rescind it through the court easily. BUT IF she persists in getting orders against you the court is going to end up seeing her as the kid who cried wolf. If she has these kind of problems she could end up pulling something really serious on you. I wouldn't trust her.
Courts don't like wasting their time on women that keep getting PFA's at their convenience and then don't follow them at their convenience. PFA's are meant to be followed by both party's. They do not mean she can contact you but you can not contact her. At least in my state neither one of you are allowed to give a message to a third party to pass to the other.

I take it this is your kid? Let her get the order rescinded and then go for visitation rights. I don't know how it will work out but it is worth a try.

You need to take it to family court and give them all the dates, times and anything else you can.

Please take a moment and read the rules on posting,

Please only post one question about the same topic, your posts have beem merged to one question

Basically you need to go to court and get it rescinded and prove her fault.
Make sure you keep evidence records, times, dates, etc... proving SHE contacts you. She could try and use contact against you claiming you are contacting her unwantedly.

Basically you need to go to court and get it rescinded and prove her fault.
Make sure you keep evidence records, times, dates, etc....proving SHE contacts you. She could try and use contact against you claiming you are contacting her unwantedly.

Thanks for your response. I have 12 months of her phone records showingh all the phone calls and texts she has sent me since the OP was filed in 4/2008. I plan to create a spreadsheet and present it in court along with the actual records. There are HUNDREDS of calls to my phone from her.

My last question is: I am going to court Pro Se. Should I present the evidence to her Attorney prior to the hearing, or wait until the hearing begins and present them to the judge? I need to do this right so she can get what she deserves by scamming the court with her unwarranted OP>

Thanks again NOhelp4u!

I would give them to your attorney and tell him that you WANT them presented to the Judge on your behalf.

I would give them to your attorney and tell him that you WANT them presented to the Judge on your behalf.

Again, thanks for your help. My biggest issue right now is that I have no money to hire an attorney, so I need to handle this Pro Se. That is why this is so tough to deal with.

Any suggestions on getting legal services at little or no cost?

I would give them to your attorney and tell him that you WANT them presented to the Judge on your behalf.

He has no attorney.

Again, thanks for your help. My biggest issue right now is that I have no money to hire an attorney, so I need to handle this Pro Se. That is why this is so tough to deal with.

Any suggestions on getting legal services at little or no cost??

Legal Aid is for very low income families. You may or may not qualify. You will have to go to their offices and prove your income or lack thereof and then they may or may not help you in court. You could contact an attorney and ask if they take payments. Many attorneys now are starting to take payments from clients.

In the meantime if you wish to present the phone records of her calling you repeatedly on your cell phone and you want the Judge to see these records you need to give a copy of these records to the other attorney in the case. You can file a copy of your phone records with the Court prior to your hearing so the Judge can see them or wait until you are before the Judge to give him his copy of your records.

You could also do a Request for Discovery of Documents or Request for Production of Documents on her via her attorney formally requesting any and all cell phone records from the date of the Order in 2008. This way she cannot refute she called you as her cell phone records prove she did.

Not having an attorney represent you is going to be tough to get around.

I am sure the Judge will not be pleased to see that she kept calling you over and over again and yet she wants an Order against you to stand. He might just be fed up with both of you for defying his Order to stay away from each other.

Please do NOT edit your posts to respond to responses. This can just confuse things. Use the Answer This Question options.

Please take time and use the site correctly or I may have to close this question if it gets too confusing.

If you don't have any money, you can
1. try and work out payment terms with an attorney.

2. check out the legal aid department for your state, Each office offers different services and different levels of help.