Hi all,

I am happily in love with my fiancée, but he came with some extra baggage (the same year we started talking one of his ex-girlfriend comes back suddenly 9 months later saying she is having his child). I can tell that the child abosolutely adores me, but I just don't feel the same. I want to love the child so much, but sometimes it is really hard. I feel really bad sometimes about and even resentful at times of her mother. I don't want to always be connecting an innocent child to her mother whom I dislike. Can somebody please help me sort this out because I would like to be a step-mother to this child?

It is called lack of bonding. Over time you have to keep fighting the negative feelings by replacing them with getting to know the daughter better and bonding with her.

I'm going to ask a hard question: Do you dislike the mother because she was first to have a child with him or is there some other specific reason?

The child is innocent and since she adores you, then you should take the opportunity to open yourself up to loving her. I know, easier said than done but it's a baby.

You have to decide if you can deal with this because this child will be in his life forever, whether you choose to stay.