I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 11 months. Tonight she was sad so I asked her what was wrong. She said I feel like I'm not good enough for you. I said why is that? She said I don't know. Then she started crying and said she thought about breaking up with me because I'm too good for her but she doesn't want to. The rest of the night I just tried to make her happy and tell her that she was good enough for me and she's the only person I want. Now I'm thinking is she just saying that as an excuse to break up and give me a hint? Or do girls really feal like they aren't good enough sometimes? We have never had any trouble and she is pretty clingy. I just need some advice. Thanks :confused:

Girls say that when they want to break up but can't think of a good enough reason that he will swallow. They diss themselves so he won't feel bad. Actually, she's telling you that YOU are not good enough for her, but she, of course, cannot say that out loud and has to turn it around on herself to get you to maybe swallow it or to at least feel sorry for her and not be mad.

I'm afraid it sounds like she is just using it as an excuse to ease her guilt if she breaks it off with you.

I hope I'm wrong!

Girls always say this and I don't underestand them >.< I think it's for a break up so they won't feel too bad.

Take it and run man. Don't sit around trying to figure it out. When my ex and I broke up, she listed everything that was wrong with me. I'd rather not know (no need to feel insecure). I spent a few months blaming myself for the reasons she listed. I broke up with a different girl some years back and told her she was too good for me. My reasoning was, she was in love and I wasn't. I felt like a bad person. I still remember her as a great girl, just not the "right" one for me.

Her insecurities should have surfaced months ago. I think you need to have a deeper discussion of why she thinks you're too good for her, rather than you just saying you love her and she's all that you want.

It is possible that it's a method of pushing the breakup plan along. However, if in the time span you have known her and she has shown other signs of sadness and insecurities she might have a depression problem. If she always seemed like a downer or even maybe a little manic depressive go easy on her and recommend counseling. (If she gets defensive easily and you still want to be with her you could offer couples counseling) BUT, if you agree with her, than take the open door. Good luck!

The reason she tells me she is not good enough for me is because she says I can find a prettier girl who is skinny. My girlfriend is not the skinniest ever but she has lost 20 pounds and now weighs 150 which is good because she is still trying. So I am really not sure if she is just not confident in herself or wants to break up

Sounds like she has self esteem issues, sadly she will have to work those out. I don't think it's break up excuse anymore, sounds like she has had self confidence issues which aided in her feeling unequal.

I just texted her because she is at work and I'm about to head to the beach. I asked if she still wanted to be with me and that she can tell me if she doesn't. She said yes I want to be with you. I asked if she was sure, and she said yes why do you want to break up? I said no

We have never had any trouble and she is pretty clingy. I just need some advice. Thanks :confused:

Talaniman Rule- Don't assume anything, but pay attention so you can get the facts.

Your still learning each other, so don't be blinded by your feelings, or let her feelings make you insecure.

Talaniman Rule - Don't worry about being dumped until it happens. Worrying is no fun, nor does it do any good. They still will dump you any way.

Threads merged

My girlfriend and I just broke up a few hours ago after 13 months.

We broke up because "I don't trust her" that's what she said. I have trusted her until about 2 weeks ago. She used to be so clingy, texting me 24/7 and wanting to hang out always and hated when I talked to other girls. Two weeks ago she stopped texting me as much and she blamed it on her being busy. She doesn't even work or anything. Last week I went to hang out with my friend who is a girl that she doesn't like because I had a crush on this girl 2 years ago. My girlfriend didn't even care that I went to hang out with this girl which was a HUGE shock. Then I text my girlfriend asking what she was doing, and she said "just watchin tv". I'm like OK call me, and she doesn't answer all of a sudden after we have just been texting back and forth. I'm like your going to hate me for this but I don't think you're even home right now. That's when she said "I can't do this if you wont believe me". So I said "Fine, bye".

Don't you think if it was trust issues she would just try and work it out with me, because she says she loves me. Love means working things out and getting through things in my opinion.

It hurts me so much for us to break up, but I really think she is cheating on me or lost interest.

I just want some advice on if I handled it correctly or not, or if I made a big mistake.

It sounds to me like she lost interest.
But you hanging out with a girl she doesn't like didn't help either.

It sounds to me like she lost interest.
But you hanging out with a girl she doesn't like didn't help either.

No because this girl wanted to go to the beach and she invited my girlfriend too, so I asked my girlfriend "you want to go to the beach with so and so?" My girlfriend said "not today but you can." I know most women might say that as a trap, but this wasn't because I wasn't planning on going without her, and she insisted me to do it. The day after my girlfriend said she didn't even care because she trusts me.

Anyway I don't know

I don't know are you sure she isn't the type of girl that will insist on one thing and then fault you for not doing the opposite. Like girls that insist they don't want anything for their birthday and then they get mad because you didn't get them anything?

I don't know are you sure she isn't the type of girl that will insist on one thing and then fault you for not doing the opposite. Like girls that insist they don't want anything for their birthday and then they get mad because you didn't get them anything?

I'm sure she has never done anything like that, she always HATED me when I hung out with this girl and I used to up until we started dating for about 4 months and I stopped.

IDK your going to have to ask her why TV makes her too busy for you or how can you work things out.

Threads merged

I have posted here like two other time because our relationship has been rocky the past couple of months. We have broken up, but gotten back together the day of or the day after. This hasn't happened until 2 months ago.

- This all happened yesterday -

It started with her saying she had a bad day at school. I asked why? She just said she didn't really know teachers are just being annoying or something. So I left it at that and say oh OK.

We then go to the pool and go swimming. Two hours later we are back at her house.
She randomly says she wants to stop having sex and to be a virgin again. I asked why? She says your not going to like this but I like another guy at school. Im said "What the hell how long have you liked him" She says "two days". I'm not sure how she can throw out her boyfriend who she always and still does say she loves for a guy she has liked for two days...

I asked her if this guy is more attractive than me, smarter than me, nicer than me? She says no he reminds me of you. I REALLY don't understand that... Anyway so we broke up.

I'm so tempted to text her or something, I'm trying to do NC. Friends are telling me she will try contacting me within a week because she will regret it and such. But honestly I don't want to get back with her because who is to say she won't do this again. But then again I do want to get back with her because maybe she will learn from the mistakes and I love this girl a lot. I thought she was different from other girls and would never do this kind of thing. She has seemed to change for the past 2 months, her old friend thinks so too, so I don't get what's going on. I need help :(

Throw the peace sign at her and get out. You already saw what I posted earlier. I do NOT care how much I love a girl, once I hear:


I like another guy...

I am gone, and I mean gone. Literally a ghost, I wouldn't even exist to her anymore. She would have to call the CIA to have a clue where I'm at. I know it sucks and I do feel for you, but now more than ever is the time to man up. Do NOT let her destroy all of your dignity and self value.

Anytime you have doubts about NC, you post it here. I was in shambles over a break up too, we all were at one time, which is how we got to this website. Keep it cool my man! We are here for you.

She may have just made up her mind 2 days ago, but you can bet she has had those feelings for someone else for a LOT longer (2 months?). Partners are always the last to know. Take the opportunity to disapear from her life.

Understand that since her feelings have change, leave her alone, and do your own thing, because changing her mind, and trying to get back with you would be a sign she just needs someone, and doesn't show love, or caring. Thats why you don't look back.

I think I'm sorry for your loss, but will celebrate your freedom to enjoy other options, and opportunities, that you couldn't have before.

Just do the healing process through No Contact.

When your girlfriend tells you that she likes another guy, read the lines in between: "I don't like you anymore".

She knows that by telling you that she likes another guy, it will push you away or even lead to a breakup. It's just another way of telling you that her feelings have changed and she's moved on.

Furthermore, if you feel like she still wants to be with you, regardless of her feelings for another guy, it just means that she's keeping you around as he backup. If it doesn't work out with this new guy, she can always come crying back to you. Is that what you want? To be her safety net? If she ever comes back to you, who knows when she will find someone else and use you as her backup plan again.

Why put yourself through this? Accept her change of feelings. Remember the good times that you had, learn from this experience and move forward with your life. Don't go backwards.

It's just all so confusing to me, why would she still tell me she loves me. She was also crying quite a bit when she told me this. I just don't understand. Women are so confusing (no offense to any women who post on here :P)

Yes they are confusing, but she is doing her best to gently push you away. Help her by leaving her alone, and give her what she wants. A life without you. The confusion always follows a break up, but healing, and getting a life you enjoy without her, will clear ALL that confusion.

If she wanted you back, she would have told you by now. Her confusion is boiling over to you. By talking to her, you will be even more confused.

Please follow the no contact rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

Leave her alone so that both of you can heal from this break up. Healing should be your priority, not sorting out the confusion. That would be counter-healing.

I haven't broke the NC rules yet, it's just tempting, but anytime I get a urge to text her I just text somebody else. I wish girls would just be honest instead of not trying to hurt guys. I much rather hear the honest truth even if it hurts, because not knowing hurts more.

She was honest enough to tell you she likes another guy. That should be motive enough to walk away and never look back. I am not sure what the confusing part is. Seems to me she has made it clear you two are over.

She was honest by telling you that she feel for another guy.

Furthermore, she can't completely change her feelings about you overnight. The feelings diminishes over time. In other words, she can't love you one day and not love you the next day. The feelings goes away gradually.

However, she did recognize that her feelings for you have diminished to the point that she no longer wants a relationship with you anymore. And then she left you know. She didn't even have to mention the other guy to you, but she did. That's pretty honest and direct to me.

I know, but I want to know why she likes another guy now, and I want to know why she still loves me, but likes another guy. I forgot to add she also said she didn't want to date this guy. I got no idea if she was just saying that or if it's true. But it's probably not relevant.

After a break up it shouldn't be relevant what they meant by what they said even if Im sure most of us have wondered on occasion.You re handling this well I think and I wish you all the best.

Well I went through the day with NC. Thanks to the help of friends going to the beach and playing pool and just hanging out. I'm going to try and just take it one day at a time. I work the next 4 days so that will keep me somewhat busy too

It's just all so confusing to me, why would she still tell me she loves me. She was also crying quite a bit when she told me this. I just don't understand. Women are so confusing (no offense to any women who post on here :P)
Girls are taught from birth to be pleasers and not hurt anyone's feelings on purpose. By telling you about the other guy and that she wants to be with him (or doesn't want to be with you any longer), that information was hard for her to spit out because it flies in the face of how a woman is supposed to behave. She was crying for herself because of the bad news she had to deliver to you. Girls are taught to be friends with and nice to everyone--"sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of."

So I just found out that my ex has cheated on me for 2 months... she told me she only liked the guy for 2 days.

I can't believe she would do that because she has been cheated on and her mom was cheated on by her dad. Amazing how people act.. wow

So i just found out that my ex has cheated on me for 2 months... she told me she only liked the guy for 2 days.

I can't believe she would do that because she has been cheated on and her mom was cheated on by her dad. Amazing how people act.. wow

It is very common for people who grew up seeing the effects of cheating to turn around and be cheaters. Sometimes, it is because they don't trust that their partner can stay faithful and they decide to get in the first shot. Sometimes, it is because they get into a relationship and don't know how to get out of it. Sometimes, it is a way to sabotage the relationship and prove to themselves that there is a reason for their low self-esteem.

As far as I can tell from your posts, she left the relationship when she said that she was not good enough. The change in attitude was a huge give-away that her feelings were changing. She stayed as long as she did to try to find a way not to hurt you.

And so you have your answer, she is not good enough for you. Now move on and find somebody worthy enough to love you for you.

So.. I'm doing pretty good so far ever since I found out she cheated on me for 2 months. I'm just hanging out with my friend. And this girl at work seems to be interested in me, I think. I'm not to sure how to tell when a girl sees interest in you.

She wants me to go to her HS football game she is a senior. I'm in college for the first year. Her boyfriend just broke up with her like 2 weeks ago. And when she found out my girlfriend broke up with me (she found out today). We just talked a lot at work and I asked for her number. She commented me on myspace/facebook she wants to hang out this weekend whenever I'm off work. So I texted her saying yea that would be good blah blah. And we talked for like 20 min on the phone.

Anybody think she's into me? Or wants to just get to know me more or just be friends?

I know I didn't give a lot of details so it may be hard to tell from your perspective.

Also do you guys think I'm moving to fast with my feelings from my previous ex. It's only been like 4-5 days I think. Once I found out she cheated though I felt really pissed off, but it seems easiar to get over I think.

You should take some time to heal before you even think about getting in a new Relationship , otherwise this just becomes a Rebound which is not healthy for you and not fair on the other person as your just using them to ease your pain.

See Below for a definition of Rebound Relationship...

Following a painful romantic break-up, some people enter into a new relationship almost immediately, often with less-than-stellar results.

Dating too soon after an emotionally charged break-up is known as a rebound relationship, and is almost always considered a bad idea for all parties involved.

A person in a rebound relationship may have great difficulty distinguishing between the old romantic partner and the new one, for instance.
Whenever a romantic relationship ends, whether amicably or painfully, both parties should allow themselves to go through a real grieving process before pursuing new relationships. In essence, there has been a "death" of a valued relationship, and few people can recover from such an injury in only a few days or weeks.

While the prospect of dating someone new, especially someone who has been kept off-limits during the old relationship, may sound like a cure, a rebound relationship rarely, if ever, ends well.

Another problem with a rebound relationship is motivation. Some people who feel victimized or humiliated by a bad breakup may feel the need to start a new relationship simply to prove they are indeed over the old one.

Some rebound relationships are primarily directed at former partners, either in an effort to generate feelings of jealousy or to remind them of what they gave up. Neither tactic is a particularly healthy reason to pursue a rebound relationship, and the new partner is not always as understanding or conspiratorial as one might hope.

There are times when a person may feel he or she has fully recovered from a break-up and is truly prepared to re-enter the dating scene, but this may be a premature assessment. If a new relationship starts too soon after a painful break-up, the new partner may become little more than a sounding board for all of the negatives intended for the former partner. Constant comparisons to a former boyfriend or girlfriend can be a sign of an unhealthy rebound relationship, as well as the careful avoidance of almost all dating venues associated with the former relationship.

Because there will almost inevitably be a new relationship following the dissolution of an old one, it is important to recognize the difference between a new healthy relationship and an unhealthy rebound relationship.

Much like a widow or widower, a spurned partner may want to establish a reasonable hiatus from dating until he or she is emotionally ready.

Personal counseling may also help prevent someone from entering into a shallow or unhealthy rebound relationship until his or her self-esteem has been fully restored.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to seek out companionship following a painful break-up, but you owe it to yourself and your new partner to make sure the new relationship is based in reality, not a ghost in the machine.



Source: wiseGEEK: clear answers for common questions (http://www.wisegeek.com)

Anybody think she's into me? Or wants to just get to know me more or just be friends?


Doesn't make any difference right now. The real question is your own motives, for your own actions. This is where you learn to be honest with yourself, and act accordingly.

So I have kept it NC. And my ex just emailed me last night saying...

I don't know how to move on.
Everyone tells me Im better off without you, that I should be happy.

Im not better off and Im not happy.

I feel like telling her "well you shouldn't have cheated and i'm assuming the other guy didnt work out, well im not going to be your second option"

But I'll probably just not say anything... what do you guys think?

Leave it alone and don't respond. She is searching for some sort of reaction and attention. She is better off without you? Isn't she the one that chetaed? Tells you what kind of friends she has.

As a matter of fact, I would block her emails from your account so you aren't reading the line of garbage she sends you.

The hardest part of NC is actually not responding to something they send you, because they eventually ARE going to contact you.

Silence can speak louder than any words.

You are doing what you need to move forward. Don't worry about her.

Good job on keeping up with the NC.

Thanks guys I agree, I actually just went on a date lastnight with this other girl. Had a great time, but she just got out of a 8month relationship 3 weeks ago. She said she likes me and that I'm very sweet, but she wants to stay single right now because she likes it. But she said she thinks we have a good chance of dating in the future. Not sure why she likes being single, is it because she needs more time to move on?

I feel like I have moved on from my 13 month relationship and it's only been like 10 days or something... Finding out she cheated on me helped me to move on though because that made me realize the kind of person she is.

I think she just likes her freedom and the idea of having fun and meeting people and she wants her options open. That's fine and healthy, as there should be no hurry to be in an exclusive relationship, plus it's way to soon for that for you I think.

Going from a failed relationship to a new one is a disaster as too much, to soon, crash and burn.

Dating is all about having fun getting to know some one, not rushing into something with a stranger, just to say you have someone. Relax, and enjoy the freedom, the options, and opportunities of being single.

Just enjoy dating and being single for some time. You still need to truly get over your ex before you get involved with someone else.

There is no magic time-frame for healing from a break-up.

Give yourself some more time before even contemplating another full relationship. If you haven't worked through the hurt and pain, it could end up making you insecure in your next relationship.

I think she just likes her freedom and the idea of having fun and meeting people and she wants her options open. Thats fine and healthy, as there should be no hurry to be in an exclusive relationship, plus it's way to soon for that for you I think.

Going from a failed relationship to a new one is a disaster as to much, to soon, crash and burn.

Dating is all about having fun getting to know some one, not rushing into something with a stranger, just to say you have someone. Relax, and enjoy the freedom, the options, and opportunities of being single.

She's not a stranger, I work with her and we've talked when we were both in relationships. But I get where you are going with this.. so I won't rush it. She does want to see me again today, so I probably will.

Before I get a lecture on not dating a co-worker. We only work together for like a hour tops and only like one day a week. She also works at other stores so if anything bad did happen, she would probably just work at those other stores and not mine. :)

Thanks everybody for the advice. :D

She's not a stranger, I work with her and we've talked when we were both in relationships. But i get where you are going with this.. so i won't rush it. She does want to see me again today, so I probably will.

Before i get a lecture on not dating a co-worker. We only work together for like a hour tops and only like one day a week. She also works at other stores so if anything bad did happen, she would probably just work at those other stores and not mine. :)

Thanks everybody for the advice. :D

There is nothing wrong for two people who are friends to go out together to just blow steam and have fun. Companionship can be a wonderful thing. Even more important than romance at times.

Look at it not as getting into a new 'romantic' relationship. Look at it as two friends sharing a good time.

There is nothing wrong for two people who are friends to go out together to just blow steam and have fun. Companionship can be a wonderful thing. Even more important than romance at times.

Look at it not as getting into a new 'romantic' relationship. Look at it as two friends sharing a good time.

I agree, but I would eventually like to get with her.

The thing I don't want is the same thing that happened 2 years ago I liked this girl a lot and we were just friends for like 2-3 months. We became best friends and still are. When I finally asked her out she said she would love to but she doesn't want to ruin our friendship... so we never did date. I know she liked me too because she had told me a month before I asked her and told her friends who would tell me.

So I don't want the same thing to happen with this girl. I mean I would love to be friends if that is all I could get. But I want to give it a shot and date her.

I think all us guys would love to get with a lot of females we see, and meet, given we are single, and free (well, I was at one time), but the reality is females have other ideas about giving us what we want, and when we want it, and how we want it.

Not all of them feel the way you want them to. Just something to deal with. Thank God, there are so many of them. So don't get to hung up on one that doesn't want what you want.

I'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend. She says she love very much. She also feels that she isn't good enough for me. My long distance relationship is really tough. I feel that she is worth it. She says she doesn't want to break up, but when I initiated it, she calls me back and tells me she didn't want that. She told me it was about her. She didn't feel that she could treat me better than I have treated her. She is in her junior year of college and feel that she has to do things on her own. Now we back together and we are spending spring break together.