View Full Version : What to do about this girl
solodurden
Jun 14, 2009, 01:24 PM
There's this girl I met at a party at the end of last summer. My friend liked her but he's not good with women so I did the talking for him and they were liking each other by the end of the night. Then school starts and she's in 3/4 of my classes. And we talk. And I fall hard. For four months it's a runaround between mutual friends of how I'm feeling and how she may be feeling until I finally work up the courage and ask her. And she turns me down with a "not interested". At the time, I had come out of 2 years of homeschooling, no social contact outside 2 best friends whatsoever, and I was needy, clingy, and insecure. But, largely due to the pain of her somewhat harsh rejection, I grew up. After Christmas Break, we started talking again and have been good friends for six months. Prom night, even though I didn't go with her, we shared a limo and we really got along. Since then, she's been acting different. She's always been a flirt with everyone, but all of a sudden it's a lot more flirting, playfully hitting me, playing with things of mine, having long long conversations, and beginning to confide in me. She also said I've really changed, improved over the year. Which is true. I'm much older, more mature, and well off. She lets me touch her face, give her hugs - which she normally doesn't do, etc. When I first liked her, she got mad at me for being "clingy and always there" - which I was. Now, she'll joke about how I'm "following" her, but she's not mad about it, she's playful. Last time, there was this whole hoorah and so I'm intent on not telling people. But her ex-boyfriend, who she dated up until a month ago, thinks he's my friend and talks to me. I got curious and asked him - saying I was wondering about another girl (a madeup girl) - what she did to let him know she liked him. (by the way, EVERYONE thinks this guy's a creep. She finally did and dumped him). He said she got shy and jealous (she's always shy). But also, that was about a year ago, and maybe she's changed as well? Also, they weren't friends like we are. Everyone mistakes us for a couple. I'm not sure though, because his description of why he thought she liked him is different than mine. I mean, maybe we're just growing closer as friends? I was really hurt last time and it still stings, but I just care so much for her. She's so fun to talk to and be around. There's an end-of-the-year trip coming up and we're already planning on hanging out there. Should I ask her out? Should I make a move? A few days ago, my gut told me, judging on how she's acted and sometimes the looks she gives me, that she had feelings for me. But the more I think about it, the more I tend to doubt myself, which is probably just me being neurotic. What should I do? Could she like me now, six months after she turned me down?
mudweiser
Jun 14, 2009, 01:52 PM
Fact: Girls change their minds. A lot. Now she does like you; by her actions I would say so.
Why not try again? You handled rejection the first time, you can most certainly do it again. Try not to make this situation bigger than it actually is; you just want to know if she likes you back.
I would ask her, if I were in your position.
Would you be able to see her over the summer? I know sometimes "teen/tween" relationships only "survive" when school is open.
Sarah
liz28
Jun 14, 2009, 02:31 PM
If you said her ex was a jerk then don't pay any mind to why their relationship didn't last. People do lie and judging from the list of things you said about her she doesn't seems shy at all.
She can like you but you never know until you ask. If anything you have a friend.
solodurden
Jun 15, 2009, 04:43 PM
Threads merged and edited
We've been having more great conversations. She borrowed a videotape of mine a while back and has been forgetting it in her locker. So today she asked me and I said just to give it to me over summer since we'll probably see each other. She seemed to hesitate, then said okay. Then, at the end of school, we run into each other, going in different directions, and she has this "I can't believe [i]you[i] are here" grin on her face. When we start to part, she says "Oh, do you want to come up and get the videotape?" So I walk with her. I figured this was an excuse so we could walk together. First question: Does that sound plausible?
Second question: She's tough to read. And I was hurt so badly by her when she turned me down six months ago, but I still care so much for her. My gut says she likes me, but my negativity says it'll never happen for me. How do I rid myself of these doubts and insecurities that may ultimately end up ruining my chances?
Third question: We're off to Disneyland this Thursday, hanging with a bunch of friends, and I'll be hanging with her and others. But I was thinking that the happiest place on earth might just be the perfect place to start something. But I've never made a move before. She's somewhat prude because she's inexperienced, so I think kissing is out of the question, but when would be a good time to maybe take her hand in mine or put my arm around her?
Fourth question: Any other moves that could work? Anything that could work? What to do?
talaniman
Jun 16, 2009, 02:03 PM
Forget the moves, and head games, and if you want to know something, come out, and ask her, because all these mind games your playing with yourself is ridicules.
What's even more crazy, going to the most fun place in the world, and thinking that's a good idea to go for it.
Talk to her right now, and get it over with.
Never saw someone get rejected, and keep trying, and see everything she does as a sign she changed her mind, but there is only one way to find out... ask her.
Talaniman Rule- Never let the same person reject you twice
"I guess you didn't learn the first time around".