My ex-wife is driving my currnet wife so crazy that she is thinking of leaving me. What advice can anyone give regarding this matter?

Tell your ex-wife to back off, and only deal with her when you HAVE to.

Minimize your contact with your ex to virtually nothing.

How are they communicating? We need more information. Do they see each other at work? Do she come knocking on your door? Do she call all the time? (If she, then change your number).

How??

More detail, please.

Something is not right with your wife. I'm not married, so maybe I'm off track here.
My boyfriend's ex-gfs used to drive me crazy because I thought they wanted to sabotage our relationship. That was just my insecurities messing with my mind, but I'm secure now.
I think your wife needs some reassurance, but I don't think that it's fair that she is threatening to leave you if you don't fix whatever is going on in her mind. She is manipulating you by threatening to leave you. Think about it. She's not saying, "I'm going to leave you because I'm not in love with you" She's saying, "I'm going to leave you if you don't do something to make my life happier."

My husbands' ex wife drives us crazy as well (going on 11 years now, no end in sight 'till the kids are older)...

In order to maintain our sanity this is what we have done:

1. My husband is the only one that communicates with her, and if he does, it's only about access to the kids. Now that they are older (14 and 16), he tries, as much as possible, to communicate with them directly.

2. We have got rid of our answering machine, because she continually left abusive messages on it. Now, if friends want to leave a message, they do so on my mobile phone.

3. Communication with her is by text or email as much as possible.

4. We have a phone which shows the number that's ringing, and if it's her number, my husband chooses whether to answer or not. If she's on the warpath, he doesn't answer.

5. We try to stick to the designated weekends that we see the kids. Any changes have to be negotiated, by her, beforehand otherwise we don't change. We did this because she continually changed the arrangements to the point where we couldn't plan our lives.

6. I don't deal with her at all about any arrangements to do with the kids, I don't answer the phone if she rings, and any interaction where she might be rude or sarcastic I simply let her know that I don't wish to speak with her.

7. Any social function that we have to attend, I make sure that I don't sit next to her.

8. I have learnt not to take anything that she says or does personally - and this I must tell you has been a very difficult achievement - and each time she creates a drama I think of it as exactly that - HER DRAMA.

As the ex husband, it's your responsibility to manage your ex's behavior - not your new wife's. You need to set strong boundaries about what is acceptable. This is difficult if there are children from your previous marriage - but it's not impossible.

Don't let your ex ruin your marriage. You need to take the initiative in stopping this.

Are there kids involved? If not, why talk to her to begin with?

It's up to you to stand up to your ex wife and demand respect. The two of them shouldn't have to butt heads- you should step in and defend your current wife.

You didn't say if there are kids from the first marriage. If not, sever ties with the ex. If there are children, keep the communication civil and short for their sake. But only discuss the children, do not allow her to become entangled in any other aspect of your new life.

My fiancé ex wife used to try to drive me crazy but I stopped letting her get me. Me and her one time even met up to clear the air and now me and her gets along. Were not the best of friends but we are civil to one another.

Hopefully you come back and give more details and your wife needs to have tough skin so she won't get to her because your ex is only laughing and getting all the glory.

All good answers. Yes I have a child with her. The problem is with the ex wife. Just typical territorial b.s.
Yes my wife does need a thicker skin, but no one should have to deal with what my ex is throwing at her. I do stick up for my wife and reassure her, but our relationship is dwindling. It's really sad this is what may end my marriage.
My ex wife is a stereotypical trouble maker and my current wife should be none our her business unless it affects the health and safety of my daughter.
Gemini, I love the list- good stuff.
Thanks everyone!

all good answers. yes i have a child with her. the problem is with the ex wife. just typical territorial b.s.
yes my wife does need a thicker skin, but noone should have to deal with what my ex is throwing at her. i do stick up for my wife and reassure her, but our relationship is dwindling. it's really sad this is what may end my marraige.
my ex wife is a stereotypical trouble maker and my current wife should be none our her business unless it affects the health and safety of my daughter.
gemini, i love the list- good stuff.
thanks everyone!

The point is mugger, that your ex-wife is behaving badly and it's really important to make rules regarding your interaction with her. In an ideal world, no-one would have to deal with this $hit, but the world is not ideal.

It's not just about 'sticking up' for your new wife either - she needs to see that you're managing your ex-wife's bad behavior. It's your choice and hers to allow this bad behavior to affect your marriage. It doesn't have to be like this.

Don't EVER discuss your new wife with the ex and if she makes sarcastic comments let her know that you won't be speaking to her again until she can behave like a decent human being.

Trouble makers are like children - once you set the boundaries and stick to them consistently, they back off eventually.

I don't understand why they talk to one another. You should talk to the ex about the child and leave it at that. Whatever she says about your current wife you just have to absorb and not tell her.