Hello, I have a problem that I would like help on and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or useful information that they could give to me. Its gone on too long and any support is greatly appreciated.

A couple of months ago, I was in a play and a few weeks before the show ended I befriended a cast member. He was really nice to me and very sweet caring and kind. On our last performance nights he invited me out to get tea with his friend (who is a girl he really likes) On the way there and back he was really nice and friendly. He was always wanting to speak to me and share jokes and laugh. And I think due to this I started to fancy him, which I know sounds really stupid. Before the last show ended we swapped email adresses and When it did end I emailed him to say thank you for everything and thank you for making me laugh. He replied saying it was no problem and he was congratulating me about stuff and to be honest I just felt so special that someone as old as him took an interest in me.

One day he suddenly blurted out to me that he was suffering from depression. I never asked to know he just told me and that he flet he had to tell someone. He said he was sorry to unload on me but he felt that I was a generally nice and trustworthy person. At the time I didn't exactly know what to say or do at the time but I stood by him and supported him. I couldn't actually believe he was depressed. He was so happy and cheerful and such a fun person to be around. I told him about the tough relationship problems Im having with my father and he helped me with that.

So our friendship continued and we swapped numbers and basically just kept intouch. I found out he was very into poetry, (another secret that he had been keepping from everyone) I advised him on poems to send the girl he really liked and stuff. Day by day though I found myself fancying him. I found myself growing attached to him, worrying about him, missing him when I'd just seen him. I found myself growing in love with him.

He kept telling me his troubles, I kept helping him and day by day I started to fancy him more and more. Yes I have fancied people but never ever like this. It's a total new feeling. When he walked past me used to wink to me and I used to smile and as this happened I used to feel my knees weaken and my stomach tip over with adoration at the loveable person he was. I couldn't care if he was suffering from an illness or that he was really upset (well actually I did and I couldn't stop worrying about him but you get what I mean, it didn't matter to me) he was talking to me and wanting to be mates with me.

A few days later he told me had been self harming about problems. Yes I was scared and worried but I couldn't help love him. I know I sound so strange, fancying someone that hurts themselves but you see the thing was I was in love with the person everyone saw, the smiley version of him. No one ever saw the upset one I saw.

Then one day he sent me a text saying "Thanks for always being there when I need someone, I love you in the truest sense of the word"
Well first thing I thought was "OMG HE LOVES ME!" but then I thought "Wait a second what if he means it for the person he fancies" and then I thought "What if he really does love me" I honestly had no clue what it meant, Do you know what it means?
I took no chance and lived on the spur of the moment saying I loved him too. I was proper over the moon and when I asked him what in the truest sense of the word he said "Im sorry i really dont know, bear in mind I was drunk when i sent it"
What's THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! I was speaking to him like 10 minutes before he wrote the text and he was not drunk! What's he hiding?

We just keep talking and texting and emailing and seeing each other through the day. Im so in love with him and I don't know what he thinks of me. It feels so odd. We used to be so happy around each other but now the atmoshpere is so silent. When he smiles at me his eyebrows raise and his mouth curves into a smile shape, Is that even a smile? Am I just panicking. When I don't see him during the day I get so scared and worried. Lately I notice when I'm around him I start shaking and going dizzy and I feel like crashing to the ground he makes me feel so... worked up. And he is always so kind and understanding. Are these feeelings normal? Should I confess to him how I feel? Would that help? Would it freak him out? Would he ever want to speak to me again or not?

He is seeing someone about his problems. Please don't worry about that. I just need you to comment or answer anything I'm worrying about, Im so sorry its very long but then again my life is complex :P See you soon, thank you for any help!

I think that having a real relationship, like you desire, will only complicate the issues that he already needs to be facing on his own.

You will have to just be friends with him and support him, but if you can't handle that because you fancy him so much, then you need to stop all contact with him and focus on your friends in your class/grade.

He most probably doesn't want to let you in his world enough to see his dark depressed side. He probably likes you but doesn't want to take it anywhere because he knows he has problems. You are so young to have to deal with someone who is depressed and it is all too easy to confuse your feelings of love with feelings of feeling bad that he feels bad.

Just be his friend and let him know he can count on you but don't be looking for anything deeper.
He really should go get professional counselling.

I suffer from severe depression and I have since I was about 13, I am 31 now. I still suffer from it and it is a terrible burden on my wife and she is 36, so for a 13 year old to have to bear that burden is unimaginable. I feel so guilty that she has to deal with me and sometimes I feel she would be better off without me. In my opinion he does love you and he does not want to hurt you. Be his friend and let both of you mature and see where it goes, you are only 13 so there should be no hurry.

I suffer from severe depression and I have since I was about 13, I am 31 now. I still suffer from it and it is a terrible burden on my wife and she is 36, so for a 13 year old to have to bear that burden is unimaginable. I feel so guilty that she has to deal with me and sometimes I feel she would be better off without me. In my opinion he does love you and he does not want to hurt you. Be his friend and let both of you mature and see where it goes, you are only 13 so there should be no hurry.

That's right man!! I agree, not only does it effect yourself, but everyone around u! I have the same problem as well, but for me to face it, sometimes I cower, because I have a 3 yr old little girl who depends on me so much, and it kills me! So for the first two, you guys have to work it out, or give him space!! At your age, stay friends, friendly advice!!

I tell my friends I love them all the time... it doesn't mean I want a relationship with them.

Stick by him and be there for him, he sounds like he is a pretty bad time in his life and having friends like you will help him.

Can I just say thank you for all this good advice, I can't say thank you to everyone enough for helping :)

Just wondering, Why did he send me a text saying he loved me, what's that all about?

OK, as a parent I'll first of all tell you that at 13 you should not be dealing with a 16 year old, let alone one with emotional problems.
I'm sure you are a smart girl, but at 13 you are not equipped to deal with him, nor should you.
You can be his friend but keep a distance. I would not take the "I love you" to heart.
At 13 you should be having fun not stressing in a relationship with a depressed 16 year old.

This is not to say anything against depressed people, I know the illness, have dealt with it myself for years, but there is help and you should encourage him to get help. I'm hoping his parents know he has problems and that he is getting help. An emotionally disturbed 16 year old is not one that you should be nor are you equipped to deal with. Mental illness is real and serious business. I hope this young man is getting help.

Just wondering, Why did he send me a text saying he loved me, whats that all about?

He sounds like he does love you... on what level though? Friend, GF who knows, what you need to understand is depression is a serious illness. I hope he is getting help because self harm can turn into suicide attempts or a successful suicide. This is all way to heavy for you to be dealing with at your age but this is the real world and it happens! You said yourself you love him but at 13 love is different and most likely will not last. Be his friend, but don't get to close to this, encourage him to continue his therapy and if he talks of suicide do not brush it off tell his parent(s)!

He sounds like he does love you....on what level though?? Friend, GF who knows, what you need to understand is depression is a serious illness. I hope he is getting help because self harm can turn into suicide attempts or a sucessful suicide. This is all way to heavy for you to be dealing with at your age but this is the real world and it happens! You said yourself you love him but at 13 love is different and most likely will not last. Be his friend, but don't get to close to this, encourage him to continue his therapy and if he talks of suicide do not brush it off tell his parent(s)!

He has stopped the self harm. I don't want a relationship, I just want to be his friend. But I can't actually help loving him. Yes I deeply respect him as a person, do care for him and believe me the depression does not stop him from being a wonderful person. I know its too heavy. I don't want to avoid him, he's a nice person to talk to even though he himself is not happy with everything.

He makes me smile and laugh when I'm having a tough time, he tells me that he really respects me, he encourages me to do things and inspires me I'm just a bit upset about it myself that he is the way he is. I really have no clue about the text. We never speak about it anymore. Its like we are both afraid to, and that confuses me.

Then just take it for what it is. You are his friend and he obviously cares about you. Leave it at that.
I wish you well.

Just wondering, Why did he send me a text saying he loved me, whats that all about?

Well maybe he loves you just as a friend because you are always there for him

I suffer from a clinical depresson, about who knows what, but he sounds like someone, who with the right guidance, he would make a cool guy to be around, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's had tons of girl friends
As for the drunk things, he was probubly lying, he said he loves you, didn't expect you to answere, and when you do, he freaks out "oh I was drunk" I've done it, no other guy in here better not tell me theyv never done it, hey I pull the "its the weed hun" card all the time, he may have feelings for you, hell, I sure as sh** would
You got to make your move, not too much, you got to want to hold his hand, kiss his cheak, or whatever it is you crazy kids do these days, don't kiss him right away, don't jump all over him, just give off the notion that "hey I'm a pretty girl that onviously has deep feelings for you dipsh**, acknowledge that!" but like I said before, do it suddley, other wise he may not take it seriously, maybe just think your goofing around or playing, or it may just freak him out
I don't know what else to say, you sound like a nice girl, and I'd like to hear a reply to this

Well, thank you for thinking I'm a nice girl. Its funny how only words can influence people.
Tons of friends, yes he's friends with everyone. No one can not actually admit to not likeing him, he's so funny and cheery, even though when I first told him I never told him about the problems I was going though with my father he made me forget about my worries when I first met him in his company.
Lots of girlfriends? Well funnily enough the thing is he's never had a girl friend. The girl he really likes is seeing someone 2 year older than her and they are both dead in love. Its breaking his heart that he and her are only best friends, he writes her poetry and everything and that what makes me think he loves her, after all the age difference between us both, admittedly though he has wrote the odd poem for me. One was a birthday poem, the others were trying to explain his feelings about his depression.
All the kissing and holding his hand stuff, we never do that. I haven't even hugged him
The closest I've ever been to him was when I put his arm around him once or the time he came really close to my face and went jokily "DONT LAUGH!!!" with the biggest smile on his face ever... sorry that moment is like one of the best moments ever.
The notion about me being a pretty girl. Well the notion I give him is "Im a girl who listens to your problems and is generally a lovely person to be around. I know im ecentric, slightly bonkers and prone to laughing untill my sides split but Im always here for you no matter what. Im also slightly on the geeky side" Is that a good notion?
Lol, I just admire him so much. And the fact that he's struggling inside doesn't matter, it makes no difference if he's suffering from depression or not, he's such a lovel

To start with, I think you are still too young to be thinking of a serious relationship with a guy who is equally young. What you need right now is to build a network of friendship with the opposite sex. Do not be tied down to a single guy for now. The issue of becoming unstable to the extent of feeling dizzy is not necessary for now. Try to master your emotions. There are other interesting young men out there that you can build friendship with. After some years, when you are more matured, you will be able to decide on that special one you want to date. Please take your time and do not become emotionally disturbed.
However, I am not saying you should abandon the guy in question to his problem. This is the time you can prove to him that you are a friend in need and so a friend indeed. Continue to support him until he comes out of his emotional problem. I wish you all the best.

Peole are going to tell you your too young to have a serious relationship, but, hell, you seem as, if not, more mature than most 16 year old girls I've dated, two, I date younger girls... because I'm weird
But, I do wonder, is it a turn off, if it was any other guy, that if he had a depression, or emotional problem, sorry, but that's a little one sided, but whateva
But, sounds like he needs to open his eyes and see, the girl he "loves" only wants to be friends... poetry? Sorry, sounds weird on the 6th level to me, haha, no offence

Sweetie... All women wonder the same thing about men. But I can say this when it comes down to the drunk moment then he was drunk. It only takes a little while to get the affects. So he did say it. He might have meant it cause the truth comes out when your drunk. But only one person knows what they feel and that would be him. I'm not saying to go to him and spill the beans just yet. Try him out a little more before rushin into anything. I've learned that since I was you age and now I'm 25. Just take it slow. You have all the time in the world I promise. And if he's not the one there are so many fish in this sea.

Let's not forget she is 13. The last thing she needs to be doing is playing seduction games with him.

This young man had problems that you should not even deal with. Be his friend, let him know he can talk to you, but let that be as far as it goes. Like I told you before, he may like you, even think he loves you, but he has problems.
You just be his friend, nothing more, and don't let anyone talk you into trying to do or be more than that.

Thank you everyone for their advice and support. Your right, I don't want to play seduction games with him. To be honest he treats me like his sister but I can't actually help the way I feel. I don't want to scare him. I don't want to go a step too far with him and make him think I'm desperate, if anything I want to stay close friends with him.
The poetry... ITS NOT WEIRD AT ALL! :P The poems he writes are very beautiful. And this is the thing, if he admits it to his friends then he's scared they are all going to think he's a weirdo. You see the thing is, he's like one of the most popular boys in our school and everyone wants to be like him and looks up to him. Hes a good team leader and fab person to be around.
People are mentioning that I make friends with boys my own age. Okays I'm going to be truthful, the boys around my age are all nightmares. I don't want a relationship from them but still even thought I try to be friendly they all drive me round the bend. So you get the dirty pervert type who just want to ask you personal questions and then there's the quiet type who don't say a thing. There's the type where you can have a good conversation that lasts for a good 1 minute before the silence comes and then there's the boys who start talking and don't stop talking about awful things like "wouldnt it be cool if so and so from this doctor who epidode came along" etc etc etc
Most people tease me for being too mature. And I guess I've always been mature. Its not bullying but still its like happy slappy which I suppose I'm going to put up with because it isn't going to change. I read the newspaper, listen to BBC radio 4, interested in politics and read shakespearian plays and stuff. Yes, I know it sounds like heavy stuff for a 13 year old but hey that's me and its what I'm into. This boy can just talk about it with me and we have all these good long conversations about stuff. Hes interested in it too. All the boys my age want to talk about his... football and rappers. They are all interested in my airhead mates who are just the same as them and get joys out of reading celeb goss which doesn't interest me one bit. This boy makes me feel like I'm no longer a weirdo and he's very interested into the sort of stuff I'm into.
Also I get teased for being an A* grade pupil so boys just see me as the class nerd. Basically boys my age are jerks

A man with no name, what do you mean by the turn off things.

In all honest truth I don't want a relationship with him, even though I do love him and think about him so much if he were to tell it to my face that he really liked him I would be so freaked out and say no. I don't want it to ruin our friendship

Then you continue to be his friend young lady.
Keep the friendship pure. But because he is popular as you say, when he gets in one of his "moods" and he may have them. Don't allow him to put you down in front of his "friends"
I wish you well young lady.

Thank you for your advice. Being truthful he doesn't get in moods, he just comes to me going "please, mel, help me, cheer me up, I need to speak to you". Thank you. Hes not the sort of person who would put you down in front of other people.

I just hope we can continue our friendship :) Thank you

I hope things remain good for the two of you. Be careful that he does not become an emotional burden to you.
Just take my advice for any guy in the future. Don't ever become so enamored by anyone that you allow them to treat you in a disrespectful way.
You know who you are and you are a bright and sweet girl. Stay true to yourself.

When I first started reading this I thought what's a 13 year old doing mixing it up with a 16 year old boy.

But, you are very mature as far as understanding what you are feeling, how you are interpreting your emotions, and how you are reading your friend. You sound like a really well adjusted kid to me, and I'd like to pat your parents on the back for their part in raising such a great kid.

Depression is one of those things that have symptoms and causes that you may not yet realize about him. If he has been diagnosed as clinically depressed and is being treated for it, then that is quite different then saying he's just a depressed person. An active, depressed person at age 16 is also coping in a different way with just growing up, which is hard enough to do without being depressed to start with.

You don't want a relationship with him as you've said, and that too shows maturity because you realize that doesn't fit right now. The key here is, he needs you.

It sounds like he's had problems long before he met you. I don't doubt that because he is highly artistic and creative that he is also more sensitive than those of us without talent, and as such, interesting and charismatic. The energy is different.

Watch for balance in this friendship. If you enjoy his company and still keep your natural ability to be practical and think critically, then why not enjoy him. He sounds fun and interesting to be around. On the other hand, when and if instinct tells you that it is unbalanced, and he is needing you far more than you are comfortable with, or that you are learning that he has problems far greater than you can help solve, then take a few steps back.

I don't get the impression that you feel the need to save him from himself, or rescue him emotionally which is also showing strength of character on your part.

Just be careful with how much time you invest in this relationship, and try not to become so involved with him that you lose sight of other friends and activities.

Thank you Jake2008 for this advice. I know, "Whats a 13 year old doing, mixing with a 16 year old" is what most people think. I even found myself saying it when I first met him.
Don't worry he's not my only friend. Although everyone sees me as a bit of a geek no one hates me and I don't any enemies. I do have friends my own age so Im not relying on him. And I suppose I have to have friends younger than him as I suppose my life is going to I don't know how to explain but, take a turn back to my old life when he leaves to go to unniversity. I know I will miss him but I can't stop him from going and I know he has to go develop his life further and I have to make continue my life and become a successful person. He's off in May 2010 so we shall have to make the most of our time together.
And don't bring yourself down! Of course you have talent! Everyone has a talent! We may not all make it famous but we can get somewhere with what little talent we have so don't go downgrading yourself with the statement those of us without talent.

Thank you for commenting on my maturity. Most people tell me I'm too sensible and never learn to have fun so the people I did confide in while not mentioning his emotional problems have told me to ask him out but as you know I will NOT be doing that.

Thank you for everything

You're a good kid Mel, you'll be just fine.

As to my talent, well, I'll continue to sing in the shower while the dog howls! Lol :)

I have the same thing my best friend,going on to 14 has a best friend who is 16 and he is adorable she introduced me to him nopt that long ago but you see I'm only 12 and he's 16 and I went roller skating with him and my friends and we shared an icee and we laughed with the whole group and then we all watched horror movie,I couldn't help but smile when he looked at me all night,it probably sounds foolish but I think I like him... alot, and my best friend knows so I feel for you and I want to tell him,but he's 16 and it would be weird and I know what kind of girls he likes,so good lluck mel, <3 :)

I have the same thing my best friend,going on to 14 has a best friend who is 16 and he is adorable she introduced me to him nopt that long ago but you see I'm only 12 and he's 16 and I went roller skating with him and my friends and we shared an icee and we laughed with the whole group and then we all watched horror movie,I couldn't help but smile when he looked at me all night,it probably sounds foolish but I think I like him... alot, and my best friend knows so I feel for you and I want to tell him,but he's 16 and it would be weird and I know what kind of girls he likes,so good lluck mel, <3 :)

Things have changed since I last wrote.
He's turned 17 now, and I'm still 13.
We have been talking a lot together, he tells me how special I make him feel, and how blessed he feels to know me.
I was singing at a concert on Friday, and he was in the audience, and he came up to me afterwards and went "That was really awesome Mel" and somehow I found myself in his arms, and we hugged for quite a long time... I thought I had managed to accept him as a friend but now I really don't know. Since that text he's never said he loves me, but he gets so close, or I feel he gets so close to it... I think I really do love him so much... Bother, No matter how I hard I try. We speak to each other a lot more, and I know we should only be friends. My feelings are starting to scare me.

You need to keep this on a strictly friendly level. This guy is too old for you.
Does your mother know about your relationship with this young man?

I'm trying, I really am, to keep it on a strictly friendly level. But it's so hard. I know, that nothing should happen between us. The age gap between us, I know is too large. I really like him, though. No one else makes me feel this way. We've sort of found each other, and when we're together we feel so happy. But the thing that we both know is nothing is supposed to happen. So I don't think it will.
What does my mum know? My mum knows I am friends with him. She knows that we have each others phone number and she knows that I email him. She thinks it's fine. She trusts me. The school I go to is fee paying and the boys tend to be a lot more sensitive and more gentlemanly.
However what she doesn't know is, how much we text each other, how many times we ring each other up, how many times a day we see each other. The fact that he sent me a text saying he loved me or the fact that I spend most nights emailing hin. I don't know how she would react if she knew.
We've just auditioned for a play, and both of us have got in with really good parts. I guess I'll be seeing even more of him these days...

I'm sure you mother would not like your constant contact and the fact that you both are betraying her trust.
You are a young girl with raging hormones and this guy makes you feel good, but he is old enough to know he needs to leave you alone. Knowing nothing should happen and making sure nothing happens are two different things. You guys are young, adults have problems in this area.
You two are playing a dangerous game. This texting and e-mailing half the night is not good.
13 is too young to be this involved with someone, especially someone his age.

I trust him. I trust him a lot. We're making sure nothing happens between us so we can stay friends.
So what do I do? Suddenly blank him and never speak to him again? That's not going to work. It will have an effect on me and him. I will become angry and upset with myself for hurting his feelings by not speaking to him. And he will wonder what he's done wrong. I like speaking to him. He makes everything that goes wrong in my life right. He's always there to support me and encourage me. I easily get unhappy, but since I've known him, I've always felt at ease.
Plus what do I do at these rehearsals for the play we are doing? We always have a conversation and a laugh together during them. If suddenly I turn up to one, and just stop speaking to him, how's it going to make him feel? Imagine how bad I will feel...
What do you think I should do then?

He is a teenaged boy after all and one with emotional problems.
I'm not saying don't talk to him but since you two are determined to make sure nothing happens, do not have any time alone make sure you are always with a group.
He is going to be 18 before you are of age so you will really be a danger to him. (jail bait)
Cut out the talk of love all it does is add fuel.

Be careful with this young man.

All we want to be is good friends. And I'm trying hard to put my feelings behind me. Although, to me, the way you speak about him you make him sound like some predator, when in fact you've never met him, nor been to my school and realised how kind and considerate we all are there. But then I guess, your only showing concern and giving advice.
I guess I'll always be in a group, but I am one of the youngest members of this group, seeing as main characters have rehearsals separately.
We both know that the only thing we can share together is friendship. Apart from me being really young compared to him, I don't know how friendship will turn me into jail bait.

I don't mean to make him seem a predator, but he is a 17 year old young man. Hormones!
You said he is telling you he loves you, which tells me there are feeling there.
If he loses control and acts on them once he is 18 and you're a minor, that is trouble for him.. He is old enough to know that.
You two need to be careful. Keep it friendly only. He is too old to be spending this much time with you and if your mom knew, I'm sure she would tell you the same thing.

I haven't said he is telling me he loves me. He has only said it once, while he was drunk and that's over 6 months ago now. He gets close to saying it, very close, but never says it.
Anyway, by the time he does turn 18, he has already left my school and is off to unniversity...

Well him graduating and going away will be a good thing for both of you.
The getting drunk is another thing that can keep him from keeping his distance.
You just be careful.

Ok, thanks for the advice, I know at times I may have sounded like I've been questioning it, but I guess I'm just a defensive person. It's appreciated

I'm only being "mom" giving you the same advice I would give my own daughter.
I care and want you to be happy and safe, to enjoy your childhood and hang on to your innocence as long as you can.
Let me know how things are going from time to time.
You are a sweet young lady, very respectful.
I wish you the best.

Thank you :)

I guess since the last post a lot has happened. And when I mean a lot, I mean a lot.
He has a girlfriend now. Who is not in his year. She's 15. And in the year above me. She (like me) after meeting him in the last play we were in started to fancy him, and she plucked up the courage and told him. She has no idea about his problems, how he has been suffering from depression or anything like that. And since this confesession she and him are going out together.
Nobody really knows about this. Only a few people. 3 of his friends in his year know, and 5 of her friends. And then he told me. Why? I don't know, probably because he tells me everything.
I know this girl really well, we've known each other since we were little, and I know she's a really nice girl.
And how do I feel about the whole situation? Well, I'm trying to be happy for the both of them. Everyone that knows about it is commenting on how sweet it is. But I kind of now understand why we could never go out in the first place, because I'm starting to think that this girl is way to young for him. And if she's too young, imagine how young compared to him I must be.
Despite seeing this girl, he's still talking to me about his problems. I don't think he wants her to know about his problems. He still tells me I know more about him than anyone else does. And he has even said "Mel, I love you!"
This girls friends are becoming concerned about her, they like me believe she is too young for this boy, and consequently believe that she is shutting herself off from them to be with him or think about him. They believe the relationship has gone to her head. He tells me they hardly spend any time together. His friends are all very supportive of it. But, its causing a lot of grief, having to sneak off to see her, having withstand all the disrespect her friends are giving her, and having to keep it quiet from everyone.
I don't know how it's going to last. He says she makes him very happy. But if he's still coming to me to speak to me, and talk to me, and trusting me to listen to him, what sort of feelings does he have for her.
He thinks I'm extremely happy for the both of them. THey are going out together soon. Maybe to the cinema. And me and him are seeing a lot more of each other in rehearsals for the play. The closest we've been to being alone, is when there were just two of us and one of our friends who is a year older than me. Otherwise, I'm taking your advice to always be with someone else in his company.

You are handling this wisely.
This also shows the kind of boy he is to have this girl on one side and having an emotional relationship with you on the other.
That is not fair to this other girl, ans yes, she is too young for him. I just hope this girl does not find out about the two of you. Perhaps you should ask him if she knows and suggest he either stop with you or leave this girl alone.
He seems to have a thing for young girls. I do not trust that.
Be Careful with this young man

This girl knows that me and him are friends. He told her that I knew about them being a couple, and she has often said to me "Do you approve of me and him seeing each other?" and I always reply "What do my thoughts count? As long as your happy together thats all the matters"
I don't think he has a thing for young girls. When we did the play I met him in, there was a group of 9 of us who always hung out together, he seemed to be one of the oldest, I being the youngest. This girl is exactly like me, met him during the rehearsals and started fancying him.
He has publicly announced in her presence "Mel knows more about me than even I do"
Are you suggesting he's two timing her with me? I really doubt that. We don't really have a relationship. We just.. okay, we sort of have one... but I wouldn't go as far to say it's two timing. So, I'm not sure how saying "please stop with me" will make things any better.

[QUOTE=Melhoneybee;2050465]
Despite seeing this girl, he's still talking to me about his problems. I don't think he wants her to know about his problems. He still tells me I know more about him than anyone else does. And he has even said "Mel, I love you!"
He says she makes him very happy. But if he's still coming to me to speak to me, and talk to me, and trusting me to listen to him, what sort of feelings does he have for her.
QUOTE]

I'm only going by what you have said. I'm not saying he is two timing, I'm just wondering if he is not leading her on. If she knows he is still talking so much to you.
I say he seems to have a thing for younger girls because it is unusual for a guy of his age to have two girls he is talking to as young as you two. Guys that age generally talk to girls closer to their age.

Do what you REALLY don't want to do--forget about him. Concentrate on getting through school. Always remember, there are other wonderful men that will come along in your life as the years go by (he is still a boy)... if you blame him for anything you feel, he will become even more distant. You can't force a relationship, so pretty girl, put your head in your books and think about a path that will be smart in this economy. Your time to pay bills is coming shortly.

Me and him are growing distant. We are still close friends, and now I feel my feelings for him are slowly fading, I still think of him a lot, far more than I should do, but it is fading. I'm doing a lot of concerts now, plays, performing, and he's seeing more of his girlfriend, meeting up with her in town. He keeps tellingme stuff about her though, like every time they kiss etc. and I still feel he's more open with me about everything compared to her.
I'm trying to grow distant, its hard, and it hurts me a little inside, it feels like self betrayal, but I'm doing it.

If his talking about her hurts you, tell him to stop. Speak up!
The fact that he is telling you stuff like that about is a red flag. That is a tacky thing for him to do. He has no respect for this girl and little respect for your feelings as well.
I know this hurts, but his leaving you alone is a good thing in the long run.

Lots of things have been happening again. We treat each other as friends, lots more people are finding out about their relationship and are appalled. No one has the courage to say it outloud, but many have voiced their opinions to me. Since my last post, we have grown close again. Last night, I was performing opera at a school speech night at the philiarmonic hall (A very famous concert hall in Liverpool, UK) Before the ceremony started, he spent the whole time sat with me instead of his girlfriend reasuring me, wishing me luck, telling me what he thought of my opera and how he had every confidence in me. Although as soon as I left him, to go the dressing rooms before I made my appearance, apparently, his girlfriend came and joined him and they spent the whole night with her, apparntly. But when I entered onto the stage though he just sat there transfixed. And after the event he rushed up to me and gave me a massive hug, right in front of her...
Today I passed him while he was on his phone, (I'm presuming to her) and as soon as he saw me he went "Gotta go, love you bye" put the phone down extremely quickly and went "Hey Mel...."
I'm really confused... I don't want to forget about him... I do try to, but it doesn't work... It's so annoying, wherever I go, he's there... I try to be all hacked off with him... but I can't help but be overly nice...

You need to leave this guy alone, in fact he needs to leave you alone.
You are setting yourself up to be hurt. Stop romanticizing about this boy, it is not doing either of you any good, and if this girl is your friend you are not doing her right.
Get a grip young lady, you are too smart for this. I think he is enjoying the fact that he has two young girls who idolize him.

I think he is enjpying the fact that he has two young girls who idolize him.

Yes Homegirl 50, he is having fun playing with two girls hearts and it will soon become none.

Your right, I have taken these thoughts into consideration. I'm trying to just let him and her get on together. I know it won't last between them, and if he breaks her heart, he breaks her heart.
There's a boy in my form, who apparently really likes me. I like him. Not as much as this older guy, but the more I see of him, the more I like him. We're becoming fast friends, and he's taking my mind off him :)

Good girl!
You will soon not feel the same way about this guy. It's not a good situation, so if you can begin to talk to someone closer to your age, you would be better off.
This older guy is bad news.

I wish you the best. Keep me posted.

Hey, sorry I keep coming to you guys for guidance, but I don't know who else to turn to.
So this boy, in my form, me and him have known each other since we were about 4, and we have always been mates. Since about August we have grown closer friends. And, now I think I have some sort of feeling for him. A friend of his told me he knew that I like him. So I didn't deny it (usually that's the sort of thing I deny) apparently it's dead obvious I do like him. Possibly because every morning I see him, I rush up to speak to him and give him a hug, I'm always glad to see him and we are together quite a lot. Apparently he knows I fancy him and when he was asked does he fancy me he just went silent.
Fancy, I don't really know what it is to fancy someone any more. The feelings I have for him, are there, but they're not as strong as the ones I had for this older guy, when I first met him. I don't get butterflies when I see him, when I smile at him, I don't go all weak inside,these were the feelings I had for this older guy, oh I'm too young to be worrying about all of this sort of stuff I know I am, but I needing something or someone to take my mind off him and his girlfriend. I'm so daft, what on earth have I let myself do to myself? Why couldn't I have never met him. I think that every day. I've tried going out with mates, going for walks, going to parties, shopping, walking painting, acting... but nothing takes my mind off him, what am I to do? Even when I think it does, it doesn't.
If this boy really does fancy me, will it make things going on in my mind about the older guy go away? I just want to see him as a friendly 6th former, and nothing else... We spent the play rehearsal sat next to each other on Friday giggleing, it hurts me that I'm too young and he's with someone who is barely older than me. I try to be friendly and nothing more, but it just happens...
WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY!
And do I truly fancy the guy who is the same age as me, or am I forcing myself too, or should I just go dig a pit, jump in and not come out for a very long time... Sorry, I know you're probably sick of me, but it's bugging me a lot :(

You don't get involved with someone to forget another person. I think you are trying to forget about the older guy.
You really don't need to do that. Just let time take care of it. Don't go running to this guy hoping it will help you get over the older one.
It's not fair to him and it won't do you any good either.
You don't really fancy him, you are just trying to get over the older guy.

Thanks, I'll take this into consideration :)

I have been in this situation so many times myself. After time passes, there will be plenty of other things that will keep you occupied. He may stay in your mind for a long time, but he doesn't have to stay in your heart, especially when you don't have classes with him anymore.

Today has been a very strange time...
I was doing a rehearsal tonight, and I have been unwell all week, I suddenly started getting really faint. The director told me to go sit outside for a short while. As I returned to the studio, (to go and sit back down at the back) I found him sitting right next to where I had been sitting... He asked me how I was. I told him I was unwell and dizzy, and he did some reasuring. He then asked me, would I like to go back outside again, he offered to come with me, so I refused (remembering what you had said about being alone) I made an excuse about it being too cold outside, so he said he would bring his coat... he seemed so determined to be alone with me, after my reluctance to, he finally gave up.
Due to my increasing, illness, I lay down, on my mates coat, he immdiatley goes "Here, use my coat as a pillow"... So I do, he sits next to me smiling... and generally looking pleased... And everyone comments on how sweet I look sleeping on his coat... I drifted in and out of sleep seeing as I wasn't needed for the rest of the night.
The strange thing is, shortly after I opened my eyes, I glanced upwards to see him with his hands over his eyes not budging... No one seemed to be paying attention to this apart from me and the other girl sat with us. People glanced at him. He sat there, for long time like this. I was kept going "****** are you alright? ****** Whats wrong******?"
I got no answer for a longtime, and then he pulled his hands away from his face to show tears running down his cheeks. Everyone with us, looked at him shocked and confused.
He just whispered "Sorry Mel, I'm fine, please, I'll be ok, I'm not crying, honest" but despite his lying, his face was all botchy, and his eyes were red... He didn't seem the same when we said goodbye and left.
I really don't understand... I am anything to do with it? I'm a little worried about him

This guy either has problems or he is working you. Either way, leave him alone! Keep your distance from him. Don't let him sucker you in to feeling sorry for him and then being alone with him.
He is too old to be trying to get with you, that is enough for me to know he ought to leave you alone and he would if he cared. This guy like messing with the mind of young girls.
Leave him alone, be very weary of him.

Why would he want to get with me though, when he has a girlfriend, who he thinks the world of? He cares a lot about her, he wouldn't just leave her would he, I think he has the common sense not to do that

Because this is a game to him. He likes being idolized by very young girls.
If he thought the world of this girl, he would not be sniffing around you.
This guy IMO is bad news.

Hmm OK, now I understand you...
I'm going to try and keep my distance, and I promise I will try

Good girl!
I don't want to come online here and see that you have been hurt.
I wish you well.
Keep me posted and write anytime.

I had a problem in some senses similar to yours and Im 14 so I understand how wierd and new it all is! Believe me when I say this DONT LET HIM FOOL YOU! I understand you love him but all teens need to understand older ppl sum times take advantage of younger ppl. And as a teen you also need to remember that at this point in your life you are so full of raging hormones that you could start a hell bent army! These hormones can cloud your judgement and common sense and make you think its love when its sum thing else. Im not saying what you have isnt love, it sounds genuine to me , but what I am saying is to be careful about who you give your love away to! Cause it could come back to bite you in the a**!!

Are you saying it could be something else? I don't understand...
Today the college had a christmas market (can you believe it in November?) and me and him were working on stalls selling things. He came over to see me and aologised for what came over him last night when he got upset and how he should have contained himself. I told him there was nothing to worry about.
At the market, was a piano and a band, and I sang some stuff...
He came to congratulate me and give me a hug...
His girlfriend was there, but not once did they speak to each other but he did want to speak to me. I'm trying to be a mature adult, and control myself and treat him like a friend and nothing else.
I feel now, I am able to sort things out in my head, and create a distance. Thank you for your advice

This older guy is giving you attention and I'm sure it is flattering, but he is being out of line. He really should leave both of you girls alone, you are both too young. I hope he has not gotten all he wanted from the other girl and has now decided to go after you again.
The boy is either unstable or is playing a game with both of you, either way, keep your distance from him.

I've just heard, they are kind of having an argument, I'll leave them alone, it's not my business, I'm diverting my mind to other things

Good girl. You are a smart young lady.

That's good! Just keep your distance and every thing will turn out okay!

I was keeping my distance. I promise I was. I found myself speak to him today (tut tut Mel) and I asked him how is mock exams were going (He's taking mock exams, before his finals in May) he said not good and that he was bound to fail and had accepted it.
I told him that was a silly thing to think, he's very clever and has applied to Oxford.
But then he explained that he hadn't revised for any exams and during his exam on Friday afternoon he spent at least half an hour trying to concentrate, but his head wouldn't settle because too many things in his head were distracting him.
I think this could have been a reason to why he was crying in our play rehearsal.
I'm a little concerned about this. Despite trying to sitance myself, I do want him to do well in his exams. These mocks are important, they let universities know what grades he might get. If he doesn't do well enough, no university is going to want to offer him a place.
He just doesn't seem bothered. How do I motivate him? I know I should be pulling apart from him, and he is bad news, but I'm one of the few people he listens to. I did try and advise him, but he said it was no use, he doesn't feel happy about anything any more.
What can I do? I can't bear to see him throw away at least 2 years education, because his minds distracted... How can, I give him the courage to go forward?

You can't. You told him what you needed to tell him the rest is up to him.
Don't let him suck you in. I think he is using your concern for him to keep you on a string.
He is not your responsibility.
Leave this guy alone. He has problems you are not equipped to deal with and you should not gave to.

Oh baby, these men love to pull you close in your sympathy and then tell you how very nice you are in order to set up their first sexual advances.

Even if that's not what he will ever do... that's how it works with many men. The woman tries to have compassion on something that she really can't have any control over.

JUST LET HIM LIVE HIS OWN LIFE AND PROBLEMS. HE CAN'T BE HELPED BY YOU IN THIS SCENARIO.

I guess I should explain what's been happening.
A few weeks ago we were at another concert. (Yeah, I know, I do so many concerts) and he and his girlfriend were there. We do the concerts at a palm house in our local park. As all the musicians walked back they walked in front of us, arms around each other looking utterly in love. The group of us decided to walk really slowly behind them. I thought this was so we could give them some time together, but in fact what happened was one big about them both. Everyone started saying all these awful things about the poor girl. I just walked along listening in silence. Feeling an empty pit of sadness in my stomach seeing them so happy together, a feeling of anger at that people could be so mean, and a slight embarrasement at the fact I couldn't help agreeing with what they were saying, and at some points said "yes I agree" with some of their points. I felt really bad inside.
When I arrived back, I went into the ladies, to hear sobbing. The poor girl was crying her eyes out. She had obviously heard what everyone had been saying about her and how much they hate the relationship. I expected her, when she opened the cubicle door to slap me, seeing as I'd said some pretty bad stuff (I know, I'm terrible, you hate me) which I thought she had overheard. Instead she flung herself onto and began to sob into my shoulder, saying despite the age difference, she was the only real friend she had...
I felt so bad... I couldn't believe it. Here I was, soothing the person, who is seeing the person I really loved...
A few days later, a friend of mine, who is friends with his girlfriend told me about some of the things they had done. I'm quite shocked. Meh, I'M REALLY SHOCKED! Omigosh! She's only young.. and he, he should know better than to do these things with a 15 year old... gosh I sound like a mother, and I'm only 13, but I'm just worried... Not my fault...

Not so long ago, I was speaking to my mutual friend... We'll call her lucy, about the relationship between... (We'll call them) Fred and Hannah... (I need names to explain this)

Apparently Fred used to fancy Hannahs friend Rosie (another made up name, but you get what I mean, they're real people). I knew about his love for Rosie. But I didn't know he asked out Rosie, which according to Lucy happened. And When Rosie said no, because the thought of seeing a 17 year old scared her, the next day he asked out Hannah. Who then said yes. That's why she's getting into argument with everyone. They are all convinced he's using her for something, especially since he asked her out straight after Rosie. Hannah, believes they are all out to make her unhappy, they really just care about her.
Ok, so less of her... A few nights ago, me and him spoke, for the first time in a long while. We spoke about how we first met. He said how grateful he was to know me. So I being foolishly overcome with emotion told him, I loved him, and he was like a brother to me. To which he replied how he had always seen me as his little sister.
Hmmm...
No matter how I hard I pretend, I really do still love him. Like a brother and more. I think of him all the time, he's like the second thought always, always in my head. I don't want him to know I love him. I have a feeling that he would feel used. The fact that I have been so kind to him because I have a very very large crush on him, and not because I seem him as an extremely close friend may offend him I feel...
At the moment his relationship is on the rocks. She's away in the USA with our college skiing in California, and according to sources, is flirting with every lad going, and when he texts her and rings her up, she can't be bothered speaking to him.
I of course, am spending my nights on the phone to him, emailing him, soothing his worries and promising things will be OK... when in fact I know, things are not what they could be...
Sorry, I know, long rant... I really do wonder what I have got myself into... ARGHHH!

*she said I was

This guy is playing you like a fiddle.
I'll tell you again. Leave him alone.

I think that everyone on this post has experienced this kind of situation, is wiser and older than you, and has told you to stay away from him, but you don't want to listen.

I am staying away from him. I haven't spoken to him in a long time. Yes I have received texts from him, but I haven't answered them. I don't return his calls. I'm staying away from him, and I don't intend to have anything to do with him. I am listening to your advice, it's just hard. But I think I've finally managed to solve everything now. Thank you for your advice, it has worked.

Look, I'm in the same situation. Im in love with a 15 year old, that turns 16 in about a month. I fell in love with him quite a while ago and I've never stopped loving him.
Tell him how you feel, because I built up the courage to the other day and now he is considering going out with me, which I never imagined he would do.
If you don't tell him how you feel you could lose touch one day and he will never know. He might feel the same.
Just tell him, even if he doesn't love you back, your young, and you have your entire life to find someone who feels the same way about you, and if he does love you back, you won't need to
I hope that I'm helping <3 xxx