I have been with the love of my life for 2 1/2 years now, where I have come to believe we were the perfect match. I have recently been having many serious doubts about our relationship and where it is headed. I feel like he is holding me back from accomplishing my goals since he has no goals. I thought I would be able to pull him along the way, but the opposite is happening; I am being pulled back. He is currently unemployed, living at home, and spoiled by his parents where he lacks any motivation to do something with his life (and I'm not motivation for him at all). He is also extremely independent, which is great, however I am often neglected (always overlooked in his plans). I'm starting to feel it's all about him and what he wants and he won't budge for me. I'm not sure if I should leave him soon since I am clearly not happy or stick it out and see if he changes (will he ever change?? ). Advice please!

I don't gamble with my happiness very often. By staying with him you are gambling with your happiness, and life is just too short. Just because you love someone deeply doesn't mean you are destined to spend the rest of your lives together. If I were you, I would be out of there. You deserve to be happy, and that isn't happening right now. You have known him for 2 1/2 years, has he changed since then? Probably not, so you have your answer.

If you are clearly not happy then I think you answered your own question. It's hard to invest that much time in a relationship to find out that it isn't working. I've been there before. It sounds like you've talked about this with him already? If not, that's the first step. See how he feels, be prepared to walk away. You can never make anyone change. It's up to him to want to.

It sounds pretty much like the relationship is dragging you down. If you have certain needs that aren't being fulfilled and you think you're being held back in a way, then you need to consider the possibility of ending things. Clearly he needs to work on his own issues and you aren't the one to do that for him. You can't pull him along or change him, you can only change yourself.

Hope this helps!

Happiness is the most important thing, and he cannot give that too you. You need to decide if you have had enough, personally if I'm unhappy, I'm walking. He shows no signs of changing or even wanting to change. It's time to walk

Why would you want to stay with someone with no ambition while you have plenty? You try to change him but you see that didn't work because you make a lazy person motivated.

He enjoys not working, living at home, and living off his parents. It the parents fault for allowing their grown son to do this because I wouldn't.

You shouldn't stay with him but if you do know that you can't change him. There are plenty of others guys out there instead of being stuck with this guy and why do you want to be stuck and settle with someone when they aren't worth it?

Ok my first thoughts reading this post was you said he was so independent. How the heck can that be when he isn't working and living at home with his parents. Sounds like he is pretty dependent on his parents doesn't it? Your young don't let him hold you back. You have a life to live. Do what you want to do whatever it is. If you don't go after life its not going to come to you. Just do it. If he doesn't get the ambition watching you pursue your dreams then let him go. Find someone who can match your energy instead of someone who is only slowing you down.

Thank you all for your comments, it is much appreciated. It’s nice being able to share this with people who will actually give me their honest opinion to make things clearer for me to see.

Just a heads up, I have spoken to him about some of these feelings I have been having and I always receive the same response: silence – to attempt to resolve anything. My gut is telling me to leave. Now for the hard part…

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, for some help through the "hard part". There is a link in my signature. Good luck!

Thank you all for your comments, it is much appreciated. It’s nice being able to share this with people who will actually give me their honest opinion to make things clearer for me to see.

Just a heads up, I have spoken to him about some of these feelings I have been having and I always receive the same response: silence – to attempt to resolve anything. My gut is telling me to leave. Now for the hard part…

Well follow your gut. Don't hold yourself back for someone who can't support himself.

Thank you all for your comments, it is much appreciated. It’s nice being able to share this with people who will actually give me their honest opinion to make things clearer for me to see.

Just a heads up, I have spoken to him about some of these feelings I have been having and I always receive the same response: silence – to attempt to resolve anything. My gut is telling me to leave. Now for the hard part…

It sounds like you've made the right decision.

It is always easy to stay but hard to leave. However, you have to do with he right for you and staying isn't.

Your doing right by leaving instead of sticking it up with someone that isn't worth it. Staying in a dead end relationship is never good and always follow your instincts.

He is currently unemployed, living at home, and spoiled by his parents.... He is also extremely independent...
You have to make excuses for him that don't make sense, a clear sign he's not worth sticking around for.

I know. Living at home and unemployed but completely independent? Makes no sense.

I guess what I meant by that was independent from me... but now that I think about it that necessarily isn't a good thing, is it.

Well I think you would be better off in the end pursuing your goals.

Try to talk to him first and see what he has to say. Warn him that you will leave him if he doesn't change.
Tell him the truth that you are not happy with him and to get his arse into gear. Hopefully he won't make the same mistake I did and ignore the warning.
If he ignores you and carries on then leave him, it's the only way to get it through his head. Let him realise what he has lost.

He sounds like a grown underachieving spoiled brat. He has no reason to change as he has it pretty good. You are the only one unhappy.
Look out for yourself. Leave him to his mommy and daddy.

Threads merged and edited.

I am currently on day 8 of NC. YAH! - I'm quite proud of myself even though it has been a rollercoaster. Thank you to all that helped with telling me to move on! The break up was surprisingly easy - I told Ex Dread the way I felt and he did nothing to stop me and hasn't called me. So I'm even happier I got out now that I see he really doesn't care and I was just a doormat to him to use at his own convenience. However there are still some things I need some advise on. I need to go to Ex Dread's house to pick up all my things. I have to go since I need to load my dirt bike in the back of my truck. I'm wondering how long I should wait to do it, how I should contact him, and just generally how I should handle the entire situation in order for the best possible results? My goal is to do it with the least amount of drama possible and of course, the most dignified way so he further sees the amazing woman I am.

Until you do not care about how he perceives you, I wouldn't contact him. Have a family member or friend do it. You don't need him to validate your credibility as an amazing person, you know that, we know that, and the hell with him.

Agreed :) and good for you girl. I'm proud of you.

Interesting post. I have often suggested to friends based on the value of the item that they let things go and don't go back and get them. I fully understand that your dirt bike isn't something that you want to leave. You do have the right to your items and going after them is reasonable.
The advice to send a friend is great advice. I want to add answer to your question do it ASAP and let him 1. know your serious about moving on and 2. start your healing process.
What sticks out to me is that you are interested in what he thinks of you. Dangerous, your not done. Be careful this is thin ice. Take your time.
Also, I want to ask is this an item that you gave him and are taking back?

Also, I want to ask is this an item that you gave him and are taking back?

No, the bike is mine. It has just been at his place forever since that is where we would go riding together.

I would go back and get your stuff back ASAP too. When I left my daughter's father I left with my daughter and as much of her stuff as I could leaving all of my belongings behind which was easily over $10,000. When I went back two weeks later with the cops to his house, all of my things that were worth money were gone. My playstation, all the games, over 500 cds, my TV, all of my stuff that I bought for my daughter was taken back. So, I would go get my things back or have a family member go get them back asap. I am not saying that he is like that and would do that to you, but that was what had happened to me. Good luck.

Oh yea, and as KC said, you know that you are an amazing person and you don't need to prove that to him.