I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now. Haven't had the relationship talk yet, although I've been wanting to be exclusive for a few weeks now. He probably sense that and has been doing things that would upset/hurt me. I thought about leaving him a few times already, but decided to give him a second chance.

Time has been really tough/dramatic with him, and that is why I contacted my ex. Who I haven't seen in person for 2 years. We occasionally contact each other, whenever times are tough. We are basically each others confidant.

A few days ago my ex MSNed me, the first time in 2 years. We ended up talking on the phone till morning (again, the first time in 2 years). And we basically talked about us, and what I meant to him, and what he was trying to express to me all these years.

We met up the next day, and everything was so natural. It was like we never parted. He changed a lot, and I am very attracted to the new him. I know that he is very attracted to me as well. But he is a busy person, with ambitious goal. I honestly, don't know if I could ever be with him, because I don't want to become a hinder to his goals. I wouldn't want him to give up some of his obligations, because of me. I also feel that he is too good for me. But I still want to try things out with him.

Going back to the guy I am currently dating. I don't know if I should continue dating him, knowing that I like someone else so much. But my ex and I may never be together. And perhaps me and the other guy could last. I also don't want him to be a rebound or to use him as a backup. I feel like I should come clean with the other guy, and see if he still wants to date me. But at the same time I feel like he would leave me, if I come clean.

Am I even emotionally ready to date right now? Are my feelings towards my ex all delusional?

No matter what you do, you still need to come clean to the guy you're dating.

If you're that confused about who to be with, you should try to be single for a while to see what you really want, without any picking between one or the other.


Most of all, be happy with yourself. You do not need to constantly be with someone... it seems like you've lost yourself. My best advice is to be single for the time being so you can get yourself back.

I would disagree with you. I am happy with myself.

I've also been single for a long while, and did a lot of self-exploration before I dated again.

But perhaps becoming single again would be a good idea. I'll definitely keep it in mind

Edit:
I will come clean, and end things with the new guy. It is the right thing to do.

Dating is suppose to be about fun. If your dating and not exclusive than yes you can date other people because your not in a committed relationship but once the two of you decide to be exclusive than dating other guys will be wrong and it would be called cheating.

When I was on the dating scene I dated more than 1 guy and kept my options open but once I meant someone and we both decide to become exclusive I only focus on him.

Now if your more focus on your ex but know the two of you might not be one again then maybe you should focusing on him.

If you want to be exclusive with the current guy and he doesn't then yes you should stop dating him and find someoone that wants what you want but know the two of you only been dating for 2 months and are learning about each other to see if your compatible to become exclusive. So maybe your pushing for things too fast.

However, if your heart isn't in then be single but don't do something your regret.

End it, the boyfriend deserves better than someone who emotionally cheats. Come clean and allow him the chance to find someone honest

I agree with Liz28. You aren't cheating on the guy you're dating now. You haven't had the relationship talk yet. You're still trying on the shoe before you buy it. And from the way you're portraying things, you aren't going to buy it. You've already thought about ending it a few times and it's been 2 months... that's a pretty clear sign that you aren't that into him.

It's a little alarming that you think that you would "hold back" your ex if you got back together. Why do you think you would hold him back or be a hindrance to his goals? And why do you think he's too good for you? If you're thinking of starting this relationship up again, you need to address those two questions first. If you start things off with the mentality that he's "too good for you" or you're a hindrance to his goals, you can't build much of a relationship off that.

First things first, end things with the guy you're dating now. It's pretty clear you don't really want to be with him. Then assess your own needs, remember why things ended with your ex, take that into account, and make decision on what you want to do based off that. Before making your decision, figure out why you think you're ex is too good for you and address that.

Is this the fellow in question??
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-so-fed-up-boys-maybe-just-dating-relationship-general-331050.html

If you have been honest with the current guy and have not lead him to believe your exclusive, you have no worries and can see whom you want when you want. If he takes this as exclusive, then you either need to straighten that out or end it. Just to be fair.

We are all capable of having feelings for others at the same time, what makes the difference is what you commit to.

I see nothing wrong with dating more than one person at a time, as long as your honest about it.

yes that's one of the fellows I was referring to.

And yes, I am not currently in a relationship. He has been the one that didn't want to make a commitment

As for my ex. Things ended while we were still exploring, we ended things before we ran into relationship problems. He knew at the time his priority is not dating, is finding himself and establishing his career goals/accomplishment etc etc; which still is his current priority.

As for myself, I feel that I am not good enough for him, because my goals and dreams are a lot simpler than his. And that he should be with someone as ambitious as he is. I also feel that I am slowly reaching to my goals, but he has already have a lot of accomplishments and is striving for more.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life, and what I have accomplished thus far. But at the same time my ex is such an achiever, that I would always feel like he deserves someone better. Mind you, we're the same age. But he has accomplished so much more.

But then again, I tend to undervalue things that I have accomplish. LOL. So perhaps I have accomplish more than I am giving myself credit for.

Hope you can understand what I am saying.

Sure, I can understand it, and can understand old feeling being stirred up for a time, by the contact with him.

Be fair to yourself, and see it for what it is, a passing fancy to move on from, and enjoy dating this fellow, or anyone else you choose to.

yes that's one of the fellows i was referring to.

And yes, I am not currently in a relationship. He has been the one that didn't want to make a commitment

As for my ex. Things ended while we were still exploring, we ended things before we ran into relationship problems. He knew at the time his priority is not dating, is finding himself and establishing his career goals/accomplishment etc etc; which still is his current priority.

As for myself, I feel that i am not good enough for him, because my goals and dreams are a lot simpler than his. And that he should be with someone as ambitious as he is. I also feel that I am slowly reaching to my goals, but he has already have a lot of accomplishments and is striving for more.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life, and what i have accomplished thus far. But at the same time my ex is such an achiever, that I would always feel like he deserves someone better. Mind you, we're the same age. But he has accomplished so much more.

But then again, I tend to undervalue things that I have accomplish. LOL. So perhaps I have accomplish more than I am giving myself credit for.

Hope you can understand what I am saying.

I completely understand what you're saying. But the part I find odd is that you say you're happy with your own life, but because you feel he accomplished more than you, that means you're not right for each other? Being different people, having different accomplishments in life is what makes a relationship different and interesting. I agree with you and think that you undervalue your own accomplishments. Not that I know you personally, but you are happy in your own life and your accomplishments. I understand you want your ex to be happy, but you need to let him decide if you are right for him, it's not your job. Your life or "lack of achievements" might not bother him one bit... you shouldn't focus on that aspect.