Sent to me via email.

You’ve broken up with your girl/boyfriend and now he/she is dating someone else and they look so happy together. Now you might be thinking the following:
1)He/she said they didn’t want to be in a relationship and now their flaunting their latest partner.
2)He/she said they didn’t want to get married and now he’s engaged or married. Etc, etc


Why, why, why, why, WHY?

The fact that you’re asking this says that you still want him/her even though your ex demonstrated that he/she doesn’t see the value in you or being with you, that you’re obsessing about him/her and the relationship, and that you don’t want to move on because often when we ask these questions, they are with regard to an ex who probably aren’t worthy of our time.

Now, I’m not going to say that it’s not a question that doesn’t run through a person’s mind but when it becomes damn near an obsession and it prevents you from letting go and focusing on yourself, something is very wrong.

If you are obsessing over the who, what, why’s and when’s, the should have, would have, couldas, and the can’t, won’t, don’ts, you are either in standstill or regressing into the past because obsessing is about looking for reasons to blame yourself and trying to reason out things that there aren’t necessarily answers for.

Instead of asking ‘Why him/her and not me?’, you should be asking ‘What is it about my relationship habits that had me in this relationship?’ or ‘Why am I pining for someone who doesn’t want, love, or respect me?’

Look at the bigger picture and see beyond him/her and the new relationship and focus on washing him out of your mind and life, and ensuring that you don’t fall into the same traps. Their not your problem anymore.

I would also like to know what relationship habits brought my last relationship down. But, I don't think that anyone can tell me except him.

I believe every relationship is a lesson. You learn more about yourself:
-are you patient?
-are you forgiving?
-are you compassionate?
-do you nag?
-do you procrastinate?
-are you a giver or a taker?
-how do you settle arguments?


Numerous things may come to mind when thinking of past relationships.

I believe you should take those "lessons" and improve yourself first before proceeding with the next relationship.

Just a thought.

Good post liz.

Sarah

I have one friend in her 40's that is obsessed with everyone else's relationship. She's no fun to be around.

I believe every relationship is a lesson. You learn more about yourself:
-are you patient?
-are you forgiving?
-are you compassionate?
-do you nag?
-do you procrastinate?
-are you a giver or a taker?
-how do you settle arguments?


It's confusing because I thought I was patient.
When we talked on the phone, he would call me at night. I'm not sure why, but he would always call me at nearly midnight. Once, I asked him why he couldn't call me earlier in the day and he told me that he was too busy.

Maybe I could have been more forgiving.
When we were both invited to a party and he told me to stay home and not go to the party, I should'nt have felt suspicious. We had just been out earlier to play tennis and when he decided to go to the party I should've just stayed home and not thought about it. I tried.

I hope I was compassionate.
When he told me that he was sick, I told him I hoped that he would feel better and that I would make him chicken noodle soup. He always refused and I didn't push him to take any. I probably nagged a little when I told him that I wanted to make him soup.

I tried to give him things but when I wouldn't take them I would'nt ask him again.
Sometimes I got free stuff at work. He always took his lunch to work and I wanted to give him a the lunch box for work, but he told me that he didn't want it.

I always wanted to talk the arguments out if there ever was one.

:(