I have been dating my girl for 5 months. The first 2 and a half months were amazing, I am guessing because of the honey moon phase? I feel like she might be trying to control me. She signed me up to work an event without even asking me, she just told me I was doing it. She always tries to modify my behaviour by telling me how to hold my utensils when eating, she gets mad because I keep doing it the way I have always done it.Once she told me to keep up to her when walking with her because I look like a stalker. Once She laughted at my shirt and then when I put a different one on told me that the shirt I just had on was ugly. She even told me I needed new shoes! And then showed me the kind of shoes I should buy.She gives me heck after for things that I said that wernt even that bad. She acuses me of flirting and checking out other girls when I actually never did. Ex) Paying a supper bill, and then after teling me that I was flirting with the girl at the checkout. She even told me to wash my hands better once. Whenever I have an opinion its either her way or nothing. I feel like I can't do nothing right, she is always giving me heck for things making me feel like I am not good enough. I never start fights and I treat her like gold. I am scared she is going to break up with me because I am resisting her control. Is my girl controlling? Its hard for me to see because I am traped In the middle. What should I do? Pushing back doesn't work! Help me Please. Thank you all for taking the time to help me!

You already consider her controlling, why are you asking us if we agree with you?

The problem here, as is the case with almost every relationship, is a lack of self-respect. You said it yourself - you are scared she will break up with you. You are afraid of responsibility and refuse to make decisions for yourself, so you found a partner who will do all the work and make every decision for you.

Now, you're trying to make her out to be the bad person. Yes, she should accept you for who you are, but you should accept yourself, as well. Ultimately, you aren't fit to be in a relationship of any kind right now until you sort out your own issues.

~ Tee

She is mean and disrespectful. Why would you want to stay with her? Find someone who is deserving of you.

I think that she is being very controlling. She probably doesn't even realize that she is doing it though. I would have a talk with her and put it out in the open and tell her how you feel about the situation. I mean it's worth a try if you really want it to work. If it doesn't work and she keeps this up then I say forget it. Right now it is just shoes, the proper way to act, dress, what's next? Who you can and can not talk to? This is ridiculous. You need to stand up for you self and tell her what's really going on. If things don't change leave. You really shouldn't be worried about her breaking up with you. If she does it's her loss. And you will clearly be able to see that she just wanted a puppet not a partner to love.
The first thing you must know about love is you must love and respect yourself before you can be loved and respected yourself.

Danielle

I guess I need to know why you want to be in this relationship. Your girlfriend sounds like she is the controlling type. If you resist her control, I she'd probably break up with you, and you'd have to take care of yourself.

I think that she is being very controlling. She probably doesn't even realize that she is doing it though. I would have a talk with her and put it out in the open and tell her how you feel about the situation. I mean it's worth a try if you really want it to work. If it doesn't work and she keeps this up then I say forget it. Right now it is just shoes, the proper way to act, dress, what's next? Who you can and can not talk to? This is ridiculous. You need to stand up for you self and tell her what's really going on. If things don't change leave. You really shouldn't be worried about her breaking up with you. If she does it's her loss. And you will clearly be able to see that she just wanted a puppet not a partner to love.
the first thing you must know about love is you must love and respect your self before you can be loved and respected your self.

Danielle Hey, thanks for the feedback. I have tried to stand up for myself and go against her but she just gets mad at me. And your right, what is next? I am guessing this situation will just get worse? I was hopeing it would get better and she would be the girl I fell for at the start of the relationship. I am guessing her true colors are now showing. I am glad that others think this kind of behaviour is not normal. Its hard to see when your in the middle, and the control starts so slow. Its almost like they mess with your mind to make you think your not good enough.

Trust me I know about feeling that your not good enough. I myself am going through a breakup and I can tell you that is not a healthy relationship at all. That alone should tell you that you owe it to yourself to end this before it gets out of hand and yourself image becomes unhealthy. Been there done that. Hang in there you will find a girl that will appreciate you for you and not want to change you. That's real love.

Best wishes!
Danielle

Hey, sorry to hear that you are also going through a hard time. I guess time heals all wounds they say, but its just hard when your it it to feel that what. If you have any questions for me maybe I can help. I think I am just having trouble realizing that the things my girl did to me, like telling me to eat properly all the time and to buy new shoes messed with my head. I start to wonder if it was all right for her to say thoes things. You would think that if someone really liked you, those things wouldn't matter? I ate the same way for our first date, and wore the same shoes. I think its about control? Is this a personaility she will have for life?

Looks like she's trying to make you into someone else.

If you still want to be with her. Put your foot down and tell her that you don't like it. Be straightforward and honest.

If you dislike it and start to think this relationship is more than over than let her know.

I say nip it in the bud. A girl like that usually has some issues.

Sarah

To be honest I use to be like this. My previous ex before the guy I just broke up with treated me like his mom. So weirdly I started acting like it. But it came down to this my family expected so much of me that their expectations for the guy I was with was unobtainable. So knowing I wouldn't find that guy I tried to force my ex into being~hat guy. Yes I picked out his clothes told him when to shave how to act eat you name it. But it was because I felt like I always had to watch everything I did. Never the less if I was feeling that way I should have never been in that situation to begin with. People can change I did. However if I run into that ex again it starts all over again. So sorry to say she may change but not with you. See I didn't change with nick cause I knew I could walk all over him. I knew?t was wrong but it was too easy. I hated being unequal to him and felt like his mom. When I got a new guy who stood up to me I changed. I felt equal finally.

To be honest I use to be like this. My previous ex before the guy I just broke up with treated me like his mom. So weirdly I started acting like it. But it came down to this my family expected so much of me that their expectations for the guy I was with was unobtainable. So knowing I wouldn't find that guy I tried to force my ex into being~hat guy. Yes I picked out his clothes told him when to shave how to act eat you name it. But it was because I felt like I always had to watch everything I did. Never the less if I was feeling that way I should have never been in that situation to begin with. People can change I did. However if I run into that ex again it starts all over again. So sorry to say she may change but not with you. See I didn't change with nick cause I knew I could walk all over him. I knew?t was wrong but it was too easy. I hated being unequal to him and felt like his mom. When I got a new guy who stood up to me I changed. I felt equal finally.
Yeah but we get into fights all the time because I stand up and push back. I try going against her a lot, and all it does is make her mad. I don't think standing up to her is what she wants. Even a friend she use to go to high school with told my friend that she is a nice girl, but a bit of a control freak. And that is before I started to date her. Do u think her behaviour is consistent? She even treats her sister the same way.

Why would you want to be with someone that makes you feel inadequate?

Sarah

Yes she is a control freak and what things done her way or no way. She won't change especially since she acts this way towards everyone so your best option is to leave.

You want a partner in life and a equal not someone who tells you want to do it, how to do it, and when to do it. Your not her child.

The things that she is doing are because of her issues. Not yours. If she is treating other people the same way, then that is about her. You are seeing more of her true personality than you did when you first started dating. This is who she is. If you don't like it, then you should move on - sooner rather than later.

You have been punked. Take your balls, and leave! That simple.

The things that she is doing are because of her issues. Not yours. If she is treating other people the same way, then that is about her. You are seeing more of her true personality than you did when you first started dating. This is who she is. If you don't like it, then you should move on - sooner rather than later.Hey thanks for the feedback. I think I am going to end it. I think she was on her best behaviour the first few months we were dateing. I was hopeing the girl I fell for would come back. Guess this is just her personality. You said she won't change? Does this mean she will be like this for life? I am guessing she will be.

That's great that you've made the decision to move on.

You never know, she may change over time and after what life throws at her. Or she may remain the same, believe it or not some people like to be bossed around and told what to do- so she just may be the right person for someone else.

Good luck.

Sarah

Hey thanks for the feedback. I think i am going to end it. I think she was on her best behaviour the first few months we were dateing. I was hopeing the girl I fell for would come back. Guess this is just her personality. You said she wont change? Does this mean she will be like this for life? I am guessing she will be.

Yep. She'll be like that for life unless she gets a wake up call. You've seen what she's like and you don't like it, hopefully other guys won't as well, and she'll have to do some self reflection. Some of us only learn the hard way.

That's great that you've made the decision to move on.

You never know, she may change over time and after what life throws at her. Or she may remain the same, believe it or not some people like to be bossed around and told what to do- so she just may be the right person for someone else.

Good luck.

Sarah
Ok so last night I had a talk with her, and told her how I didn't like being treated like that. Before I had the chance to talk more about it she ended it! She said she wants to be friends. I left her place and it seemed to be OK. I later sent her an email telling her exactly how she treated me, and how I didn't deserve to be treated like that. After she read the email she texted me " After reading that email I dont think we can be friends" It wasn't a bad email it was just the truth. Its almost like she doesn't even think she was out of place. And still thinks she has the control. What should I do? I never responded back.

Yep. She'll be like that for life unless she gets a wake up call. You've seen what she's like and you don't like it, hopefully other guys won't as well, and she'll have to do some self reflection. Some of us only learn the hard way.

Ok so last night I had a talk with her, and told her how I didn't like being treated like that. Before I had the chance to talk more about it she ended it! She said she wants to be friends. I left her place and it seemed to be OK. I later sent her an email telling her exactly how she treated me, and how I didn't deserve to be treated like that. After she read the email she texted me " After reading that email I dont think we can be friends" It wasn't a bad email it was just the truth. Its almost like she doesn't even think she was out of place. And still thinks she has the control. What should I do? I never responded back.

Ok so last night I had a talk with her, and told her how I didnt like being treated like that. before I had the chance to talk more about it she ended it! She said she wants to be friends. I left her place and it seemed to be ok. I later sent her an email telling her exactly how she treated me, and how I didnt deserve to be treated like that. After she read the email she texted me " After reading that email I dont think we can be friends" It wasnt a bad email it was just the truth. Its almost like she doesnt even think she was out of place. And still thinks she has the control. What should I do? I never responded back.

You shouldn't have emailed it- you should have told her that when you were talking- oh well at least you said your piece.

The fact that you "let it out" and she didn't like it and told you that you "can't be friends" really shows that she was trying to control the friendship part too. I wouldn't want a friend like that.

You should move on. There is nothing for you to do after this. Don't respond- there is no use in adding more wood to the fire.

Good luck.

Sarah

Take it from one who has been there, if you really love her its time to step up be an adult and call her out on her behavior. I told my wife that I did not need a second mother I already had one! I was head over heels in love and let her walk all over me in the beginning. Once the newness wore off I realized she was very controlling but only because I let her. It took months of asserting myself but now it is much better. So in my opinion stick up for yourself but be prepared for a long battle! If that sounds like too much to take run for the hills! :eek:

I wouldn't do anything just let her be. Like I said more then likely she doesn't even realize that she is doing it. Just go on with your life it's her loss anyway.
Basically assume no contact.
Best wishes!
Danielle

You shouldn't have emailed it- you should have told her that when you were talking- oh well at least you said your piece.

The fact that you "let it out" and she didn't like it and told you that you "can't be friends" really shows that she was trying to control the friendship part too. I wouldn't want a friend like that.

You should move on. There is nothing for you to do after this. Don't respond- there is no use in adding more wood to the fire.

Good luck.

Sarah

Hey, thanks for the feedback. I think she was trying to control the friendship part. I am better off with out her. Even though she was a bad girl.. The breakup still hurts.

Take it from one who has been there, if you really love her its time to step up be an adult and call her out on her behavior. I told my wife that I did not need a second mother I already had one! I was head over heels in love and let her walk all over me in the beginning. Once the newness wore off I realized she was very controlling but only because I let her. It took months of asserting myself but now it is much better. So in my opinion stick up for yourself but be prepared for a long battle! If that sounds like to much to take run for the hills! :eek:

Hey, thanks for the advice. I tried to push back and go against her, but she always gets mad at me. I am guessing this is just her personality and she won't change. She got mad at me when I pointed out all the things she did to me. . Not to sure what to think..

She is not who you thought she was. So move on and don't look back. If she doesn't want to be friends then it is her loss. The right girl for you is out there somewhere.

Yes she is being controlling and not to mention a bit abusive to you emotionally and verbally. Why are you so afraid of her breaking up with you? She should be the one to be afraid that your going to kick her to the curb. You don't need that crap. No one does, this woman has no respect for you. She's a miserable person. Tell her what's what, and if she breaks up with you, so be it. At least you were able to stand up for yourself. Don't let her get the best of you like that. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Yes she is being controlling and not to mention a bit abusive to you emotionally and verbally. Why are you so afraid of her breaking up with you? She should be the one to be afraid that your going to kick her to the curb. You dont need that crap. No one does, this woman has no respect for you. She's a miserable person. Tell her whats what, and if she breaks up with you, so be it. At least you were able to stand up for yourself. Dont let her get the best of you like that. You dont need that kind of negativity in your life. Hey, thank you so much for the feedback.. You made me feel a lot better. I am glad to hear that other people think this behaviour is not normal. Its so hard when your in the middle to see if this behaviour is normal. I was worried about the breakup because I remember when we first started dating and how we got along so good. I guessing it was the honey moon phase ? I thought that girl might come back. But I think she just got comfortable with me and I seen her true colors. What do you think? I know I am better off in the long run, because I am guessing it would not have gotten better! Probably worse... Thank you for your comment. I am glad to see that even other women see this as a bad situation. I have never dated a girl before that tried to control me. I am just kind of messed up about it because of all her criticism... Thanks again... :)

Be careful, it is more then obvious she is controlling. Besides every time you have told her you do not like being treated that way, instead of her listening to you and caring how you feel, she gets mad... what is there for her to get mad?. because you tell her you don't like her treating you like that? So you don't even get a chance to say what you think and how you feel?
I said becareful, because if you are still with her after the way she treats you and if you are still wanting to know if she will change, and the way you express in all your posts wanting to know if there is something about her you are not understanding and you still seem to want to give it a chance... what I see, is that you are hooked... hooked on to having to prove yourself in some way... maybe you have an issue with critizism or with not being good enough... you might not be aware of it... but to me it seems like you get hooked on her because when she treats you badly, you react on having a need to prove you are better than how she considers you or thinks of you... so get off the hook!. dont let yourself fall into this trap... you don't have to prove to anyone who you are... and you don't need anyone to approve of you! You can do that on your own... YOU can aprove yourself. Get someone who really cares about you, and someone who really loves you and who can care about the way they treat you...

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't care how she treats you and who doesn't care if you don't like it?

Wouldn't you prefer to be with someone who made you feel happy and good about yourself? Someone who is kind and loving and who would do anything to make you happy and do nice things for you? Wouldn't you prefer to be with someone who would enjoy more having a good time with you than spend her time being mean to you?

Her controlling personality is something to stay away from... but more important is to understand why it her bad treatment towards make you hang on more instead of leaving her.

It all a matter of thinking more about yourself... work on that instead of wasting your love on someone who does not appreciate it.

If you do not show love for yourself, it leaves space for someone who has issues to take advantage of that... she must have her own issues if she treats you badly...

Don't accept anything that is not quality or doesn't make you feel good... thats the best measure you can have... doesnt matter if what she does is normal or not... the fact and most important thing is it makes you feel bad, and you are a goodenough person and much more than that, to accept badtreatment from anyone.

If someone were treating her badly would you not defend her and care about her? Then why not do the same for yourself?

You can do it, you just need to decide to do it, and I mean get rid of her and whatever else is not good for you or makes you feel bad, and start wanting good things for yourself... and the way to love yourself is to care about yourself and not accept anything that isn't good.

You can start today right this very minute.

Good luck,

Hey, thank you so much for the feedback.. You made me feel alot better. I am glad to hear that other people think this behaviour is not normal. Its so hard when your in the middle to see if this behaviour is normal. I was worried about the breakup becasue I remember when we first started dating and how we got along so good. I guessing it was the honey moon phase ? I thought that girl might come back. but I think she just got comfortable with me and I seen her true colors. What do you think? I know I am better off in the long run, becasue I am guessing it would not have gotten better! Prolly worse... Thank you for your comment. I am glad to see that even other women see this as a bad situation. I have never dated a girl before that tryed to control me. I am just kind of messed up about it becasue of all her criticism... Thanks again... :)

Your very welcome. Im glad I could help you. I like you was with a contolling spouse for 10 years. We dated for 2 and during that time everything was cool. As soon as we got married and had a child, he turned a complete 180. Sometimes its only a matter of time before someone shows their true colors to you. With your girl it didn't take that long. Some people it takes longer, but mark my words.. their true selves always appear if given enough time. Male or female, spouse or not. So the time of peace which your calling the "honey moon phase" has defenitly passed.. and her behavior isn't what a good relationship is made of. There are plenty of woman who are kind and respectful, don't waste your time on this woman, she isn't worth a momment of your time. Good Luck!

Be careful, it is more then obvious she is controlling. Besides every time you have told her you do not like being treated that way, instead of her listening to you and caring how you feel, she gets mad...what is there for her to get mad?....because you tell her you dont like her treating you like that? so you dont even get a chance to say what you think and how you feel?
I said becareful, because if you are still with her after the way she treats you and if you are still wanting to know if she will change, and the way you express in all your posts wanting to know if there is something about her you are not understanding and you still seem to want to give it a chance...what I see, is that you are hooked...hooked on to having to prove yourself in some way...maybe you have an issue with critizism or with not bein good enough....you might not be aware of it...but to me it seems like you get hooked on her because when she treats you badly, you react on having a need to prove you are better than how she considers you or thinks of you....so get off the hook! ...dont let yourself fall into this trap...you dont have to prove to anyone who you are...and you dont need anyone to approve of you! you can do that on your own...YOU can aprove yourself. Get someone who really cares about you, and someone who really loves you and who can care about the way they treat you...

why would you want to be with someone who doesnt care how she treats you and who doesnt care if you dont like it?

Wouldnt you prefer to be with someone who made you feel happy and good about yourself? someone who is kind and loving and who would do anything to make you happy and do nice things for you? Wouldnt you prefer to be with someone who would enjoy more having a good time with you than spend her time being mean to you?

Her controlling personality is something to stay away from...but more important is to understand why it her bad treatment towards make you hang on more instead of leaving her.

It all a matter of thinking more about yourself...work on that instead of wasting your love on someone who does not appreciate it.

If you do not show love for yourself, it leaves space for someone who has issues to take advantage of that...she must have her own issues if she treats you badly...

Dont accept anything that is not quality or doesnt make you feel good...thats the best measure you can have...doesnt matter if what she does is normal or not...the fact and most important thing is it makes you feel bad, and you are a goodenough person and much more than that, to accept badtreatment from anyone.

If someone were treating her badly would you not defend her and care about her? then why not do the same for yourself?

You can do it, you just need to decide to do it, and I mean get rid of her and whatever else is not good for you or makes you feel bad, and start wanting good things for yourself...and the way to love yourself is to care about yourself and not accept anything that isnt good.

You can start today right this very minute.

good luck,
Wow!! I think you are right. Thank you for your feedback. I think I am just having trouble because I have never been criticized by any of my past girl friends about anything. Its almost like abuse because then I started to feel like I was not good enough. Hurts the self esteem. I do deserve better! :)

Your very welcome. Im glad I could help you. I like you was with a contolling spouse for 10 years. We dated for 2 and during that time everything was cool. As soon as we got married and had a child, he turned a complete 180. Sometimes its only a matter of time before someone shows their true colors to you. With your girl it didnt take that long. Some people it takes longer, but mark my words..their true selves always appear if given enough time. Male or female, spouse or not. So the time of peace which your calling the "honey moon phase" has defenitly passed..and her behavior isnt what a good relationship is made of. Their are plenty of woman who are kind and respectful, dont waste your time on this woman, she isnt worth a momment of your time. Good Luck!

Thank you so much! Your advice and comments help me more then you will ever know. Its just hard because she mad me think I wasn't good enough, and it hurt myself esteem. I wanted to justify everything she did or said to me in hope that the girl I new at the start would return. Can you give me any information on what would heppen if you stood up to your ex, or went against him ? And is this a personality they will always have ? I am guessing this is a personality disorder ? Also my girl would act out if I talked to other girls, is this a form of control also ? I am just trying to realize that it was her with the problem not me so I can feel better about the break up and move on. Thanks so much for taking time in your life to help me with mine.

Wow!!! I think you are right. Thank you for your feedback. I think I am just having trouble becasue I have never been criticized by any of my past girl friends about anything. Its almost like abuse because then I started to feel like I was not good enough. Hurts the self esteem. I do deserve better! :)

You said it. It is abuse.

She took back her power and ended it when you criticized her - it hurts, but be thankful, and be aware of what you attract in your next relationship.

At least you saw it quickly and called her on it. Well done.

Actually on the contrary, a girl likes a guy that is not a pushover and know what he wants. If its not going to be with this girl I'm sure there are plenty of other girls out there that finds it very attractive.

Thank you so much! Your advice and comments help me more then you will ever know. Its just hard because she mad me think I wasnt good enough, and it hurt my self esteem. I wanted to justify everything she did or said to me in hope that the girl I new at the start would return. Can you give me any information on what would heppen if you stood up to your ex, or went against him ? And is this a personality they will always have ? I am guessing this is a personality disorder ? Also my girl would act out if I talked to other girls, is this a form of control also ? I am just trying to realize that it was her with the problem not me so I can feel better about the break up and move on. Thanks so much for taking time in your life to help me with mine.

In many cases this behavior is very hard to change, and in what you describe there are certainly elements of a personality disorder.

The more you try and justify yourself to them, the more you feed into their drama and their capacity to make you feel bad about yourself. People like this operate from the point of view that everything is everyone else's fault and rarely accept responsibility for their own actions. They need to feel that they are in control, because internally everything is chaotic.

Just remember, her behavior is not about you - it's about trying to protect the damaged inner child within her.

Accept the break up and move on with the knowledge that you've gained a valuable experience. You've had a lucky escape.

You said it. It is abuse.

She took back her power and ended it when you criticized her - it hurts, but be thankful, and be aware of what you attract in your next relationship.

At least you saw it quickly and called her on it. Well done.
Hey, yeah it does hurt. I feel like she got the last jab in. I haven't contacted her since.
The part that hurts is how we were together in the beginning. But I think this was because she was on her best behaviour. I think once she got comfortable around me she started to be herself. I feel sad because I feel she was just acting the whole time..

Actually on the contrary, a girl likes a guy that is not a pushover and know what he wants. If its not going to be with this girl im sure there are plenty of other girls out there that finds it very attractive.

Maybe, but whenever I went against her or stood up to her she got mad. And if this is how a girl is going to treat a guy to she if he is a push over, wouldn't you say she has problems? Like a control freak?

In many cases this behavior is very hard to change, and in what you describe there are certainly elements of a personality disorder.

The more you try and justify yourself to them, the more you feed into their drama and their capacity to make you feel bad about yourself. People like this operate from the point of view that everything is everyone else's fault and rarely accept responsibility for their own actions. They need to feel that they are in control, because internally everything is chaotic.

Just remember, her behavior is not about you - it's about trying to protect the damaged inner child within her.

Accept the break up and move on with the knowledge that you've gained a valuable experience. You've had a lucky escape.

I think your so right! Some people said she was testing me to see if I was a push over, but I don't think so. I think she was just controlling. If I ever went against her she got mad, and it was her way or nothing. Also if a girl is going to treat a guy this way to see if he is a push over, I think she has problems. What do you think? I realize that this is not normal behaviour. Also when I wrote her the email telling her how she treated me, she couldn't even say sorry. Instead she said " after reading that email I dont think we can be friends". I never responded back. And I won't.

I think your so right! Some people said she was testing me to see if I was a push over, but I dont think so. I think she was just controlling. If I ever went against her she got mad, and it was her way or nothing. Also if a girl is going to treat a guy this way to see if he is a push over, I think she has problems. What do you think? I realize that this is not normal behaviour. Also when I wrote her the email telling her how she treated me, she couldnt even say sorry. Instead she said " after reading that email I dont think we can be friends". I never responded back. And I wont.

I think that she was both testing you and controlling you. How else would she know if she could control you if she didn't test you?

She could never be your friend after this - you know why? Because you've called her on her behavior and that's terrified her inner child.

You won't need to call her back, ever - you know why, because she'll move on faster that you can imagine. Make sure you do as well!

Maybe, but whenever I went against her or stood up to her she got mad. And if this is how a girl is going to treat a guy to she if he is a push over, wouldnt you say she has problems? like a control freak?

Yah, if you feel you can't obliged to her demands or she is being too unreasonable its better to leave now because I can see if you continue down this road there will be a lot of unhappiness which defeats the purpose of a relationship.

I think that she was both testing you and controlling you. How else would she know if she could control you if she didn't test you?

She could never be your friend after this - you know why? Because you've called her on her behavior and that's terrified her inner child.

You won't need to call her back, ever - you know why, because she'll move on faster that you can imagine. Make sure you do as well!

Hey, Why will she move on faster then me? Is it because she was only acting with no emotions ? Also I just remembered at the start of the relationship she was always texting me every second of the day. And if I ever told her I should let her go she would say, no please keep texting. Is this a form of control also. And she also showed long term commitment early in our relationship, Maybe easy emotions that also caused her to detach as quick as she committed?

Hey, Why will she move on faster then me? Is it because she was only acting with no emotions ? Also I just remembered at the start of the relationship she was always texting me every second of the day. And if I ever told her I should let her go she would say, no please keep texting. Is this a form of control also. And she also showed long term commitment early in our relationship, Maybe easy emotions that also caused her to detach as quick as she commited?

She'll need to move on faster than you because she'll need you to know that you're not important and to make herself feel good.

She'll need to move on faster than you because she'll need you to know that you're not important and to make herself feel good.

Hey, to me this personality disorder thing is crazy. So she doesn't want to think she is in the wrong. And the reason she got mad at the email I sent her pointing out what she did to me, was because admitting she is wrong would be a blow to her self esteem ? And she got terrified that I know she is not perfect, which she is trying to be ? Just trying to wrap my head around this whole control freak behaviour. Thanks again so much.

Don't beat yourself up. You are going to read postings that say stand up to her, be a man and show backbone. The truth is, when you did, she was done. She's not looking for someone to stand up to her. She's looking for someone that will submit to her. Of course, she will get bored of them and look for another man to break down. My ex was like this. I missed all of the warning signs, like her being cheated on twice and accusing two other exes of being controlling. I too was accused of being controlling. At the beginning of the relationship, I couldn't understand who would cheat or control her. Point in fact, two guys cheated on her because they wanted to feel like men again. Those of us that were "controlling" didn't tolerate her games and piss poor treatment. She too wanted to be friends. When I realized that she didn't respect any boundaries, I went complete NC. She then started sleeping with one of my friends. There is no fixing them, there is no teaching them a lesson. They suck at relationships.

Hey, thanks for the feedback. I think your right. So let me just understand something here. She wanted to control me, and when I started to go against her and still ate how I wanted to eat, and never bought the shoes she wanted me to have, and started to argue with her back, she then got exhausted and upset because she could not control me ? This in turn then caused the relationship to get worse ? So what a control freak wants is to control you like a puppet? And If they can they don't want you ? Is this right ? Just trying to figure this out. Let me know if this is correct. Thanks so much :)

Either that or you are so completely far away and removed from what she is looking for that she realized there is no point in continuing the relationship. She pushed you to become someone else. You obliged in areas that seemed reasonable, but it was ultimately not enough for her. The fact that she didn't budge means that she saw nothing wrong with what she was doing. Relationships are about getting to know someone. You see potential in someone. You date them. When they fail to meet your expectations, you move on. Maybe you are Russell Crowe and she really loves Johnny Depp. Who knows? Who cares? You can't become someone else. Just because she wants someone else doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. If anything, she should probably be more discerning in who she dates and you should forget about her.

I don't mean to confuse you, but I don't know your ex. In my case, the ex didn't start trying to change things about me until well after a year of dating and talk of marriage and children. It was at this point that she started trying to change me. At first it was very polite and said out of concern. It became harsher the more I ignored it. It was a two way street though. Some things she was absolutely right about (saving money, quitting smoking etc.). Some things she was stretching (wanting me to dance with her, wanting me to go out more wit h her). Some things were controlling ( wanting me to "act differently" in public, wanting me to be more charming with her friends and wanting me to become christian. I know her last ex was also agnostic. It became clear to me that she is trying to save men from themselves and thus becoming "our" mothers. It is very emasculating. If she was truly happy and secure with who she was as a person (which she definitely wasn't) she would have focused more on her own problems in life instead of bringing all of mine to the surface.

Yeah, who knows I guess. Thanks for the feedback.

Hey, this sounds like the relationship I was in. I also had a hard time realizing what my girl was doing? At first you want to blame yourself, because how she made it all your fault. If you look close at her behaviour telling you how to eat, shoes, and always hen pecking you, you will find that her behaviour is NOT NORMAL! This is controlling.. and she might be a perfectionist controller or just a controller because of low self esteem. She either wants everything to be perfect or wants you to feel like you aren't perfect so she can feel better about herself. This is a PERSONAILTY DISORDER! SHE WILL NOT CHANGE WITH OUT HELP! She will treat her next boyfriend the same way after the honey moon phase.. People need to tell you the truth! And I am sure that everyone on this website would agree that this is not normal healthy relationship behaviour.
She, like my girl probably got mad when you went agaist her. It makes them feel out of control. It will hurt when you breakup because she mad you feel like it was all your fault. YOU have to realize that this is about HER.. NOT.. YOU... Good luck... and remember its NOT NORMAL... Please anyone else that reads this post... tell this guy this behaviour is not notmal so her can move on to a better life. Trust me I have been there.. I am still getting through it... Hang on and realize what she was doing to you..

Hey, this sounds like the relationship I was in. I also had a hard time realizing what my girl was doing? At first you want to blame yourself, because how she made it all your fault. If you look close at her behaviour telling you how to eat, shoes, and always hen pecking you, you will find that her behaviour is NOT NORMAL!! This is controlling.. and she might be a perfectionist controller or just a controller because of low self esteem. She either wants everything to be perfect or wants you to feel like you arent perfect so she can feel better about herself. This is a PERSONAILTY DISORDER! SHE WILL NOT CHANGE WITH OUT HELP! she will treat her next boyfriend the same way after the honey moon phase.. People need to tell you the truth! And i am sure that everyone on this website would agree that this is not normal healthy relationship behaviour.
She, like my girl prolly got mad when you went agaist her. It makes them feel out of control. It will hurt when you breakup because she mad you feel like it was all your fault. YOU have to realize that this is about HER.. NOT .. YOU.... Good luck... and remember its NOT NORMAL.... Please anyone else that reads this post... tell this guy this behaviour is not notmal so her can move on to a better life. Trust me I have been there.. I am still getting through it... Hang on and realize what she was doing to you.. Hey, thanks for the advice. So true.. How did the controlling start in your relaitonship ?

Yikes she IS controlling and it will only get worse! Do you want to sacrifice your happiness and independence and individuality for a CONTROL FREAK??
She WILL get worse. Actually it isn't that she will get worse... you will just see it more and more as the years go by.

Standing up to her is likely a waste of time. You need to just tell her you are from two different worlds and you want to go back to your world.

Yikes she IS controlling and it will only get worse! Do you want to sacrifice your happiness and independence and individuality for a CONTROL FREAK???
She WILL get worse. Actually it isn't that she will get worse.....you will just see it more and more as the years go by.

Standing up to her is likely a waste of time. You need to just tell her you are from two different worlds and you want to go back to your world.

Thanks for the advice and feedback. Its hard when your in the middle to see if this behaviour is normal or not. But I realize now that this is not normal for a relationship. I agree it will get worse, and she won't change without years of therapy. This is a personality disorder I think. Its time for me to move on and put her in the past as nothing but a learning experience. My life is more important to let someone run over me. Thanks for making me realize this was about her, not me. :)

Thanks for the advice and feedback. Its hard when your in the middle to see if this behaviour is normal or not. But I realize now that this is not normal for a relationship. I agree it will get worse, and she wont change without years of therapy. This is a personality disorder i think. Its time for me to move on and put her in the past as nothing but a learning experience. My life is more important to let someone run over me. Thanks for making me realize this was about her, not me. :)

When two people do nothing but argue all the time, simply means they are not compatible and it never turns out well, trust me I know. Its better to leave before it gets any more complicated or deeper.

When two people do nothing but argue all the time, simply means they are not compatible and it never turns out well, trust me i know. Its better to leave before it gets any more complicated or deeper.

Good point! So true.. She was the one always giving me all the t ime, then I would argue back, then we would be in a fight. I guess I need to realize that when a girlfriend is acting like this that soon into the relaitonship these are red flag warning signs that things won't get better only worse. My problem was seeing that her behaviour was NOT normal.. I needed people to tell me that this wasn't right because I was so blinded by them.

Good point! So true.. She was the one always giving me all the t ime, then I would argue back, then we would be in a fight. I guess i need to realize that when a girlfriend is acting like this that soon into the relaitonship these are red flag warning signs that things wont get better only worse. My problem was seeing that her behaviour was NOT normal.. I needed people to tell me that this wasnt right becasue I was so blinded by them.

It shouldn't be a problem. You were in love. Don't feel too bad about it. Looking back there were some things I was embarrassed and wasn't exactly proud about it but now that I looked back it was just silly and I moved on. Just don't let it happen the next time around but I'm sure it wouldn't because the next person might be the one you were looking for all your life. =P

I think that she was both testing you and controlling you. How else would she know if she could control you if she didn't test you?

She could never be your friend after this - you know why? Because you've called her on her behavior and that's terrified her inner child.

You won't need to call her back, ever - you know why, because she'll move on faster that you can imagine. Make sure you do as well!

You said that I terrified her inner child when I pointed out what she was doing to me. What does this mean ? She got mad when I did, do you think she will ever apologize to me for what she did to me ? After I told her she got mad and said " After reading that email I dont think we can be friends" Since she is a control freak it will probably be to hard for her to admit that she was in the wrong I am thinking. What's your take on this ? She mad me feel bad for telling her this stuff. But she had no problem treating me like crap when we were dating so why should I right ? Thanks for your time and help.. Just trying to get over this...

Since she is a control freak it will prolly be to hard for her to admit that she was in the wrong I am thinking. Whats your take on this ?
BINGO!

She mad me feel bad for telling her this stuff. But she had no problem treating me like crap when we were dating so why should I right ? Thanks for your time and help.. Just trying to get over this...

Of course! I use to say my ex's crapola smells like roses and everybody's roses smell like crapola. They never get the picture. They look at everything from their self centered point of view.

Of course! I use to say my ex's crapola smells like roses and everybody's roses smell like crapola. They never get the picture. They look at everything from their self centered point of view.

So do you think I shouldn't feel bad for telling her what she did ? I guess I am just to nice of a guy and its hard for me to be mean. She made me feel like a bad guy for doing it. But the funny thing is, the email was all true and she shouldn't feel bad because it was all things that she did to me. Even though its over I am still hurting by her controlling ways. And getting over the break up...

Hey, thanks for the advice. So true.. How did the controlling start in your relaitonship ? It started with none, then slowly she started with little things, but you don't realize that it is controlling. Then it gets worse and worse until you realize what's going on. Some people never realize and get caught in the trap. These relationships will fail. Not healthy! That's what I realized..

Ohhh man dam, this is bad case, trust me on this it's the same with my girl, but in your case it doesent sound like she is trying to control you, but it's that she is out of control, so to control her start by backin off and quitening down on her and she might ask wots up, then just tell her

ohhh man dam, this is bad case, trust me on this its the same with my girl, but in ur case it doesent sound like she is trying to control you, but its that she is out of control, so to control her start off by backin off and quitening down on her and she might ask wots up, then just tell her
Hey dude. No she is a control freak. Even when I don't say anything she would look at me and say, "whats that look for" She was trying to control everything I did. My clothes, way I ate, what I said. A friend of hers told a friend of mine "she is a nice girl, but a bit of a control freak"...

It started with none, then slowly she started with little things, but you dont realize that it is controlling. Then it gets worse and worse until you realize whats going on. Some people never realize and get caught in the trap. These relationships will fail. Not healthy!! Thats what I realized..

Yeah this is how my relationship started also. You don't realize until later what was going on. Thanks for your advice.