Hello everyone..

... I met this girl. She is very beautiful, smart,ambitious very independent. She has two children who are half spanish and irish. I am spanish and I have 3 on my own. When we first met, she mentioned that she has two ex-husbands and that her current BF lives in Puerto Rico and she only sees him once or twice a month. From her tone, he doesn't seem to be permanent.This girl also came to me first and introduced herself to me... Now I am not a jealous type at all and I understand dealing with the ex-husband,ex-BF, male friends etc.. Bu she also told me that day she would never again hook up with a spanish man because of her past experiences with them From there, I thought I wouldn't have a chance so I moved forward and not go for it.When I saw her again a week later, she told me that she met this spanish guy that she thinks is very cute and she has been talking to him.First of all, I never asked her about it and second, I thought she had a BF? We talk some more then I find out that she knows the same circle of friends as I do and admitted to me that she dated a few friends I know.I smiled and nodded told her that I would mention it to them that I ran into her and we laughed about it.She came up to me a few days after and asked if I have mentioned her to my friends. I shrugged it off like I forgot about it and she looked embarrassed that she asked and walked away.. I run into her again a week later and as soon as I see her, she comes right out and says that she just met this spanish guy the other day with the same name as me, told me that they text each other, that he's cute and she is thinking about him.. I said cool!

Now, why is she telling me all this? I just met her about 3 weeks ago.. Is she trying to tell me that she is definitely not interested in me? Because it's working and I never really showed any interest in her in the first place because I am very shy and stubborn... Or does she want me to go after her? Honestly, I wasn't sure when she told me that she had an relationship and that she was talking to some other guy she met at a bar.And I am usually not the type to go after anyone who has a BF,husband etc... I sound like a big WOOSE but I already went through all this in my youthful days up to my mid 20's before I had children.. And the outcome always sucked so I learned from it and became more cautious.. maybe too cautious now! But I'm still interested in her and I think she is beautiful and everything she does with herself(besides her mentioning of meeting other guys while she has a BF) is everything I wanted in a girl.. She's a good mom, great with kids, friendly..
But I think I used to pull tricks like this on girls I liked when I was in Jr. High but do adults do that as well? Maybe she IF you have read this, I would love to know what all your thoughts on this.. If this makes any sense!

Thank you

Do you want a relationship ?

I do... why?

I do...why?

I asked because we men often let confused women come into our lives and unconsciously sow the seeds of confusion into our minds.

It is not their fault but ours.

We let their confusion become ours.

Worse we complicate it when we let their beauty and charm spin us about like a compass at the legendary bermuda triangle.

With no true north we are tossed to and fro, wherever these confused women emotions be and flow... like stormy seas.

So I say to you, if you want a relationship... good.

But be prepared to sail stormy weather... and for that you need to define a clear destination ergo my next question;

what do you want from this woman

Ok, a woman telling you that she would never want to date a spanish man and than telling you she has a boyfriend, and then telling you she met a spanish guy who was cute and had the same name as you... sounds to me like she's testing some waters here. Asking if you have mentioned her to your friends was a definite way of seeing you are thinking of her (hence the reason for her embarrassment when you "forgot")

I definitely think she's interested.. as regards the question about her wanting you to go after her.. yes I think that too! There would be no other reason to tell you about these men if she had no intention of a) making you jealous b) making you curious as to why other men and not you

It all goes back to what she said in the beginning about not wanting a spanish man knowing you were spanish and then "conveniently" these men she's telling you about are spanish... lol In a way she's telling you she's interested but wants to be chased.. and telling you that you have a shot! Or trying to because of the little response you give her after she mentions these things. It's sort of like she's striking matches against you to see which one will ignite the flame you know? Because it seems like every time she sees you she has a new boy to mention... lol

But on the other hand it is definitely good that you are cautious and I do not think that it is being too cautious giving the fact that she said she has a boyfriend. That is very respectful on your part to be sort of stand offish to that. However I think maybe you should talk to her some more, especially if you're interested... give in a little instead of "cool" lol and see where that goes... chances are she's looking to make conversation withthat anyway. Try to get her to talk about her Bf somemore.. the fact that you mentioned she didn't seem to hopeful about him seems like she's not really that happy with him... and I'm telling you some girls will use that to get sympathy from a guy they like.. not that that is a bad thing.. lol just saying

Anyway this was just all my observation but I do think there is some interest on her part... just indulge her a little and see where it goes if you are sincerely interested back.

I guess her attention but not in a brotherly way

I guess her attention but not in a brotherly way

You guess ?

Sex is on your mind then... you want it from her pretty badly right ?

Beautifuldiva.. Thank you! That was beautiful.. Thank you also Gillion for taking your time. I hope I can help you too sometime.. :)

I just don't think it's right that her BF is way out there is she's doing this.. I know Long distance relationships are had to manage but if she with him and continues to be on the prowl, shouldn't she end that first then trying to juggle two, three, who knows? I couldn't do it.. I felt too guilty about it..

No it's not just sex.I do think she's very sexy but honestly I am not about that anymore.. I know I can get sex if I persist.. If she didn't have a BF or mention any guys from the start then defitnitly yes, I would have went for it!!

Sometimes we men get smitten with lust for a woman.

We stop thinking clearly and sometimes let our sexual appetite confuse us and we make bad choices.

So if it is not sex then... what is it ?

What do you really know about this lady ?

U are very welcome! And yes she should not be doing this.. hence the reason I asked you to get her to talk about her boyfriend... there may be more to the relationship that is making her unhappy... But yes it is so wise on your part to continue to be cautious about it. If this is your gut feeling that its not right what she is doing, then I say go with that... this situation could be telling you what kind of girlfriend she would be.. I say "could" be because you haven't talked to her about her situation yet... but if you choose not to because you are unsure then don't. Who's to say that she'l get you and then u'll be just another guy on her list... but none of that can definitely be confirmed.. just assumed.

And yes long distance relationships are hard but if she is satisfied with her man she would have no reason to be "flirting", in my opinion, with you. I say this because I currently am involved in one and know the hardships but also know that I am completely satisfied with my boyfriend and have no reason to display otherwise especially to another boy.

I do know she she is more cultured and more interested in my ethnicity then I am. She is responsible and takes very good care for her children too. I did call my friend and ask about his ex-gf from 3 years ago and I didn't ask for too much details because that is none of my business... I thought that when she came up to me and ask If I said something to her ex-Bf because she was thinking about him so that made me not seem like I cared too much to find out... but thank you both of you..

To answer your question GIllion, I want to date her.. I'm interested.I think about her a lot and in a good way. Why else would I be here if I wasn't feeling like this? :)

Bottom line- talk to her

It is obvious that you have second thoughts about pursuing anything with her just for the mere fact that you are in here and asking for advice. If you are interested but have concerns about her boyfriend then tell her that. You seem like you are a straight forward kind of guy and this girl (if she's sincerely interested in you) is going to have to stop the little games before you give up. Because its not sparking intrigue from you, as she probably planned it would, rather than cause you to doubt her. And if she wants you, again if(you don't know this because neither of you have expressed to the other what you do want) she doesn't know that what she is doing is confusing you.

sooo JUST TALK TO HER ABOUT IT if you want answers! =)

Thank you again beautifuldiva.. you rock! Want to date me? Lol... j/k!!
You sound like a great person.. your BF is lucky to have someone like you.

Peace

Awe thanks! ;) and You're Welcome

And good luck to you! =)

You sound like a good guy with his head on straight so if your seeking a relationship, sex, or casual dating, just talk to her straght up but a monogomous longterm relationship with some one with MANY partners , keep your eyes open, after all its YOUR heart that get broken, and does it matter if she is a great mother if she collects men on the side? Too many fish in the sea, so figure out what YOU want first. Ahh You lucky dog you can do whatever you want if your smart about it.

Yes thank you...

Well, she has 2 ex-husbands and seems to still go through men like water. Big red flag. I'm sorry, but she doesn't sound like very viable relationship material. Maybe someone to have fun with if you want but I wouldn't go any further than that.

Well, she has 2 ex-husbands and seems to still go through men like water. Big red flag. I'm sorry, but she doesn't sound like very viable relationship material. Maybe someone to have fun with if you want but I wouldn't go any further than that.

Well the fact is we have little details to go with. For all we know it could have been the men who gave the problem.

Some men marry beautiful women and end up miserable when they realise that cindirella has corns on her toes.

That is to say, they suddenly stumble on the real person behind the pretty face and body and they can't deal with it.

We have to give the benfit of doubt here as we do not have the nitty gritty details.

Exactly we don't know why those relationships failed. Only she does and it's only going to be up to him if he choses to continue to have an interest in her. He knows what she is like and if he sees something different in her that's worth going after than he should. He should be careful, but still talk to her about it.

Yeah I defitnitly see the red flag but I'm not in love with her. I'm just interested and I'll be fine, either way it goes. I just thought it was odd for her to come out and say things like that to me.. Going back to that last day when her exact words were, "I met this spanish guy with the same name as you..weird huh? he's cute, tall..hmmm, I might have to make an acception on this one". Yeah maybe I should have said something like "what about me?" or something funny but I did not expect to hear that from a girl I am barely a friend of...

It was odd to you but not to her because as I suspected she probably is telling you this hoping to envoke some kind of intrigue or interest from you!!

Yes, I see your point.. :)

Haha well this was yesterday right? Have u talked to her yet?

Yeah... lol!! But no, I will not see her until wed or thurs... our children play in the same soccer league.. I see her only during practices and games.

Ah OK cool! Awe that's sweet are yalls kids friends? Oh and it's probably best that you don't see her too often... as nothing should be rushed and its easier to keep the kind of conversation you want to have with her casual... until you get some answers ;)

Kind of.. Her youngest is 5, loves my oldest who is 12 and chases her around the field..
The children that play soccer are not on the same team. Her son is older then mine and they have never met. No your right but I need to grow some do something soon.. Soccer season is almost over!

HAHA OK well u better get on the ball mister!! Jk jk

Well I saw her the other day and of course she just took my breath away.. She hasn't really been coming around a lot lately and just showing up minutes before it's over to p/u her boy.I understand that she might be busy but I know if I was interested in someone, I would make an effort to go a lot to see that person... But she did approach very close to where I was standing around talking to other parents.. She said hi to some mom 1st then looked over at me and said hello. I went over to her and started talking to her. She asked if anything was new with me. I was just lost in her eyes... I asked how her new Spaniard was doing and she qucikly responded with a I don't know haven't talked to him answer. Then we started chatting about other things and I asked about her BF in P.R. and she said she was just there last week with him.. Then I don't know how we got to that subject but she started saying how he is kind of a nerd,never partied, wealthy, very conservative... He's so totally opposite from me. Then she said I got to go, see you later.That was the end.. As much as I wanted to take that next step to ask her for her number, email or even a myspace name. I couldn't do it.. I just didn't feel any vibes from her like I have felt when other girls were interested in me. But it's probably for the better beacuase she does have a BF.. I'll get over it especially when this soccer thing is done and I don't have to see her anymore... It's just I haven't been interested in a woman like this in a very long time.. But I do feel a little intimidated because she is more successful then I am, drives a better car then I. I am not about money or power... ETC. etc.. I feel she deserves someone like that guy in P.R. who is smarter, wealthier, handsome, and baggageless. All I could give is my heart and soul and these days that's not enough to please anyone I notice... OH well!!
You know, it's so easy to answer and relate to a lot of other people's problems but when it comes to myself, I suck!!

I do feel a little intimidated because she is more successful then I am, drives a better car then I. I am not about money or power... ETC. etc.. I feel she deserves someone like that guy in P.R. who is smarter, wealthier, handsome, and baggageless. All I could give is my heart and soul and these days thats not enough to please anyone I notice... OH well!!!
You know, it's so easy to answer and relate to alot of other people's problems but when it comes to myself, I suck!!!

You have a serious problem that goes way beyond this lady. All she did was to bring these issues of yours up to the surface.


Your self esteem is low

Forget this lady and focus on the REAL PROBLEM THAT IS YOU

You need to find that thing that makes you whole inside and no woman can ever do that for you.

If you will look at a woman and compare her apparent material success and her beauty and say that these are the reasons you are not worthy of her, then you have lost the race before you got out of the starting block.

My advice to you is to heal yourself.

Excuse me but I am actually fine THANK YOU. I live a very happy and healthy life and just because I decided put all my money into my children's future like baseball,soccer,football,music, pvt schools,dance, Skiiing,College tuition, instead of driving a BMW that doesn't mean I have a problem.. Yes, I drive a piece of crap mazda with rust coming out and it does not bother me one bit. I don't work overtime or two jobs because I like being around my children and I rather be with them then hiring babysitters. But it seems like the guys she talks to besides me all drive Mercedes and BMW's.. That's all... We are just different people and most girls who make a lot of money don't usually look for men who make less money,less successful..

You know GIllion.. By reading my last comment.. It does make me look like a shallow person.. I think it's funny.. Maybe I shouldn't have written it like that but thanks for your concern...

I meant today's post...

Excuse me but I am actually fine THANK YOU. I live a very happy and healthy life and just because I decided put all my money into my children's future like baseball,soccer,football,music, pvt schools,dance, Skiiing,College tuition, instead of driving a BMW that doesn't mean I have a problem.. Yes, I drive a piece of crap mazda with rust coming out and it does not bother me one bit. I don't work overtime or two jobs because I like being around my children and I rather be with them then hiring babysitters. But it seems like the guys she talks to besides me all drive Mercedes and BMW's.. That's all...We are just different people and most girls who make alot of money don't usually look for men who make less money,less successful..

To be intimidated... means to being fearful.

You are fearful of this woman.

Why ?

Maybe I shouldn't have said it quite like that. I did sound like whacko.. She's the type of girl who enjoys going to fancy restaurants, away to trips,clubs, theatre all that ritzy stuff. SHe drives a fancy car and I drive a S**T box.SO by that I wouldn't want to be like a scaveneger to have her pay not drive my car and not be able to take her to fancy restaurants, trips etc. all. Maybe that is not a good way to think but can't help it.I bet a lot of men who do have some pride and would feel like that.She is a good mom and a great heart and berry HOTT!

I did realized she is not active that much in the kids extra actvity. The guys that she talks to all seem to have all her quality.. good career wise.. I'm just a dad and would feel boring to her because all I do is drive from baseballfields to soccer fields and sit at boring ballerina dance lessons with a bunch of loud little girls (very nice kids) but UHG. Then when I'm not doing that I coach travel baseball for a bunch of 8 yr old boys! But I would have to say music is my favorite class to listen to.! Then I want to come home,crash, go on the net for a few and watch some sports... Hey, I have only a few years left with my kids before I'm not so cool anymore to them.. When I'm done then watch out, I'm going to Jamaica for 4 months when they leave on their own..! I understand and I respect your comment Gillion. I guess I do in some point have some issues but I am happy with what I am.. I just wouldn't mind some attention once in awhile from an adult and when I felt a little of bit at first, yeah I got excited.It's been a couple of years since I have been with anyone and I did a couple opportunities this summer but I passed because I found out they were drunks. I'm sorry, I keep babbling.. going to bed.. But she was HOTT!!
Staying positive!! Peace

Dating does not lead to marriage all the time but should be fun. You can't be intimidated by what people have or do, after all what have you got to lose by asking someone out? If you let your fear of rejection stop you from the fun of life, you should work on that. A date is not a life long adventure, unless that's where you let your mind take you.