Hi,

My girlfriend recently broke up with me after 15 months. We were each others first serious relationship (I am 22, she is 21. For the majority of the 15months everything was pretty good, the only problem we had was not to do with is. Being from different cultural backgrounds our families were not approving of the relationship from the outset. We didn't talk much about this initially, however after 6months we did discuss this issue. We both decided what we had was special, and that would stand up and fight for each other. We both did this until about one month before we broke. One month before we broke up she told me she couldn't do this anymore, even though she loved me dearly. She said she didn't know what the future held when we were both from such different backgrounds. She said she rather hurt me now, than in 3yrs when if we decided to take the next step and families objected. Anyway I asked her if this is why we broke up, and at first she said yes.

Now she tells me no, it cause she needs to figure out herself, she doesn't know how she feels, and doesn't not know what the future holds. One day she tells me she has feelings and love for me, and a few days later she says she doesn't. She is a very reserved person, and I know there is a lot of issues which lately have been affecting her. I believe her decision to break up with me, was based on the fact if she broke up with me all her issues would disappear. I told her this is not the way to solve issues, and that she needed to talk to someone about it. Howeever she is very stubborn, and even admits she hasn't told me the real reasons for the break up cause it is too hard. I know deep down she loves me very much, and I keep asking her to sit down with me and discuss the issues. She however refuses to do so, and tells me to stop trying to resolve the problems.

I have talkd to of people about what approch I should take, I have tried to give her space and time. Even though its only been two weeks since the actual break up. She tells me she is adamant she has made the right decision. Can she just stop loving me of all of a sudden? is there any hope I can make her come to the realisation what we had was special and worth fighting for?

Any help would be appreciaited.

All you can do is let her 'go find herself'
If you try and persuade her to stay with you she will always wonder what she missed out on and resent you.
She most likely feels she has never had time for herself and needs the time alone to be sure what she wants without others influencing her or discouraging her.

I think you should take this time and do some self-reflecting. People don't fall out of love overnight, but she clearly has issues she needs to deal with and she needs time to do so. Furthermore, in the state she seems to be in right now, you would have to force yourself back into her life and that is no way of restarting and sustaining a viable relationship. She has to be willing to talk in order to start to reconcile and until then your better off picking yourself back up and rebuilding your confidence.

She however refuses to do so, and tells me to stop trying to resolve the problems.

For whatever reasons she has for the break up, she is unwilling to work with you to resolve those issues and keep things going.

You have no choice but to let her go, and go your own way, as you can't force her to change her mind.



Admits she hasn't told me the real reasons for the break up cause it is too hard.


This is usually a sign of another romantic interest.

If she can put her family's feelings before her own, then she doesn't care about you enough to fight to be with you. And if she needs to "find herself" that's just code for "i don't want to be with you anymore, but I don't want to hurt you either." just another form of "it's not you, it's me." I say move on to someone who is willing to sacrifice everything to be with you. Only then will you have a successful and long lasting relationship.