What should I do, we have no sex life any more, and the sex we do have is a 2 out of 10 . I am not looking to cheat or anything like that but It kind of sucks not having good sex! And my hand feels better than he dose.

In the beginning, did you have good sex? Just curious.

Was it ever good? And, what is bad about it? What do you want to improve?

How old are you,
How often do you have sex
Are here physcial issues, medical issues,
Have you tried games, dress up, toys ?

You need to tell him what you like to do in bed.

Throw some suggestions out there... when he is doing something like lets say performing oral sex on you, tell him "A little to the left, a litter softer, nope too soft, a little harder" A guy isn't going to be offended, he is going to get his ego stroked when he makes you orgasm.

You need to talk to him.

If sex was good in the beginning find out if there is anything going on in his life that might 'put him off'
Work related stress, family issues etc

If not then you really should have suggested a few things sooner rather than later. Don't resent him, he probably thinks he is doing a great job, you just need to give him a nudge in the right direction.

Just sounds like he needs some good instructions. I posted this in another thread but thought you could use it too (not every comment may relate to you but 99% of the stuff will be great for your man)


I write a lot... so bare with me. But, after reading this, I hope that you'll have all the help you need to reach what you so desperately deserve.

I'm actually a 24 year old male and I can tell you that I use to be TERRIBLE in bed. I mean it. Flat out horrible, much like your husband by the sounds of it (no offense intended, just trying to show comparison). I would last 2 - 4 minutes... at best... sometimes less! And making a girl finish through penetration? No chance. BUT. That's actually completely changed now, my/my fiancee's average lovemaking sessions is usually 2+ hours now, so have hope! There are some things that you/he should know and try.

If you want, print this off, and make him read it, it's a great how-to primer :-).

First off, the best answer is a sex therapist like other people have posted. But going to one isn't always possible, whether in be financial, personal, or even geographical limitations. Even then some people have a very hard time opening up to strangers. If you think it's right for you then I encourage you to try it! Otherwise, here are a few tips.

All right, so the tips.
If your saying he lasts 2 minutes and you want to finish through penetration then obviously he's not focusing on foreplay. Did you know that not all women can finish through penetration? And even out of those who can, many will need oral stimulation to reach climax?

Step-to-step:
Set the mood/atmosphere. Sounds corny, but you know what, the more relaxed you are the easier it is for you to climax, and seeing your hubby's dirty drawers on the ground isn't helping anyone. So make sure your place is clean, light some candles, maybe a light scented candle and dim those lights to get the mood started. Also, make sure you have no pressing matters to take care of (ie, Iron is on... cooking on the stove... toonnnnsss of stuff to do that night, the less on your mind to worry about, the better!)

Next, make sure your comfortable! WARM FEET! Sounds stupid but this is very important. This isn't a old-wives tale or myth, if your feet are cold you decrease circulation to your lower extremities. Legs, Thighs, Vagina. All get less blood, which means your cliterous and g-spot get less blood, which means it's harder for you to get aroused/orgasm.

Next, HYGIENE. Make sure your both clean/smell nice. Nothing worse then bad-breathe in the middle of making love... but this was more of a side point.

Start SLOW! Give him a sensual message to get him turned on. Lynseed oil is a GREAT message oil + it's VERY cheap. You can buy the real message oils too from cosmetic shops and soap shops (ie, The Body Shop). This little incentive of a message will have him ready to go, but, instead, you ask for your message in turn. Not only does this help you relax, this teases the hell out of him since he has to message your naked body and can't do a thing sexually about it. Make him start slowly with your neck/back, then legs, flip over, and let him message your front BUT he CAN'T touch your private areas!

Did you know that on a women's breast the nipple is the most sensitive part BUT not the most sexually receptive part? It's true! It's on the larger area of the breast surrounding the nipple, have him gently caress both of your breasts with his hands, in a circular motion, careful not to touch your nipples! This actually overloads your sensitive nerves in your breasts and is counter-intuititve!

All right, this part is key, tell him that tonight YOU ARE IN CONTROL! And he HAS TO DO whatever you say! :-|. Also, if he's wearing a condom chances are he'll finish faster... much faster, it's harder for the guy to tell when he's going to climax, so it will creep up really fast and then it's over. I'm not advocating unsafe sex, but, since you 2 are married and only have relations with each other the risk is minimal, just be sure to be on the pill if you don't want kids ;-), and as an added precaution make sure he finishes outside of you. Back to the primer!

Next, instruct him to kiss you on your neck and collar bone, he can wonder to your ear if he wants, but nothing too major. Just VERY SLOW light kisses, tell him to take his time. Your in no hurry. To make sure he doesn't get bored, you can play with him a little down there, nothing major, very slow and gentle, to make sure he stays aroused/interested but so slow that he's not going to build up to anything.

Next, he should move to sensual touching/kissing, inner thighs, upper legs, pelvic area. This is to excite you, get that blood flowing and feel his warm soft kiss on you where it does some real good! Tell him to go SLOWLY! SLOW IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING HERE!

After a few minutes of gentle kissing/licking and exploring, it's time for the main show.
There are a few things you can do here (in no particular order)
Here is a trick I discovered recently that drove my fiancée crazy. He'll take the hand he writes with (the strong hand in other words), and insert his thumb inside the vagina, have him make the stop sign with his hand as he does it. The palm of his hand is going to go flat against the outside of your vagina, have him rotate his hand in a circular motion there, softly of course, but firm enough to spread your lips. Make sure it's a fairly wide circle, all the while keeping the thumb inside of you. What will happen is your having a firm surface rub your cliterous irregularly in a soft/slow motion, even if he tries to go fast, well, he can't! The wrist is too slow to go too fast!! :-D. Plus, the thumb inside of you is going to be lifting and hitting your g-spot over and over again! Have him continue this for a while. Keep experimenting with different speeds/direction/area till you get it where you like it!
Another thing, ORAL! The god-send of any man who can't last in bed! Have him lick and suck you do there. Specifically your cliterous. HERE is the MOST IMPORTANT PART! COMMUNICATION! If you don't tell him what you like, then your not going to get what you want! WHILE HE'S GIVING YOU ORAL, GIVE HIM GENTLE INSTRUCTIONS. Guaranteed he'll love it! Hearing a girl moan/ask for something in the act will be a huge turn on to him :-), plus, you get what you want/need. If your shy about talking during the act, then you can't expect improvement! SO TALK TO HIM!
Now, for my favorite part, giving oral. There are a lot of instructions online for this sort of thing. It can be a lot to take in but worth the read ultimately. If he's going down on you, here are some things he needs to know.
1. WHERE IS THE CLITEROUS? It's a pearl shapped object located on the outside of the vagina covered in a hood of skin, protected between the lips of the vagina. This is his target!
2. You'll read a lot of places that to drive a girl crazy he'll need to pull the skin back on the cliterous to expose you to REAL stimulation. THIS is simply idiocy propogated by guys who don't know what they are doing! The cliterous over-stimulates so easily it's a heartbreaker! Leave the skin over-top for the most part! Licking is strong enough that you'll feel it through the clitoral hood.
3. Fast = CRAP. You'll over-stimulate the cliterous and GAME OVER!
4. Different motions/patterns with the tongue. I personally find making a figure 8 patten with my tongue sideways (so the infinite symbol) is the most effective. But that's just me, some people move their tongues side-to-side, others in a circle around the cliterous, some move their heads back and forth with a stationary tongue! I try to mix it up and do all of those + whatever else I can think of.
5. Focus Focus Focus. Don't let him blindy lick you anywhere. It has to be on/around the . The rest of the outside of the vagina is just sensitive skin. It will get you no where fast.
If he starts to wonder off, push back in the right direction.
6. Next, WHERE IS THE G-SPOT? Inside the vagina, INTERIOR wall (so inside of the exterior wall). About 1 - 1.5 inches in. It feels rough/spongy a little. So it's easy to spot. Tell him to put 2 fingers in, with his palm face up when your laying on your back. He'll be able to feel it pretty quickly.

This is a great finisher for the above section, this part, unlike the paragraph above, is in order since this is a deal closer :-p.
If he can (this takes practice) have him lay down, have fingers in you rubbing your g-spot while giving you oral on your cliterous! The longer he can do this the better! If he gets good enough then you won't last long enough to reach penetration before you climax! My fiancée often finishes at this point.

Here is your next hint, you know how long it took you to read all of this? If you were able to perform all of the above things in the time it took you to read this then you've gone WAY too fast! The above, minimum, takes 30 minutes. The longer the better. I would honestly aim for an hour at least for all that stuff! I usually hit about 1 1/2 - 2 hours with it.

Now, for what you wanted, the KEY to the castle = DO NOT USE THE MISSIONARY POSITION!! This puts pressure on the penis in a way that it SPEEDS UP ejaculation :-o!! You on top is the best position. He'll lay flat on his back, you'll get on top on your knees. Rock back and forth gently AND SLOWLY, this is a sureeeeee fire way to reach orgasm! Now remember GO SLOW, I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, SPEED WILL MAKE HIM CLIMAX! Only when it gets REALLY intense for you or it's not quite cutting it pleasure wise do you dare speed up, remember this will take time, expect to be up there for a while! BUT, If he does start to build up to a finish let him know to WARN YOU. Lift so he pulls out! Have him rub your cliterous for 3 - 5 seconds, then go back down. Most of the blood in his penis required for climax is gone, 5 seconds is MUCH BETTER then 3 by the way. SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE! Just continue on this path.
A side-note. Make him work-out. Specifically his ab muscles. A strong lower abdominal muscle lines up perfectly with your cliterous. It's a firm, warm surface, and when you are rocking back and forth... this will make it MUCH better for you and you'll finish a LOT faster. I use to have nice abs down there ^_^. Been meaning to get them back myself, but even a spongy mid-section on him will still feel nice to you.

Finally, there are products on the market to help
1. Climax control Gel for men (can be picked up at a local sex shop or online. The Stag Shop is a good example of a store that can help). I'm not gauranteeing the effectiveness of it on him, but I know people who use it and say it does help a little.
2. Toys. I know, this makes a lot of people cringe, but, a vibrator/dildo in his hands could exite you to no end, and it's a guaranteed finish. It may not be the perfect answer, but as a last resort it's not terrible. PLUS, to make it stay intimate even with a toy you can get him to give you oral while penetrating you with the vibrator or have him fondle your chest lovingly.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I hope this helps! And remember, this takes time, patience and practice. You should focus his attention on oral, it's the easiest way for you to climax both cliteroally and to get you ready to finish through g-spot/penetration.

P.M. me and let me know how it goes/if this worked for you :-).

Lots of good info given already.

Need more info from the OP'er...

Sounds like two issues... his drive is low (sex doesn't happen often) and sex isn't pleasing to you...

They can be connected, or not.

So... more about him. Age? Stress at work? About money? Issues outside the bedroom? A history of depression? Any medical issues? Meds? Does he smoke? Drink much? Do you have children? Whens the last time he had a physical?

As for in bed issues... has it ever been good? What exactly is the problem? Too fast? Too long? ED issues? Not a giving lover? Doesn't sensitize you? Doesn't seem to care about your needs? Cares about your needs but cannot fulfill them?

More info please...

If you don't ejoy sex with your bf/husband person you could use a vibrator they are just as much fun as a man you could also watch sex videos with your partner maybe to show him what you like

Yeah also you can talk to him about it I confessed a while back to my partner that I'd never had an orgasm through sex even with him. At first he looked dissapointed and down but then later that night he really surprised me with lots of foreplay and exciting games he managed to be the first to give me fulfilling sex. Really talking is the best way to deal with this if you want to be with him. If or him want any tips let me know I'm happy to help.