I have just made an appointment to see a professional about my sex addiction.
The counsellor is a man. Is this OK? Im just not sure if I would be better talking to a woman. I have no problems in talking to a man about this but I just don't want to be judged by him.. Has anyone else seen a proffessional wth a problem like this? Did they notice a difference in seeing a counsellor of the opposite sex?

I've been to counselling, my first counsellor was a man, we didn't click. I don't think that his being male had anything to do with it.

The counsellor that ended up being the right one was female, but it wasn't her sex that made it work, it was her personality, we clicked.

It sometimes takes a few before you find a counsellor that works for you. Don't be discouraged if this isn't the one for you.

The most important thing is finding someone you feel comfortable with and whose advice you respect.

Good luck and good for you. :)

Professionals are not in their field to judge you, they may have an opinion, but it isn't theirs to share with you. That is part of being a professional.

You will not be sharing anything they have not previously heard and can not counsel on. Be honest and upfront and there shouldn't be any differences between the sexs for professional counseling.

If you are uncomfortable following your first session, seek new counsel.

How do I know if I don't click with him or if I just don't like what he is saying? I guess I'm in a state of denial about my whole issue.. its so hard.
I don't want to dismiss him just cos he is saying something I don't want to hear.. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens when I get there.. thanks x x

How do i know if i dont click with him or if i just dont like what he is sayin? I guess im in a state of denial about my whole issue.. its so hard.
I dont want to dismiss him just cos he is sayin something i dont want to hear.. i guess i will just have to wait and see what happens when i get there.. thanks x x

It's about feeling comfortable, opening up. You won't know right away, give it a few sessions, you'll know.

Just don't resist, listen with an open mind, be honest about everything, you can't heal if you don't acknowledge what's going on.

You're taking a big step, it's life changing, of course it's hard, if it wasn't then it wouldn't be worthwhile, all worthwhile change is hard. Trust me, been there, done that. ;)

You've taken the first step, the next step will be easier and so will the one after that and so on and so forth.

Dare I say I'm proud of you? Well, it sounds mommyish, but I am. :)

Keep us posted on how you're doing. So many times people come here, ask their questions, get answers and then leave, we never know what happens after that.

Good luck to you.

It's about feeling comfortable, opening up. You won't know right away, give it a few sessions, you'll know.


Dare I say I'm proud of you? Well, it sounds mommyish, but I am. :)

Keep us posted on how you're doing. So many times people come here, ask their questions, get answers and then leave, we never know what happens after that.

Good luck to you.

thank u.. I needed a "mom" comment I think lol
I will keep you updated... thank you for taking an interest. I assumed I was most women's enemy on here now and they all would hope I never returned here again, regardless of the outcome.. So Thank you x x

Hi, Meow420!

I've been through counseling a number of different times for different reasons. Sometimes, it might take some time to find just the correct counselor for you.

I does pay to shop around, but please be open to what any of them say, even if you don't like what one of them might say. They are trying to help you.

It does sound like you would be open to what someone would tell you though, since you're looking for help on your own.

When a person goes to a professional counselor, it can take a few visits for you and the counselor to get to know each other. Those times together are usually just introductory. So, I would suggest being patient.

Is this a counselor who specializes in sexual addictions?

Thanks!

thank u.. i needed a "mom" comment i think lol
I will keep you updated... thank you for takin an interest. I assumed i was most womens enemy on here now and they all would hope i never returned here again, regardless of the outcome.. So Thank you x x

Hey, we're all human, we all make mistakes, the fact that you're ready to move on and get help, that says a lot.

No thanks necessary, but it is appreciated. :)

Hi, Meow420!



Is this a counselor who specializes in sexual addictions?

Thanks!

Yes he deals with sex addictions.. I spoke to him for 10mins on the phone, he asked me a few basic questions.. the one question that stood out to him was "How strongly do you feel a need to be free and do whatever you want in your life without restrictions? To be your own person and do whatever it takes to make you happy?" and my reply was "very strongly".. I'm not sure what that means, but he got excited by it...

thank u.. i needed a "mom" comment i think lol
I will keep you updated... thank you for takin an interest. I assumed i was most womens enemy on here now and they all would hope i never returned here again, regardless of the outcome.. So Thank you x x

We do get our ire up about some things but bottom line is we have a lot of humanity as well.
Great that you are getting some counseling.
Think of it as a journey of self discovery.It won't feel so scary then:)

We do get our ire up about some things but bottom line is we have a lot of humanity as well.
Great that you are getting some counseling.
Think of it as a journey of self discovery.It won't feel so scary then:)

Thanks for your comment. I know where you are all coming from. I just don't know why I accept things in my life, as morally wrong as they are, yet I KNOW they are wrong, but for some reason I put an individual reasoning on everything. In becoming open minded I think I may have lost the way. Man I don't know... but help us on its way lol

Originally Posted by Clough https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_imgs/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/sex-addiction-should-see-male-female-counsellor-357511.html#post1755066)
Hi, Meow420!

Is this a counselor who specializes in sexual addictions?

Thanks!



Originally Posted by Meow420

Yes he deals with sex addictions.. I spoke to him for 10mins on the phone, he asked me a few basic questions.. the one question that stood out to him was "How strongly do you feel a need to be free and do whatever you want in your life without restrictions? To be your own person and do whatever it takes to make you happy?" and my reply was "very strongly".. I'm not sure what that means, but he got excited by it...

Hi again, Meow420!

It's been my experience, over the years with counselors, that they will try to put people into definite personality types in order to figure out the best treatment plan for the patient.

This seems to happen the most with those counselors who are psychologists and psychiatrists.

He probably feels that he was getting somewhere with you right at the get-go in communicating with you.

Thanks!

Hi again, Meow420!

It's been my experience, over the years with counselors, that they will try to put people into definite personality types in order to figure out the best treatment plan for the patient.

This seems to happen the most with those counselors who are psychologists and psychiatrists.

He probably feels that he was getting somewhere with you right at the get-go in communicating with you.

Thanks!

But I don't want to be put into a personality type? How can the world of people be put into types? Aren't we all different? Oh dear... is he guna assume thigs about me that are not true just because they fit into tha personality type?

Well, I'm just describing my experience with them, that's all.

Is this counselor a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist?

Thanks!

Well, I'm just describing my experience with them, that's all.

Is this counselor a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist?

Thanks!

He is just a counsellor I think.. he does these things:
Treatment
Addiction Therapy
Cognitive Therapy
Hypnotherapy
Psychotherapy
Relationship Therapy
Sexual Therapy
Service
Emotional Counselling
Sexual Counselling


Should I see a psychologist instead?

It sounds like he's something maybe beyond a social worker and perhaps even beyond a psychologist.

Was he recommended to you or did you just do some looking in the phone book?

Thanks!

It sounds like he's something maybe beyond a social worker and perhaps even beyond a psychologist.

Was he recommended to you or did you just do some looking in the phone book?

Thanks!

I got him off the net.. typed in sex addiction couselling in my area and he popped up.

he is just a counsellor i think.. he does these things:
Treatment
Addiction Therapy
Cognitive Therapy
Hypnotherapy
Psychotherapy
Relationship Therapy
Sexual Therapy
Service
Emotional Counselling
Sexual Counselling


Should i see a psychologist instead?

Sounds to me like you're going to the right person. If he feels you need more help then he can offer he'll recommend other treatment.

Also, yes, we're all individuals, not lumped into groups. The therapist I saw understood that every person is unique and therefore there wasn't a "one size fits all" type therapy available.

The first sessions will be getting to know you, figuring out what works for you, what doesn't and then you'll go from there.

I don't like being "classed" or labelled either.

You went down a very specific path to get where you are and the path that you need to follow to get help will be very specific as well, a good therapist understands that and will tailor your treatment to you. :)

I don't like being labeled or classified as something either. However, there will probably be some test done on paper and maybe by a machine.

This is about a sexual thing, after all.

I'm not meaning to sound like a person has to be grouped or classified. Though.

Thanks!

Sounds to me like you're going to the right person. If he feels you need more help then he can offer he'll recommend other treatment.

Also, yes, we're all individuals, not lumped into groups. The therapist I saw understood that every person is unique and therefore there wasn't a "one size fits all" type therapy available.

The first sessions will be getting to know you, figuring out what works for you, what doesn't and then you'll go from there.

I don't like being "classed" or labelled either.

You went down a very specific path to get where you are and the path that you need to follow to get help will be very specific as well, a good therapist understands that and will tailor your treatment to you. :)

Maybe u should change your name from "pet Expert" to "expert in all areas" lol.. I meant that in a good way, not being sarcastic x x

Cool... well I'm on the right path I guess.. just have to wait a week before I can turn the next corner...

I also think that he sounds like the right person.

I also think that he sounds like the right person.

Thank you for your input :)
Even though you might think I'm the worst person in the world, you are commentin in an unbiased way.. thank u

Thanks, I try! :)

We all make bad judgement calls. What we do with our future is what makes us and breaks us. You are making the right step for yourself and that is what is important.

Don't beat yourself up about this, just move forward for yourself. Learn from this experience. Good luck to you.

If I had a dime every time I mad a mistake I'd be a very rich woman! We all make mistakes, like Justy said (Justy, you and I seem to be sharing a brain tonight!) but it's what you do now that counts.

Don't look back, look forward. Know that we're here if you need to talk. We've all been through something and survived, you will too.

I'm happy for you, this is the start of a whole new life for you, you just have to let it happen. :)

thank u for your input :)
even tho you might think im the worst person in the world, you are commentin in an unbiased way.. thank u

I don't think anyone thinks you're the worst person in the world.
Don't beat yourself up,it is self limiting and counter productive. :)

I don't think anyone thinks your the worst person in the world.
Don't beat yourself up,it is self limiting and counter productive. :)

thank u artlady.. u people here are all very nice, although a bit angry to start with. (with reason)
I'm feeling really positive about this site. Thanks x x x

Well, sometimes we need to do some discovery of a person first. Some people do jump to conclusions right away though. I am one of those who likes to take things slow in the discovery process.

I, for one, do think that you're headed in the right path to heal yourself from your addiction.

Thank you for your compliment!

Pardon me, but is there such a thing as a sex addict?

Pardon me, but is there such a thing as a sex addict?

Yes there is... look it up

Pardon me, but is there such a thing as a sex addict?

Hi, cmfundi!

Yes, Bill Clinton, former U.S. president might be a good example.

Hello Meow,

I've read this and all your other threads, and I think I can understand the conflict you're feeling. One thing I'm convinced of is that you're not a horrible person, as some here have labeled you. Don't believe it. You are, however, outside the mainstream of society's norms and expectations, especially for a woman, so like it or not, you will get a lot of flack for that. It goes with the territory.

It's good that you're going to see a counselor. Whether you decide to make a change in your life, or just learn better ways to cope with the fact that you're different, it's good to get some help with it. You're thirty years old, which means that in astrological terms you're in the midst of your first Saturn return, which is a time of self-examination and decision about which behaviors and attitudes to keep and which to discard. It's never an easy process, but the fact that you're willing to get help bodes well for you, I think. If you're interested in the astrological angle, PM me and I'll send you some stuff.

I truly do wish you well. It's hard to follow your own path when it takes you outside the ordinary and conventional, but trying to make yourself follow a path that isn't really yours ends up being harder in the long run. Some people are just not cut out for long-term pair bonding, and you may be one of them. Here's some recent research on the subject that I find fascinating, and you might as well.

THE WAY WE LIVE NOW: 7-18-04; Curing Casanova - The New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/18/magazine/the-way-we-live-now-7-18-04-curing-casanova.html?scp=1&sq=Walter+prairie+vole&st=nyt)

A Commitment Pill? - Olivia Judson Blog - NYTimes.com (http://judson.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/a-commitment-pill/?scp=1&sq=olivia%20judson%20monogamy%20gene&st=cse)

A Love Vaccine? - TierneyLab Blog - NYTimes.com (http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/12/love-vaccine/#more-485)

Being Human: Love: Neuroscience reveals all : Article : Nature (http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v457/n7226/full/457148a.html)

I see part of the issue, with you already saying that you don't want the couselor to "judge" ** which they don't at least publicly to you, ( all people have opinions)

But the fact is what do you want the couselor to do for you, help you stop having the addiction, if so are you willig to leave the sex trade. The result or desire of counseling means you want some change.

Hello Meow,

I've read this and all your other threads, and I think I can understand the conflict you're feeling. One thing I'm convinced of is that you're not a horrible person, as some here have labeled you. Don't believe it. You are, however, outside the mainstream of society's norms and expectations, especially for a woman, so like it or not, you will get a lot of flack for that. It goes with the territory.

It's good that you're going to see a counselor. Whether you decide to make a change in your life, or just learn better ways to cope with the fact that you're different, it's good to get some help with it. You're thirty years old, which means that in astrological terms you're in the midst of your first Saturn return, which is a time of self-examination and decision about which behaviors and attitudes to keep and which to discard. It's never an easy process, but the fact that you're willing to get help bodes well for you, I think. If you're interested in the astrological angle, PM me and I'll send you some stuff.

I truly do wish you well. It's hard to follow your own path when it takes you outside the ordinary and conventional, but trying to make yourself follow a path that isn't really yours ends up being harder in the long run. Some people are just not cut out for long-term pair bonding, and you may be one of them. Here's some recent research on the subject that I find fascinating, and you might as well.

THE WAY WE LIVE NOW: 7-18-04; Curing Casanova - The New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/18/magazine/the-way-we-live-now-7-18-04-curing-casanova.html?scp=1&sq=Walter+prairie+vole&st=nyt)

A Commitment Pill? - Olivia Judson Blog - NYTimes.com (http://judson.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/a-commitment-pill/?scp=1&sq=olivia%20judson%20monogamy%20gene&st=cse)

A Love Vaccine? - TierneyLab Blog - NYTimes.com (http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/12/love-vaccine/#more-485)

Being Human: Love: Neuroscience reveals all : Article : Nature (http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v457/n7226/full/457148a.html)

OMG OK I have found someone that kind of gets me lol.. I'm only new to this site and don't know how to pm, but I'm definatley interested in what you have to share! Get back to me!

I see part of the issue, with you already saying that you don't want the couselor to "judge" ** which they don't at least publicly to you, ( all people have opinions)

But the fact is what do you want the couselor to do for you, help you stop having the addiction, if so are you willig to leave the sex trade. The result or desire of couseling means you want some change.

What I am seeking the help of a counsellor for is to find out if me living with a sexual addiction is OK.. or if it's that bad and I am blinded by it and I'm not seeing how it is negatively effecting my life...

OMG ok i have found someone that kinda gets me lol.. im only new to this site and dont know how to pm, but im definatley interested in what u have to share!! Get back to me!!

Click on my username (at the left), then select "Send a personal message to ordinaryguy" from the drop-down menu.

P.S. You'll have to enable private messaging in your profile--click "My Profile" at the top of any page, then choose "Edit Options" from the menu on the left, and check the "Enable private messaging" box.

Hi, all!

In keeping with the site's policies, please do keep all information on the threads so that others who have similar questions might benefit by the information that's given here.

Another thing is, if, after a thread has been started and developed, it's unfair to the others who have participated on the thread, if information is shared privately. It leaves the others who have participated in confusion because of not knowing what information has been exchanged.

There is also the risk of having the thread closed because of contact happening outside of the thread.

I just wanted you to know...

Thanks!

Hi, all!

In keeping with the site's policies, please do keep all information on the threads so that others who have similar questions might benefit by the information that's given here.

Another thing is, if, after a thread has been started and developed, it's unfair to the others who have participated on the thread, if information is shared privately. It leaves the others who have participated in confusion because of not knowing what information has been exchanged.

There is also the risk of having the thread closed because of contact happening outside of the thread.

I just wanted you to know...

Thanks!

I just checked the Site rules (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules) and I don't find any prohibition against private messaging. If I'm missing something, please provide a link.

I did find this, however:

Any communication or material you post or transmit to the Site is and will be treated as non-confidential and non-proprietary... you grant Ask Me Help Desk and its affiliates the right to edit, copy, publish and distribute any information or content you post or transmit for any purpose.
So that sounds to me like I shouldn't post anything publicly that I'm not willing to have edited, copied, published or distributed. In other words, I give up my copyright protection if I post anything here that I've written.

Um I have no idea what u guys are talking about now lol... is it not allowed to cht further on matters in private?

Click on my username (at the left), then select "Send a personal message to ordinaryguy" from the drop-down menu.

P.S. You'll have to enable private messaging in your profile--click "My Profile" at the top of any page, then choose "Edit Options" from the menu on the left, and check the "Enable private messaging" box.

I don't seem to have an "enable chat" option in my edit options bit... start a new thread perhaps? Want my email?

Another thing is, if, after a thread has been started and developed, it's unfair to the others who have participated on the thread, if information is shared privately. It leaves the others who have participated in confusion because of not knowing what information has been exchanged.

For anyone who's interested in the astrological angle, there are discussions of it here (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/religious-discussions/what-where-here-342303-2.html#post1687193) and here (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/astronomy/possible-make-accurate-predictions-astrology-206745.html#post995023).

OK so this is an update for all of those that have been follow my threads.

I went and saw the counsellor/therapist on Tuesday. It was awesome.
It opened up a whole different issues I need to deal with lol but the amount of self acceptance I am feeling is fantastic.

So here are a few things that he spoke to me about, and basically how it all ties into my threads.

After many questions and probing into my brain, the therapist said that My line of work has not played with my head. He said I am a very rational, level headed 30yr old. He could see why I was questioning whether it is right or wrong to be a sex worker and came up with the conclusion that yes a lot of people think it is a bad thing, that is just their opinions. It is not effecting me in a negative way at all.

After our talk he could see my need and love of helping people and he suggested even starting up a group for couples/singles on how to keep sexual relationships healthy.

When I discussed my partner, who is a married man, he basically told me that, that type of relationship is all based on (again) your own belief systems. It might not be something people agree with but at the end of the day, its all about what works for each individual. And as for right now, its working for me quite well.

I told my partner about seeing a therapist. He straight away was very concerned that he was causing me grief, but I assured him, it isn't him, it was just my own head accepting the situation.

The therapist did not want to discuss my partner for long at all. He said that from what he can see, it's a casual relationship that is discreet and for now, bringing joy to my life.

Now, this is where it got interesting. I brought up my sex addiction. After more probing, he came to the conclusion, that I am not adicted to sex, but that I may have an issue with power. Needing power over men. And sex apparently is my tool.

After many questions about my dad, the therapist is very keen to do regressive therapy and hypnosis. I am not too sure on this idea. He says that the most pivotal things in our life, happen before we are 5yrs old. He thinks that something has happened to me when I was young. Could be something small. Could be something bad.

I personally don't want to go probing into that I have blocked out for whatever reason. If I found out my dad molested me, I will seriously kill him. Without even a thought.

Also he said I have unnatural tendacies to protect my loved ones. I don't understand that. I will die for my family. We have been through tough times and Im sure most people are the same. But apparently my need to keep my family safe is abnormal.

So yeah that's pretty much it. It was only one session though, Im going back next week.

It made me realise that, OK, I may be a sex addicted, prostitute that is dating a married man, and that may be something the majority of people in society would not agree with... but that's OK! Its fine! As long as I can look in the mirror every morning and like who I am, be proud of all that Ive accomplished, love my family, make them proud... as long as my family love me then I really don't give a toss what the rest of the world thinks :)

Ok so that's the basics I guess.. Ive been walking around with my head a little higher I must admit lol.

I want to thank all of those who left comments, whether they were helpful or not. I love that this site is an open space for us all to voice all of our different and unique opinions.

When reading peoples questions, don't judge their actions... at the end of the day, they are here for an answer.. lets help people, not put them down x x x x x

As a psychotherapist and counselor, I have always found that a preference to see a counselor of a particular gender is a very useful source of understanding. Although we all prefer to feel 'comfortable', it is the feeling of discomfort that can be the most revealing. The expectation of, for example, being judged by a man, may be a real window into the kind of hidden assumptions that you may carry into relationships.

It can therefore be more effective to see a counselor of the gender you find less comfortable. The one proviso is that it may take patience and some courage before you can allow yourself to say what you are truly feeling, particularly towards your therapist. By speaking of your fears and discomfort, your anxieties will be right there, alive in the room, and although this will probably be uncomfortable, it is also the fastest was to get to the underlying issues.

For a more detailed answer to the question, there is an article on my journal:
http://www.londonpsychotherapycounselling.co.uk/journal.html

Sorry - hadn't worked out how to use the link function.
Here's the link (www.londonpsychotherapycounselling.co.uk/journal.html) I mentioned in my previous post.