Ok, here's the deal... I have been dating this girl for 15 months or so. She means the world to me and she really is everything I've always wanted in a girlfriend. Im really a genuine nice guy that treats her like an angel. But there is a large hurdle that I just have a tough time getting over with her.

First off, she lives far away from me, so during the summer, she went home to PA and I stayed here in MI. about 3 months into our relationship, she went home and had a "rough" and stressful summer, what she told me. While she was home, she hooked up with a guy that she had been pretty close with while they were at the beach in NJ. She told me about it and I was devastated but decided I could get over it and since have. However, this really just hurt her credibility and my trust for her for months.

Then, to me, I think every second that I get to spend with her is the best part of my day. Granted, I do get to spend a lot of time with her since we go to the same college, but I just don't think she feels the same way.

For example, she is half way around the world right now and its very hard for me to call her. I just called her and she did not sound happy to talk to me at all. I told her I only had a few minutes to talk since she was 7,000 miles away and international calls are hard to make. When she heard this, she got hostile and didn't want to talk at all. I had been looking forward to talking to her for 2 days now and this is how she treats me? Unfortunately, I got to spend 75% of the time I got to talk to her arguing about absolutely stupid . Needless to say, I am a little angry right now.

My very close friends and family have warned me that she doesn't care for me the way or as much as I care for her. For her benefit, I choose to not believe them. However, it really does seem to be that way. I can't tell you how much effort, time, and money I have put into this relationship and I think all she does is hang on for the ride. We argue sometimes, probably more than is necessary since she and I are both very stubborn, but I think every couple does that.

I love this girl with all my heart and she tells me the same. I do believe her, I just fear that she is becoming less interested. She once told me that she was afraid of me breaking her heart by breaking up with her, but I have assured her countless times that this will not happen. I don't want to break up with her, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me since I have had a very troubled childhood. Everyday I wake up and want to be with her.

Now, here is the other thing... she only has male friends. I was a little skeptical for a while, but I have tried giving her the benefit of the doubt and trusting her. But what do you think? Should I keep a leash on her?

The biggest thing is that people, including her and her best friend, say I am just huge emotional wreck. They say she wears the pants in the relationship. I just say, "well im sorry i really do just care about her and her feelings." and lastly, she is the center of my attention because that's what I thought girls wanted? I guess I'm wrong there too. But she does not give me the same amount of attention I give her for sure. But if I say anything to her, she just gets mad and it turns into an argument.

Am I wrong to be sensitive?

Thank you so much for your feedback and thanks for reading such a long post :)

I do think your wrong. Your wrong for thinking she feels the same way about you! You say she tells you she loves you but actions speak louder than words. Her actions say she doesn't feel the same way you do. Cut your losses and get out before you spend more time and money on this girl.

You're not wrong to be sensitive, but she's definitely walking all over you and you don't seem to care. She definitely has all the control in this relationship.

If you really care about her and she cares about you as much as you think she does, then just trust her and let her do her thing now that she's far away.

At first, it sounded like she needed time away from you, but it sounds more like you need some time away from her. You've become really needy and you need to make yourself stronger.

Either way, it definitely sounds like she doesn't like you as much as you like her. I wouldn't want to tell you to break up, but you got to keep this fact in mind.

She may be giving you too little attention but you are giving her too much. Yes girls want to be loved and cared for but you basically said she is the center of your life and most girls just don't want that kind of attention. Some of them do, but this girl seems to want some space.

Her having guy friends is just something you have to deal with. If you can't trust her, then end the relationship. Jealousy over friends of the opposite sex with wreck a relationship. If you have any doubt that she would do something with another guy then something is out of place.

I think I just may be overthinking things? I have a tendency to take things farther than I should. What do you think?

I don't think you're overthinking things. Your intuition is telling you something isn't right. As a woman I know you always listen to your intuition. From your post, it sounds to me like she's trying to push you away. Woman only do that for one reason. They do that when they want to split but don't want to hurt the guy. I hope this helps you.

You can't keep a leash on her, how could you? If anything, the leash is for you.

She has control over you because you've assured her that you won't leave. On top of that, she cheated on you and you're still with her. That just gave her all the power she needs. You sound scared and on edge every time there's a rocky path ahead. That's not healthy. If anything, you should be thinking about working with her, not working on how to keep her happy.

She cheated on you, things will never be the same. You staying with her when she cheated gives both of you insecurity and will eventually lead to something worse. I wouldn't stay with her. She's manipulating you and taking advantage of your 'emotional' feelings.

Leave her, it's going to get worse. End it before it gets deeper and you have to climb that much further.

I know this probably sounds immature but I don't want it end. I've tried to imagine what it would be like if I wasn't with her, and I really don't like the picture of that. I know you guys have told me to end this, but I just don't want to. This is my thinking, and I know it is wrong but here it is... I would rather be with her and me suffer and her be happy.

This is my biggest problem she has told me, I put her before me. I think that's just something I have to work on, but that I don't know how to do.

As far as giving advice... you won't get it any time soon, you're going to have to be completely crushed before you'll really understand. When she does break up with you (and believe me, she will) come back and ask for our advice. We'll tell you to read all the stickies, go No Contact, and all the other cookie-cutter advice. But this journey will only start when you want it to.

Or, you could take control of your life, realize that you would be better off alone until you can be happy with your life again, and only then start thinking about sharing it with someone else. But you won't. You'll let her drain you dry, physically, emotionally, and financially. Then, maybe you'll be able to grow as much as the rest of us have. I really hope you will.

The pain that you are going to experience in the near future will crush you, but you will grow and become a much better person because of it. I look forward to watching your journey :)

~ Tee

i know this probably sounds immature but i dont want it end. 1. ive tried to imagine what it would be like if i wasnt with her, and i really dont like the picture of that. i know you guys have told me to end this, but i just dont want to. this is my thinking, and i know it is wrong but here it is... 2. i would rather be with her and me suffer and her be happy.

This is my biggest problem she has told me, 3. i put her before me. i think thats just 4. something i have to work on, but that i dont know how to do.


1. You can't imagine life without her because fear and doubt has clouded your mind from thinking straight. This is where NC comes into play, stick to it and you will see that she is a poison that only hurts you.

2. That's your fear and doubt talking again. You don't know that, you've never experienced life without her after a break up and until you do, you will always want to be miserable just to make her happy. Let me translate what you said. "She could treat me like absolute crap, as long as she doesn't leave me." You're not concerned about her being happy, you're concerned about her not being in your life. C'mon man, you're not thinking clearly. You do not deserve this, grow a pair and stick up for yourself.

3. Unhealthy. Very unhealthy. Next time, think about you guys as a couple rather then her only. You deserve to be happy too.

4. You damn right, and NC is the only cure for this dilemma. Please consider NC and stick to it. You will be glad you did.