I've had an failry horrible time with relationships; in all forms. You name it I've probably had a guy do it to me. So in order to avoid the pain; I adopted this whole "i dont date i just get laid" thing, (the statement wasn't entirly true... or as it sounds... I don't hook up with every guy I see... but... sometimes friends with benefits is a lot less painful than a relationship) in retrospect that probably made some things worse; but after I said that most guys backed away from me completely... I live in a small rural town and most of the guys around here don't know how to handle any girl who's 'raw'. For the most part it worked, the only guys who had anything to do with me were close friends and guys who weren't scared of me or my tendencies. However as the months have went on (I adopted that little thing about 7 months ago)... I've started to reconsider... which is a extremely big step for me... diffrent things have made me think that through a little bit... but although these things make me reconsider they also terrify me... like watching how my best friend treats his girlfriend... yes I want that but I'm not sure that I could ever find that...

Anyway on to my deliema: I had sex with a friend... on more than one occasion... and while at first there wasn't anything to it... I began to like him for more than just a friend/good time... when I asked him out he declined... telling me that he hadh to say no because he doesn't date right after getting out of a relationship... very understandable... except somehow I knew he was lying. After he told me no I started to push him away not wanting anything to do with him... mostly because I thought he was dating a friend of mine... and since my feelings were hurt and I didn't trust myself not to say anything... well that weekend he shows up on my porch at midnight... and like the idiot I have a tendency of being I let him come in... not going too far into any details I found out that he wasn't taken. Well... things just kept getting wierder.

This past weekend we ended up at the same party and usually when I ask this guy to take me home last he will... he knows that I hate going home to an empty house all the time... anyways... he said no and apoligized... I didn't believe him... the next night he was at the pool hall with another one of my friends haning on him (hes like a man-whore or something.. ) and then last night when I went to buy a pack of ciggerettes she was sitting on his car waiting for him to get off work... and I guess they're basically living together... with another one of my friends... and although I know I shouldn't (without talking to either one of them) its easy to conclude they're together...

I've left out some of the more choppy pieces of drama... but you kind of get the idea... this guy has played with my head and acted like my friend and basically just treated me like crap... partially my fault for taking it and even going as far as adopting my little saying

Anyways; I just want to know why guys treat girls like this? Why is it that (in my case) a guy would rather have any other girl but me? I'm confused and I'm hurt... it would be a lot easier for me to not care if I knew the logic behind it...

Do you want the cold hard truth? I'll give it to you straight then...

First off. Missatribution, is blaming some one else for how we feel. Sure they were jerks, or two faced, but you choose them. You saw them as potential "mates" and so pursued them. Question is, how did you get with these guys, what were they like, did you exspect them to change, and did you stay with them even though they were clearly not nice or as caring as you had liked? Remember, you make your choices, so take responsibily for them and learn to forgive yourself for being human. I imagine you are a great women, but I question weather you know that or not?

"i dont date i just get laid"-You This kind of thinking is reckless/careless and I'm sure you know, but if you think like that, why the hell should any guy see you any other way? We become what we think, thus we are what we think. Understand that you are the one destroying yourself by thinking that you are less than your are because of how others may or may not veiw you, and by clearly needing to work on yourself and finding out who your really are. After all, if you don't know who you really are, then no one can pease you, nor connect with you on that intiamte level. Learn to love yourself, believe me you are worth it.

"live in a small rural town and most of the guys around here don't know how to handle any girl whos 'raw'... guys who weren't scared of me or my tendencies."-you Please explain.

I"m willing to be I can think of about a 100-400 women just like you. Why do some many women say, "I'm not girly, I'm a tough chick! I hang with the guys and get dirty with the guys rather have a beer after a hard days work, and love sex." (sorry over generallizing, on purpose.) I truely have met a rough estiamte of about 200 women that have said something along those lines. Crazy and fun right, no. Sad and angery, being used but now accepting that's just how men are. I don't know many that are happy with their "men", they are continuously telling my how hurt they are by how their BFs treat them, and the few that are happy, found really nice guys that are very caring. True, few and far between, but the guys aren't really the typical beer drinkin, mechanical, quading/dirt bike, hunting, weightlifters either. They are usually average every day guys with nothing really special to offer, but their love, and devotion. Give just as much as they recieve.

So, are you one of those girls that thinks they are not a girly girl?? Do you try to be tough, but really just want to be loved? Why hide behind a mask and get involved with some one who is masked as well, when you can be straight up front and honest. "People that grow together, stay together."-Nestorian.

"terrify me... yes I want that but I'm not sure that I could ever find that... "-you We are all affraid. I"m a 24 year old male who has the odd feeling of not belonging so isolates himself from every one. I don't like drinking, smoking, nor big flashy/ expensive/ overly trendy (like nice vehicles, I couldn't care less about/ big house/ in style clothes/ parties with alcohol or drugs.). For me all those things are pointless and I try to avoid them, where as most do not. No I'm not a happy nor religious, maybe spiritual but my point is: I want to go to college become a social worker, and have a house with 6-10 kids and maybe teach a class about standards of living for western society (too wasteful, greedy and so on). I want to try to keep the planet as it is, not tear it apart and live my life for me; because for me that is death, losing sight of what I really am... One part of a greater whole. Let's just say, that I've never met one person, never even heard of one women that is even relatively like that where I live. I live in a small city of about 80,000 people.

My biggest fear is to be alone, yet, I face it every day. I can only hope that you realize what I'm telling you, and that you can put it to good use.

" like the idiot i have a tendency of being i let him come in..."- you
Try not to be so hard on yourself, most of us do this kind of thing. Learn to love yourself, then forgive yourself. Do this by taking the time to think about these events, and then reasoning that you did what you could with what you knew then, and now all that's left is to let it go and focus on what in before you.

"this guy has played (with me)(I Played) with my head and acted like my friend and basically just treated me like crap... partially my fault for taking it and even going as far as adopting my little saying"- You
"Wisdom is ever where, we need only listen."-Nestorian Take responsibility one must, only then will you know self respect.

"why is it that (in my case) a guy would rather have any other girl but me?"- You

That is one guy my friend. What you are doing is called "cognitive Deficency", and is explained under cognitive Psychology as a kind of tunnel vision. You are putting too much importence on this one situation, and missing the reality that there are tones of guys out there, it's a big world and you never know. And as hellen keller says, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” You are also overgeneralising when you say, "any other girl but me"

"i'm confused and i'm hurt...it would be a lot easier for me to not care if i knew the logic behind it"-you
The logic is all yours my friend. You know that specific person better than any of us and there for your opinion of the matter is probably keenest. In all, does it really matter why he does this? Who are you, what do you want?

Do you love yourself? Do you forgive yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you know yourself? And finally Are you "being" yourself?

Focus on yourself, because you are proably more then you think, and deserve to be treated better then you are/have been, especially from yourself.

"You yourself, as much as any one in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."- Buddha

That all being said, if you are wondering why you feel so hung up on him, it's because you are looking for "the high" you got from being around him. Some call this love others, lust, passionate connection, and I call it a very decieving illusion... Try to let go of the situation, and No Contact may be best, as you will feel hurt seeing him with other girl/s. Focus on your life what you are doing, and move along. It is time, or you wouldn't be asking about it would you?

May Peace and kindness be with you.

Stop looking at what the other girls are doing, and stop living in a fantasy world where you think a guy will make you happy. Depend on yourself, to make yourself happy, by doing what you enjoy, and puh-lease, get out of the sex with benefits BS. Guys love it, but you obviously fall in to deep, and think they feel the same, they don't, but enjoy your benefits.

Wupz!

There is an interesting forum on dating, open relationshipst, etc (there is an interesting forum on <a href="http://verytogether.com/index.php?option=com_kunena&Itemid=133">dating, open relationshipst, etc </a>)

"Do you want the cold hard truth?? I'll give it to you straight then..."

No offense but that wasn't as cold as I thought it would be and I thank you- its nice to see someone who can be honest and still be tactful.




"First off. Missatribution, is blaming some one else for how we feel. Sure they were jerks, or two faced, but you choose them. You saw them as potential "mates" and so persued them. Question is, how did you get with these guys, what were they like, did you exspect them to change, and did you stay with them even though they were clearly not nice or as caring as you had liked?? Remember, you make your choices, so take responsibily for them and learn to forgive your self for being human. I imagine you are a great women, but I question weather you know that or not??"

The majority of the guys I've dated have pretended to be sweet and charming and have great morals, they treated me great when we were friends, and their ex-girlfriends always seemed very happy with them... but as we started dating they turned into jerks, and I did take it I'm not exactly sure why a friend of my thinks its because that goes against my nature- I'm loyal to a fault and play the "super-girl" card far more than I should; but its who I am. So after I tried the "nice guys" I started going for the jerks and bad boys. The way I figured was that they couldn't get any worse because they were already honest about what they were... and for quite a few of them I was right the more time we spent together the nicer they were, they started peeling back their layers and letting me see the real them... I was the one who couldn't open up on most occasions... and for one reason or another it was always easier to simply stay friends. I did make my choices, and its my misjudgment in guys that led me to deicide that: just not dating and not caring and simply having fun would be easier.



""i dont date i just get laid"-You This kind of thinking is reckless/careless and I'm sure you know, but if you think like that, why the hell should any guy see you any other way? We become what we think, thus we are what we think. Understand that you are the one destroying yourself by thinking that you are less than your are because of how others may or may not veiw you, and by clearly needing to work on yourself and finding out who your really are. After all, if you don't know who you really are, then no one can pease you, nor connect with you on that intiamte level. Learn to love yourself, believe me you are worth it."


You're right this kind of thinking is reckless/carelss, as I know and as I knew after I first said it. At first I was impulse, I'm not sure why I said it, it simply came out of my mouth and then I like the shocked reaction on everyone's face, I'm not sure why maybe because I was tired of feeling predictable and safe and boring (I was none of those things but apparently my friends thought I was, by that point they were use to hearing that I was doen with realtionships... and they told me I didn't mean it and that really made me mad... I didn't want to be argued with I meant it... although eventually I would change my mind at the time I meant it) that shut everyone up... and when I figured out that no one would say anything to me after I said it I just kept saying it I don't know if anyone honestly believed me at first... but they began to. I do need to work on myself and part o my problem is that on some level I'm not sure I want to connect with anyone on a intimite level; I'm scared of getting hurt so if I keep EVERYONE at an arms length... then no one can hurt me. One some level the though has crossed my mind that even if I don't want to get hurt it would be better to at least try... I'm just not sure how.




""live in a small rural town and most of the guys around here don't know how to handle any girl whos 'raw'... guys who weren't scared of me or my tendencies."-you Please explain. "

In my town the guys or anyone really are not use to one such as me; who is at times brutally honest and very cold... most of the people in my town go around and tell these pretty little lies to spare everyone's feelings and on top of that no girl in my town would EVER say that they don't date they just get laid... and I didn't mean to put weren't I meant were, because the very few that weren't afraid of that little comment would never act on it for one reason or another (or at least I though anywyas... I didn't have everyone pegged down as well as I though... )




"I"m willing to be I can think of about a 100-400 women just like you. Why do some many women say, "i'm not girly, I'm a tough chick! I hang with the guys and get dirty with the guys rather have a beer after a hard days work, and love sex." (sorry over generallizing, on purpose.) I truly have met a rough estiamte of about 200 women that have said something along those lines. Crazy and fun right, no. Sad and angery, being used but now accepting that's just how men are. I don't know many that are happy with their "men", they are continuously telling my how hurt they are by how their BFs treat them, and the few that are happy, found really nice guys that are very caring. True, few and far between, but the guys aren't really the typical beer drinking, mechanical, quading/dirt bike, hunting, weightlifters either. They are usually average every day guys with nothing really special to offer, but their love, and devotion. Give just as much as they receive."



On some level girls do enjoy those things I honestly do, I've never been a girly-girl from the time I could walk I was climbing trees instead of playing with dolls and I'm the same way today; to me it feels unnatural to go shopping and do anything other go 4-wheeling and fishing and watch the game and drink a beer... and while I do thise because its just who I am I have my softer side I choose not to show it... in not showing that's where my sad and angry side gets covered up... but very few know what I'm hiding... and part of it is image (with the girls who act it but aren't really into it)... most guys won't approach a girl whose covered in dirt and oil and surrounded by a bunch of guys... it keeps them away... if they never approach you then they can't hurt you...

As to the last bit, of that paragraph, you're right those guys are few and far between but the ultimate question: how do you know when you find one? Any guy can pretend to care...




So, are you one of those girls that thinks they are not a girly girl? Do you try to be tough, but really just want to be loved? Why hide behind a mask and get involved with some one who is masked as well, when you can be straight up front and honest. "People that grow together, stay together."-Nestorian.

As I explained before I'm a tomboy... I've always been this way and while I don't let everyone see everything I'm not putting up a front by doing the crazy things I do... I don't often let my guard down, my mask is none other than not letting get close enough to see; if someone honestly knew me and looked in my eyes when everything was calm it wouldn't be hard to see that I've been hurt. I just don't let anyone get that close.




"terrify me... yes i want that but i'm not sure that i could ever find that..."-you We are all afraid. I'm a 24 year old male who has the odd feeling of not belonging so isolates himself from every one. I don't like drinking, smoking, nor big flashy/ expensive/ overly trendy (like nice vehicles, I couldn't care less about/ big house/ in style clothes/ parties with alcohol or drugs.). For me all those things are pointless and I try to avoid them, where as most do not. No I'm not a happy nor religious, maybe spiritual but my point is: I want to go to college become a social worker, and have a house with 6-10 kids and maybe teach a class about standards of living for western society (too wasteful, greedy and so on). I want to try to keep the planet as it is, not tear it apart and live my life for me; because for me that is death, losing sight of what I really am... One part of a greater whole. Let's just say, that I've never met one person, never even heard of one women that is even relatively like that where I live. I live in a small city of about 80,000 people.


I'd like a big truck... but only because with my driving I virtually need a tank. As for the rest, I like being comfortable; but I don't need anything luxurious... I NEVER want to have everything handed to me, anything I do have I want to work for... and I hate a lot of attention so anything flashy would bring attention to me... our reasons are different but I understand what you're saying... I live in a town of about 2000 people; if that... and its not because of the town its because of who I am... alot of teenagers in my town drives nice shiny pretty cars, they live in big two story houses and haven't had to work a day in their lives... maybe its because I NEVER want to be like that but none of that intrests me.




"" like the idiot i have a tendency of being i let him come in..."- you
Try not to be so hard on yourself, most of us do this kind of thing. Learn to love yourself, then forgive yourself. Do this by taking the time to think about these events, and then reasoning that you did what you could with what you knew then, and now all that's left is to let it go and focus on what in before you. "

I said that because I knew better, than to let him in I know him (at least those tendencies) and I know me... forgiving/loving myself is easier said than done. I'd rather reason that I made a mistake yes, BUT instead of regretting it learning from it, I had other choices just none that I wanted to take or even thought of at the time.




""this guy has played (with me)(I Played) with my head and acted like my friend and basically just treated me like crap...partially my fault for taking it and even going as far as adopting my little saying"- You
"Wisdom is ever where, we need only listen."-Nestorian Take responsibility one must, only then will you know self respect. "

I have nothing to say to this except for I like this quote.





""why is it that (in my case) a guy would rather have any other girl but me?"- You

That is one guy my friend. What you are doing is called "cognitive Deficency", and is explained under cognitive Psychology as a kind of tunnel vision. You are putting too much importence on this one situation, and missing the reality that there are tones of guys out there, it's a big world and you never know. And as hellen keller says, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” You are also overgeneralising when you say, "any other girl but me""


Yes he is one guy but he's not the first and I'm sure he won't be the last I just want to know WHY guys do that... you're right it is a big world and I suppose that helen keller could be right except I just don't see it right now... no matter how hard I look... maybe I am "overgneralizing" its just came with experience (and has actually been said to me) that any other girl is better than me... I just can't figure out exactly why... and then everyone wonders why I have walls built up.




""i'm confused and i'm hurt...it would be a lot easier for me to not care if i knew the logic behind it"-you
The logic is all yours my friend. You know that specific person better than any of us and there for your opinion of the matter is probably keenest. In all, does it really matter why he does this? Who are you, what do you want?

Do you love yourself? Do you forgive yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you know yourself? And finally Are you "being" yourself?

Focus on yourself, because you are proably more then you think, and deserve to be treated better then you are/have been, especially from yourself.

"You yourself, as much as any one in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."- Buddha "

Normally I would agree, but as well as I thought I knew him and guys in general I just dont; I've always prided myself on reading people, and yet with him I contiuously get it wrong; he's the first that I've ever been so dead wrong on... so the reason I asked on here is because no one around here does know him...

I'm struggling to love myself and forgive myself, and I'm trying to find out who I am; because somewhere along the way, I got lost and confused and forgot.




"That all being said, if you are wondering why you feel so hung up on him, it's because you are looking for "the high" you got from being around him. Some call this love others, lust, passionate connection, and I call it a very decieving illution... Try to let go of the situation, and No Contact may be best, as you will feel hurt seeing him with other girl/s. Focus on your life what you are doing, and move along. It is time, or you wouldn't be asking about it would you?? "


Although I would love to have no contact with him, its not so easy, we have the same friends and go the same places and to throw a fit to everyone else would just make them feel caught in the middle. No one around here (I'm not even sure he does) know that he hurt me... I play it off like I'm fine... the easiest thing for me to do when I see him with other girls (when he's dating them flirtings not bad I flirt... ) is to put my headphones in for a few minutes drink an energy drink calm down... find a friend that doesn't talk to him a lot and isn't fooled by how nice he acts and just chill out with them; until I'm sure I can handle being around him and whoever he's hooking up with or dating or whatever and just looking at him or even noticing him as little as possible... I'm sure it sends off weird vibes but I'm always doing strange things and no one knows the diffrence

wupz!

there is an interesting forum on dating, open relationshipst, etc (there is an interesting forum on <a href="http://verytogether.com/index.php?option=com_kunena&Itemid=133">dating, open relationshipst, etc </a>)

Your link don't work for me. Sorry dude.

But you[/I].

brutally honest and very cold...most of the people in my town go around and tell these pretty little lies to spare everyone's feelings (or at least i though anywyas...i didn't have everyone pegged down as well as i though...)
You don't seem so cold, you seem actually very calm cool and colected, but still walking into a confusing situation. Most people every where go around telling little lies to cover up insecurities, or pointing out some one else's to mask their own, or simply just not caring at all. These people are not just in your life, but in every one's life. We usually don't have others pegged as well as we wish, and this usually ends up tering us apart. You seem to understand all this though.

because its just who i am i have my softer side i choose not to show it...in not showing thats where my sad and angry side gets covered up it keeps them away...if they never approach you then they can't hurt you...
how do you know when you find one? any guy can pretend to care...
I'm surprised you didn't get angery, nor even agressive, you were assertive (accertive). You hide your softer side, and in the end it's what undoes you, as you want a man commited to you. This I think requires you to show that softer side, but thats not to say you have to open up all the way. Yes there are risks, for every one. You are allowed to have feelings, to be blunt, I don't see keeping your feelings bottled up or hidden all the time is a strength, but more a weakness. It's a reaction to fear, and then with out even noticing you are hurting people who care about you, or blocking those who like you out. Does it keep them away? Then why are you here? Like I said, "missatribution" They can't hurt you unless you let them. Focus on you, and let them be where they are, but not out of fear, but rather out of love for finding yourself and discovering what you want, who you are, and realizing your potential.
Yes, any one can pretend to care. But there are those few who will be more than that. You can tell by asking them to wait, as you want to give your relationship time before rushing into blissful extacy and being pulled under the influence of the "LOVE DRUG". Oh yes I mean that Love is very much the same as any other drug, infact Freud wrote to his wife about how Cocaine made him feel. He compared the Cocaine high to that of the Feeling of Love he felt when around her. The same euphoria, elated inflated sense of self/esteem and so on.
"People that grow together, stay together."-Nestorian This means you have to connect on a personal level, and get to know one another before rushing into things with sex and all, then things get cloudy and distroted with "too much pleasure".
If someone honestly knew me and looked in my eyes when everything was calm it wouldn't be hard to see that i've been hurt.
You may not think that people can't tell, but that are ways to see into one's pain with out looking into the eyes. The way you talk, the guarded responses, the cold display of one's disregaurd for what others may think. Your actions betray you, or at least I'm pretty sure some one could pick up on that, unless they are not very perceptive... Which isn't that unlikely. I've seen through many people, for what ever reason, I'm not some special case but I did write some one a story about who they were. I didn't know more then their name, what they looked like, how they acted in class, and that was it. My point is, all some one needs to do is pay attention, and they'll see it no matter how well you hide it.
our reasons are diffrent but i understand what you're saying...i live in a town of about 2000 people; if that....and its not because of the town its because of who i am...alot of teenagers in my town drives nice shiny pretty cars, they live in big two story houses and havent had to work a day in thier lives...maybe its because i NEVER want to be like that but none of that intrests me.
Yes small towns are hard to live in. I moved from the city I live in now, to a small town a bit bigger than yours, like 5000, but every one seemed to know every one else's buisness. I moved part way through my grad 11 year of high school. When i got there, i was very lonely, and didnt' talk to any one really, i spent my time sleeping some where durning lunch and after school, i just sat at home playing PS2, or walking the dusty dirt roads(usually all srping,summer and fall.) But the kids at school had all kinds of ideas about who I was. I was a killer, sexually assulted some one, drug dealer and so on. Small towns, and the bord people in them. I understand how it feel hopeless to find some one where you are, but you dont have to stay where you are. Rather than think that you are "changing who you are", why not expand who you are?
You may have known better, but you needed to be sure. “Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly.” ~Edward Albee forgiving/loving myself is easier said than done. Is it? If you tell yourself, "i made a mistake yes, BUT instead of regretting it learning from it, i had other choices just none that i wanted to take or even thought of at the time." then eventually you will start to believe it, and the process of rewiring your brain, on a neurological level, will soon become a Hardwired neurological process. Hardwired is when your "set in your ways, to sort of speak.", but the age old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." is a cop out/quitter's excuse. As the all wise Master Yoda says, and yes I know he is not real and we don't have jedi powers... yet:p:o, yeah, sorry thats just me being me.:rolleyes:. "Do or do not, there is no try." That means you either do it, no matter how many times it takes, until you do it right/finish it, or you give up and fail. I'd rather reason Then do just that sister, you are a very bright girl, and from such a what I'd guess is a very closeminded town. DOn't let it fool you into thinking that it's their way or the high way, after all its' your life, and you can have a nice day. (bon jovi, sorry.:o) that i made a mistake yes, BUT instead of regretting it learning from it, i had other choices just none that i wanted to take or even thought of at the time.
"Wisdom is ever where, we need only listen."-Nestorian Take responsibility one must, only then will you know self respect. "I have nothing to say to this except for i like this quote.
Fair enough...COLOR]
Yes he is one guy but he's not the first and i'm sure he wont be the last i just want to know WHY guys do that...You maybe right, but that is up to you to decide whether you try to be with these "kinds" of guys, or not. As for why they do it, well lets see, some are insecure and dont want to get attatched so they do what you do, push others away, others are additcted to drugs such as; Alcohol, cocaine, meth, even pot. These drugs make us literally stupid, and I see no difference between one who uses them, or sniffs glue, huffs cleaners, drinks cooking wine/listerine it's all the same self stupidifying act. When they do these things it screws up there mental, hormonal, chemial, and many other important cognitive (Higher thinking processes and awareness.) functions. Some guys are just cruel because the way they were brought up, others simple don't care, or maybe they are mentally ill, or suffer from some kind of personality disorder. The factors are too many to define, you would be better off trying to reason out why you feel how you fee, and how you can best take care of yourself. "overgneralizing" its just came with experience (and has actually been said to me) that any other girl is better than me Expereince means nothing if we don't take the time to rationalize what it all means. Every one rushes through life expereinceing everything they can, they end up missing the reality and the beauty of it all. Yes i know that sounds dumb, but i asure you, life has more to offer than what most think. Every moment is a new one, and it's up to us to decide what the out come is. We may not always like it, but it is still ours to make....i just can't figure out exactly why...and then everyone wonders why i have walls built up.Please try to let your walls down, as all you will end up doing is closing your self in to a very dark and lonely place. I should know, i've lived it since I can rememeber.
i've always prided myself on reading people, and yet with him i contiuously get it wrong; hes the first that i've ever been so dead wrong on...so the reason i asked on here is because no one around here does know him...I think you are looking for the wrong answers with him, and so you can't ask the right questions. I think you are looking for something that seems reaosnable to you, but thats just it, he is not you and unless you can let go of your morals and adapt his, then you'll not understand his rationality. Please understand you can not rationalize some one else's thinking as it is their own, unless you let go of general misconception, ill concived ideals/sterio Types, and so forth. You have to stop wondering why he did it, and accept that it's done, now you must let it go before it consumes you.
i'm struggling to love myself and forgive myself, and i'm trying to find out who i am; because somewhere along the way, i got lost and confused and forgot.
You are aware of it, and now you just need to find out what it is.
Although i would love to have no contact with him, its not so easy, we have the same friends and go the same places and to throw a fit to everyone else would just make them feel caught in the middle. No one around here (i'm not even sure he does) know that he hurt me...i play it off like i'm fine....the easiest thing for me to do when i see him with other girls (when he's dating them flirtings not bad i flirt...) is to put my headphones in for a few minutes drink an energy drink calm down...find a friend that doesnt talk to him alot and isn't fooled by how nice he acts and just chill out with them; until i'm sure i can handle being around him and whoever hes hooking up with or dating or whatever and just looking at him or even noticing him as little as possible....i'm sure it sends off weird vibes but i'm always doing strange things and no one knows the diffrence
Work on you, and find yourself so you can find some one you feel connection with and comfortable with. I'm not sure how old you are, still in high school, grade 9-10 maybe 11, but then again you did say you were a bit of an odd ball, so I most deffiantly could be off; any way, you sound like the girl that guys want, but you seem to want a more mature guy, so you have to wait till they get their cognitive capabilities functioning better and not so stuck on other things.
P.S. No other girl is better than you. You seem like a very sweet down to earth, chill, interesting, fun, not afraid to put a little hard work into it, caring kind of girl. You maybe different and some guys may say that about you, but remember that some one else is saying that the one girl they want is just like you. You are what they are looking for, some guy is thinking, man why aren't the girls around here like... (you). I know that is extreamly hard to do, as I too have been trying to train my thoughts to think that there is a women out there just wiating for me, all we have to do is be ourselves and we'll meet that person we want to be with and who wants to be with us. Right? We want some one to love us/ accept us for who we are, so we have to discover ourselves and then be ourselves so that we can be in the place that we'll meet them.
P.S.S. "There is no right, worng, good, nor bad; there are only possibilities."-Nestorian
If you get this I'll be imressed, hint: It's a profound Paradox.
Peace and kindness be with you.

To be honest I don't think this thread is fair. I understand what you're saying and how there are some guys who can be pricks. But there are people out there. Even if I use myself as an example. I am rubbish at speaking to girls and it takes me ages to even start to up hello :). But I treat girls how I would want to be treated and try to make life as good as possible. Not all guys are what you think. Most of my friends aren't in my position and do speak to girls but I know that they all treat girls right. I know girls who do bad things to guys. Its just human for some people. dont give up in life because of one or two idiots who will never experience anything worth living for :)

to be honest i dont think this thread is fair. i understand what youre saying and how there are some guys who can be pricks. but there are people out there. even if i use myself as an example. i am rubbish at speaking to girls and it takes me ages to even start to up hello :). but i treat girls how i would want to be treated and try to make life as good as possible. not all guys are what you think. most of my friends arent in my position and do speak to girls but i know that they all treat girls right. i know girls who do bad things to guys. its just human for some people. dont give up in life because of one or two idiots who will never experience anything worth living for :)

Those are some good points but I think she meant to ask us, "Why are hte guys I like such jerks/"stupid little boys"?

That way it's narrowed down to the ones that are the guys that treat her poorly. To which my answer is simply because she chooses them. Taking responsibility for our selves isn't easy, especially when it comes to "the Freedom of choice." The consequences can be very painful when we choose poorly. Open our minds to the possibilites we must, so that we can find better alternatives/paths than those we would usually follow.

But yes I like what Jamienra said.

Peace and kindness

Yes what Talaniman said.

In my own defense; I wasn't trying to insult the entire male gender; by 'stupid little boys' I mean those guys that try to act grown but in actuatly aren't and in their pathetic little attempts to act like a "man" they show just how immature they are. I'm glad to hear that there are guys out there that treat women the way they should be treated, I know there are... my best friend is one of them. Sometimes I question whethere or not there's that type of guy out there for me- which was what this thread was ultimatly

While I appretiate the advice, understanding, and even the critisism: no contact wasn't best, I had a lot I needed to say and it turns out that when I opened up and let the words come out I got the truth I was looking for it may not have been exactly what I wanted to hear but it was better than not knowing. No him and that girl were not dating he is back with his ex. He doesn't see me as "defected" or anything but he loves her, and although she treated him badly- not giving up is something I can respect. Although I'm still to "gun-shy" to try a relationship at the momment I know what he means. I've been there I just hope it works for him the way it didn't for me. Yes it does hurt but I'm willing to grit my teeth and get over it; and not speaking to him just makes things worse when he's one of the only people who sees past my defenses.

I let my fear and anger and honestly own stupidity almost reck a friendship with a guy who honestly does care about me just not in the way I wanted him to. It's hard to say how exactly I realized he cares, and it all happened in one night. From him holding me when I was crying (not even being afraid that I would hit him) to appoligizing to me for not treating me the way that I wanted/desserved and even going as far as to give me reasons that honestly did make sense when I was ready to listen to what he had to say instead of jumping to my own conclusions.

Although I am just a little bit stuborn I'm beginning to absorb all the things that everyone has been trying to say to me about relationships and guys. Its just hard to hear; given all of my experiences its hard for me to comprehend that there are guys out there that would treat ME right... as I've said I've seen guys treat other girls right but with me I always get the short-end of the stick.

The only things I know for sure are: that although I may have everything else together; when it comes to relationships and keeping and open mind I have A lot to learn, things aren't always what they seem, sometimes you need to say what's on your mind no matter what because in the end you'll regret not saying whatever it is and maybe giving up and running away isn't always the right awnser... thanks for all the help

The only things I know for sure are: that although I may have everything else together; when it comes to relationships and keeping and open mind I have A lot to learn, things aren't always what they seem, sometimes you need to say what's on your mind no matter what because in the end you'll regret not saying whatever it is and maybe giving up and running away isn't always the right awnser

Welcome to the world! We all have a lot to learn, and we keep learning, it never stops. (I just thought I'd pop in on this thread and add my 'two cents worth'.)

Our best learnings are in relationships because we see our qualities reflected back to us in other people. Remember that relationships are mirrors - most often we attract what we put out there, so that what we are looking at is reflections of ourselves.

Remember also, as Nestorian said, that we choose what we are most comfortable with in relationships. For some people, sadly, this is criticism and abuse.

However, we have the capacity to choose differently, and can have happiness and love if we make that choice. You don't need to get the short end of the stick if you don't want it.

Start by living lovingly and seeing the joy and wonder that does exist in the world. People are great and there are some wonderful, lovely men out there - you just need to make the choice to SEE them.

In my own defense; i wasn't trying to insult the entire male gender; by 'stupid little boys' i mean those guys that try to act grown but in actuatly aren't and in their pathetic little attempts to act like a "man" they show just how immature they are. I'm glad to hear that there are guys out there that treat women the way they should be treated, i know there are...my best friend is one of them. Sometimes i question whethere or not there's that type of guy out there for me- which was what this thread was ultimatly

While i appretiate the advice, understanding, and even the critisism: no contact wasn't best, i had a lot i needed to say and it turns out that when i opened up and let the words come out i got the truth i was looking for it may not have been exactly what i wanted to hear but it was better than not knowing. No him and that girl were not dating he is back with his ex. He doesn't see me as "defected" or anything but he loves her, and although she treated him badly- not giving up is something i can respect. Although i'm still to "gun-shy" to try a relationship at the momment i know what he means. I've been there i just hope it works for him the way it didnt for me. Yes it does hurt but i'm willing to grit my teeth and get over it; and not speaking to him just makes things worse when he's one of the only people who sees past my defenses.

I let my fear and anger and honestly own stupidity almost reck a friendship with a guy who honestly does care about me just not in the way i wanted him to. It's hard to say how exactly i realized he cares, and it all happened in one night. From him holding me when i was crying (not even being affraid that i would hit him) to appoligizing to me for not treating me the way that i wanted/desserved and even going as far as to give me reasons that honestly did make sense when i was ready to listen to what he had to say instead of jumping to my own conclusions.

Although i am just a little bit stuborn i'm beginning to absorb all the things that everyone has been trying to say to me about relationships and guys. Its just hard to hear; given all of my experiences its hard for me to comprehend that there are guys out there that would treat ME right....as i've said i've seen guys treat other girls right but with me i always get the short-end of the stick.

The only things i know for sure are: that although i may have everything else together; when it comes to relationships and keeping and open mind i have ALOT to learn, things aren't always what they seem, sometimes you need to say whats on your mind no matter what because in the end you'll regret not saying whatever it is and maybe giving up and running away isn't always the right awnser...thanks for all the help

If it makes you feel better, I feel like there is no one out there for me either. Being alone has shown me many things, and I'm realizing that no matter what I believe/think/feel/do life will always find a way to show me that there are other possibilites.

To let you know, what we say greatly impacts how we think, feel and act. Be aware of your words for they can cause you and others great suffering, when really it's just a slight miscomunication. We would all be wise to practice this, for many of us say things with out thinking, and don't even realise the affects.

I disagree with you being stupid. You were just upset, and acting based upon your feelings, perhaps next time you will prefer to rationalize and let go of your feelings a little so you can clear your mind/open your mind. Feelings are very decieving at times, and few will ever even acknowledge this.

Perhaps you get the "short end of the stick" because you are looking for the short end of the stick, but don't realize it. Perhaps reprioratizing what you want in a BF/guy may help to clearify this, so next time you meet a guy you won't be tempted to date him when he is a jerk. I suggest giving your relationships more time before getting into things, that way you can get to actaully know the person, and learn to pick out their good/bad qualities before you feel overly attached.

As for what you know for sure, be careful of the guise of confusion, "When one begins with certainty, they often find doubt; but when one can be content with doubt, certainty is likely to follow."- I for get who it was.

You seem to know what you want to do now, so take care and may peace and kindness be with you.

I understand how your feeling, I'd like to say how guys heads work, but unfortunately I can't, but I have come across guys who like to mess with girls heads.

My only advice would be to forget about this guy, he sounds like a complete and it would be better for you to forget and walk away. Eventually, like it would at the end of a relationship, the hurt goes away.

Guys are enough to confuse anyone, so don't worry about that, I mean from what I can tell, guys generally have sex on the brain and think through their testicles. What women need is a guide to the male species brain, just to give us a head start.

Don't be discouraged though, just keep looking for someone and eventually you'll find someone who will love you and cherish you forever. Its one of those certianties in life. X

to be honest i dont think this thread is fair. i understand what youre saying and how there are some guys who can be pricks. but there are people out there. even if i use myself as an example. i am rubbish at speaking to girls and it takes me ages to even start to up hello :). but i treat girls how i would want to be treated and try to make life as good as possible. not all guys are what you think. most of my friends arent in my position and do speak to girls but i know that they all treat girls right. i know girls who do bad things to guys. its just human for some people. dont give up in life because of one or two idiots who will never experience anything worth living for :)

:):(:confused:

Stupid little boys - Quite the generalization.

What If I said, Stupid little Girls..?

Anyway, Maybe the problem is not with the boys but yourself. I am sure you already got tons of good advice already.

JAMIENRA, EXACTLY WHO ARE YOU?

TOM, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BUT I WOULD SAY YOUR RIGHT IT IS VERY CONFUSING.

He treats you that way because he knows he can.
As long as a guy thinks you are desperate and you will be gullible to whatever he says he will treat you how ever he feels like treating you cause he knows you will keep going back for more.

First mistake:
Don't get into a relationship with 'just friends'
Then they have little or no respect for you and consider you an easy slut.