I haven't spoken to my Dad in over 2 years and we only live 2 cities away.We have never really had a good relationship. He was never really around a lot when I was growing up. MY mother died in 2000 from breast cancer and received no treatment at all.After mom died I tried for years to keep in contact with him. I would have some mail delivered there so I at least had a reason to drop by. I would call to say I was coming by and he would say that he was sick and he would leave my mail out side for me to pick up. This was on several occasions... Several. He would never call me just to chat. I would always call him to chat and ask how he was doing and talk about the kids. Finally after several attempts of trying to go by and call and I felt like I was the only one with the effort.I stopped calling just to see if he would. For two years nothing... I feel guilty, angry, abandoned.My brother however was allowed to see if even if he was sick. I just don't understand.

This is a hard one to reply to. Some people can withdraw into themselves when they lose someone, and they don't particularity like their grown children to see them like that so they often gradually distance themselves from their children. Perhaps he's still grieving in his own way, some men are embarrassed by grief. This could be all it is. Maybe your dad is a little ashamed of not being able to do the family thing, maybe he just doesn't feel strong enough. If you don't mind me saying and if you are up to it, I would suggest you keep as much contact going as possible but nothing to heavy, just a note and a phone call here and there, and avoid asking him for anything more than he has the energy and inclination to give. Maybe you could ask occasionally if there is anything you can do for him.

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother.

We don't know all the facts, but right off the bat, it sounds like maybe your dad is still recovering from the death of his wife. He obviously doesn't want to be found. I know it is irresponsible of him, but it sounds like you are doing a good job of taking care of yourself.

Maybe one day you guys will talk again, but for now, there's not much you can do but to give him the space he wants and be patient. But you don't want to give up your attempts at communicating with him, just to show him that you still care about him.