I know this is an old forum but I thought I would put my letter on here to see if it can help me, I haven't given my ex this letter yet but I really want to. Please comment on it, good or bad.

Feel free to use any part of this letter if you think it will help.

I have changed the name of my lost love for (Name).


My dearest darling (Name).

I have been in love many times before, I thought I knew how to handle everything. That was until what has happened recently, I realised that I have become complacent with us. I realise that I haven’t been there for you when you needed me and I realise that it was me who drove you in to the arms of another.
(Name), I have looked back and reflected on what I have been and how I have been, so to quote a song I once heard, “To live for today and to love for tomorrow is the wisdom of fools”. And that is what I am and what I have done, I have been a fool because tomorrow is promised to no one but I took for granted that tomorrow was promised to me.
I have been thinking, thinking about when we first met, that day in (Place) when I first laid my eyes on you, the feeling I had can only be described as WOW!! it was and still is amazing. I remember our first kiss and how exciting it was and how I thought about it that night and the coming days, how I wanted to feel your soft lips pressed against mine once again.
That day is what I remember being the first day of the rest of my life.
I remember us taking walks, holding hands and holding each other, cuddling each other and not worrying about the rest of the world. I remember us planning our future together. I’m so sorry that I have such a bad memory and can’t remember everything and I hate my memory for that. I wish I could remember.
I know I haven’t been the perfect boyfriend that you wanted me to be, I know I have been a bad person, I don’t know where I went wrong, I guess I thought I was doing enough and that you would never leave me. I was so wrong and so stupid.
I remember the fun we had when we went camping for the first time together, we got there late and the campsite lady was so grumpy with us and we had to set up the tent for the first time in the dark. And then the following day you took me pony trekking for the first time in my life, I never thought I would ever get on to a horse but you made that possible for me.
I hear different songs on the radio and they make me smile and they make me cry because they are songs that remind me of you and of us, I never thought I would have cried to rock me Amadeus.
I remember how you taught me to dress better, I would have never bought the clothes I have now if it wasn’t for you.
You have shaped me over the years into this person, I got lost on the way. I became blind.
I really thought we could make it, I thought we had made it, I really believe that you are my soul mate and we are made for each other.
I miss you so much, I miss not having you to take to the train station in the morning even though I always woke up grumpy. I miss seeing you sat on the sofa in your PJ’s I miss having you to hold at night, I miss our cuddles and our kisses.
I miss your beautiful brown eyes looking back at me filled with so much love.
I miss your smell, my comfort smell.
I can’t believe how stupid and selfish I have been, but I do know that I don’t deserve you but I also know so very much that I want to deserve you. I want to look into your eyes and see all that love once again.
All I know now is that I hurt so badly and I know it because of all the mistakes I have made and how I have pushed you away instead of pulling you closer to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want us to grow old together. God I miss you so so much.
I have a pedestal just for you, to put you high up, like a princess, I need you to be my princess again.
I heard a saying once “If it isn’t written then it isn’t true” I believe that, that is why I’m writing you this letter.
I know every relationship has its problems, I know I have made my stupid mistake and I have stood my stubborn ground and said things when I should have caught my tongue and kept quiet. But after all I have said, this letter isn’t about who is right and who is wrong, I know we have had our arguments but this letter is not about them either.
I am writing to tell you that we can work through this, I know we have had our disagreements but no matter how strongly we may disagree on any subject, I will always be able to say this,
I am madly in love with you (Name) and I never want anything to come between us.
I think you feel the same way too.
My (Name), my love for you is still as strong for you today as it was when we first became lovers, only that it is even stronger now. Our love for each other is so powerful, it’s our glue, and it sticks us together through everything. I love being so close to you and knowing that nothing could ever separate us, not even the worst of problems.
I don’t want to fight with the only person who I have ever given my whole heart to, to My (Name), the only girl I have ever loved so so dearly and so so truly. I only want to focus on the precious and wonderful girl who I fell head over heels in love with and our love together.
You are so important to me, more important to me than the air that I breathe, more important than the blood that pumps through my heart and you are so so much more important than the problem that seemed so enormous to me at the time. I over reacted.
The time for me showing you the attention that you fully deserve is so overdue. Let me give you that attention and I promise that you will never go without it again.
I know that special sweetness that we had has gone, but it hasn’t gone forever, it has just lost its way, together we can find it and bring it back and make it so much sweeter.
I know I have not treated you as well as I should have had.
I am hoping that our love is strong enough to get us through this. I’m not asking to have back what we had. I’m asking for a fresh and brand new start, for us to turn the page and build an even better and even stronger Paul and (Name).
I remember when you first told me that you love me. You melted my heart, just like you do every time I hear you say it to me.
I tried not to hurt you, I tried not to do you wrong, if I could start over again, a million miles away, I would follow my heart and it would bring me straight to you.
It so cold without you, so cold without a tomorrow, so scary without a future that isn’t what it used to be. Our futures are meant to be just that, ours. Heaven may have angels and angels may sing their songs but they don’t know everything. They may have streets of gold, they may have perfection and immortality but they have never known the touch of your fingers upon my skin. They will never know the taste of your soft lips pressed against mine.
I’m hanging on to dreams of yesterday and the promise of a forgotten future but I’m beginning to think that I was born to be alone, born to go through this life empty and alone, to walk the long walk through the darkness without your love to guide me.
You are the only person who has ever made my dreams come true. I am everything I am because of you, because of your love for me. You have stood by me through so much and you are the one who has never let me fall.
I remember our first slow dance in the (Place), we danced slowly to U2s – one, it was sung by Insanity Beach and we slow danced in front of all of those people.
Please let us have our slow dance again.

I will always love you with everything I have.
Your Paul

This isn't a old forum.

Now why did the two of you break up?

Not an old forum, just filled with experience.

Any attempt to "win" back an ex, will fail. You can't win someone back, they have to want to come back.

Don't send the letter, it's beautiful but what's the point? It seems that she means a lot to you and this may be a problem. You need to love yourself before you love anybody else and be happy with yourself. Beside this letter will just tell her that you are needy and weak and this is not the best way. If you want her to come back try the No Contact rule.

Ex is an ex for a reason.

You can not win anybody back, like it is a prize or something.

Please never send this letter to your ex.

It is time to get some counseling. It is time to learn how to deal with this loss and move on.

This is not good for anybody.

Joe

This isn't a old forum.

Now why did the two of you break up?

We broke up because she had been flattered by another guy, he had given her the attantion that I had not.
I drove her away by nit being there for her and by missing the signs that there was a problem with our relationship

Ex is an ex for a reason.

You can not win anybody back, like it is a prize or something.

Please never send this letter to your ex.

It is time to get some counseling. It is time to learn how to deal with this loss and move on.

This is not good for anybody.

Joe

I don't want to move on. I just want her. She was my whole life.
I know she has to want to come back, I know that but how can I prove myself to her.
I have begun the no contact rule and it is killing me inside. Im 32 years old and I cry so much over my loss.
I have a doctor appointment today, I'm asking for counceling. And to help me eat again, I haven't eaten for the last four days.

There must be something I can do, there must be, nothing is hopless, there has to be an answer. I'm not asking for a quick fix. I'm prepared to do as much hard work that is necessary to win back her heart.

I had given up everything to be with her, I had a wife and to amazing kids in the past, in a bad relationship. I left my wife to be with her, that was 5 years ago. I would have left anyway. But the consequence of that is I only have limited access to my children. I love my childern to bits but for the limited amount of time I get to see them, it isn't enough for me to live.

She is my life, everything I wrote in the letter was try, not one word of it was a lie, I need her back so much. I have nothing to live for without her

I'm sorry for your loss bro, I really am. But her breaking up with you because she found another guy that brought her attention that you didn't, is low... real low.

You missed the signs but you missed the biggest one. She left you for another guy. Do you really want to go back to that?

I know you're feeling like you can't live without her. If you give her that letter and she does take you back, what then? You're going to be keeping her at arms length and she'll eventually do it again. The easiest way to deal with this is to just let it go. She left you for another guy, don't put yourself through this. Losing your respect and dignity over a girl who bailed on you for another guy isn't the solution. She will only kick you around and eventually end up the same way.

Back off and be strict about NC. This is the only answer man, try to be strong.

Im sorry, I didn't explain myself properly, I'm sorry.

What happen was, I found out that she was getting attention from another guy, I can honestly say, hand on my heart that nothing ever happened between them except talk. But when I found this out, as you can imagine I was very very angry and I broke up with her.

Im sorry that I didn't explain myself correctly.

I still don't think you should send the letter. To me, the letter sounds very needy and makes you seem soft and weak. If you're the one who broke up with her, I'd say just call her and talk to her. Make sure you be honest with her.

Do not send the letter, call her and try to explain everything.

I still don't think you should send the letter. To me, the letter sounds very needy and makes you seem soft and weak. If you're the one who broke up with her, I'd say just call her and talk to her. Make sure you be honest with her.

Do not send the letter, call her and try to explain everything.


Thank you ajGambino,
I know the letter makes me sound soft and weak but it also conveys my true feelings, I can't help that, I can't help how I feel.

As for calling her, she has told me she needs a little time to sort her head out, this is the second day that I haven't spoken to her and it is so so hard for me, its cutting me up inside.

I know I need to be stronger but I have nothing left, no energy and nothing to live for

I'm sure you have a lot to live for, you just put so much of it in her. Getting in a relationship should be a benefit to both partners, not a necessity. I've been through this before. Almost a month actually. I felt the same way man, and the guilt running through your head is almost unbearable. Do not send the letter. Giving her what she asked for goes a long way, believe me.

This is normal right now. I felt the 'what ifs', the 'I just need to do this', the 'if I just talk to her', etc. It's gotten a little easier day by day, you just need to focus on your own life and not dwell so much. Dwelling will make your life miserable, try not to think about it so much. Things will get easier, you just need your space as well. Try to go NC and stay that way. If she calls you, great. If she doesn't, great. You need to worry about yourself now.

.. and you know what? I was with my ex for nine years... NINE years man. I never thought I would be OK after this whole thing. But I stuck to my guns and am still in NC. Things are better then what they were in the beginning. Try to be strong, give her the space she needs. If you don't hear from her, it's for the best. But don't wait, move on and be thankful for what you do have instead of regretting what you don't.

Nothing ever happened except talk? It must have been some kind of talk for you to break up with her! I would not send that letter if I were you I would try to talk to her from the heart and see her reaction

Id just like to know why I shouldn't give her this letter?

I always think talking in person is so much better that way you can see her reaction but what ever you decide I wish you good luck in getting back with her/ you so love this woman she is very lucky

Thank you for your kind words, I do love her so very much.

People all ready gave you a reason why not to send the letter.

First and second and third. Your issue is you put somebody ahead of yourself and everything.

You need to realize this person is not everything. This person not being in your life is not the end of the world.

You need to move on whether you want to or not.

This person has decided to go with other people. This person is an ex.

You need to leave this person alone. GO GET COUNSELING. IT IS VERY MUCH NEEDED.

You put somebody in the center of your world and you lost yourself. You need to find yourself again.

No Contact. No phone calls, No Letter. It is over. The faster you realize it the better for your health and possible future relationships.

Joe

Thank you for your words.

I can sympathize a lot with your letter and how you feel, shoot even reading it makes you feel like, I want to send a letter. But honestly, don't send the letter.

If you met a girl tomorrow, who had everything you ever dreamed of, was the perfect woman, was 10 times as attractive as your EX, loved to cook, loved to do whatever you love, etc etc etc, you would feel like maybe there is hope.

Here are a few things I picked up on reading your letter.

1) you somehow are taking responsibility and blame for things. My ex had this effect on me. She was selfish, needy, and used people to get what she wanted... but somehow she turned things on me and made me feel like I was the problem, or I was not living up to certain expectations.

2) you are making excuses for her actions in order to cope with not feeling crappy about her actions. Well she was hanging with this other guy, but well, they weren't having incredible mind blowing sex.. they were just having a intimate 1 on 1 dinner alone without me, where he pays for dinner and gives her attention, and she soaks it up.. but just as friends, because without sex its OK?? Right??

no... wrong.. stop giving her the benefit of the doubt because there is no sex. Emotionally she isn't 100% there for you and is seeking attention from other men.

You have to let her go 100%. The second my girlfriend wants to go out alone with another guy, where he pays for it, and they do this more than 1 or 2 times... there is a problem. I have never said, man I want to go out with this smoking hot blonde chick I work with, but just as friends, and buy her dinner, while my girlfriend sits home alone and watches american idol.

You are worth way more. It took me along time to realize that I was worth way more than that selfish crap. If a girl wants to see other guys, move on. Stop trying to win her to your side, and stop trying to accept that you have issues and you are the reason she hangs with other guys. She wants to be with you, or she wants to be single and free. You being the perfect boyfriend isn't going to make her stop needing acceptance from other guys. Go with your initial gut instinct. If you feel so bad that she's seeing other dudes and having "friendly dinners" then get rid of that from your life. I have been there, I know what I'm talking about. Its just going to bite you in the until you remove it from your life.

Id just like to know why I shouldn't give her this letter?

Because your emotional, distraught, and your in shock over the break up, and need time for the emotional dust to settle, so you can make better decisions, based on facts, and not just feelings.


she has told me she needs a little time to sort her head out, this is the second day that I haven't spoken to her and it is so so hard for me, its cutting me up inside.


The main reason you shouldn't send that letter, is she told you to give her time space, and sending that letter ignores what she has asked from you. Sorry guy, if you can't wait on her to sort her head out, what message does that convey to her, as to how you feel about her? The letter makes it worse. Like, its all about your own needs, and not hers. That's selfish, don't you think?

Hey, well as you probably all guessed, I went against everyone's advise and gave her the letter and she come to see me today, she thanked me for the letter and told me everything in the letter was the truth.

BUT.

She still loves me but can't be with me at the moment, so I had to put a bit of pressure on her, well, more persistence for her to either give me a date of when she would be ready,a week, a month or a year or never, I got the answer... Never.

So, I gave her all her stuff back that she had given to me over the years, from teddies to clothes to jewelry and my commitment ring to the pictures on the wall, I gave her everything, I had to erase her out of my life altogether, I now have nothing left in my flat that reminds me of her, there is nothig I can look at or touch that brings back all of those lovely memories we made.

So, today, at this time is my beginning of NC, I have made a small list of goals and my main goal is to take my kids away for a holiday next year. Even if I have to take another job or even 2 other jobs to succeed in my goal. I know in my heart and in my head that my kids are my real reason why I am here. They need their dad and I need them ( my kids are from a previous marrage). My life from this day forward will be lived for them, not for a girl, not for my friends and not for me. I dedicate my life to them, to make their world a better place, to give them all the love I have. Maybe one day I will find someone else but I will never ever place that person above my children. No one else will come 2nd to them.

Thank you to everyone for the advice that was so freely given and I took no notice off and did my own stupid thing.

I can now see that the advice given was the truth and sometimes the truth is so hard to take.

I have plans to join a gym and a friend of mine has asked me to take up kick boxing with her, should be fun having a girl kick my .

And finally, I just want to say a BIG thank you to everyone who has responded to my post.

And really finally,

To anyone else out there going through this incredibly difficult time in their live,
Don't give up, find a goal and head for it and believe what people tell you in this forum, their advice is free and true and hard but so very helpful.

Good luck

Well it's rough that she gave you that answer but at least now you know to move on. Don't beat yourself up over giving her the letter and not going "no contact", if she is really done with you, nothing was going to help.

Hey,
I'm not beating myself up over giving her the letter, I was doing what I thought was the right thing and ignoring everyone else's advice.

Im glad I gave her the letter because now she has come to see me to tell me its over forever, now I can move on and I'm not going to be looking at my phone every 2 minutes wondering if il get that call. Now I know its just me until I decide otherwise.

Hey Paul--
I just wanted to say that you DID do the right thing.
No matter what everyone else says, what you feel you should do, you should.

I went through a nasty on and off again kind of relationship, and every time, like a lapdog, I went running back to him. I couldn't understand it, my friends couldn't understand it... But I didn't listen to any of them telling me to stay away. I think I went back, like 5 times over a couple of years. I was a sucker for punishment and didn't know why I did it.

Anyway, the very night before our last breakup, he brought me into his hangout for the first time ever (I just never cared to go). The bartender there ended up asking me for my #, because they were looking for staff and the guy I was with said he was okay with me working there at his watering hole. The next day, he broke up with me and I was miserable and devastated. A month or so later, the lounge called, looking for a bartender. So I accepted the job, thinking it would be a great way to win the ex back.

But I met a regular there who stole my heart.
This man is the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life, does not even compare to the ex. Our relationship blossomed into a future together.

Had I not followed my gut to the dismay to of my friends, I never would have lasted that long in the first relationship and never would have met the man of my dreams. I haven't a single regret.

It might seem like a mess right now, but it's funny how things work out. And I never set out to forget about the ex, I never tried hard to move on. I simply went with my feelings at the moment and went with the flow. Do what you feel is right, even if it doesn't make any sense. I did. Don't have regrets. I'm glad you sent the letter, I would have advised against it too, but if something feels right, do it. If it doesn't, don't. Simple.

Good luck.

Well at least you know now. You can and will get past this. Be good to you!

I've split up with my ex recently. Her mom died from a long illness and it changed her forever. A different girl from the one for most of the relationship. She used to be very homely and wanting to get a house. 4 months later she wants out and just look after herself. I'm in my late 30s and felt she was the one for me. I was devastated. She said she was all mixed up and thought it was infair on me to wait.

So many questions go through your mind on what you did wrong that might have changed the situation. It eats you up inside and play on your mind. But in the end you will never solve the questions and get an answer and you have to go No contact and move on and look after yourself.

Its very tempting to write a letter but it will do no good. If she comes back then she has to do it one her own. But have to realise she left for a reason and she is unlikely to come back.

Take up some hobbies, go to gym, have nights out but don't have too much beer. Get out there and mix with friends to take your mind off it.

Life is unfair unfortunately. Look back at what you have learnt from the experience and take that with you into your next relationship so then you don't make the same mistakes.

Hi,

Just a bit of a n update, I'm still a bit confused with the whole situation,

Ok, so I went to NC for about 1 week, I had my head sorted out and my friends have been really supportive of me and got me back on my feet, I have been going out a lot more and having fun, I know I'm not over her and it will take a long time for me to be over her.

Anyway, she went on holiday 6 days ago and she has texted me a few times to ask how I am and to let know she is OK and having plenty of time to think etc. she has even put kisses on the end of her texts. This is a bit confusing for me.

Also she has received her exam results from university while she is away and has asked me to meet up with her for a coffee to celebrate her passing the exams.

Any ideas on what is going on in her head?

If you don't know what's in her head, neither do we.

Since the only fact you have is this,


She still loves me but cant be with me at the moment, so I had to put a bit of pressure on her, well, more persistence for her to either give me a date of when she would be ready,a week, a month or a year or never, i got the answer.... Never.


I think its safe to assume her text were a friendly gesture, and nothing more.

What do you do about it?

Talaniman Rule # 48- If you can't be friends with the ex, leave them alone, and do what it takes to get over this experience, and move forward.


Talaniman Rule- Exes have no rights after a break up. No matter what they say.

Hi,

just a bit of a n update, im still a bit confused with the whole situation,

Ok, so i went to NC for about 1 week, i had my head sorted out and my friends have been really supportive of me and got me back on my feet, i have been going out alot more and having fun, i know im not over her and it wil take a long time for me to be over her.

Anyway, she went on holiday 6 days ago and she has texted me a few times to ask how i am and to let know she is ok and having plenty of time to think etc. she has even put kisses on the end of her texts. this is a bit confusing for me.

Also she has recieved her exam results from university while she is away and has asked me to meet up with her for a coffee to celebrate her passing the exams.

Any ideas on what is going on in her head?

You are still emotionally attached so can't think straight. A week of NC will not do much good it takes a lot longer.

She is just feeling guilty and wants to be friends. Just don't reply until you are 100% over her. I'm still getting over my ex after 5 weeks. Just taken her off my Facebook and still not over her yet. It takes time. Not heard from her and don't expect to. I think she is leaving me alone to allow me to recover and get on with my life without keep reeling me back in for fun.

I'm going through the same thing as the original person who posted, I love her terribly, but I can see that I had made her the center of my entire world. I'm getting my world together where it is me centered, and still talking to her, if we get things together again then we can be together and share our lives together, and not just live to be with the other person. I'm only three years into my marriage with her, and glad this came up rather than later, since even if it doesn't work out I will have learned a valuable lesson of what mistake I have made now.

I can say that I did have the same type of letter typed out and thought of sending but I never did because I didn't think it would help the situation out any at all. Forcing someone to give you an answer is never the way to go, so I think this is the best way to go. Wish me good luck!

Not much of an answer I know, but its what I'm doing, and being in the same situation sometimes its good to hear what someone else is doing.