View Full Version : When will I be a mom?
miriwonders
May 15, 2009, 02:33 PM
Last weekend I turned 27 years old. I have always wanted marriage and kids of my own, my own family. I never wanted to be an old mom, I have been in many relationships always thinking they would be the ones. Yet, I have never gotten pregnant this makes me very sad and all the bf's I've had either don't want kids or they say later later in the future not right now.... i keep seeing all my high school friends with one or 2 kids. Girls younger than me with babies... This saddens me I see babies and my mind can't help but to ask itself when will I have a baby" when will I meet a man that will want to have kids not in the future not never but in this moment?? lately i have even begun to think that I can't have children and this scares me the fact that i can't tell until I actually am trying to have babies kills me! is there any men in their mid to late 20's that want to have kids? where are they? I have a bf now and he is like later in the future when we are ready, but you can't never be completely ready for kids! I have a good paying job i have benefits i could be a mother I just feel like sometimes i am the only one in this world that wants a family with babies and when I look around, other people talk about it like it was all so easy and I wonder how can i suffer so much in silence when others don't even want kids and then like magic, they have one or two....
h_leann_b
May 15, 2009, 03:23 PM
Have you considered dating a man who was at least 30? It seems like you are dating men who still are young and want to have fun. It takes time to meet the man of your dreams. But you need to meet a man who you want to spend forever with before you think about having children.
jenniepepsi
May 15, 2009, 03:25 PM
If you have a steady job, income, home, have you considered artificial insemination? This is a great option for women who wish to have children before they are older, but do not have a relationship.
Survivor07
May 15, 2009, 04:24 PM
Being a single mom is hard work, so I don't know if I'd recommend the artificial insemination.
Just be patient a little longer. You'll find him.
Many people start their families a little later, just remember you have over a whole decade to have your own child. Keep healthy and young at heart.
You don't need to worry yourself with being an "old" mom. Older mothers make great moms. They're very ready and excited to raise a baby, opposed to younger mothers who aren't ready and miss out on all the joys of motherhood because they feel they're missing out on their youth.
It could happen when you least expect it. You don't know yet what's in the cards for you. You could marry someone who already has kids or you could adopt a child, no matter your age.
I will tell you this, stop comparing your life to others. That never does us any good.
Finding the right man for you who would be a good father is step one. He's out there.
inertia
May 15, 2009, 09:24 PM
Lot's of guys want kids at this age. My ex spoke about kids like you do. This won't help you. I know the biological clock is ticking and there is nothing wrong with bringing it up with your SO. However, I started to feel like my last ex was so obsessed with having children that it almost didn't matter who the father was. Try to find a guy that you really love first. Kids will be easier to raise when you don't hate half of their traits.
talaniman
May 16, 2009, 02:59 PM
I have a bf now and he is like later in the future when we are ready, but you can't never be completely ready for kids!
How old is he, and how long have you been together?
miriwonders
May 18, 2009, 04:54 PM
Thanks everyone yes I do like the younger man. I wount say how old he is but he is younger than me so Im sure you all are thinking what I already know. Oh well, guess ill just have to keep waiting until it happends the old fashion way if not then Im sure there will be other options. Thank you all for all your great advice and your interest in me. :o
Gemini54
May 18, 2009, 06:26 PM
Being a single mom is hard work, so I don't know if I'd recommend the artificial insemination.
Just be patient a little longer. You'll find him.
Many people start their families a little later, just remember you have over a whole decade to have your own child. Keep healthy and young at heart.
You don't need to worry yourself with being an "old" mom. Older mothers make great moms. They're very ready and excited to raise a baby, opposed to younger mothers who aren't ready and miss out on all the joys of motherhood because they feel they're missing out on their youth.
It could happen when you least expect it. You don't know yet what's in the cards for you. You could marry someone who already has kids or you could adopt a child, no matter your age.
I will tell you this, stop comparing your life to others. That never does us any good.
Finding the right man for you who would be a good father is step one. He's out there.
I had to spread the rep Survivor, but your words were the voice of reason. (I shudder when people talk about artificial insemination as an easy answer for women who are feeling the effects of the biological clock.)
miriwonders, my sister had her first child at 36, and two of my friends had their first children at 40 - all were prepared to wait until the right person came into their lives and they felt that they could offer the child the security of a family unit.
I'm not suggesting you wait that long, but perhaps you should examine what is causing the feeling that you need to have a child.
It may be that your feeling of longing comes from not being happy within yourself and with your life - so you feel that a child would fill some void deep within you.
You're still young by today's standards, so there is still plenty of time. Sometimes, in life, we have to wait for the things that we really want, and the waiting makes us stronger.
See this as an opportunity to do some of the other things you desire - plan a trip, do a course, travel, buy some nice clothes.
Let go of the 'need' to have a child, relax and live your life as if it is already complete and you never know that might be around the corner.
Fr_Chuck
May 18, 2009, 06:47 PM
Yes, I am in my 50s and a single dad of a 8 year old, it is not that easy but yes the issue is many men in their 20's and even younger 30's are still carrerr bound or bar bound and don't want a family and commitment
Often you may need to look either at a older gentlemen or stop looking for men where you are finding the ones you are.
talaniman
May 19, 2009, 05:47 AM
There are enough kids in society today who have no fathers, for whatever reason, so just dropping one on a guy who is not ready, nor wants what you want is not your answer. Don't let the ticking clock make you do something out of haste or impulse, just to get what you want. Just read some of the stories here about the females who have children, and the guy leaves, for some good insights about having a partner who isn't ready.
Romefalls19
May 19, 2009, 05:56 AM
Tal is right, there are a lot of single moms or kids coming from broken homes. Right now you are only looking at the positive side about having a kid. Think of the negatives of being a single mom
1. Daycare is VERY VERY expensive(trust me I know)
2. Formula, milk, diapers, bottles, clothes(they grow very fast) also pricey
3. You only have 1 person to help with everything
There are a lot more, you have to have a baby for the right reasons, not because "your clock is ticking"