Hey everyone,

I was glad to come across this site and see everyone expressing their issues and finding that in some cases they are very similar to mine. It's very comforting knowing that "i'm not the only one."

Anyway, the story... I was with this absolutely fantastic girl for almost two years! And I mean fantastic! I literally thought our relationship was going to end as "till death do us apart" but I was very wrong, for the time being.

She entered my life a year after a rough break-up from my ex, when my life was getting back on track and everything was looking great! She came in perfect time! However she left me during one of my all time lows! The last couple months has probably been the worst of my living life so far. Within 1.5 months I've had my first funeral with a close family member dying, my mom put into the hospital, my business in a lull due to the economy and completing my FINAL class to obtain my degree. We loved each other emensely! I can't even describe how happy we were together! However her life wasn't glamourous either and I deffinetly saw this. I would try and help by talking with her, but it would always come with the same result which I'm sure she didn't want to hear. Either way she looked, there was a problem! I felt for her, and there was literally nothing I could physically do to help her, she was on her own in away but I was there for her! She eventually figured things out and decided on a path she wanted to take. I was all for it and was looking forward to it as it would solve some of her problems and bring us closer together, or that's what I was hoping for.

A little over a month a go, a family member passed away and I had to leave town for a couple days for the funeral. Keep in mind this was the first funeral I've ever experienced. It was intense, emotionally draining. Even those that had been to a funeral before explained that this funeral was extra special and not like anything else they had experienced. Naturally after weeping for literally days, all I wanted was to be back in my gf's arms. Unfortunately I hardly got that. I returned and immediately went to her house looking for some comfort, but I was only pushed away. A few days later I broke down in front of her because I didn't know who she was anymore, she had changed! She said she didn't want to talk about it because she was afraid she'd say something she'd regret or make a un-rational decision. A few days later it basically came down to "i need space." I could hardly talk to her before about anything, about life! So I gave her space. I didn't call or contact her in any way! During this time I was studying for my very FINAL exam ever, and because I was emotionally disturbed I was unable to study or focus. I had to call her to figure out was going on. She said she loved me very much and not to worry, if she affected my final grades, she wouldn't know what to do with her self. Time goes by, I complete my exam. She wants to meet me, so she comes over. To tell you the truth, I was so emotionally drained I hardly remember why the break up? I know I had asked if this were a break-up or a break, she asked "what's the difference" She said she wasn't happy with life, and that it wasn't me, it was her. My question is, shouldn't I bring her happyness in her life? Shouldn't I be there for her? She said she loved me very much and even this discision might be one of her biggest regrets. I wasn't mad, I was very sad! I know this is what she needed, and I was very calm for the situation. She even said "you're taking this very well." I also said "you need to do, what you need to do. But i'll be there for you on the other side." Meaning, I'll always be here for her and I just want her back. I know I did the right thing and I was all right for the next couple weeks. Hanging out with friends, getting more exercised, focusing on my business. But I'll be honest, I think about her for every second of the day. As time goes on, I feel like it's getting worse, I'm literally losing her. She did call me a week after the break-up to see how I was doing. This made me feel pretty good cause it showed she cared, and two weeks after that she called again to see how I was doing and to let me know she's got the remainder of my stuff to pick up. I'll be seeing her soon to pick up my stuff, but I really want to talk to her about what really happened, why? And is this really what you want? Is there a future with us? Yada... yada. This is brutal, and it's having a huge tole on my health and daily life. She's also apparently going on a trip with another guy! Like whoa... seriously?? The ty thing was I was going to surprise her with the same trip for my birthday coming up. Basically, I just don't know how to play this? Should I talk to her about the situation, cause I'm seriously lost. I have no closure, I've learnt nothing! I want to remove her completely from my life, but I have a feeling she'll try and stay in contact... which I think is good.. but bad as well. Another thing I noticed during the funeral was that life is sooo precious! I had an ephinany and I wanted to change my life, focus on family more. I came back to my girlfriend committed to change even the slightest things in myself and our relationship. I know I'm not perfect, but my small defects (if at all) is hardly anything to break up over. This was another dissapointment because I never had the chance! This break up totally took me by surprise! Also, I'm fairly mad now that if there was anything between us that needed change, the least she could have done is talked about it! Or was I sooo oblivious I didn't pick up on some small details. Arg!

Any thoughts, opinions, and advice would be greatly appreciated! :)

Thanks!

A few things.

You've been hit with a bunch of new, tough things in your life right now, but it sounds like this wasn't as sudden as you might think. People don't just wake up one morning and decide they are unhappy with their partners.

It sounds to me like she wanted someone who was more stable and more secure in his life than where you are right now. It's not necessarily a dig on your character; you're just at a different point in your life right now than where she is, or wants to be.

I noticed a comment about how you feel like you should make her happy - wrong. You can show her affection and love; hell, you can do like some of us have done and sacrifice your own happiness for hers. However, she is the only one who knows how she feels, and nothing you do or say can change that. The sooner you accept this situation and give up on trying to control it, the better off you will be.

It's tough to just move on, especially when someone becomes a big part of your life. However, you are already moving forward to a new chapter in your life. Get your own life sorted out, and forget about trying to impress her or get her back somehow. If she is taking some kind of trip with another guy (really, if she is showing any kind of interest in another guy, however slight it may be) then that shows you how much you really meant to her.

And frankly, if she doesn't want you, then you deserve better than her. Once you sort out your own life, find someone who wants the same things that you want, and is in a similar place in their lives as well.

You'll be fine, as long as you focus on yourself. No Contact is your best option right now - details can be found in the stickied threads in the main Relationships forum.

~ Tee

I think you got into another relationship when you were still hung over the last one. You saw things more perfect than it really was.

The relationship is over and you got your closure the day she told you she needed space in other words that is her telling you she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

The best thing to do is to disappear from her life and move on with yours. Hope things get better.

- none12345

Hey, I really appreciate the feedback.

I totally agree that she just didn't wake up one morning and decide not to be with me, it makes sense things like that take time. It's just really unfortunate cause I felt we were on the same page, kids, family, fun, travel... etc. Times were ty, but I was confident they were going to change.
Triysle, you mentioned how if she has any interest in someone else, it really shows how much I meant to her. I know, it sucks! Makes me feel like crap! But I mean, coming from a fairly long, serious relationship, how long should it be till someone moves on too the next relationship? I know for me, I'm ruined by this, it'll probably be a year at least!
And None12345, my last relationship before this was way over! I was deffinetly not hung up on it at all! As for the disapearing, I agree, but what if she continues to try and contact me? It shows she cares. A part of me is saying she genuinely needs time to herself and live life, and I'm all for that! I believe she deserves that, and within time we'll find time for each other again. I wish I could say I'll wait for her, but in reality that's easier said then done! I know I have to see her again anyway, if I act as if everything is cool, I feel I'll give her the wrong impression as I don't care, but damnit, I deserve to know what went wrong? I need to let her know! I'm frustrated and mad, especially how there was no communication or a second chance to change! Everyone deserves a second chance!

As for impressing her, I haven't done any of that. I've dropped all communication, she's the only one that's contacted me. We have minimal conversation, just wondering how life has been I guess. All I say everything is OK, I've been taking it day by day, playing a few extra sports... yada yada... nothing special. I'm certainly not treating her to a candle light dinner, cause again, she asked for space... she's got it. I've let something go that I loved indeffinetly, and we'll see if it comes back :( P.s. and I'm sure everyone knows... but Facebook SUCKS for these kind of things!

Thanks again!

Hey, I really appreciate the feedback.

I totally agree that she just didn't wake up one morning and decide not to be with me, it makes sense things like that take time. It's just really unfortunate cause i felt we were on the same page, kids, family, fun, travel... etc. Times were ty, but i was confident they were going to change.
Triysle, you mentioned how if she has any interest in someone else, it really shows how much I meant to her. I know, it sucks! Makes me feel like crap! But i mean, coming from a fairly long, serious relationship, how long should it be till someone moves on too the next relationship? I know for me, i'm ruined by this, it'll probably be a year atleast!
And None12345, my last relationship before this was way over! I was deffinetly not hung up on it at all! As for the disapearing, i agree, but what if she continues to try and contact me? It shows she cares. A part of me is saying she genuinely needs time to herself and live life, and i'm all for that! I believe she deserves that, and within time we'll find time for each other again. I wish i could say i'll wait for her, but in reality thats easier said then done! I know i have to see her again anyways, if i act as if everything is cool, i feel i'll give her the wrong impression as i dont care, but damnit, i deserve to know what went wrong?! I need to let her know! I'm frustrated and mad, especially how there was no communication or a second chance to change! Everyone deserves a second chance!

As for impressing her, i haven't done any of that. I've dropped all communication, she's the only one thats contacted me. We have minimal conversation, just wondering how life has been i guess. All i say everything is ok, i've been taking it day by day, playing a few extra sports... yada yada.... nothing special. I'm certainly not treating her to a candle light dinner, cause again, she asked for space... she's got it. I've let something go that i loved indeffinetly, and we'll see if it comes back :( P.s. and im sure everyone knows.... but facebook SUCKS for these kinda things!

Thanks again!

You said she was with another guy. You still want to be with her after that?

Can you be just another friend to her? If you can, don't expect it to become more than that because its unlikely. If you cant, than you let her know you can't be just her friend you're either in her life as lover or out of it. That's how you deal with if she contacts you. Personally, you don't have any obligations to her anymore, she isn't your girlfriend now, so why does it matter if you're in her life or not. It shouldn't be this hard to disappear. If you keep contacting her you're giving her the its okay ill be your friend idea.

Second chance? At first I believed in that but why would you want a second chance but now I don't anymore, because I want a perfect relationship that doesn't need a second chance to work but that is how I feel personally, everyone is different.

Ya, that's what I'm thinking as well. Would I really want to be with her after that? I mean I'm pretty certain that it ends here. I'm not trying to communicate with her. As for the other guy, I don't know :S . My only concern now is, the next time I see her, to pick up my stuff and possibly the last time I see her... I do have the right to know what the hell happened right? I wouldn't mind knowing how she's doing with this, if she really did want this... etc? Just talk, and go from there.

Also, as for the second chance. I don't believe two people are perfectly meant for each other. I believe as a couple you come together because your close to perfect, you have the same interests, your attracted to each other, both love long walks on the beach... etc. But it's that connection and communcation about each other that closes that gap and makes the relationship perfect. That's what I'm so dissapointed about, there was no communication, there was no warning!

There is no point in giving up on a relationship unless you have tried to solve any problems. If there is no change, then yes, by all means, its not meant to be!

Also, as for the second chance. I don't believe two people are perfectly meant for each other. I believe as a couple you come together because your close to perfect, you have the same interests, your attracted to each other, both love long walks on the beach.... etc. But it's that connection and communcation about each other that closes that gap and makes the relationship perfect. Thats what i'm so dissapointed about, there was no communication, there was no warning!

There is no point in giving up on a relationship unless you have tried to solve any problems. If there is no change, then yes, by all means, its not meant to be!

If there was no communication, then there was no relationship. Trust me.

~ Tee