imlost
Apr 25, 2009, 04:50 AM
I have a lot on my plate right now. My 14 year marriage is ending because my husband was having multiple affairs. I found out about the last affair New Years Eve.
An old boyfriend, my first love, contacted me on Facebook and we began talking. He was also in a bad marriage with a wife who was in an affair as well. At the same time, and old friend who was also friends with my first love, contacted me on Facebook. I talked for hours... sometimes daily... to each guy. However, my heart was with my first love. I kept everything with my guy friend on that level. There was nothing more than harmless flirting.
Anyway, my first love and I began to plan on being together and started sharing these dreams together. It became really intense until one day he told his wife he was leaving. Remember, she had been having an affair herself and their marriage was over by the time I entered the picture. His wife threatened suicide and he decided he needed to try to work out his marriage. I was left confused and shocked... feeling like I was hit by a truck. I immediately called my guy friend to seek comfort in him. He helped me move past the situation extremely quick.
Things began to progress between my friend and I. I have known him since high school and he told me that he thought I was his fairy tale. He had always been interested in me. He began to tell me how much he missed me and things moved faster. Within a two week time frame... he and I seemed to be in a relationship. He bought me a plane ticket to come see him and things were awesome. I was so happy that the world just seemed to melt away. It was great for a few days.
Then one night I wanted him to clarify what we were. He told me we were a "prequel" to a relationship, but I had a lot to go through and he did not want to be a rebound. If after going through my stuff, I still wanted a relationship then we would be in a relationship. We spent the rest of the night cuddling watching a movie. However, the next day he seemed very distant... like he put a wall up. I asked him what was going on and he said.. "just two weeks ago you were head over heels for someone else and you still haven't filed for divorce. I don't think we thought things out too well. I've been where you have been and even though you say you are over your husband, there are still feelings there that you will feel. Once those papers come, you will feel a whole new range of emotions. Before I can move any further with you, I need for you to move past this. Don't think of this as a break up. You just need to take small steps. You are taking giant leaps and you are gonna fall that way." This devastated me. I couldn't really understand where he was coming from because he knew all this before seeing me. He said he was so happy to see me and then I got there to see him... reality set in. I was so sad and sulked for the rest of the day. Because things felt so awkward, I told him to take me over to my girlfriends house and I would spend the rest of my days there.
Later that night on Facebook there was some girl who was commenting under his status update that he was with her. My girlfriend and this other girl got into a war on his Facebook wall. He never commented. My girlfriend then began to text him wondering what was going on. If he was seeing this girl and what about me? He still did not respond. I was so hurt by the stuff I saw going on his wall that I deleted him as one of my friends. So I then sent a long email to him pouring out my heart. He sent my friend a responding text stating that he was being truthful to me and that the fb war was immature of us. He said nothing was going on... we were jumping to assumptions because of what someone else had written and not himself. He said that I was into someone two weeks prior and will probably be into someone else 2 weeks later. He told my friend that he was very honest with me, but he once I got there he started to think things through. He said it looked as if I was trying to find a blanket and he couldn't be a blanket.
I haven't talked to him since that day I left to go to my friends house. It has been over a week and I wanted some of the dust to settle. I miss his friendship more than anything and am scared that I acted like such a child that he never wants to be my friend again. I feel like he has washed his hands of me. This has left me feeling scared with a huge void in the pit of my stomach. He knew me so well... almost better than anyone. Of course, I would like a relationship with him... but I want his frienship more. I sent him a friend request along with an email saying...
After taking a step back from the situation, I realize you were right on so many things and I appreciate you being honest with me. I was just so happy to see you that I let my emotions get thet best of me. I miss talking to you and laughing with you. I miss our friendship most of all. I'll leave the ball in your court.
I have yet to hear anything from him. I'm scared I never will. I don't understand how this happened. I am just an emotional wreck. This is the first person I have been with sexually since my separation. I think that has me all twisted up too. I'm very scared and depressed all at the same time. Knowing that I messed up so much is hard to stomach. He is friends with several of my friends... so I'm sure I will see him again someday... but just trying to imagine how that will be has me in knots. I just can't understand, after knowing my situation, why he hasn't accepted my request. Had I not acted like a child, we would still be friends with the hopes of a relationship on the horizon.
An old boyfriend, my first love, contacted me on Facebook and we began talking. He was also in a bad marriage with a wife who was in an affair as well. At the same time, and old friend who was also friends with my first love, contacted me on Facebook. I talked for hours... sometimes daily... to each guy. However, my heart was with my first love. I kept everything with my guy friend on that level. There was nothing more than harmless flirting.
Anyway, my first love and I began to plan on being together and started sharing these dreams together. It became really intense until one day he told his wife he was leaving. Remember, she had been having an affair herself and their marriage was over by the time I entered the picture. His wife threatened suicide and he decided he needed to try to work out his marriage. I was left confused and shocked... feeling like I was hit by a truck. I immediately called my guy friend to seek comfort in him. He helped me move past the situation extremely quick.
Things began to progress between my friend and I. I have known him since high school and he told me that he thought I was his fairy tale. He had always been interested in me. He began to tell me how much he missed me and things moved faster. Within a two week time frame... he and I seemed to be in a relationship. He bought me a plane ticket to come see him and things were awesome. I was so happy that the world just seemed to melt away. It was great for a few days.
Then one night I wanted him to clarify what we were. He told me we were a "prequel" to a relationship, but I had a lot to go through and he did not want to be a rebound. If after going through my stuff, I still wanted a relationship then we would be in a relationship. We spent the rest of the night cuddling watching a movie. However, the next day he seemed very distant... like he put a wall up. I asked him what was going on and he said.. "just two weeks ago you were head over heels for someone else and you still haven't filed for divorce. I don't think we thought things out too well. I've been where you have been and even though you say you are over your husband, there are still feelings there that you will feel. Once those papers come, you will feel a whole new range of emotions. Before I can move any further with you, I need for you to move past this. Don't think of this as a break up. You just need to take small steps. You are taking giant leaps and you are gonna fall that way." This devastated me. I couldn't really understand where he was coming from because he knew all this before seeing me. He said he was so happy to see me and then I got there to see him... reality set in. I was so sad and sulked for the rest of the day. Because things felt so awkward, I told him to take me over to my girlfriends house and I would spend the rest of my days there.
Later that night on Facebook there was some girl who was commenting under his status update that he was with her. My girlfriend and this other girl got into a war on his Facebook wall. He never commented. My girlfriend then began to text him wondering what was going on. If he was seeing this girl and what about me? He still did not respond. I was so hurt by the stuff I saw going on his wall that I deleted him as one of my friends. So I then sent a long email to him pouring out my heart. He sent my friend a responding text stating that he was being truthful to me and that the fb war was immature of us. He said nothing was going on... we were jumping to assumptions because of what someone else had written and not himself. He said that I was into someone two weeks prior and will probably be into someone else 2 weeks later. He told my friend that he was very honest with me, but he once I got there he started to think things through. He said it looked as if I was trying to find a blanket and he couldn't be a blanket.
I haven't talked to him since that day I left to go to my friends house. It has been over a week and I wanted some of the dust to settle. I miss his friendship more than anything and am scared that I acted like such a child that he never wants to be my friend again. I feel like he has washed his hands of me. This has left me feeling scared with a huge void in the pit of my stomach. He knew me so well... almost better than anyone. Of course, I would like a relationship with him... but I want his frienship more. I sent him a friend request along with an email saying...
After taking a step back from the situation, I realize you were right on so many things and I appreciate you being honest with me. I was just so happy to see you that I let my emotions get thet best of me. I miss talking to you and laughing with you. I miss our friendship most of all. I'll leave the ball in your court.
I have yet to hear anything from him. I'm scared I never will. I don't understand how this happened. I am just an emotional wreck. This is the first person I have been with sexually since my separation. I think that has me all twisted up too. I'm very scared and depressed all at the same time. Knowing that I messed up so much is hard to stomach. He is friends with several of my friends... so I'm sure I will see him again someday... but just trying to imagine how that will be has me in knots. I just can't understand, after knowing my situation, why he hasn't accepted my request. Had I not acted like a child, we would still be friends with the hopes of a relationship on the horizon.