My Bf and I have been together for almost 5 years now.. sure we had a rocky start but we were young and still are... A little while back I posted the "My Bf thinks i'm a leach" post (link is) https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-thinks-im-leach-32210.html

Things got better until 2 weeks ago When I was told to Grow a sense of humor or he was leaving me... the reason he told me to grow a sense of humor is because his older cousin constantly makes fun of me, runs me down and makes me feel like plain ****. I'm sorry but I don't take lightly being called an idiot 60 times or more a day. I don't want to leave my boyfriend but I can't handle being run down every day. His cousin's at our place Monday to Sunday from 5 in the evening until sometimes 1 am. I can't handle being made fun of all the time. Ryan (my bf) says its all me and that I should just let things roll off my back.. but I was made fun of all my life and I grew up in a very bad home I can't handle what they are doing to me.. what should I do I don't want to :mad: :confused: leave him. Last night his cousin even had the nerve to say "he was even looking for a girl to replace me so ryan can have a better girlfriend.
God this hurts me so much inside I don't know what to do

Right if the house you are living in with your boyfriend is yours, then you have all the right send his cousin flying.
I wouldn't stick anyone calling me an idiot 60 times a day... and most of all IN MY OWN HOUSE. (That made me angry! ).

Secondly your boyfriend should be genuine enough himself to also send his cousin flying and not expect you to find it funny!
Your boyfriend should have more respect.
Tell him you don't want this cousin in your house, you are not stopping him from seeing him but just not in your house.

Why is his cousin at your house everyday?
Doesn't he have a life!

He lives with his nanny.. (his cousin does) my boyfriend says he's his cousin so I have to be nice.. I don't think he classifies it as our house I think he thinks its his even though I helped pay to furnish it and build it... I told his cousin to leave last night because I was sick of it and all that did was get me *****ed at :(

Im sorry but your boyfriend needs to learn the definition of respecting a girlfriend.
You should come before his cousin. You should be his priority. I mean you've been together 5 years not 5 weeks.

You should tell your boyfriend when he tells you " he is my cousin so be nice " you tell him " SO WHAT AM I???? ... AN OUTSIDER??".

Who pays the monthly loan payments for the place you are both living in?
Who pays for the necessary bills?

If you both pay everything equally then as much as its his its yours.
Is it only in his name the house?

Ouch Binx, I think your being abused. Not physically but verbally. The problem with those of us that were teased as kids is that we 1) we were emotional and 2) Never learned to defend ourselves. If his cousin is saying something like that to you then and your boyfriend doesn't defend you then neither one them respect you. If this has been going on for 5 years then it's definitely abuse. If it just started recently maybe your boyfriend wants to break up and instead of hurting your feelings by breaking up he's becoming a jerk so you'll dump him. I don't know the answer to that but I do know that if you don't start sticking up for yourself now, you never will and he will walk all over you. Even if you argue and lose at least get your point out in the open.

Before I lost my job which was about a month ago half my paycheck went into bills and food.. he said I could take my time and find a job and not to worry about that.. It's only been like this since his cousin starting hangin around.. getting worse each week... he thhreatened to dump me already if I didn't "grow a sense of humor" but I'm, me and he knows that so I don't know why I should change and not him.. if anything should change its how I don't feel respected any more.. things are always fine when his cousins not around

Do you have friends or family who live close by?
If so then I would pack a few things and leave for a few days.

He is really disrespecting you.
I wouldn't put up with it, he needs to taste his own medicine.

I have my mom but I can't stay with her.. she's the reason I moved out... herher bf's and my father

Can't understand your last sentence.sorry.

Friends?

WELL!! If your boyfriend allows this... time for a new boyfriend. They both are JERKS. He shouldn't have allowed this to happen once.

Why on earth would you wan to be with a guy who allows your cousin to abuse you. And this is MAJOR abuse.

Your boyfriend sounds like a real jerk to me. Maybe you have more info - but if my girlfriend allowed this (although I WOULDN'T ALLOW IT TO CONTINUE - but, I have a mssive, major spine and I am blunt) - I'd move on.

That isn't humor what so ever. Find someone to live with move on - you don't need a boyfriend like this at all. This is pretty simple.

What are you doing making excuses for a guy who lets someone in his home to abuse you?
Get rid of this bum and get a life you can enjoy.
Don't you think a real man would defend his woman? How come you accept this behavior?

Plus - your jerk boyfriend says 'get a sense of humor'?? / and then threatens to leave. That's abuse as well.

This is REALLy an unhealthy situation. These two jerks are tag teaming you and your emotions.

With boyfriends like yours - who needs enemies?

My god - get this jerk out of your life. Seriously.

I know but its just so hard to up and leave him he showed me what a real life was to begin with before all of this has happened.. he took me into his heart when I had no wheres else to go, when my mother wouldn't even let me live with her.. He stood up for me when I was raped, helped me through the loss of my grandfather and also the suicide of my best friend he was the first and only person still to this day that ever showed genuine care... or I thought he did

Well - he has completely taken you for granted. He certainly doesn't respect you anymore.

HAVE YOU TOLD HIM HOW YOU FEEL? I MEAN Really SIT DOWN AND TOLD HIM.

No one deserves to feel this way or be treated this way - ever. You shouldn't stand for it or put up with it.

Quite frankly I'd tell the cousin what an imature jerk he is.

First off, as I was told once by someone on this forum, "There ain't that much love in the world." It was very good advise, I might add!

No matter how much you "love" your boyfriend you shouldn't want to be treated like this. You may have had nothing when you met him, but I cannot believe you still have nothing. Pick yourself up and start a new. Tell both those "things" to have a good life together and walk away.

There are more "fish in the sea" go find a keeper and toss back the rest.

Unfortunately it doesn't sound like Ryan respects you enough to stand up for you. That "get a sense of humor" line is a big cop-out. Frankly I don't know why you wouldn't want to leave him. He won't go to bat for you and condones others making fun of you then tries to blame you for not having a sense of humor! Come on, now! Frankly I'd do away with this one now.

Thing is it always easy for us to say LEAVE when we are not in the situation ourselves.
You need to sit down and write down the pros and cons about this guy.

I personally would not stick with a guy who expects to me to get a sense of humor when that humor is being laughed AT me... if WITH me then its different.

Your guy needs a good telling off and a good piece of your mind because he is truly hurting your feelings, and if he still stands up for his cousin then please realise he is a jerk and a loser.

"binx44 agrees: i agree with you but every time i try ad talk he walks away"

If he walks away then he doesn't give a damn what you think. That's actually worse than listening to you and not doing anything. He won't even give you the time of day. You've got to save yourself now. The relationship is over. It sounds like it's been over for some time. Look your coming here and your asking for help so I know that your know this is wrong. Some women would never even look for help so I know you've got the strength to get out of this. You just have to realize the time to act is now. Get out now and worry about the rest later. It's only going to get better once your gone.

Well.. I finally gave both of them a piece of my mind but its like ryan is an idiot. He doesn't see where I'm coming from at all. Hes right back to the "Your acting 5 not 19, get a sense of humor." I suppose have until he gets home tonight (when he comes back from my friends place with his cousin {she likes his cousin, and he won't go alone}) To make my decision on whether I am leaving or not. And if I decide to stay I have to be different tomorrow (as in letting his cousins "jokes" roll off my back and learn to take life as it comes at me) Or I'm kicked out. Well personally I don't think a few hours of thinking is all I need this is something I really need to think about (I know some people think "Why would she need to think about this") I don't know why but I just do. Is all I can say. So I'm hoping maybe when he gets home tonight I can tell him I need time to think and see what he says. At least now, if I just leave or need to get up and leave I know I have a place to go. God I never knew how hard life can be. I thought it was getting better. I was finally beginning to put my childhood into my past and spend my life with the man I love and all of this bull comes flying at me...

IF you can go somewhere, LEAVE. Teach this guy a lesson. Leave, go. You see he thinks there is no way your going to leave. He knows he has you under his complete control. And he does. He is daring you to go knowing you won't.
So I say go. If you really love him doing this may be the catalyst for him to change his ways and realise he is treating you poorly. It may be the best thing that happens to your relationship.
OR you may leave and relaise you are better off without him and never go back. I know that is a scary proposition for you right now but it is entirely possible!
Read you signature again. It is so true!

Thanks for the help

I LEAVE. This guy has shown he is a complete jerk - this sounds liiek a form of abuse as well.

I the mean time start pulling back and preparing for the leave... maybe he will wake and realize you are leaving and change - I doubt it though - this gu yis a dumbazz.

He kicked me out a few hours ago.. its over... he woke up from a nap and looked at me and told me to leave

Binx, I am sorry to hear this for you, but on the other hand I am happy that you are out of this abuse.

Apparently he can't grow RESPECT!!

I know it hurts now, and may for a while. But look at the fact that you can be YOURSELF now. You don't need some freak telling you how to act.

Keep us posted as to how you are doing. And, no matter what he says, don't go back. Tell him that you don't need to grow a sense of humor, but he needs to grow balls!!

Wow, did I say that? Well, if he is going to be a real man someday that is what he will need to grow.

You take care of you now. And don't forget you have us for support.

I hate to see relationships break-up but in this case I think celebration is in order. You have just gotten rid of a major obstacle to your happiness.

Yeah Binx,

Im very sorry to hear this for the fact that you must be really hurting and feeling alone right now. We all know that feeling.
But really, this guy has done you a favour. He has treated you like crap for long enough! It should have been you leaving him but you are obviously a good person and have been pateint with him. There are some lessons there for you.
Nwo pelase don't leook back. He will probably at some point expect you to come crying back to him. Beggine, pleading with him to take you back. Don't giove him this pleasure.
Look forward. Go. Never contact him again. Don't let him contact you. Don't go back to this abuse!
Please, be with friends, family now. Cry on their shoulders for as long as you need.
Join a gym, workour, feel better about yourself. But whatever you do just look forward now and realise it will get better and that you are so much BETTER with out this abuser!

Ohhh I'm sorry.

It will hurt now, but time does heal and you will slowly learn you have lost nothing.. its him who lost a respectful girl.

Keep strong.

I found myself in a similar circumstance as you not too long ago. I was in a serious 2 year relationship with my boyfriend and he acted similar to yours. He would say cruel things to me, and let his friends say mean things to me in joking ways, and I, like you could not handle it.the teasing took its toll on me. And when I talked to my ex about it he would get mad at me! He would say things like if we broke up and I was with (insert a girl friend of his name here), would you be mad? Or things like shut up or get out and walk home and then when I cried or told him it hurt me, he would either say you can't take a joke or hed get mad at me and start a huge blow out fight. This is emotional abuse as much as we want to pretend its not. I'm out of it now and I hope you are too. It hurts, but the emotional abuse every day would have been a lot worse. Hang in there. Breakups are awful and I'm still struggling, but in time you will meet someone who will treat you right and respect u, unlike this guy here. And when it is over id advise you to never go back even if its hard. Cut contact and fight through each day- u will be stronger because of it. Trust me.

In the long run this will be a great thing. A great thing for your life. You don't need people like this in your life. It was a really bad situation - obviously he did not love and could not tell you that.

Love was never the problem.I hurt so much.. I don't have friends to talk to my best and only friend is his friend too and he's there every night with his cousin

I feel like hell and so alone

Well, we're here for you - talk it out. You're better off without the abuse - which was not going to stop - he felt it was OK to abuse you - that's horrible. You seem like a great gal - move on. Go back to schol, new job...

Where are you livng now? Somewhere safe?

Seems like this break-up has pointed out some things you neeed to work on like having a life without him, new friends and places to go and different things to do. Scary I know, but think of the opportunity to build the kind of life you want, and being treated with dignity and respect from some real nice people who want you to succeed. Cry today but look forward to the future.

As Wildcat asked... Where are you staying? Do you have a job? You need a place to stay for a while and if I recall you said you weren't employed right now, those are major for you. Do you have any family or a friend? I know you mentioned your only friend is his friend also... that sucks. That is why it is so important that when people get into relationships that each of you keep your own friends, so you both have someone to talk to.

If you could find a job that could keep you pretty busy and maybe you could meet someone through there. These first few weeks are the toughest... but time heals all pain. Where are you using the computer at?

Tal - I can't spread - but you hit it on the head!! That's it - she needs other things in life. Where are her other friends?? Because these guys were not her friends.

Well if your friend is there with your ex and his cousin every night then she / he isn't your real friend.
Call her. Tell her you need her now. Talk to her. If she doesn't help you maybe you could talk to family.
If they can't help you then find someone, anyone to talk to. In oz here with have counselling hotlines which are free for people to call and simply have a chat with someone!
Just try and talk to people. Keep yourself occupied. I know it sounds so hard and the pain is incredible but you will get through this.
You WILL!!

Or join a sports club, a gym. Anywhere where people are. You must try and stay busy! Work, school, sport, gym, art, anything... Just try and find things to do!
Just don't drink or do drugs. That certainly won't help!

Or you could spend some time asking and answering questions on a forum or ask me helpme site where people look for answers to the questions of life and get to know good people from all over the dang gone world. A goood past time between working out and bird watching.

I'm using the computer at my mothers house but I have to leave here wed. after my doctors apt in lunenburg. My friend said I could live with her but I would feel bad moving inthere because she has 5 children. I still don't have a job and have been trying so hard to find one.. I don't know if I can do this though. I've never felt things hurt so much in my life before... was talking to him and he said that "he couldn't live with me right now and he couldn't go out with me but he still wanted to be my friend. He said he still wants to spend time with me and that if I ever think he's going to go out and get another girlfriend I am thinking wrongly. He said he doesn't want to be with anyone. Last night was the first time in 5 years I've seen him cry... it hurts so much

Binx, Feel your pain but it is important for you to focus on you and getting your life together starting with a job and a place to stay. Forget the boyfriend and not contacting him at all will help healing and give you time to do what is needed for you right now. The feelings can heal but you must learn to support yourself.

You have to worry about yourself now and no one else.
You are your own priority right now, just remember that!

Michelle
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
Get the picture?

I'd live with your friend. Help your friend out where you can.

Seems like relied on this guy way too much - too meedy.

I don't consider this guy a friend at all. Personally, after what he has put you through he should be cut out of your life.

BUT, he has doen you a favor - a kick in the rear. Time to do things for yourself. Get the job, move out on your own, find new friends, find a new lover.

Don't be his friend. Too hard. You need him out of your life so you can rocover. The more time you spend with him the harder it will be to recover. Don't have any contact with him. I know this will prove pretty much impossible for you but you really need to just stay away from him for a while and let all the emotions calm down.
And don't believe that BS that he would never have another girl. He is saying things like that to try and soften the blow for you and make him feel less guilt. People do that when they break up.
They say that they will be friends forever, they don't want anyone else, they love you but they just aren't in love with you etc etc... It is to make each other feel better but it is all crap. Sorry but it is.

Now you have broken up with him he isn't your friend. He can't be. It won't work.
You need to leave him be. Concentrate on you now. Don't be there at his beckon call. Don't run toi him as soon as he yanks your chain wanting you to run back like a little puppy dog.

Stay away and look after YOU!

Had to spread it around Skell and Wildcat. I think this guy would love it if you would fall on your face and beg him for forgiveness. Stay away from him and stay free.

This guy was really cold kicking you out like he did. No notice, nothing, after all that time together. He was obviously thinking about this for a while and was too cowardly to say anything so he did the chicken crap thing and did it fast. He couldn't possibly be your friend, he doesn't know how. More than likely, all he wants is to have you as a friend with benefits which, there are none in it for you. Wildcat was right. This was the best thing he could have done for you. You saw him for who he is, an inconsiderate, thoughtless jerk. No contact with him, for any reason, so don't go out and try and find a reason/excuse to talk or email him either. Get it in gear and find a job, anything (legal) that will bring in cash until you find something else. I would consider living with your friend with the 5 kids and offer to help with the kids and clean and stuff, ironically you may be a welcomed addition to an overcrowded house. She may need the adult company and help with the kids and house.

This guy is not worthy of your tears. I know you said he was the one who helped you get through some tough times, I'm sure you've done the same for him somewhere in your relationship. We tend to want to hang on to people like that because it's comfortable, but not necessarily good for us. My kindergarten teacher taught me lots of things that gave me a successful start in life and even though I didn't really want to, I know that it was in my best interest to move on. Don't get stuck looking in the rearview mirror or you'll never see what's ahead and where your future can take you. You drive this car now.

I hate to be blunt - but this is ALSO a wake up call for you to get your life in order and QUIT depending on others.

Mon in Cali is right - live with your friend, but help ALL YOU CAN with the house chores.

Your job now is to find a job. No loafing - your up at 6:30 every morning! You get some exercise. AAND YOU LOOK FOR THAT GREAT JOB.

Its all so hard though. I didn't think it was going to hurt like this. Been looking for a job been turned down for every single one of thenm and that is hurting like hell too :(

Things are super tough right now, but be strong, it will pass. Wake up with a purpose. I think that is what Wildcat was talking about, look forward to getting up early and doing a little workout, even if its just running around your neighborhood for 30-45 minutes. It's a great way to eliminate stress and make you feel better physically/emotionally as well. Don't give up hope and start to whine, remember that there is always someone out there worse off than you. Know, that eventually, with hard work and determination you will get a job, and a good one. I'm not telling you not to feel pain, its normal and even healthy to a point, cause it's a reminder of your mistakes and a motivation to improve and never make that same mistake again. You can do it. You will do it. You need to believe that. We can tell you this till our fingers fall off and if you don't change your attitude, nothing will change. Come on, pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Choose to improve your life right here, right now. Even if they are tiny little baby steps, its still a step in the right direction. You can do it.

It's time for a change. Time to be strong. Change is good.

It sounds like you were in a mssive rut in your life - do you really think your so called 'boy friend' really wante someone like that? Or does he want a go getter? You don't want to be that person.

Seriously.

Yeah.
Get some joggers and run. Run until you can't run anymore. I found this to be the best healing.
I know it hurts. We all do. Go back and read all of our first threads. You will see the pain in them and how much we were hurting. But we have all got through.
You juts need to work hard at looking after yourself. Concentrate on you.
The pain is only going to be here for a while longer yet. No one is going to kid you. It will hurt and probably hurt for a while to come. But you will get better. YOU WILL!

Never quit on yourself. Hard as it is now you'll get to a better place. You deserve it. Don't giveup, don't give in.

Would run if I could but dr's orders no running, jogging or jumping (cliff accident when I was younger) never got ahold of my friend at all.. she hasn't been answering my calls... I know what you all will think but I'm staying with him at his place right now (just until I get ahold of my friend or something) he said there's no reason for me to be on the street... god its hard though

I am glad you have a place to stay, but you really need to be away from these louses.

Can I ask how old you are? Schooling? What are your talents?

When you confront your boyfriend about his cousin, is his cousin there? I know it may sound lame to say it but maybe he's acting a certain way to be "cool".. you know how some guys are when they were younger, they'd stick together and bully people... I'm assuming your boyfriend is older than his cousin... if this is the case then maybe your boyfriend feels the need to act a certain way? If you approach your boyfriend when his cousin is around, he may not want to show the "uncool" sensitive side, which may come across as weak... if you boyfriend walks away when its just the two of you, then id walk away because he knows he's doing soemthing wrong and doesn't want to make up for it, or doesn't want to be confronted with his wrong doings.

Wildcat in response to your questions.. I'm 19 years old. I am 1 credit short of graduating High School and I have a Bartending and Responsible alcohol service certificate... I used to train horses, I'm awesome with animals. Done extensive work with them but haven't in the last 2 years...

Bernc... both actually I've tried both options.. having him around and not. He says family is always there while girls are not. When we're alone its not so bad. He says I just need to learn to let the idiot jokes that jody (his cousin) says (to everyone they say but I don't see it... might not be around then) slide off my back.. Hung out with them a few times (two times) and it wasn't so bad for once. Once was at my "friends" house..

The girl backed out. I can't stay at her place and to my surprise she didn't have the nerve to say it to my face. Someone else was told to tell me. Some Friend... don't have many people left to count on in my times of need. At least the Ex is letting me stay there until I find something so we have have space to figure thigngs out. I feel like I'm hurting the both of us more by staying though. He came home yesterday rotten as all heck. Saying I wasn't trying to find a place (though I am. Since I'm not working I have to wait for assistance to call me back to see if I can get some money till I find a job) I have to wait three to five business days to hear from them. I think he's just not getting the actual thinking time he needs... Heck even I need some alone time to think about things. He's always got people around him and now when he comes home to try and think about what is happening in our.. His.. My lives I'm there and he can't really be alone to sit and think about his thoughts. I can see that bugging him. He said it hurts to come home and see me knowing we're not together but I'm always there when he goes to bed and wakes up in the morning... I'd leave and stay some wheres else but I have no wheres to go. Its nice of him to keep me off the streets but I feel like I'm robbing him of the freedom he honesly needs right now. Me personally I'm, alone all day I can think about things and have all the time in the world to think about them. And I don't mind seeing him every day. He's not a jerk by himself. Gee a lot like the movie the ghost in the darkness... (the man-eating lions aren't a problem until the two get together)...

I know I still straighten up his place when he's at work . Since I'm staying there I feel its my responsibility to clean up what I make a mess and then I end up doing it all because it bothers me that its not done (been that way all my life) I offer to cook because he l l even his mother knows he can't cook. And well I need to eat too. But I think that's making him upset too..

*confused with life, wish I knew what to do*

So you can't stay with your mother? I assume some stuff happened when you were younger - hence no high school degree yet - YOU MUST GET YOUR DEGREE - YESTERDAY!! Then go back to school for more.

Hey - bartending is awesome - I used to do it - I'd work clubs I nChicago - 2 or 3 nights a week I'd make $300 to $500 a night tips (tax free - don't tell IRS). It was long hours, but fun at times.

So, I take you guys are not together anymore. First, I wish you luck with the housing situation. I myself have no job and need to keep paying rent and the bills somehow. Second... if you guys are sleeping in the same bed still, maybe someone should sleep on the couch? Third... is there somewhere, like a coffee house or a café or even a library or something close by that you can maybe go to once or twice a week to give him a little space when he comes home? He may also be feeling like you are turning into his mom with the cooking and cleaning... maybe cut back with the cooking? It's a nice gesture, but he may feel that byyou doing that you are infringing on his independence? It's the tiniest of things, but is blown up because things are little sour right now for him. Also, he may be having trouble at work and comes home and then is jumping from work problems to personal problems... I've had work problems where I ended up taking it out on everyone in my personal life and completely blwoing out of proportion the littlest thing that a friend or family member did. You can always offer to make him something since your making yourself something, but if he says no, just leave it at that. Good luck with the degree as well. Like wildcat said, you need it yesterday.

Your integrity is being beat to crap by staying there. I think you should go to a shelter or even if there is a Y out there that will allow you temporary shelter, you need to jump on it. There is a time when the bigger sacrifices should no longer be an option, but required, I think this is one of them.

Staying there he will only continue to berate you. He thinks he's making this grand gesture by allowing you to sleep there but all he's doing is patting his own back and making himself feel better.

Consider what I'm saying. Your sanity, integrity and peace of mind is at stake. It may not be the most comfortable and may even be humiliating to live in a shelter, but from humiliation comes strength and the motivation to push yourself to greater depths in your life. It takes a great amount of pride and courage to do this and the benefits to your character and self esteem will be overflowing. By staying with your ex (I assume he's an ex now), you trick yourself into thinking that maybe he will come to his senses and change his mind. You also live for the few moments when he finds compassion and treats you in a civil manner like you were some kind of dog begging for affection. YOU ARE NOT! Stand up, don't allow his behavior to continue by staying there.

You can't stay with your mom? No chance? I assume it's because past discretions? Wild child in high school?

I can't stay with my mother because (her reason is. There can't be any more then one adult living in the home unless it is through marriage.. she lives in co-op housing) and we don't get along at all... she has always acted like her life was more important then her children. Its always been that way. He actually asks me to cook so I don't think that's bothering him. He admitted he can't cook yesterday when he was trying to make hamburger helper... Its hard to go somewheres to give him some time when I have no money to do things and it takes me almost an hour to walk into town (having bad knees can really ruin going for long walks) Hes treated me awesome the whole time I've been here.. even his cousin is nicer then he was.. had a long talk with him yesterday. Might have finally got through to him.I offer to leave to give him his space but he always says I don't have to. That if he wanted some time to himself he'd go out. We do sleep in the same bed. But we've always been like that. Even when we broke up before (dont worry he's not using me to get "some" he hasn't gotten any) fully clothed of course.

And about the coming to my senses thing... he said himself that there's only a VERY small chance he won't take me back. But personally I know better then to hold my breath.. if he ever wants me back it'll come in time and I know that.

<there isn't a shelter close to me.. the only ones are in the city and that's an hour away. And I've never been to the city by myself (not into the crowds of people thing. Makes me feel uncomfordable)

I guess it is up to you what you want to do. Everyone that has replied to your post have given very valied and helpful answers--you need to choose to make a step.

Sleeping in the same bed with your clothes on doesn't sound like you guys are breaking up at all. I am certain there is some sort of job out there you could go get and start earning money, isn't there? Convenient Store, McDonalds, etc...

If you need to get to the shelter, ask him to take you so you don't have to walk. Get a ride from your one friend. Someone surely has a car.

You need to start taking some action of some sort. Staying there is only keeping you hoping for something that is probably not going to happen.

My thoughts anyway, for what it is worth.

<there isnt a shelter close to me.. the only ones are in the city and thats an hour away. and i've never been to the city by my self (not into the crowds of people thing. makes me feel uncomfordable)

Uncomfortable is a small price to pay in comparison to what you are putting yourself through now. You are putting your own self through it by staying there. If you weren't there, he couldn't say or do anything to hurt you, could he? If the shelter is in the city, than so be it. The whole point is to get out of his house and find a job, many times shelters will help you with job placement so they can quickly get you on your feet and in your own place, it's a win-win situation.

Being somewhere you're unfamiliar with can be a little intimidating but that's all part of growing up. You mention that you're not into the crowds of people thing but you're able to bartend?? As a bartender you're surrounded by lots of people, and drunk ones at that. Stop making excuses, you're only hurting yourself.

From your previous posts he sems to be pretty volatile and moody so I would pack my things and go before he comes home one day and literally "throws" you in the street just cause he felt like he couldn't see your face anymore. Don't wait for that to happen again, keep your dignity.

I know this is a hard time for you and I really am not trying to come off as insensitive, honest I'm not. My goal here is to help you and I can't help you if all I do is blow sunshine up your bottom.

Yes - she's still so young and so muc hlive for!!

People her age still live at home for the most part or at school.

Get that high school deploma... or the equivalent of the GED. Go to a small college and get a degree - or becoem a Vetenarian. Or something where you're qualified to work with animals.

Binx may I suggest to you that you look into working at a seasonal resort for the winter. I work at a seasonal summer resort and they provide housing. For some people its free and for some people they have to pay (based on their position or tenure). Even those that do pay it is usually much less than you would pay in rent for an apartment. The best thing about working in a seasonal resort though is that you can accumalate a lot of money if you don't get caught up in the party scene or shopping scene. I manage a 2 hotels and don't make 1/8 of what our bartenders make. I see you have bartending experience and I think this might be a way for you to use that, get some housing and move away from where your at for 6 months to be able to reconsider some of your choices in the past and work on some of the choices for the future. I'm not going to lie to you the lifestyle isn't for everybody, but if you don't like it you only have to do it for 6 months and hopefully you will have saved some cash.

Well he's throwing me out as it is.. I applied and got assistance. But they are only willing to give me 200 bucks a month for rent.. I can't even rent a room for that much. Honestly life hurts so much I don't want to live in it any more. I have today and tomorrow to find a place and I don't know if I can do it

You never answered my question why you can't stay with your mom?? Mon gave yo utoo many chances??

My mom lives in co-op housing... she doesn't want me there because I'd have to become a secondairy member, she doesn't want me in her life because she's too content living it free without children, all she thinks about is her new man.. found a place for 275 a month its an old family friend... I called her up. Her son and his girlfriend were looking for a roomie a few towns over.. I didn't want to go far but it looks like I'm going to have to.. its only 30 mintues into town here on the buss from there so it shouldn't be so bad. Told the ex about it.. his exact words were "well we'll talk about that when i get home" but what's there to talk about? He's kicked me out so I must do what I must do... he can't say "no you can't go live there" because then where am I going to go... its not like I can stay with him.. he didn't want that... I swear he better not be getting jellous of me staying with his old friend (whom was also my childhood friend. I grew up with him and his sister)

SCREW your EX-boyfriend! :mad:

If you found place to live-go there. Get out from under his reign. You make the choices now, not him. I'd be gone before he got home one day. Leave him a note that says "Sayanora Baby have fun with your cousin."

Leave and don't look back. Make a life for yourself.

I wish you lots of luck. I've started over 3 times like you are doing. It does get better with time and makes you stronger.;)

Please move!! It's a start!! It's not forever!! You can get on with your life now. Don'r let him drag you back in.

PLEASE DITCH THAT GUY ONCE AND FOR ALL!!

What an a-hole. He told you to leave - now this. What a controlling freak.

Move o nwith your life - in 6 months oyu will feel so much better!!

Then she is not your friend.

I even tried my friend yesterday with a new proposal.. still no response.. found a room in wolfville like I was looking for instead of being 3 towns over I can still be close to the few people I trust and know and my mom said (which really surprised me ) that she'd help me out as much as she could if she could spare it... the ex said he'd help me if I ever needed help with anything.. that he still wants to be my friend... ill accept his help but only until I get on my feet.. looking for an under the table job... got to look at a place this morning then off to Social Services for a meeting at one... (wishes myself luck) I hope I get the place I'm looking at.. I really do

That's great - remember - this is the start of a new beginning!! In 2 years you'll be so much farther along.

NOW - what about school??

You've come a long way baby!! I have to say you even sound a little more upbeat in your posts also. I am proud and happy for you. :D ;)

You will look back in a few months and be so happy.

BTW, what is an under the table job?

Cash.

Cash.


Gotcha ;)

I do feel a lot better its still hard though... decided that once I get a job... (a job at 20 hours a week paying min wage would allow me to pay rent and live without being on assistance..,. ) so trying hard rght now... schooling? I'm a regestered bartender... going to finish my grade 12 with corrorspondence.. (u take the course at home) them maybe on to community collage :)

Why not full time?

Yes - please get the high school degree - then the community college - then the 4 year college - then the masters - then the PHD.

Wildcat is right. Start with your GED and work your way up, don't stop, education is power! You'll be pinching pennies big time but it will be so rewarding in the end. You'll remember this one day and where you used to be and how far you came and your ex boyfriend will be such a faint memory.

Just remember Baby Steps. Don't get overwhelmed.

You've started with a place to live. Now get a job, I understand part-time if you are going to work on your GED.

When you are finished with your GED - go to a community college, get assistance, work part-time.

I've been where you are. Finish one task at a time. Put your tasks on paper and cross them off as you finish. You will feel so much better in a few months.

I am very happy and glad you are getting "it" together!! :D

Be happy for yourself also.

Am on assistance now... won't need a phd to finish my sdtudies in bartending... though I'm also thinking of taking business... I still want him in my life though.. eventually

i still want him in my life though.. eventually


Keep that in the far back of your mind. Do your own thing, look out for #1. I hope you don't let him back into your life. Most of the time once they treat you like that, they will do it again.

Where are you living now?

am on assistance now... wont need a phd to finish my sdtudies in bartending.... though i'm also thinking of taking buisness... i still want him in my life though.. eventually

You were doing just great until you threw in that last sentence. HEY YOOOOO, He is why your life is so screwed up in the first place!! Why be a glutton for punishment?

Binx, Hope you're not thinking that once you get your stuff straight that he will want you and things will be hunkie dorie.. that's not usually the way it works. This guy kicked you while you were down and is throwing you out. Don't fix yourself for him, fix yourself for you. I think once you do, you really won't want him back.

You don't want this jerk back ever. He's history - learning experience and that's it.

*cries* he's still kicking me when I'm down... Boy can't I feel the hate growing each day. I odnt think he really even cares now that I look at it.. I can't move out until Thursday.. HE FLIPPED OUT over that... I asked why he was being that way. He said I'm still trying to run his life.. I isn't though I'm trying to fix mine.. I've got enough stress on me to worry about him... though I think now he doesn't love me... not sure if I care or have the will to go on.. each time things start going good my face is kicked into the dirt yet again..,.

Why do you even have an once of like for this guy. He seems like real SCUM.

Please leave him and don't look back!! Ever.

This guy is an abuser.

HE WAS TRYING TO RUN YOUR LIFE!!

WHY WOULD YOU PUT UP WITH HIM?

*cries* hes still kicking me when i'm down... Boy can't i feel the hate growing each day. i odnt think he really even cares now that i look at it.. i can't move out til thursday.. HE FLIPPED OUT over that... i asked why he was being that way. he said i'm still trying to run his life.. I aint though i'm trying to fix mine.. i've got enough stress on me to worry about him... though i think now he doesnt love me... not sure if i care or have the will to go on.. each time things start going good my face is kicked into the dirt yet again.,...

I think hate for this guy is a waste of an emotion. What you might want to feel for him is pitty, that he doesn't realize what a miserable blankity-blank he really is. What you should feel is the sheer desire to improve your life, not doubt that you can continue. Turn that hate into strength and determination. You use your doubt as an excuse to hold on to him, fear of the unknown. Well know this, if you don't do all you can to pick yourself up, you'll never know where life could have taken you. Life is a blessing, don't ever disrespect it by allowing yourself to be abused this way.

He may have helped you once upon a time, I'm sure he got something out of it too. Focus on today, not your past. You are young and I know you weren't put here on this earth to take crap from a creep like that, so don't.

Leave tonight, stay at your mom's for just one night, as uncomfortable as it is, it's better than staying there with him. Don't write him a note, don't tell him you're going to do it, as a matter of fact, don't contact him for ANY reason again. Get back on track. You can do it. Let go of the doubt. What would you do if you weren't afraid?? There is no limit if you want it!

I think the sooner you can feel no emotion for this loser the better.
Obviously easier said then done. But you must just get away from him and put him as far away in your past as you can.
But you won't do that by staying near him. Get away. It is going to hurt but it will be the best thing for you. Plus we will be here to help!
Listen to what mom says though. Inspiring words. Turn the hate into dtermination and strength.

Its just so hard to stop caring for him... more harder then I wish it wAS

Update... : Have been living in my new place since Thursday. The roomates I have are awesome... quite intresting too... they are bolth taking drug and alchoal counseling course at the local community collage so they are quite intresting to talk to. Bolth are in their early tweties so there is not much of an age difference so it is easier to talk to them. Couldn't sleep well the first night there but who can in a new home when your room feels cold.. I think I need to get some posters. LOL... saw the ex on Friday. (just to return his house key)Dont want to see him for a while.. can't believe the bull **** I put up with..

Yes, it is hard to stop caring for someone. That is how we learn our lifes lessons. If pain were not involved we would not learn.

Now on to the good news.

CONGRATS... I am sure these awsome and interesting roommates will help keep your emotions in check and make moving on so much easier for you.

Glad things are looking up for you. You deserve it!

Thanks for eing here for me you all... it really helped kowing I could takl about things and someone would actually listen instead of being rude.. :):)*hugs you all*

Stay strong binx.

No one will lie to you and say this is going to be easy. It will hurt but we will be here to help you.

You've already come along way. So keep strong and one day you'll realise how lucky you were to get away from him!

Personally - don't ever see that guy again. He is an EX for a strong reason.

I am very happy for you!! :D

Stay strong! These kind of guys are very manipulative!!

You've come a long way.

Well, Its been around a month now or so and I'm still doing as awesome as I can be... Hes still trying to keep me in limbo it seems... Trying to make me not know weather I am coming or going.. BUT... I am trying still not to let it affect me. Haven't talked to him more then twice in a few weeks (only because he called and politely asked if he could have my john handcock so he could rent some movies.. Hes still got my movie card and the girls there won't let him use it because they all know I am not with him anymore.) I did let him rent a few movies on my account with the deal of if they are late he pay's for them. And he did pay for meto rent a movie.. It wasn't so bad just taking to him for 5 minutes in a public place where I know he'd never attempt to upset me in any way... Been hanging out with a lot of friends and life is getting a lot easier. I thought you would all like an update

Great to hear things are going well. You sound so much happier.

Good for you girl. Time to do the things YOU like to do.

Try and have as little or no contact with him at all. It won't help you in any way on your healing path.

GREAT NEWS Binx :D

Isn't it interesting how he was nice when you have something he wants?? (video membership) :confused: Very Manipulative!

Don't let him use you at all. Tell him to get his own membership.

Keep up the good work! :p

Life gets easier everyday.