So I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 years. But in the last year I lost my job and went back to school. Im 27 and my ex-gf is 24. She has always expected to be married by 24 but I still don't have my career and she already has hers. At the end of last year she started to get pressure from her family to get married, and then last month she got pressure again. And about two weeks ago, she asked to go on a break and give her space to think about things. Because our relationship has not been like she had pictured it and that it doesn't look like we are getting married anytime soon. And she doesn't know if she still loves me as a boyfriend anymore. The future she saw isn't too clear anymore. Everyone hurt her so much that she doesn't care about anything. That she is sad all the time. (I want to make her happy). She is moving out on her own next month.

I took it really hard and upset that someone that I loved so much could tell me she doesn't love me. Over the course of the next few days I texted, and left her messages. I expressed how sad and disappointed I was in how this all turned out. And she told me she still loves me, but not as a boyfriend. That got me more upset and told her not to say if she didn't mean it.

After I realized how selfish I was, I kept trying to call and contact her. I texted her when I was drunk and made this worst. We finally met up because I needed my stuff. We talked and she told me to look for a new girlfriend and forget about her, she wants me to start dating other girls. And we probably won't be getting back together and just let her be alone for the next few months. After we fell asleep watching TV. So I thought it would be nice to hold her. She let me hold her, but then she started to cry and said... "its over and you need to let go now." I told her "I know, but I love you and I will wait for you." I told her I know you still have feelings for me, otherwise you wouldn't be crying... she said "too litle too late." So don't ask me to marry you now, the answer would be "NO"

We left and I texted her, "I know you still love me deep down inside, and I will be here when you figure it out." and "Its not over."She responded with, "Yes it, don't txt or call me anymore."

I got really desperate and I messaged her friends to let her know that I love her and that I will marry her if she is ready...

I think I totally messed everything up... I should have given her space when she asked for it but its so hard to do. She is moving next month, and I offered to help her move but I don't know if I still should... Is it really over? 6 years gone because I didn't give her space? I turned a break to a break up... How can I be so stupid?


What can I do now to fix everything? Or is it too little too late?:(

You can't fix it. Had you listened to her request for space, things may have turned out differently. Her feelings have changed and there is nothing you can do now. Just move on, go no contact and rebuild your life, without her.

That's what I was afraid of... +sigh... I just thought if I didn't showed I care then the would be over. But too little too late... I wish I read these forums before all of this... 6 years... just sad... but I think she is depressed inside for some reason and she needs help..

Here is the thing too.. she is not telling her family that we are broken up.. just in case, we do get back together. She doesn't want to explain to them what happen... but she followed that statement with, don't get your hopes up.

Then LISTEN to her, "don't get your hopes up" Go no contact and realize that you can live a happy life without her.

6 years... not giving her space... then breaking up?

I tend to think that even if you had done things differently, you guys would still break up. I highly doubt that giving her space would have made a difference. A 6 year relationship doesn't end just because of not giving little space.

It sounds like you guys had a lot of problems already and you just dragged out the inevitable. She's made it clear that she no longers wants to be with you.

This doesn't sound llke a case of "saying one thing and thinking another". I'm sure she knows what she's saying when she tells you not to contact her anymore.

You gave it your best shot, it's time to move on. Don't contact her anymore and start the recovery process. You've suffered enough, it's time to heal.

Ya.. I have been kicking myself over this.. She had been talking about moving into together again like when we are in college. But I told her I wanted to take care of my family for as long as possible.

She said that it doesn't look like your relationship was moving any direction.

I just don't get why she keeps telling.. that she is so sad inside, and she just wants to be alone... And just be her age, her friends are party animals, but she never really liked clubbing.

She is having a doctors appt. tomorrow and I don't know if I should ask her how it goes.

It just so hard to let a 6 years relationship down the hole. We were so happy about a month or two ago... then after so got pressure from her family.. it was over... even if I told her I wanted to marry her now, it would be too late..

So I don't know.. just so depressed right now. And its been two weeks...

Danny,

Yeah, you messed up in a couple of ways. Learn from it because a moment like this could occur again in your life and you don't need a repeat of what happened here.


... our relationship has not been like she had pictured it and that it doesn't look like we are getting married anytime soon... The future she saw isn't too clear anymore...

She (with some pushing by her family) wants to be married to a guy who is further along on the material development path than you are. Career, money, stability, readiness to make a family,etc.



Is it really over? 6 years gone because I didn't give her space?

It's probably over, but not because you didn't give her space. That was a mistake, but it was over before then. Your texting just validated her decision.


Everyone hurt her so much that she doesn't care about anything. That she is sad all the time. (I want to make her happy).
She's got an issue with following her heart. Expressing apathy and sadness indicates that she is trying to do practical things (like marrying some rich guy) without knowing what is in her heart. Her head is leading her heart, so she can't love you any more like she did before.


I took it really hard and upset that someone that I loved so much could tell me she doesn't love me. Over the course of the next few days I texted, and left her messages. I expressed how sad and disappointed I was in how this all turned out. And she told me she still loves me, but not as a boyfriend. That got me more upset and told her not to say if she didn't mean it.


Sounds pretty normal. But this is a good time for you to examine your emotional maturity (Emotional intelligence) (See Amazon.com: Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ: Daniel Goleman: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary-Matter/dp/055380491X/ref=pd_bbs_8?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240513858&sr=8-8))


After I realized how selfish I was, I kept trying to call and contact her. I texted her when I was drunk and made this worst. (No kidding!) We finally met up because I needed my stuff. We talked and she told me to look for a new girlfriend and forget about her, she wants me to start dating other girls. And we probably won't be getting back together and just let her be alone for the next few months. After we fell asleep watching TV. So I thought it would be nice to hold her. She let me hold her, but then she started to cry and said... "its over and you need to let go now." I told her "I know, but I love you and I will wait for you." I told her I know you still have feelings for me, otherwise you wouldnt be crying... she said "too litle too late." So don't ask me to marry you now, the answer would be "NO"

We left and I texted her, "I know you still love me deep down inside, and I will be here when you figure it out." and "Its not over."She responded with, "Yes it, don't text or call me anymore."

Pretty clear... Don't delude yourself.


I got really desperate and I messaged her friends to let her know that I love her and that I will marry her if she is ready...

She's ready to move on.


I think I totally messed everything up... I should have given her space when she asked for it but its so hard to do. She is moving next month, and I offered to help her move but I don't know if I still should... Is it really over? 6 years gone because I didn't give her space? I turned a break to a break up... How can I be so stupid?

Everybody makes this sort of mistake. The six-year run ended for more reasons than just one mistake, though. Take care of your emotions by acknowledging them and letting yourself grieve. It's over, and the best thing you can do is to handle it graciously. Let go, heal, get on with your life.

All I really got from that was that she desperately wants to be married, her parents and pressuring her to do it and it doesn't matter who the guy is as long as he pops the question...

Time to move on and find a girl who cares about your feeling and needs and not just her own...

You.. it was weird.. because when I was holding her for the last time we made out for a bit... then she was like "what are we doing..." "its over, time to let go.." and she was crying... I asked her why she was crying if she didn't care or love me anymore.. and she said "because I am sad all the time.."

Just somewhere in my heart I want to believe that she will come back when she starts to think with her heart too.. but reality is.. she is probably done... sad but I need to start facing the truth... so hard to do...

Her feelings changed. The same thing happened between me and my ex. The spark and connection just wasn't there for her anymore. After a while, after the lust wears off, it's the love and respect we have for each other that keeps us together. When this happens, many people think that the relationship just goes stale and gets boring and assume that this change means its over. However, people who are really committed to being together, transition to this mature stage and stay together. Some people make this transition, some don't. In order for the relationship to work, both people have to be committed. You are more committed to making it work than she is.

She is looking for a fresh start, while you just want her. She wants to spread her wings, while you want to be there for her and help her with everything. At some point, people need to experience life for themselves and do things for themselves. Its time for you to allow her to do that and let her grow.

Her saying she is sad all the time, is her telling you that she feels the pain and guilt of breaking up with you. Trust me it hurts her almost as much as it hurts you.

You need to separate yourself from her (as hard as that maybe) and get your life back. Any further contact with her right now will not do anything but make matters worse for the both of you.

Deep down you may thin that she will come back, but you cannot fall into that trap of false hope. You will just keep feeding in to these false expectations and end up hurting yourself more.

You must move on and take what she has said literally, that your relationship with her is over. She is telling you she does not want you around, so you have to respect her wishes, no matter how hard it may be.

Take the next few months one day at a time and work on rebuilding your life with friends and family. It's is very difficult, but with time you WILL feel better. You will feel like crap for weeks or months, but if you give your mind the opportunity to separate itself from your feelings for her, you will get out of the funk eventually.

Now as far as the future... nothing is written in stone. Things may happen between you both, and things may not. No one will be able to tell you with 100% certainty that you will be a part forever, but just know that thousands of people have gone through the same situation you have and hardly any of them EVER get back with the person that they left or left them behind.


Be strong and good luck!

Thanks you so much for all of this advice.. I appreciate the help. I am sure you all know how hard it is.. at first I was really upset and started to talk to all the old girls in my life...

And then there was my ex from before this one... She started to text me and calling me... she even text me "sometime love comes around..." ? That was a 2 yr relationship. But I have no feelings or ever want to go back to her... At first I wanted to just get out there and have a girl for support like the past. But I have no motivation or desire to do that anymore. I was just going to get her as a FTF but I know this will not be health for anyone..

I am just afraid that if I let go of my 6 yr ex then I will become like the way I am with my 2yr ex... and I don't want that. Because I have never in my life ever pictured myself getting married to anyone except for my 6yr ex. I know its probably just the attachment talking, but I hold on to things I guess..

My 6yr ex said that she doesn't plan on getting with anyone she just wants to be alone, and that even though she wants me to move on she will be sad at first but she will get over it. She says that I am a wonderful guy that needs a girl that can treat me the same way, and she is not that girl.. "Not now."

Before the make out session for the last time, I jokingly said... she should be a FTF... She said maybe in the future, but not now... I asked her why.. "because you still love me too much.." So I guess she knows that I love her and that this is for her... I just wonder, what would have happened if I did proposed to her.. would we still be going through this?

I need to let go but this is still so fresh in my head... Here is a upper, my friends asked if I were going to hang out tonight. I told them sure I need to get out.. But then I found out she is actually going to be there to hook up her friend with my friend... Dude, I would have cried like a little fat kid on a diet. LOL...

I know,I know... let go, let go... so hard, so hard...

I don't think she will ask anymore.. but should I help her move? (no would probably be the answer) And I still have her stuff at my house.. should I drop it off? I also boxed up all the pictures and presents (anything to do with her) should I give those items back to her?

Weird thing.. she wanted the shirt that I wore on our first date... So I gave it to her. She smiled when she saw it. I asked her why do you want my shirt anyway? "Cause I like it."

So to keep rambling but this is in a way helping me.. I am sure in a few months, I will be OK...

I'll make this short

1. No don't help her move
2. Yes, return her things to her
3. Don't give her anything else, only delaying your recovery.

I don't think she will ask anymore.. but should I help her move? (no would probably be the answer) And I still have her stuff at my house.. should I drop it off? I also boxed up all the pictures and presents (anything to do with her) should I give those items back to her?

Yes, be gracious, generous, considerate, kind and all the other things you would like to be to be at your best. Separating is an art, and few people can do it well. I've done it badly and well. Well is better; you heal faster. So does everyone else.


So to keep rambling but this is in a way helping me.. I am sure in a few months, I will be OK...

Hey, we've all had our hearts broken. Ramble on.

Thanks.. guys.. I really need to restructure my life.. show her it was a mistake... but we have so much that is still wrapped up together.. its going to he hard separating everything... but it guess it all has to go back..

She still has my house key too.. but I guess when she returns it... its final, not like its not right now... I just wish things were different...

Just return her things and be done. Do ask questions. Any questions you have will answer themselves in time. There is no point going over the choices you made in the past concerning her and this relationship. Those decisions were made in the PAST and cannot be changed. Just deal with the situation you have at hand and work on getting over this bump in the road.

It will take a while for you to get over this. Just live the single life for a while until you get to the point where you can start seeing other women.

I left for vegas on Friday, and didn't contact her all weekend. Saturday was the 2 week mark of our break up.. I am not taking this well at all.. Even when I was at the clubs or dancing with other girls all I can think of is her...

I swear, I am on the verge of tears each time I think of her. And EVERYTHING makes me think of her. I really want her back but I just don't know what to do.. I want to call her sooo bad, and hold her again.

I know I need to move on and just close this chapter in my book. But I just can't seem to do it. Its getting so hard to the point that, I just don't care about life anymore. I don't know why I am taking this so hard. This sounds girlish, but on some nights I sweep as if she had died. But that is what it feels like, I can't see her, talk to her... all I can do is think about her...

I try to keep busy but it just isn't working.

How do I give back her stuff without breaking the NC?

You could just drop it off while she is at work or try and get a 3rd party to drop it off for you.

Have a relative or a good friend drop the stuff off for you. I went through the same emotions you are when my ex dumped me. The first couple months of NC are pure hell! However, if you stick to it and resist talking to her, then you will feel 1000% better in a few weeks. You still won't be totally over her, but you will not be sobbing at nights and thinking of her as much.

It takes time. Sorry to say, it won't be easy. Be prepared for the "out of the blue" phone calls. If you do talk to her, keep it brief. Your emotions will well up very quickly and you must remain strong.

She moved out and I don't know where she lives anymore... and I don't think she told her family... and trying to forget her right now, its even harder because I am sick (flu that I got from her).. Her brother just text to for a lunch that we have every year... I don't think I am going to go.. probably just ignore the text...

Ahhh.. I was doing so well, almost two weeks of NC and today I gave in and text/ called her...

ahhh.. i was doing so well, almost two weeks of NC and today I gave in and text/ called her...

So what happened ? How did it make you feel by calling her? What was her response to your call?

We talked like we were just friends... nothing more nothing less.. its over...

we talked like we were just friends... nothing more nothing less.. its over...

So you need to accept the relationship and move on. You have already admitted it to yourself that their no future with this girl.:) Open up yourself to new people this a whole new world out their waiting for you to engage.

Good luck

Thanks.. you I swept and cried about this relationship for the past 3 weeks.. and the past few days of NC really made me feel better.. Talking to her today made me want to get back with her.. but its not going to her me if we don't... Thanks for all the support, don't get me wrong. I am still very hurt but I think its to the point that it doesn't matter anymore. I still think of her and the relationship every moment of the day but it just isn't as strong of a pain anymore.

Yes and that pain will get weaker and weaker as time goes on. Don't worry a lot of people give in and contact the ex. I gave in when she called me about two weeks ago. We talked like friends (:sarcastic: yay!) and shared a laugh, but she is off doing her thing and I am doing mine and that is were we stand.

The problem with contact is the fact that it may go well or it may not. Either way you feel crappy after you talk to them because you either miss them more after a few days, or you feel like you just made things worse if the contact didn't go well.

In my case, it made me miss her. For a few days after words I just kept thinking about her. However, after a few days, everything went back to normal for me.

Most of the time when contact occurs, you don't find out anything new that you want to hear. It's just the way it is.

thanks.. ya i swept and cried about this relationship for the past 3 weeks.. and the past few days of NC really made me feel better.. Talking to her today made me want to get back with her.. but its not going to her me if we dont... Thanks for all the support, don't get me wrong. I am still very hurt but I think its to the point that it doesnt matter anymore. I still think of her and the relationship every moment of the day but it just isnt as strong of a pain anymore.

Very true and it will get better:)

I was doing so well with NC. Then she calls me to help her move... the sucker I am.. I agreed, I wasted two weekends helping her and thought this would show her I care...

Bottomline, she wants to focus on herself and making herself happy... This just messed me up so much. Here is the kicker, she is heading a trip this weekend... and I think it is with one of my friend (guy). I know I should have and have to let go... It was getting better now it is like I am starting over in the healing process...

We all slip sometimes. Just remember the lesson you learned from this and don't repeat it.

It will take you a few days to get back to where you were. I think you will also notice that it doesn't hurt as much this time as it did when you first started the healing process.

At least you definitely know you are making the right choice by initiating NC.

You.. I just can't understand how a person can throw a 6.5 year relationship out the window...

No one ever understands why the one they love leaves them in the dust. I know I didn't (and still don't) understand why my ex dumped me after 4 years, but she did.

The only thing you can do is pick yourself up and use this experience to as a learning tool to make you stronger for your next relationship.

I don't know why I'm still so stuck on her.. lost my appetite again.. so stupid... I hooked up with another girl last night but all I kept thinking about was her... wth is wrong with me? Its bugging me so much to know that she is on vacation with someone I don't know... but the thought that she is with one of my buddies is making me sick... I don't know...

Idanny,

I know how you feel. My ex of 4 years just broke up with me five days ago. He had asked for breaks in the past and I manged to talk my way out of them. I think that I was afraid to lose him. I kind of put some pressure on him about the marriage thing, too, but It took a very unpleasant but enlightening talk for me to realize that he is def not ready for marriage and frankly neither am I. That family pressure can really get to you like it did me. I come from a hispanic household and marriage is a big deal. I have come to realize that I will not let that pressure consume me ever again. It has made me practically lose the man I love.

MY biggest mistake was that in the last 2 years of our relationship I became very clingy and needy. For some reason I needed him so much and never worked on my individuality and independence. Now I am going through the toughest phase of the break up: he says he loves and cares about me, but that we both need this to discover who we are, get things done with our careers and be able to breathe (we are both 23 yrs old). I had to agree or else I know that I would push him away for good. The thing is that I still love him deeply and have hopes that we will get back together. We were about to move in together and I was already in the process of doing those things that were going to make him see a change in me, I just didn't get the chance, :(.

Since then I have focused more on making friends, I'm about to get a gym membership and got a work out buddy, going to focus on work and school and see where it takes me. There are days when I feel I'm great and I can be alone and just fine, and there are other times that I am so disappointed that I haven't gotten a call or tx or email. But I will do my best to not contact him. I would be lying if I said that I do not have hopes and would give it a shot again if we agreed to take it much slower than we have been, but at the same time, sometimes I wonder if things happen for a reason. I'm still battling this and I don't expect it to be easy.

All I could advise you is to do what I am doing now. Continue your life, focus on other things. If you happen to move on during this then good for you and you will be free, but you can't expect her to give you an answer yet. Before a good time for both of you to think, you might make decisions that are not the best for you. I am learning the hard way that I should have given him space before, and now its hard, but I'm trying my best. But whatever you do: do not marry her if you are not ready, just to keep her. It will only turn out worse and you will be kicking yourself in the butt!

I tried to propose because I really love her.. but I said it all wrong and she thinks that I only proposed to keep her. I am just so overwhelmed with emotions, and that she lied to me about the trip got me really thinking that she did run off with my buddy... It just sucks if they really did, because we have a close knit group of friends... I'm just a mess, I just want god to guide me in the pathway. I am just afraid that I will flip out if I found out she got with someone else already, I know there is nothing I can do but it still hurts very much.

I have a tub filled with things between the two of us. Sometimes I just want to make a bonfire out of it. Just feels like everything she ever told me was a lie. I should have known better, she cheated on my before. So I think she wanted a break to test the water, so she can get with someone else. She ever called me a "safety" because she knows I "still love her so much"

I am just kicking myself for caring so much for someone like this, it is just too crazy.

It's time to stop focusing on her and start thinking about you.

1. Remain NC no matter what. She's moving on. If she contacts you it's for her own selfish reasons. Stay NC and stop being a puppy dog when she calls.

2. Start doing nice things for you. Join a gym, join some social or sports groups.

3. Start journaling about how bad you really feel about all this. And stay out of her head. Stop yourself when you start sentences with "I think she...." You're just driving yourself crazy.

Keep the focus on YOU and your moving on. And be good to you!

I try so hard to focus on myself, I wish I can be more selfish... I think that is why everyone takes advantage of that... It is just so hard, she is in my head every moment... I just want to forget her and maybe the pain will stop...

We said no contact and then she txted me that she was going on her trip so we text back and forward for a bit. Then she ignores me, next time she text, I just want to text back "don't txt me anymore unless it is important." that's what she said to me...

i try so hard to focus on myself, i wish i can be more selfish... i think that is why everyone takes advantage of that.... It is just so hard, she is in my head every moment... i just want to forget her and maybe the pain will stop....

we said no contact and then she txted me that she was going on her trip so we txt back and forward for a bit. then she ignores me, next time she txt, I just want to txt back "don't txt me anymore unless it is important." thats what she said to me...


You have to take back your power. NC is NC. Ignore her texts and don't text her.

Until you go NC completely she is going to be in your head and you have to focus on YOU.

She's focused on her and you're focused on her. NO ONE is focused on you! Not fair! So you have to focus on yourself.

I know that you are so right.. I really want to learn how to be more self-focused. But somewhere I stiill have the idea that we will be OK again... *sigh*

It has been bugging me that she lied to me about the trip. She logged on to my laptop and left the expedia confirmation page open. So that is how I found out about the trip. So I told, "that is so cool that you are going to Florida, have fun!" She first denied and tried to hide it. Then she was like, how do you know? So I told her. She was like "I'm not sure if I'm going. My friend booked it for me." but it was under her account, under her log in. She then said that I don't know the person that she is going with. Then she said "I don't want to talk about it." Later, she said that she is going with some people she met from work but she doesn't know them that well... and has no idea who else is going.

I am just kicking myself, because I feel like I helped her move for TWO weekends in a row so that she can make it on the trip. She was nice to me for those two weekends. I even went to her family's mother's bbq, she acted like we were still together in front of her family. So a few days later, I thought I would be nice to just drop by her new apartment because I had an appt near by. I came with cards (all funny cards) and flowers just to be nice... But she flipped out, started to cry, and told me that she needs space and don't call or text her anymore... I was really shocked and surprised. I guess, she was done with my help and was ready to go on her vacation...


Ahhhh... I need to learn how to be selfish and focus on myself...
I returned to the gym and started to learn the piano and guitar again. But it still makes me think of her... my goal is May 28, I have to be in the area.. that's when I'm going to drop off the rest of her stuff...



THANKS again!! I just have so much in my head and my heart is so empty... I really appreciate the support...

She just txt me that she is back from her trip... I'm going to NC...

Time to let her go and respect her request. All of this contact, cards, and flowers is just pushing her further away and re-enforcing her decision to break-up with you. You need to concentrate on your life and surround yourself with things and activities that bring you happiness.

Don't respond to any of her texts.

I don't plan on calling or txting her anymore.. it just hurts me too much... I know I need to focus on myself but it is just so hard to do.

I know how you feel! Though I didn't date my ex for 6 years, we did date for a year and a half. Everything seemed promising... great, in fact, except he just broke up with me on my birthday and on the same weekend as my graduation from law school. He says he needs space. He said that to me two weeks ago before we broke up. I thought I was giving it to him, but apparently not. It's hard, isn't it? And it sucks, doesn't it? All I can say is that we both need to learn from these experiences and practice what we've learned in the future.

Best of luck to you!

That is HORRIBLE timing! I'm SO SORRY you went through this!

One day you will be glad to be rid of such a jerk. Space this buddy!

I am on the same boat. I still think about him a lot. We broke up about a week ago and we had some contact. The last thing said via text was that he had secured tickest for his graduation, because my family and I are attending it. So I texted him back saying, "ok, just let me know when to pick up the tix." He didn't respond after that. That was just 4 days ago. His graduation is tomorrow night and I still haven't heard from him. We had all taken time off work to go to his grad. My family loves him like a son and helped him get a loan for school. I especially helped him throughout this whole journey, I can honestly say that without me and my family he wouldn't have studied what he really loves, cause his own mom didn't support him. And the thought of her taking the pleasure of going to his graduation, sharing this special moment, after she didn't even help, and us not going, is truly sickening. All I have to say is that if he does not contact me by tomorrow morning or noon, I will assume he does not want us there and we will not go. I would not forgive him doing this to us, me. I have given him 4 years of my life. I was devoted and loving. And although he was loving too, It always felt a little one-sided. I am taking time to think about myself and loving me, and although I love him more than anything right now, I have to suck it up. I guess if he disappoints me with the graduation thing, I will decide to move on for sure.

I won't say it's easy, but its been done. We all were designed to withstand some difficult times, and believe me, you are not the exception. I will pray for you and everyone here who is suffering like I am.

Blessings.

It didn't kill you, therefore you are destined to press on to better things.

You... I started to go to church again after not going for a long time. I just can't believe that a person that you gave everything to can be so heartless. I know I am still in the relating to pop song phase, because I heard the Kris Allen version of "Heartless" and was like it sounds like me. Lol

I liked that Kris Allen version of "heartless", and its ironic because he sang it the night after we broke up. It hurt to hear it because I was feeling so much at the moment. But, I'm doing my best to cope. This weekend I'm going to visit some friends I neglected over my time in this relationship and I am really excited. I just hope that I don't spoil it by talking about my ex the whole time. My wound is still so fresh...

If they are real friends, they will listen to you, and then slap you back into reality when you start getting to deep.

That's what my friends did and still do if I attempt to associate something we are doing with memories of my past relationship.

you.. but I think one of my pretty good friend is stepping with my ex.. =(

If he is sleeping with your ex, then you need to avoid him.

I think if he was a real friend, he would know how you feel and NOT be sleeping with her right now.

Then he wasn't a real friend to begin with. He was just a snake in the grass. Follow our advice, you see where following your own head and heart have gotten you. Absolutely no where, give our ideas a try. We're steady proof our ways work

You have a lot of adjustments to make, to your life, and social circle, goals, and attitude.

Embrace it, as a chance to find out who you are, so your whole life can reflect why your happy with yourself.

Your friend is doing his thing, as is she, Do your own thing, that makes you happy.

I know... all of the advice you are giving me is what I need to do.. I'm trying to focus on myself but I keep thinking about her... sigh... I didn't return her text or anything, so I'm going to stick to my NC... don't know why this is so hard

I went to drop off something that belonged to her today at her parents' house. Apparently they still don't know because they asked me to stay for dinner. But I politely said that I had to pick up my mom from the airport.

She called me twice but I did not answer, and I don't plan to return her calls... I need to stay strong like you guys have been telling me.

Thanks for the support..

She just txt me asking me why I didn't call her when I stopped by. I want to txt her back.. don't call me anymore until you are ready to talk... but I'm forcing myself to the NC...

Stick with NC, whether she wants to talk or not.

Ahhhh... she left me a message said that I should have called her and that she just wants to see how I am doing, but she sounded very serious. She called me again this morning but I didn't see it. I want to call her back... but I'm going to try and stick it out...

Stay NC or risk your mind being more confused, personally I'd like to stop being kicked in the balls and would just ignore her.

She is trying to alleviate her guilt from breaking up with you by attempting to see how you are handling things. She is trying to get a win-win situation for herself by working back into your life as a friend, when she knows all to well that you want more. Don't fall for that!

She is being very selfish right now and is only caring about herself. Why should she demand that you call when you dropped by? You didn't demand that she not break-up with you! She is trying to still hold a place in your life with out adding anything useful to it.

You are not a part of her life anymore! She needs to understand that choices come with consequences. She thinks that life works the way it does in movies, where everything is hunky-dory and the people live happily ever after. That's BS. You don't owe her anything. The only person you owe anything to is yourself. If you were that important to her, she should have thought about losing you from her life before she broke-up with you. Just think about that! It may make NC a little easier.

Wow... I need to heed my own advice! LOL!

She is trying to alleviate her guilt from breaking up with you by attempting to see how you are handling things. She is trying to get a win-win situation for herself by working back into your life as a friend, when she knows all to well that you want more. Don't fall for that!

She is being very selfish right now and is only caring about herself. Why should she demand that you call when you dropped by?? You didn't demand that she not break-up with you! She is trying to still hold a place in your life with out adding anything useful to it.

You are not a part of her life anymore! She needs to understand that choices come with consequences. She thinks that life works the way it does in movies, where everything is hunky-dory and the people live happily ever after. That's BS. You don't owe her anything. The only person you owe anything to is yourself. If you were that important to her, she should have thought about loosing you from her life, before she broke-up with you. Just think about that! It may make NC a little easier.

Wow...I need to heed my own advice! LOL!


It's always easy to give advice from the outside, seldom do we follow it when we are involved.

Shoot shoot shoot shoot... I responded to her call... we talked for a few minutes... then I got of the phone... someone shoot me... I CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE NC!! I was doing so well...

shoot shoot shoot shoot .... i responded to her call... we talked for a few mins... then i got of the phone... someone shoot me.... I CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE NC!!!!!!! I was doing so well...


It's OK man, there will be setbacks. You will learn from it, stay strong buddy, you can get through this.

shoot shoot shoot shoot .... i responded to her call... we talked for a few mins... then i got of the phone... someone shoot me.... I CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE NC!!!!!!! I was doing so well...

Give yourself a break. This is a great moment to let go of self judgment. Just get back into the saddle and relax.

Thanks so much guys... I keep slipping... she wants to see me.. but I don't think it's a good idea... that will set me back more

Ing girls man, its ridiculous how they break your heart and then feel the need to call you every week to "see how your doing"

Like obviously we are OK, were not going to shoot ourselves or something over this. I have a close girl friend and she was telling me the same thing as some members have as to why girls do this. They haven't found anyone new yet, and they don't like being alone.

Danny its pretty frustrating though hey, like I almost find myself resentful now for her dumping me then trying to string me along like this in case. Like if you dump someone leave them alone , let them heal. Why make things worse on them by calling, texting, hanging out. Just gives your poor guys false hope...

So what did you guys talk about danny?

Maybe u need to tell her straight up, unless you want to be with me(assuming you want to be with her still) You need to stop contacting me and let me move on with my life. You are only making things harder on me. Im thinking myself of saying something like this to my ex.

That's exactly what I want to say to her, don't contact me unless you want a relationship.

She asked me if I was ignoring her calls... I just told her I was busy and giving her the space she wanted... she wanted to know if I found someone.. we talked about her trip. And how she was trying to get a hold of me for a baseball game, and that she wanted to meet up because she miss me. She wants to meet up on Saturday but I told her to just call me. And she said, "pick up your phone."

I'm just so tired of this, I'm not a safety or anything.

i'm just so tired of this, im not a safety or anything.

Yea you are, and you're proving that.


STOP STANDING BEHIND THE HORSE and then complain about getting kicked

In a way this makes me thankful that my ex certainly hasn't had any issue with not talking to me at all. It hurts, but it would be even worse if she was calling and stringing me along.

For your own good you really need to suck it up and tell her you don't want to talk unless you are in a relationship. Talking to her, hanging out, letting her know that you're OK, are just ways for her to feel better about what she did.

She asked for no contact, but she wants to get together and hang out? That's messed up! Your conversations only leave you feeling worse than before.

It's clear that she's testing your limits. She has no doubt that you'll come running in case this thing with your buddy or whatever falls through. When you didn't respond, she felt that she lost her power, so she became more persistent with her texts and calls. Don't be her safety net, danny. Ignore her texts and calls and get yourself back again.

You.. she is suppose to call me on Saturday.. I have no reason to explain myself to her... I don't like playing games with my emotions so, back to NC!! I was going 8 days. Reset. Lol

Yea you are, and you're proving that.


STOP STANDING BEHIND THE HORSE and then complain about getting kicked

Its like playing with fire and complain when you get burnt :(

its like playing with fire and complain when you get burnt :(

Or running into a brick wall, and wondering why your head hurts.

I understand why you anwer danny cause I'm in the same boat. There's that little part of you hoping she has changed her mind and maybe she's trying to get back with you.

She's talking out of both sides of her mouth... come here/go away.

You are the one who has to take control otherwise she is going to lead you around by the nose forever. Tell her NC. Period!

You.. I'm going to tell her tomorrow when she calls... "if you want to see me because you just want to hang out.... please don't come." then NC

ya.. im going to tell her tomorrow when she calls... "if you want to see me because you just want to hang out.... please don't come." then NC

Sounds like a good plan to me an dmake sure you true to stick to it this time:)

Goodluck

So howd it go danny ? Did u two meet up?

I'm wondering how it went too.

You did not really mess up... yes, she asked for space... and no, you did not respect yourself because you let her treat you like that and you just went after her... but, it appears she had already made up her mind about spending her life with you before asking you for space. y'all have been together so long! Please look up "soul ties" on the net, and study the articles . There is also a part two and another article link from there that is awesome, and will direct you in how to let go.

So she called around noon.. I didn't answer, so she texted me. "I can't make it and Ill call you later."

I felt bad so I called her back and just told her "I don't think its a good idea for you to talk to me or see me until you have enough of the space you need." She said "Oh, ok." And I said, " I have to go, we will talk later sometime...." then I hung up. I kept it short and straight to the point.

I felt bad because she sounded shock and sad. BUT all of my friends are telling me I did the right thing. So I am going back to NC. If she really wants to be with me she will call me or come see me. I am done playing games, I am cutting that string she is using.

That's unfortunate but sounds like you handled it well. I am supposed to talk to my ex tomorrow and will probably not be getting any good news either.

Good for you man. She may or may not come back its hard to tell. My ex told me yesterday that she won't call and bother me anymore but I doubt it's the end. Time will tell. I think we need to just keep to NC and take care of ourselves...

Unfortunate? How so?

It's not unfortunate, danny. You did the right thing. She's only playing with you. You need to show her that you're strong, you're not her puppet. She wanted space, she now has space. If she has no desire to be with you romantically, then that's it. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you did the best thing you could do.

I think it's a good idea to put the brakes on relationship when one person has isn't happy. Your girlfriend has expectations for herself, and from her family. You didn't create them for her, and you shouldn't change your life to fit into them. They might not be realistic. She needs to figure that out herself.

I've had many friends that thought they had to get married right after college, or by the time they turned 30. Their goal was to get married... not to stay married. Most of them got divorced, or are having affairs now.

So I spoke to her again.. she told me that she wasn't ready for anything.. just wanted to make sure we weren't on bad terms.. . eff her.. I texted her back.. "dont call or text unless its important. thanks"

Totally bs. via text
ME:"Have Fun tonight. I think it would be a good idea if you don;t call or text me unless it is important. dont worry if I go anywhere ill tell you like you told me about ur trip. Take care "
HER:"That doesnt sound right. But Fine. we will just give each other space. I'm sorry if i make you feel like im jerking you around I have no intentions of hurting you. u take care too. i'll always care about u"
Me: "what doesnt sound right?"
Her: "nm be safe with everything you do. ill call you when things r better. xoxo

I called her back to say. " was that about?"
Her: "I'm getting upset, bye."

7 years of my life and this is what I get.. bs totally bs

Lets be real clear here Danny, This back and forth false hope bull crap would have been done with, if you had really done NC in the first place, and not the watered down version, where every time she Pi$$es you off you holler NC, and then go right back to talking to her.

In my day we called it half-stepping, and it doesn't work!! Either do as you say your going to do, or quit telling people what your going to do.

You come off as a person who can be manipulated, and controlled, by false hope.

Yes.. I know.. just that somewhere inside, I was hoping that it would work... its like the feeling, if you don't try then you will never know kind of thing. The "hope" part of false hope, is probably the reason why I keep messing up. I know what I need to do, I just need to stick to it. I am going to block her number so hopefully that will help me more.

Sorry for being so back and forth, but this isn't easy no matter how much I tell myself I'm going to be strong. But I appreciate the support.

yes.. i know.. just that somewhere inside, I was hoping that it would work... its like the feeling, if you don't try then you will never know kind of thing. The "hope" part of false hope, is probably the reason why I keep messing up. I know what I need to do, I just need to stick to it. I am going to block her number so hopefully that will help me more.

Sorry for being so back and forth, but this isn't easy no matter how much I tell myself im going to be strong. But I appreciate the support.


There will always be feelings of the 'what if' thoughts and the 'hope' that you guys will get back together. Right now, you're all over the place with your thoughts. I know it's hard man, seven years is a really long time... but what's holding you back, is YOU. Leave her alone and when you say you're going to block her number, block it and let it be done.

Listen Danny, my girlfriend of nine years left me... with a lousy goodbye. I'd say that was the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. Watch her walk out that door, without giving a damn about me and what she was leaving. You think I didn't want to call her, text her, email her for expressing how desperate I was? I went NC April 21st and have been ever since. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and continues to be. But over a month of NC, my thoughts, doubts and fears became a little easier to deal with. I have a new sense and perspective towards my feelings towards my ex. It will get easier, you will move forward. You just have to make the decision for yourself and go NC and stick to it.

Push yourself man, it's a day struggle.. but everyday will get a little easier. It's time to move on with your life man, don't waste it on someone who messes around with your feelings.

Has she tried to contact u at all ajgamino?

has she tried to contact u at all ajgamino?


Twice since. Once for sure, but then a "blocked" number called me about two days ago. She's the only one that does that on my phone, so I'm not sure if it was her or not. Either way, I didn't answer them. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to resist.

.. but I did resist, I need to worry about myself now.

I tell myself im going to be strong.

Do not quit telling yourself that. Never. She's playing games with you and you are strong enough to see it. That's a start. Take every positive you can at this point because they are yours.

Update: so I blocked her number and text and Facebook... NC and was going strong.. And out of nowhere, she calls the house... and my mom KNOWS I don't want to talk to her, and still tells her I'm at home.. and hands me the phone.. sigh... just can't get away..

Yes you can! Last time I checked, those phone have a hang up button, so next time simply press it


And I'm out

Yes you can! Last time I checked, those phone have a hang up button, so next time simply press it


This.

She was cheating...

update:

So I found out that she wasn't needing space but she was cheating on me for the second time.. She was jerking me around and everything. She used me to help her move and as a front for her family (She was having an affair with a married man w/ kids). It was a HUGE mess. BUT I pulled it together and went NC since June.

But then around Sept. She called me with a blocked number.I got an email from her but I didn't answer it. Then I got like 5 calls on both of my phones from an unknown # so I thought it had to someone really needing to contact me so I answered. Here is the kicker, she called me the day before MCATs =(
When I realized it was her I told her I had to go and hung up.

Last week, she called and texted me again. Saying that she would like the stuff I offered to her. I didn't respond and she txted me a picture of our dog. That was such a punch in the gut, I love that dog so much. Sigh... But I pulled it strong and did not meet with her.

And today is her birthday, I had to force myself not to call or email happy birthday. It is amazing how well I was doing and this can still trip me up a bit. But overall, it has been a rough few months but I see better days ahead...

here is the question, what the heck should I do with all the pictures and cards... Parts of me wants to trash it and other parts of me thinks shouldn't be too emotional and just drop it off at her parents. Man I miss my dog, she doesn't take care of the dog.. her parents has the dog.. go figure...

Cheated on you a second time? After that, I think you can pretty much trash the pictures and cards. It will only remind that you dated a cheater.

You've come a long way Idanny. You did well in igoring her. It sounded like she just wanted a booty call. Stay strong and don't give in! Keep it up!

You re doing well-as for your ex-good riddance to bad rubbish.

Thanks for coming back, and updating us. Seems you have been doing well on your own, and you are finding out the only good thing about this whole situation was the dog.

I'm not going to lie, it has been pretty rough and its still pretty rough... I just realized that its been quite awhile, it feels like when I quit smoking almost... its super hard but sometimes when I hear/see a cig I still want to try it.. Same thing with the ex, I hear her and somewhere inside of me wants to talk to her and see her... But also like smoking, I know there isn't anything good that can come from it.

Old habits do die hard, for sure, but your on the right path. I think when you resolve the "stuff" issue, then it gets better. Her phone calls have stirred up some old feelings, but they will pass in time.

So should I just trash the stuff? But man I miss my dog LOL

Send it to her. That ends her involvement, but the dog, honestly I don't know how she would feel about that, or her parents. You sure could ask and find out though. As I remember you bought the dog together, so no telling how she reacts to that. Just don't fall into a trap you can't get out of.

Cool.. ill probably do that... don't know why, but I feel bad for not saying happy birthday to her even though she screwed me over and all..

cool.. ill probably do that... dont know why, but i feel bad for not saying happy bday to her even though she screwed me over and all..

Its good you didn't though. You still hold power.

OK so today I dropped off everything with her parents and I just texted her, told her that her stuff is with her parents.
... man I love her parents, they were still so nice to me still. Life sucks... but on the bright side, I saw my dog..

I hope you can heal for real now. Good luck and take care..

I hope so too.. I think she got the hint after I didn't contact her for her birthday... for some reason, I'm a little sad she didn't respond back to me.. man I just need to stay away and really heal

Wow.. the year has past so quickly.. for a mini update.

She tried to contact me a few months back but I ignored her and I have been NC since last year. It always gets hard around the holidays but overall it hasn't been too bad. Moving on and (trying) not look back.

So for all the people that just broke up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! You will feel a rush of emotions but just follow the NC rule! I was a lot better once I started really following NC!

Happy Holidays!

I love it when a plan comes together, have a great holiday Dan!

Awesome!