THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY JUST A COUPLE OF REAL THICK ONES. I AM RANTING HERE.

I am really starting to get tired of the people, who are clueless when to give up. Some people that ask questions here are more sounding like stalkers, that think they are in love and always chasing after a dream that is just that a dream that will not come true.

I do not understand why some are so blind. Even though the answers are there from so many people they still are in denial that they themselves are the problem and not the other person.

Many common subject lines. How to win back an ex?
Oh My God people stop it already... I do not understand this need to go back to the past even one example of one so delusional going back 5 years and trying to come after an ex after 5 years that does not even want to be involved.

Yet people are acting crazy and obsessed and are determined to force their so called delusional love on somebody that truly does not want it.

Get the hint people.

I think that some of these people that are on the other side of this should get restraining orders against people that continually call, that continually email, msn and always going on about their undying love for this other person that does not feel the same. Or even if they did feel the same they are being scared away because people are acting psycho.

1) If it is an Ex. Leave the ex alone.
2) You can not win anything back, there is no prize your just delusional.
3) Stop acting so psycho and get true help.
4) Obviously anything that is said here, with so many trying help out and get you guys back to reality. It does not seem to work.
5) So please get counseling. Not free counseling either.
6) FINALLY MOVE ON, AND IF YOU can't MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT ON THE WHITE JACKET YOURSELF.
7) This might sound rude but people need to wake up.

Please do not take this the wrong way. It is not for everybody. It is just me ranting about a few real thick ones.

Thank you.

Joe

I completely agree with you Jesushelper.

It's creepy and quite pitiful.

Sarah

Everything you said is true. But if you notice the trend, most of the time it's people who are deeply in love for the first time. So the lack of experience is the cause of why they can't see the signs of when the call it quits. So I wouldn't be so tough on them.

That's why we are here to help guide those people. Once they learn, it doesn't happen as often and eventually, they are even capable of giving others sound advice.

People who repeat this behavior can consider counselling and need the reality check.

A lot of the people on this site haven't gone through these pitfalls in life and just don't know how to deal with it yet. Quite a few are very young so inexperience may play a part in how they deal with the loss of a relationship.

These are the situations you're going to come across when you log in to this site and head straight for the "Relationships" section. I just don't understand what you expect to read when you log on anyway? I admit it can get quite repetitive but I do understand that I'm not being paid to be here and that it's my choice to log on and hear the same stories over and over and over again.

I'm no psychiatrist and I'm pretty sure that none of the so called "experts" are either. We're mostly all here because trying to help other people helps us in turn. I've never met anyone face to face from this site and it's few and far between that I've encountered belligerent posters who don't care what anyone says to them so I will not judge them and call them stalkers, psychos, etc. People have to deal with things in their own way. I respect that. I think everyone else should do the same. Otherwise why do we all log on in the first place?

Great topic. I am on the other side of this where my ex won't leave me alone.

I categorically told her I never want to speak to her again and after a few months of her stalking me I finally said if she continued I would call the police.

I have not said a single word to my ex in nearly 3 months and she still knocked on my door today, I just closed it without saying a word. I get a letter, card or note pretty much every week from her and emails too.

I agree with all 7 of your points, people who act in that manner do come across as obsessive and psychotic.

I agree with- I wish, people who behave like this truly do need counselling. I think they fail to see their actions are only pushing their ex's further away and reinforces the thoughts that breaking up with them was the best thing they could have done.

Otherwise why do we all log on in the first place?

Sometimes people come here just to hear what they want to hear- this isn't the case most of the time.

Sarah

Sometimes people come here just to hear what they want to hear- this isn't the case most of the time.

Sarah

I should clarify. By "we" I mean those of us who are at the stage of being able to deal out advice. Not those who are asking for it. I agree that a lot of the posters who initially sign in are just here to hear what they want to hear. But you'll get none of that on this site. Maybe some have a harder time than others when it comes to adhering to the advice given. But really, haven't we all been there at one point or another (not really taking any advice from anyone)?

I agree!

It is a rare occasion indeed when we are able to actually penetrate the denial and force someone to wake up!

I can't tell you the number of times I have said,I'm done with this thread,no use trying to penetrate a brick wall.I'm not here to fight!

I am always amazed by the people who say*but he/she tells me all the time how much they love me*.

As if actions mean nothing! Please people look at what they are doing not what they are saying.Did everyone forget the adage... actions speak louder than words? Please!

As if actions mean nothing! Please people look at what they are doing not what they are saying.Did everyone forget the old adage...actions speak louder than words? Please!

Perfect example:

Abusive relationship. He punches you then says I love you.


Sarah

A lot of the people on this site haven't gone through these pitfalls in life and just don't know how to deal with it yet. Quite a few are very young so inexperience may play a part in how they deal with the loss of a relationship.

These are the situations you're going to come across when you log in to this site and head straight for the "Relationships" section. I just don't understand what you expect to read when you log on anyways? I admit it can get quite repetitive but I do understand that I'm not being paid to be here and that it's my choice to log on and hear the same stories over and over and over again.

I'm no psychiatrist and I'm pretty sure that none of the so called "experts" are either. We're mostly all here because trying to help other people helps us in turn. I've never met anyone face to face from this site and it's few and far between that I've encountered belligerent posters who don't care what anyone says to them so I will not judge them and call them stalkers, psychos, etc. People have to deal with things in their own way. I respect that. I think everyone else should do the same. Otherwise why do we all log on in the first place?

It is kind of funny how when People see my name Jesushelper. They automatically assume I am judging someone. It is always the case here on this website, but the thing here is that just because I say someone is acting like a stalker , it is not a judgement but it is actually me pointing out exactly how somebody is acting. I am not calling them that personally. Their actions are... As far as there are many people that do just want to hear want they want to hear but I am not hear to do that. I think we are all able to rant about something that is bugging us. Everybody else does so I think and feel it is fine for me to do so as well.

I am saying directly that people who are [B]ACTING THIS WAY DOES NEED HELP. That is a fact..

I come here to help out others. Certain people however come here looking for advice. Ask questions and when they get many answers from many different people that are all telling them the same thing. They do not want to hear it.

EDIT: Yes I am responding in general, but also adding my own rants here. Well For some people yes my user name does have something to do with it. Maybe for you not, okay but for others yes.

I also stated that I am calling things as they are.. for the original post I gave. Even though some people do not like it.

Seriously though, how can I get my ex back?? :cool:

UHM UhM...

It is kind of funny how when People see my name Jesushelper. They automatically assume I am judging someone. It is always the case here on this website, but the thing here is that just because I say someone is acting like a stalker or psychos, it is not a judgement but it is actually me pointing out exactly how somebody is acting. I am not calling them that personally. Their actions are... As far as there are many people that do just want to hear want they want to hear but I am not hear to do that. I think we are all able to rant about something that is bugging us. Everybody else does so I think and feel it is fine for me to do so as well.

I am saying directly that people who are ACTING THIS WAY DOES NEED HELP. That is a fact..

I come here to help out others. Certain people however come here looking for advice. Ask questions and when they get many answers from many different people that are all telling them the same thing. They do not want to hear it.

I agree, they don't want to hear what we have to say, but it is because they are still in denial. At least they are seeking help. They see the truth in what we say, but they just don't want to accept it... yet. They are still grieving. They are still tramatized by the turn of events. Their actions might seem extreme to a third person, but they are suffering and they need to let it out. It's better than bottling it all up.

We tell them to be patient and time will heal all wounds. We have to be patient with them too. When we are giving advice, we can't expect them to change the way they feel overnight. It takes time.

Furthermore, we need to be more unerstanding of thoses who are deeply suffering for the first time. They need some guidance and that's what we're here for, like you said. With time, many people who seek help in this forum do improve. Even the experts are constantly improving.

I think that you are referring to repeat offenders. People who go through the same problems over and over again and never learn. But those are more serious conditions and we see it and we strongly suggest counselling.

Yes, That is exactly what I am saying. The ones that are repeat offenders. Like I said originally.. It is only for a very Few. Not everyone.. (;

Seriously though, how can I get my ex back??? :cool:

Sleep on her doorstep, go to her job with flowers and lunch and announce to her co-workers that you love her. Go where she goes, the mall, the grocery store, the gym. Put sticky notes on her car saying "I was here. Just like your in my heart and my dreams ...forever"

I also heard that if you call at least 43 times a day, fill up their emails and voicemails with quotes about love or singing a song to them.

My cousin's friend's uncle's step mom's brother did this and he go her back.

Sarah

Yes, That is exactly what I am saying. The ones that are repeat offenders. Like I said originally.. It is only for a very Few. Not everyone.. (;

Yes, but I still don't think ranting about their behavior will do them any good. I still say patience with repeat offenders. We just have to continue to strongly urge them to consider counselling. Maybe I'm too soft, I just don't like being so hard on anyone. It's not like they are criminals. They are crazy in love and need someone to snap them out of their fantasy world. Some people are just slow learners. Some people are really really really slow learners.

What does it mean when she sends me a text asking me how I am doing?? :cool:

All right, all right, I'm done after this one... couldn't help it.

Comments on this post
Jesushelper76 agrees: I think Everybody should be alowd to have the very occasional rant. I rarely do a rant but today I felt like a rant was necessary. Also it proved to be a good thread starter.

Very true! Good discussion.

It did help us summarize the different type of people who need a nudge, really need a push or ABSOLUTELY require help and we can give advice accordingly.

That was what I was hoping by starting this thread to get lots of reaction and discussion. I was very happy to hear the personal story of the person that was on the other end as well. These stories are important to hear. Thank you I wish.

Edit: Here is an example thread...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/winning-back-love-ex-344283.html

Totally agree.

I was on the receiving end of this whole debate... and got a restraining order.

When it's over, it's OVER.

I don't really respect anyone who turns into a stalker simply to pursue a dream.

Enough is enough.

I'd like to point out that a lot of the people that post on this board are being lead on, teased and toyed with. They are obviously not clueless because they are seeking answers. Most of the time they are arguing with you because they want to be convinced. I don't see a lot of posts with "she said it's over and doesn't want to speak with me". I see "She still comes over" or "he calls me every day". As an observer it's easy to tell someone to get out of that situation but when you are in it, it's so much harder to see.

Sometimes I find myself getting really frustrated with someone's thick headedness and stubbornness and I keep have to repeat myself. I guess I just seemed to like to help people and return the favour. To be honest when I was new here, I was exactly the same with all the questions but I'm not as thick headed as some people here. I guess inexperience does play a role in some cases. =P

I will be the first to admit I was fairly stubborn when I first came to this board... I wasn't just born good at giving advice, experience has taught me a lot.

If any of you had any idea how many times I sit at my desk banging my head on the monitor, well, you'd get the white jacket for me!

I have a theory. For those of you that are saying we have to be patient, kind, understanding, well, I was when I first got here, but after over 5000 posts, you, it gets old.

How many times do you have to tell someone to go to No contact, stick to no contact, do it, do it, do it and then they argue with you? I didn't offer you advice, you asked for it, either take it or ignore it, don't come and argue with me!

How about the pregnancy questions, those are my personal favorites. Pee on the monitor, I'll have your result for you after you computer stops smoking! :(

The fact is, we have stickies, they deal with No contact, how to tell if you're pregnant, etc. etc. The majority of the questions asked could be answered by reading the bloody sticky, or looking at others posts.

I understand, everyone thinks that their story is different, unique and they want talk about it. Fine, no problem, but get your head out of your arse and listen to what we are saying. Could it be that we give the advice we give because we've been there done that? No way! What a concept.

Okay, now I'm ranting.

KC, just call the ex, don't stop until she answers! ;)

I will be the first to admit I was fairly stubborn when I first came to this board...I wasn't just born good at giving advice, experience has taught me a lot.

You mean to say you're not stubborn now? Hmmmm. :p;)

The ex is dating someone else right now, so I don't think a phone call will do it... something more drastic is in hand... :cool:

The ex is dating someone else right now, so I don't think a phone call will do it...something more drastic is in hand...:cool:

Sing to her under her window in the moonlight. Bring flowers and chocolate. Or, um, you could go out with HC, I believe she's currently single. :cool:

I should really start a matchmaking thread. :D

The ex is dating someone else right now, so I don't think a phone call will do it...something more drastic is in hand...:cool:

Ooo... I know!!

Hire a Mariachi band, one of those humongous blow-up gorilla monster things that is holding a sign that says "I'll LOVE YOU FOREVER," rent some clowns, and buy a HUGE trampoline. Park all of these on her doorstep and refuse to leave until she agrees to marry you. :D That will work. Shows your dedication, man!

Or, um, you could go out with HC, I believe she's currently single. :cool:

I should really start a matchmaking thread. :D

Or... that works... ;)

rent some clowns

Clowns are evil! :eek::(

I bet Joe's reading this thread and hitting his head on his desk saying "what happend to my thread"

http://sodaracq.ifa.rm.cnr.it/HtmlHelp/HeadBang.gif

::giggles::

Sarah

Sing to her under her window in the moonlight. Bring flowers and chocolate. Or, um, you could go out with HC, I believe she's currently single. :cool:

I should really start a matchmaking thread. :D

lol some people just might take it seriously =P

you should alty start a match making thread, you have one success story so far =P

Thread got jacked!!

You got thread-jacked!

Thread got jacked!!!

Sorry. :o

It's a disease, KP gave it to me. I blame him! :(

Forgive me Joe?

I'll go back into my corner now.

:: hangs head in shame and slinks back to corner::

lols thread did get jacked =P I

:DYou almost had me Joe,:p but I knew Alty was lurking just waiting for me to stick my head out of my cave. :rolleyes:Then WHAM, her and ger buddy Starbuck, :eek:gotta watch them. HEHEHEHE, nice try but I ain't buying.:cool:

What's a white jacket guys? O_O

Whats a white jacket guys? O_O

A straight jacket Noney.

Thanks survivor07 for always helping me through the difficult times =P couldn't do it without you! XD

Thanks survivor07 for always helping me through the difficult times =P couldnt do it without you!! XD

How did she help? I don't see it. :confused:

How did she help? I don't see it. :confused:

lol thanks for all of AMHD not just her!! I've grown a lot since I joined this community =P

I AM RANTING HERE.

Joe

LOL... nice rant Joe :cool:

Do you feel better :)

Yes, I actually feel a lot better. Thank you M... (;

Always feel better after RANTING.

I understand where you are coming from jesushelper, but if people did know exactly what to do after abreak we would not need this website and the relationship experts on this website.When my ex broke up with my I posted the same question here how can I get back with my ex thinking my relationship was somehow different than all the others.

So the point here is even if I have to repeat myself a billion times that NC is the best thing to do after a break up in most relationship, I will hoping that just one person would not have to go through the same pain and cofusion that I had to go through.I guess that is the point of this website.

I understand where you are comming from jesushelper, but if people did know exactly what to do after abreak we would not need this website and the relationship experts on this website.When my ex broke up with my i posted the same question here how can i get back with my ex thinking my relationship was somehow different than all the others.

So the point here is even if i have to repeat myself a billion times that NC is the best thing to do after a break up in most relationship, i will hoping that just one person would not have to go through the same pain and cofusion that i had to go through.I guess that is the point of this website.


I am not discouraging people from asking questions at all. Yes ask the questions that are needed. I think you misunderstood what the whole thread is for. The thing is yes people ask questions. There are the few that have answers from different people three pages long and still do not get it. Still does not sink in. They still want to go and harass people that either are not really into them or exes that just want to move on yet one party is still obsessing over it. You sound very smart, and am glad your helping others from personal experience but remember I am talking about a very few. Here is a link of one example. Please read through the whole thread and come tell me the same thing you said above.


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/relatio...ex-344283.html

Yes, this website is for helping people. Some people it seems are beyond help from us. Meaning they do need professional help which some of them do. So nothing we do or say here will help. You need to understand that point.

Thank you by the way for posting. The topic got off subject for a while. Glad you started it up again.

Joe

I am not discouraging people from asking questions at all. Yes ask the questions that are needed. I think you misunderstood what the whole thread is for. The thing is yes people ask questions. There are the few that have answers from different people three pages long and still do not get it. Still does not sink in.


I do understand what you are saying, and I have seen those 20 page long threads , but the point here is telling a person to stop contacting their ex's is like asking an alcoholic not to drink.Some people take longer than others to understad that thiers ex's are not really in love with them, and at times for me I get frustrated telling the same thing to the same person over and over again but I know at some point he will realize what we are trying to tell him is right




https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/relatio...ex-344283.html
.
This link is not working.



Yes, this website is for helping people. Some people it seems are beyond help from us. Meaning they do need professional help which some of them due. So nothing we do or say here will help. You need to understand that point.
Joe

I do agree with you here that some people are beyond help and need to go see a professional, but after a breakup the line between normal and obsessive is a little blurred, and I think this website helps to ,make people realize that stalking your ex is not normal

Tried rating you but for some reason the rating is not working. The site today is messing up big time. It should allow me to rate you but says I can not rate you as a user.. Weird. Everything has been messing up today on this site.

You made some very good points. Your right, it does help people realize that stalking their exes or people they think they love is not normal.

Well I am one of those thick people. I came in with an affair issue, knowing full well what you all would say. I did pay for outside counseling and did the whole thing. But for me, it was waiting to hear that one thing to make it all click. I knew what I had to do. I knew what the right choice was and yet something inside of me still needed to hear it over and over. I needed that reassurance. While you all thought I was not a nice person maybe or got sick of the thread, it's a good feeling at this end to see it and read it and know I am not alone.

You are the man and you are so right.. these people need to finally get a life.. geez if they would just wake up they could save alotof heartache

Okay, two things here.

1. KC, to get your ex back. It's simple, first you stalk her house, steal her pet. Send her a picture of the pet with an awesome cut out of a letter, fully equipped with words spelled out with magazine letter cutouts. This will show her how thoughtful and creative you are, sign it "yours eternally" and I will guarantee a response.

2. I haven't been here as long as some of the other people on her. But I agree with Jesus, I am sick of people posting the same thing over and over, and then when we give them advice, they do the opposite and tell us how their story is so much different. NEWSFLASH! No it isn't. They want to believe in this fairytale romance, that if they meet their ex at an airport, they will come back to them running with open arms. Life doesn't happen that way. Countless threads of "how to get my ex back", "she wants a break, but says she loves me" and my favorite "broken up, confused by her"

The only confusion is added by you, you waiting around like a love sick puppy dog who eagerly awaits a bone. You can't get your ex back, they are gone. They realized that they wanted something else in life and are going about their life without you, stop calling, writing, e-mailing, can-to-can them, whatever way of contact you have with them

And for the love of god DELETE YOUR FRACKING MYSPACE!

Okay, two things here.

1. KC, to get your ex back. It's simple, first you stalk her house, steal her pet. Send her a picture of the pet with an awesome cut out of a letter, fully equipped with words spelled out with magazine letter cutouts. This will show her how thoughtful and creative you are, sign it "yours eternally" and I will guarantee a response.



Another good way along those same lines is to look for photos of children that would look like kids you two would have if you had kids and paste them to a photo with the two of you. Then write something like "our future family" and send it to her with some baby toys. Chicks dig that stuff. You should have no problem getting her back after that.

I agree with what Jesushelper has said and I almost feel like this should be a sticky for newbies.

If your coming here you know something is wrong, so why people start arguing with those trying to help is beyond me. I know when I first came here, I actually already knew the answer. But I was surrounded by friends telling me things like "she'll come around" and "she wants to but she needs time." In my head I knew that wasn't the case but emotionally I wanted to believe so what I got from this site was unbiased truth.

I understand people want what they can't have, but at some point if what you are doing isn't working, then you have to follow the advice of others. Why some of these posters want to argue with you when you are trying to help them I don't know. Some of them need to be dealt a dose of reality... something to shake them from what the path they are on.

I agree with what Jesushelper has said and I almost feel like this should be a sticky for newbies.

If your coming here you know something is wrong, so why people start arguing with those trying to help is beyond me. I know when I first came here, I actually already knew the answer. But I was surrounded by friends telling me things like "she'll come around" and "she wants to but she needs time." In my head I knew that wasn't the case but emotionally I wanted to believe so what I got from this site was unbiased truth.
.
You know when you came here what you were doing was wrong but when I came on this website I thought I was just showing my ex how much I loved her by calling 30 times a day and sending her presents on her birthday.



I understand people want what they can't have, but at some point if what you are doing isn't working, then you have to follow the advice of others. Why some of these posters want to argue with you when you are trying to help them I don't know. Some of them need to be dealt a dose of reality.....something to shake them from what the path they are on.

After a breakup some people take longer than other to realize that what they are doing is just plain wrong hence the 40 pages long threads.

On a side note when I do get frustrated from telling the same person the same thing over and over again, I usually move on to other people problem who are more willing to listen.For the people on here who do get frustrated like I do I suggest you do the same.