I have been with her for 8 months now and she asked me to marry her. I love her so much, Ever since I was in 2nd grade I had a crush on her (kinda weird huh?) Then all of a sudden we just started hanging out last summer, and became best friends ever since then you would not see us a day apart, then she asked me to be her girlfriend... My rents hate her and she hates them. They sent me away to boarding school (because of her) and were still together. I think I found the one I want to be with forever but I just don't know if I want to be with a girl my whole life. I guess you can say I'm kind of confused?

This concerns me in view of your other post - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-very-confused-344273.html.

Why do your parents hate her?

Do not feel rushed into marriage.

There is an engagement period you know. Did you say yes when she asked? Does not mean you have to get married right now. I do not know. It seems to me you both love each other.

Just do not feel rushed and if your not sure then do not commit to getting married. There is no reason you can not remain open to the idea.

Why do your rents hate her and why does she hate them? Maybe it does not really matter but know there will always be tension there. Maybe it might subside later. Who knows.

Joe

I would never encourage anyone to get married who is under the age of 25.

You change so much between 18 and 25 that to make a lifelong commitment is foolhardy.

If you are questioning your sexual identity,you are in no position to think about marriage,until you can be certain.

My rents used to abuse me and stuff like that, and they would talk bad about her and pretty much my dad would brain wash my mom about stuff he says about her that isn't true at all. So she did not like any of that. The reason why my rents hate her is because she got me into drugs. Don't most teenagers get into that stuff? Anyway it's just little stuff that they hate about each other, which is pretty lameeee. They just need to learn that they can't keep me away from her and let me learn the hard way... Am I right at all or no?

My rents used to abuse me and stuff like that,

Have you resolved these issues. It's never ever good to start a relationship, let alone a marriage, with that monkey on your back.


and they would talk bad about her and pretty much my dad would brain wash my mom about stuff he says about her that isn't true at all.

What would they say? Parents don't really make crap up-- but if your parents were abusive I could see that happening.


So she did not like any of that. The reason why my rents hate her is because she got me into drugs. Don't most teenagers get into that stuff?
I smoked pot and did some mushrooms here and there as a teen- I stopped that, but not all teens do. Drugs are dangerous- and can kill you, if not they will hurt you if you continue to do them.


Anyway it's just little stuff that they hate about each other, which is pretty lameeee. They just need to learn that they can't keep me away from her and let me learn the hard way... Am I right at all or no?

Your right and wrong. I can see why your parents don't really like her but then again with this marriage talk it would really set me off. Your still too young- trust me. Take this relationship slowly, if you go fast you'll end up getting relationship burn. Getting a relationship burn is like carpet burn- your going to fast and it'll mess you up- it can be emotionally, mentally or even ruin your future.

Here's an example: You want to be with her so bad you decide to get her pregnant, this becomes a relationship burn, not because you decided to have a baby but because you did it for all the wrong reasons and at the wrong time.

You'll mess up your future, it'll change your relationship completely- your both really young and may seperate and you'll end up being emotionally burnt too. You won't have a steady income to support her and her child, you'll get stressed out and regret you ever made the decision, this becomes a mental burn.


If you want to make a adult choices start acting like an adult. You want to get married, get a job first, give half your check to your parents for bills, graduate school, find a place to live now start paying your own bills and get a car [unless you want to walk].

Sarah

My rents used to abuse me and stuff like that, and they would talk bad about her and pretty much my dad would brain wash my mom about stuff he says about her that isn't true at all. So she did not like any of that. The reason why my rents hate her is because she got me into drugs. Don't most teenagers get into that stuff? Anyways it's just little stuff that they hate about eachother, which is pretty lameeee. They just need to learn that they can't keep me away from her and let me learn the hard way... Am I right at all or no?


No, you're wrong. "Most teenagers" do not get into drugs; people who love you don't get you into drugs.

People who are ready to get married say "parents," not rents" and don't threaten that parents can't "keep me away from her."

It sounds like you need to learn some things, not your parents.

If your parents have a reason to try to keep you two apart- they are seeing something you are missing.

The person you "love" can easily act one way around you, but be someone completely different to anyone else- it happened to me. The guy was a sick predator who only wanted me because I refused to have sex, openly. It was his intent, and he did everything he could to convince me to break my promise to myself.

Just like this guy, your partner may be acting different if they are left alone with your parents- even going so far as to challenge them to stop your partner from being with you.

It sounds ridiculous, but it happens.

Take a step back, consider *WHY* your parents want you apart.

Maybe they see the drugs and don't want you to get arrested if she gets caught, or even get started in the drugs to begin with. What if she hides something in your stuff, and you get caught? No matter what you say, it will be illegal- it's called possession.

Well I know she would never do something like that for a fact. She is not two faced. I know her inside and out. I'm 100% positive. && If I'm wrong I'm wrong then. I guess I'll have to face the consequences. The only reason why my "parents" dislike her is because she got me smoking weed. Which is totally hypocritical because my father smokes pot a lot.

That first year is really what I call the "honeymoon" period. That is when the relationship if fairly new and when young people generally feel that their relationship is different, they are the exception, he/she is the one, and will last a lifetime. Needless to say is usually doesn't stay that way. Time passes, people change, and hidden habits and traits slowly begin to emerge.

Take your time, especially since you are uncertain yourself. Wait until you are older and have been together for longer. If it doesn't last long enough to get married once you are both older and more stable then it wouldn't have worked if you had gotten married either. You would just be saving yourself a lot of extra hardship.

Mudweiser: Thank you for your time. I totally understand where you are coming from. I have tried to resolve them but my parents just don't listen. My dad he listens to what he wants to hear. It's different when my dad goes on business trips my mom is a totally different person but when he comes back home she's not the same. What he says goes and nothing more... So I really can't talk to them. I mean I've tried so many time and the result comes to constant fights. So it is difficult for me... I guess I'll just deal with it for now...

I'm starting to realize that. Taking it slow is the best idea. I'm still just a kid, I have so many years ahead of me. Thank you.

I'm starting to realize that. Taking it slow is the best idea. I'm still just a kid, I have so many years ahead of me. Thank you.

Good call kid ;)

It's nice to know that your not another "I'll do whatever I want" kind of person.

Sarah

Haha no kidding, I don't want to be that way. Thank you for the advice. :]

I have been with her for 8 months now and she asked me to marry her. I love her so much, Ever since I was in 2nd grade I had a crush on her (kinda weird huh?) Then all of a sudden we just started hanging out last summer, and became best friends ever since then you would not see us a day apart, then she asked me to be her girlfriend... My rents hate her and she hates them. They sent me away to boarding school (because of her) and were still together. I think I found the one I wanna be with forever but I just don't know if I wanna be with a girl my whole life. I guess you can say I'm kinda confused?

OK iamb and da same iamb iamb with this boy and I love him 2 and we plan 2 get married but any way I think you shocked follow yo heart if you really do love this girl you shouldn't car what anybody else say that's what I do and I think if you really explain it 2 yo parents they will understand if they didn't than it[F]:p

Princess Uniqua.

Please fix your post. We have a no chatspeak rule here. Thank you.

Sarah

I think some major growing up needs to be done here before any serious decisions can be made for future life.

ok iamb n da same iamb iamb with this boy and i love him 2 and we plan 2 get married but any way i think u shocked follow yo heart if u really do love dis girl u shouldnt car what anybody else say thats what i do and i think if u really explain it 2 yo parents they will understand if they dint than it[F]:p

Translation:

I'm in the same situation. I'm going to be with my boyfriend and I love him, we are planning to get married. However, I think you should follow your heart. If you really love your girlfriend you shouldn't care what anybody else says, this is what I do. You should talk to your parents about how serious your relationship is, and if they disagree f*** it.

_______________________________

Well Uniqua, I have one question for you? How old are you? After reading your post it you don't seem very wise. Marriage is an adult decision, in which, means you are an adult and adults don't say "Just f-- it" to major life changing decisions. Adults think, and decide on the PROS & CONS. You, however, have shown that you don't think, and your post is a prime example that you lack maturity.

The original poster [Sara P] already agreed to taking it slow. Why would you want him to make such a drastic decision? What would be a benefit- love? Well darlin', you can't live on love.

I for one, say your wrong Uniqua. If you ever decide to post on AMHD make sure you think about what kind of advice you give to others. If this was a joke- put a simple "JK" or "JJ" or "haha teasing" at the end-- that way people won't make a stupid decision based on your answer.

Anyway, that's just my two pennies.

Sarah

If your ready your ready.. I can't stand the age 25 the ideal age... that's all nonsense someone made up and made sound good for al to believe. Its all up to the person

if your ready your ready.. i can't stand the age 25 the ideal age... thats all nonsense someone made up and made sound good for al to believe. its all up to the person

I too disagree with the standard age 25- not everyone is mature at 25 there are some 19 year olds that are more mature than those 25 year olds. However at 25+ people usually are done with college, starting a new career and now have a steady source of income.

Yes at 19 or 22 you can have a steady source of income, however if you focus on education you can further yourself for the future.

If you love each other now, won't you love each other 5 or 10 years later? There should never be a rush when it comes to marrying someone- ever!

Sarah