Hi people,

As usual, I'm here for advice.

I got engaged in Sept last year, and at the start of Jan, me and my fiancé broke up, because she didn't like my family or friends, and was blaming me for the way her life was, and she didn't want a wedding because it made her feel like a loser that she didn't have anyone to invite. I couldn't take it anymore and left, but after a month apart, she came back to me, saying she was wrong and sorry and wanted to be with me and would do whatever it took because she didn't want to lose me. I believed her and took her back.

Now, after 2 months of being together, kind of getting into planning the wedding stuff, she is back to her old ways, breaking up with me every week because she just can't handle the pressure of a wedding day, she can't do it, she doesn't want it. She gets very angry with me when I or anyone (including her mother) mentions anything about a wedding. She throws things, swears and totally loses it if I say anything and whatever I tell her is apparently a put down. I am constantly walking on eggshells around her, not knowing what will set her off, but at the same time, don't know if we are getting married or not. Worst of all, she decided if she does do it, she wants it to be on the 17th of Oct, this year! That is less than 6 months away, and I'm meant to plan this on my own, because I can't talk to her about it, but if I mention anything about it or ask her opinion, I'm doomed!

She knows it's the only way we can be together since we are both Christians and can't just move in together, and we just can't keep dating forever. I'm 25 and she is 27.

Since we got back together, she has spent time with my family and that has gone well, she has been out with me and my friends and that has been OK too, so she has made some progress, but we still can't have the wedding day because she just doesn't seem to be able to do it.

I just want to make her happy and am trying to everything possible, but the only way she thinks we can be together is if there is no wedding, nobody there, just us signing a piece of paper saying we are married. To me, that is not the way I'd want to do it. I'm a guy, and I never had wedding day dreams, but I know how I wanted it to be at least, and this was not it. Previously she had a problem because my family were having their say about it, like who to invite and stuff, and I was OK with that, since they were helping to pay for it, but since she got so angry with them for planning "Her" day... I told my family that I'd pay for it all, so I gave her control over "her" day, but now she doesn't know what to do, doesn't want to do it and just can't! My family and her mother are scared to ask her anything about it. Everyone is just afraid she will blow up.

At least I would have wanted a few people there for a nice simple church wedding, but even that is too much for her to do. She doesn't want people there because she won't have more than 3 people on her side. She doesn't want makeup done, she doesn't like photos and she has no money to pay for the wedding, so I'm paying for it all, which is fine with me.

So I can't have a normal wedding, since she can't seem to do it, she is depressed and lonely, I can't do that paper signing thing, because that doesn't mean anything to me, I don't want to leave her, and she doesn't want to leave me, and we both know we can't just date forever.

Sorry for going on, but there just doesn't seem to be anything I can do, no way out that I can think of. Is there somebody out there who can help me? I'm totally lost and I'm losing my mind. :confused:

I'm seriously losing it with her...

Maybe it is time for you to break it off with her. As a last resort.

Have you both been to counseling yet, I suggest this. There is something going on with her and if she can not control her out bursts and anger, and does not understand that she can not have everything her way. Also you may need to approach her in a new or fresh way and see if the situation changes at all.

If after all that. It does not seem to be going any where, then maybe you need to make a decision to end it, and for good?

That is just my opinion but you need to do what is best for you.

Joe

Thanks Joe,

Much appreciated. Just spoke to her, told her she can do what she wants and I'm not going to force her into anything. Last thing I want is to force someone to marry me. She lost it as usual, threatened to kill herself and hung up, and turned her phone off. There is nothing I can do.

Yes, we are going to counseling with my church pastor because we wanted him to marry us, but when we go there, she makes it out to be that I'm the bad guy and I did so many things wrong. I never bring up her anger issues or anything about her because I don't want to upset her or make her feel bad, but on the way home, she starts on me again, feeling horrible about herself and by the time I get her home, it's a full blown fight, she slams the door in my face, throws things, breaks up with me and cries herself to sleep. In the morning, she says she is sorry and didn't mean for all that to happen, but she just can't do it.

This seems like a never ending cycle, but I don't know if I can end it with her. I still love her, and I know she loves me, and she finds this hard and therefore can't do it. She just yelled at me on the phone because she feels like I'm not supporting her and that I don't love her, but its quite the opposite. I need her to support me, because with the way she is now, I don't see her marrying me, and if she does for some reason, I don't see her staying for more than 2 weeks, judging by how many times and how easily she breaks up with me.

I'm lost because I love her, but I don't know what to do.I can't leave her and it doesn't seem like she can marry me, so where does that leave us?

There is no such thing as can't.

You do not want to leave her because she is threatening to kill herself. That is emotional black mail.

She sounds totally messed up and if you stay in this situation whether your married or not. It is only going to get worse it seems to me.

It is best you do not marry, in my opinion. What do you do, it is called tough love.

She needs to get help, if she does not get it or want it, you have to let her go. In my opinion.

Maybe you should privately speak to the minister and tell him the situation at hand..?

Yeah that is good advice, but if I tell her she needs help or anything, she says she is not the problem, I am. Then a huge fight starts again...

Sometimes I do think I should just leave, but its really hard for me to just let her go, because I do love her.

I think I should go talk to my church pastor about this as he may have some advice, but again, I wouldn't want him to have a bad opinion of her if she does end up marrying me, if he knows how she is. Its hard, but I guess I have to make a decision, because I can't go on like this much longer either.

Talk to your Pastor, and get the guidance from the pastor is best idea. You should not worry about him having an opinion of her, it does not matter what his opinion is about her personally. His only job is to give you Godly Counsel... To give you direction and insight into your troubles with her. You need to do something.

Thanks... yeah.. that is something I really need. Been praying about this for a long time... and each time we seem to be going somewhere and things are working out, she has a breakdown and we are right back to square 1...

So yeah, meant to go see my pastor tonight with her, but she is being like this today, and so I don't know if she will be coming or not... but either way, I'll go and see him...

Yeah that is good advice, but if I tell her she needs help or anything, she says she is not the problem, I am. Then a huge fight starts again...

Sometimes I do think I should just leave, but its really hard for me to just let her go, because I do love her.

I think I should go talk to my church pastor about this as he may have some advice, but again, I wouldn't want him to have a bad opinion of her if she does end up marrying me, if he knows how she is. Its hard, but I guess I have to make a decision, because I can't go on like this much longer either.
My dad was a pastor, and, of course, did years of (required) premarital counseling. I think it is time you stop being her doormat and be honest with the minister (and her) in your counseling sessions. She knows she is getting away with murder, and will continue to act like a bratty child as long as you allow it and don't deal with it. If you two do marry, I predict your marriage will be a wild rollercoaster ride.

I have a master's in counseling psych and strongly encourage her (and you?) to see a psychiatrist. Her behavior isn't just Bridezilla behavior, but is symptomatic of something very deep. Threatening to kill herself, turning off the phone, constantly starting fights say there is something major that needs to be uncovered and dealt with.

You are very right there wondergirl

I know she does need help. I had issues in the past and I dealt with them and got counseling. I was not quick to just at the idea of me needing help, but in the end, I knew I had to, and I did it, so I do believe I'm on the road to recovery, but she refuses to admit she has a problem. Everyone else has a problem according to her, so why should she need to get help.

I know this is common in most people, refusing to admit they need help, so I just hope as time passes, she will see how she is behaving and realise this for herself. Its not just for the wedding or our future Im worried about. Its her own life and her own future, even if she is not with me, I still want her to be OK in time

You are very right there wondergirl

I know she does need help. I had issues in the past and I dealt with them and got counseling. I was not quick to just at the idea of me needing help, but in the end, I knew I had to, and I did it, so I do believe I'm on the road to recovery, but she refuses to admit she has a problem. Everyone else has a problem according to her, so why should she need to get help.

I know this is common in most people, refusing to admit they need help, so I just hope as time passes, she will see how she is behaving and realise this for herself. Its not just for the wedding or our future Im worried about. Its her own life and her own future, even if she is not with me, I still want her to be ok in time
What problems does she have in life and getting along with people apart from you and this wedding thing?

I don't think you have a lot of time ("as time passes"). It sounds like this is escalating in frequency and quantity. And yes, it is for her and her very life that you need to drag her kicking and screaming into therapy (?? ) - or somehow find a way to get her in the same room as a psychiatrist. (A psychologist will do only so much; a psychiatrist is the best bet at this point. He/She will know how to wade through her avoidances and lies. Is there some excuse that will allow you to make an appointment for the two of you? This has to include you.)

She doesn't seem to understand and respect boundaries, so you are going to have to set some up for your own mental health. Absolutely no contact until she has made an effort to get her own act together by seeing a psychiatrist? Any ideas?

Hmmm... well, this is the thing, I just told her she needs to get some help because I'm worried abuot her, and she explodes again, saying how dare I think I'm so perfect, and she proceeds to point out my flaws, old and current, making me feel very bad, then she tells me she doesn't need me putting her down and she is better off on her own... she can do what she wants and she will survive

Im not going to give her this ultimatum, to get help or leave me, because I know she will choose to leave me... its not something I want, but I think its what's going to happen...

I think it is better if she does. For your own mental sanity..

I do not understand why its such a debate if you think it is going to happen anyway?

Well the issue is I love her, and I know she loves me... but she is just so angry and depressed and lonely now, so she is always fighting with me. She wasn't always like this.

I don't want her to go, but I've become used to her breaking up with me, then talking to me the next day and saying she is sorry...

I just want to be with her properly...

Hmmm... well, this is the thing, I just told her she needs to get some help coz I'm worried abuot her, and she explodes again, saying how dare I think I'm so perfect, and she proceeds to point out my flaws, old and current, making me feel very bad, then she tells me she doesn't need me putting her down and she is better off on her own... she can do what she wants and she will survive

Im not going to give her this ultimatum, to get help or leave me, because I know she will choose to leave me... its not something I want, but I think its whats going to happen...
Now is your chance. Set the boundary. No contact. And follow through. She has no respect for you anyway.

She was talking to me on msn... said she is not coping and since she is so bad, I should go. I told her not to go offline so we can talk this out, but she just went offline...

She also broke her mobile phone today because she was angry at stuff... and she doesn't have a house phone... so I can't contact her anymore today, unless she comes on msn... which I doubt

I've really had it with her... I may not be a great or perfect guy, but I do deserve some respect, to be treated better and to be loved. I'm not going to contact her.

Finally its starting to sink in?

Please talk with your pastor...

I'm not going to contact her.
Good! Stick to it too. And remember, this is for you AND her. It doesn't seem that way, but it might just be the thing that forces her to take a look at herself. I hope so.

You and I both know you will hear from her again. Remember, no contact. Don't respond, even to tell her you will not answer her.

You didn't tell me yet - is she like this with others, or has she been this way for a while? Is there a pattern?

Yeah, I will talk to him tonight.

This is all happening in real-time, so sorry if I'm not saying much.

Thanks for all the advice and support.

Good! Stick to it too. And remember, this is for you AND her. It doesn't seem that way, but it might just be the thing that forces her to take a look at herself. I hope so.

You and I both know you will hear from her again. Remember, no contact. Don't respond, even to tell her you will not answer her.

You didn't tell me yet - is she like this with others, or has she been this way for a while? Is there a pattern?

She feels like a failure because she is 28 this year and doesn't have a career and still studying.. she lives at home with her mother and lives from paycheck to paycheck. She doesn't have friends because she works by herself and she doesn't make friends with people easily. She lost contact with her old friends and blames that on me. She gets mad at anyone who tells her what to do, or gives her advice. Her mother was looking forward to the wedding and wanted to invite some of her friends, but she went crazy and fought with her mum. Everyone she knows is scared to mention anything to her, is walking on eggshells because everything sets her off. Even my parents are scared of her and don't dare ask her any wedding questions. They ask me and I say I don't know, because even I don't want to ask her, it will just set her off.

she is so bad
She says "I am so bad." That is called shame. Guilt is "I did a bad thing." Shame is "I am bad." Something happened to her a long time ago to cause this feeling of worthlessness in her.

She says "I am so bad." That is called shame. Guilt is "I did a bad thing." Shame is "I am bad." Something happened to her a long time ago to cause this feeling of worthlessness in her.

She has had quite a bad past, starting with the death of her father when she was 5, and since then, its been horrible. I will not go into detail, but she has had major problems and things happen to her, and I mean MAJOR. She became a Christian a few years ago and thought she left that life behind her, but its still in her head and it has an effect on her today.

She feels like a failure coz she is 28 this year and doesn't have a career and still studying.. she lives at home with her mother and lives from paycheck to paycheck. She doesn't have friends coz she works by herself and she doesn't make friends with people easily.
And all that only adds fuel to the fire of worthlessness. In fact, she probably sets it up, makes them go wrong, so she can live a self-fulfilling prophecy that things will go wrong because she isn't worth it.

Well she wasn't always like this... ever since I stepped into the picture apparently... according to what she says... so since I'm out of her life now, she should do better

Well she wasn't always like this... ever since I stepped into the picture apparently... according to what she says... so since I'm out of her life now, she should do better
Don't blame yourself. From your earlier post, the death of her father might have been the catalyst that started this rollercoaster ride. You are one of the good things that has come into her life, but, since she believes she is a bad person and isn't worth having anything good in her life, she has to get rid of you too, or make it seem like she is.

I don't really agree with that... I mean there have been times in her life where she thought things were going fine, she has a job, was studying, had money, friends, but she was lonely, wanted to have a relationship, but when I came in, all of a sudden, she got sick, lost her job, lost contact with her friends, got a job which wasn't good, didn't pay much and she didn't study as much because she didn't have time. It seems like I was the poison that came into her life and killed everything and she had to get rid of me to save her life.

I've always had a low opinion of myself, but for a while I thought I was good for her, like I made her happy. Then things went south, and no matter how much I tried to help, things got worse.

I can only hope and pray that without me in her life, she will be happier and be better. Her happiness outweighs my own...

I don't really agree with that... I mean there have been times in her life where she thought things were going fine, she has a job, was studying, had money, friends, but she was lonely, wanted to have a relationship, but when I came in, all of a sudden, she got sick, lost her job, lost contact with her friends, got a job which wasn't good, didn't pay much and she didn't study as much because she didn't have time. It seems like I was the poison that came into her life and killed everything and she had to get rid of me to save her life.

I've always had a low opinion of myself, but for a while I thought I was good for her, like I made her happy. Then things went south, and no matter how much I tried to help, things got worse.

I can only hope and pray that without me in her life, she will be happier and be better. Her happiness outweighs my own...
Things could have been going fine. A self-esteem problem doesn't run 24/7. You, being such a good and positive thing, might have become the catalyst so that all had to become bad in her mind. Don't think of yourself as poison. I truly believe she has shame issues from something in her past.

Do the no contact thing and see what comes of it. Talk with the pastor too.

Thanks will do... funny... we were meant to go sign the Intent to Marry forms tonight with my pastor, but I guess there won't be any need for that then. I will just go talk to him for my own piece of mind. Thanks a lot for the advice.

I will try my best to maintain the no contact rule. I did pretty well the first time, no contact for a month, but she had a phone then and was trying to call me.

This time she doesn't have a phone and thinks I'm in the wrong, so I doubt I will hear from her again, but we shall see... Thanks again

This time she doesn't have a phone and thinks I'm in the wrong, so I doubt I will hear from her again, but we shall see... Thanks again
You'll hear from her again. Trust me on that. I send you huge doses of courage to maintain no contact.

Btw, I remember you from earlier days here on this site and have only good thoughts about you. I'm so glad you have been working on conquering your own demons! Would that we all do that!

I went back in your posting history. Aaaaaaaaah. Last October 3, simoneaugie answered you with this: "Her trouble with your sisters is because one of her buttons got pushed. She has an unresolved issue of pain or shame. Ideally, she would talk to you about it, (your sisters about it) or get some therapy to get it out in the open and talked about.

If she does not confront what is really going on with her, this issue will rear its ugly head again.

Just an opinion."

Someone here recognized her problem back then. Now I feel better and stand by what I said here tonight.

Yes, u are right, we have been here before, and it does seem to be a loop. When I broke up with her in Jan, that was it.

Then she came back and was being better, got closer to God, saw my family and was okish with my sisters too. Things were going well, then this happened...

I guess she keeps falling back into this state she is in now... she may come out of it for a while, then goes back in. I guess she has to sort herself out

Yes, u are right, we have been here before, and it does seem to be a loop. When I broke up with her in Jan, that was it.

Then she came back and was being better, got closer to God, saw my family and was okish with my sisters too. Things were going well, then this happened...

I guess she keeps falling back into this state she is in now... she may come out of it for a while, then goes back in. I guess she has to sort herself out
So let's get off the rollercoaster for a while and see if that helps. After all, you and I both want to help her find herself and be okay again. It's tough love time. Are you ready?

Oh, yeah - what about your families? What will you say to them?

So let's get off the rollercoaster for a while and see if that helps. After all, you and I both want to help her find herself and be okay again. It's tough love time. Are you ready?!

Oh, yeah - what about your families? What will you say to them?

Yeah I think I've had enough of this ride...

She just sent me an email saying since the phone is broken, and she is cleaning out her room, will probably sell the ring and move away.

I believe this is what she will do, because she has done it before to other people in her past.

Oh well, there is nothing I can do to stop her. I love her, but I can't control her and what she does, so if this is her decision, that's what's he is going to do.

Tough love will turn out to me no love because she is really going away, but I guess its time.

I think both families will be sad about this. My parents and friends will be shocked by this, but her friends will be a little happy I guess because they didn't really like her being with me, but her mother will be sad about it, because she did like me a lot, but she will be used to her daughter's behavior. Oh well. Nothing left to do here...

Lots left here. You talking to your Pastor... Improve on yourself and letting her go.

Take the steps.

Joe

Lots left here. You talking to your Pastor... Improve on yourself and letting her go.

Take the steps.

Joe

Hey Joe, thanks

When I said "Nothing left here for me to do..." I meant like nothing left for me to do in the relationship. Its well and truly over now, and after talking to my pastor last night, I realized there were too many issues and problems, not just with her, but with the whole relationship. I was wrong a lot and didn't do the right thing either, but now when I try to do the right thing by her, it seems like its too late.

Anyway, I'm going to try to do more things for myself now. No contact will be hard, but it has to be done. Im sure she will realize what she has lost in time and that she needs help, but I can't wait around for her, hoping she will get better. I have to do what's best for me.

Thanks for the advice. Much appreciated

Anytime, I am glad I was able to help out somewhat.

I am also glad that you spoke with the pastor and He gave you some insight on the situation as well.

I wish you the best in your future.

Talk to you later,

Joe

I was wrong alot and didn't do the right thing either, but now when I try to do the right thing by her, it seems like its too late.
It sounds like you would never have been able to totally please her and were shot down from the get-go.

Yes, continue to work on yourself. I'm guessing there are wonderful and amazing adventures ahead of you!

It sounds like you would never have been able to totally please her and were shot down from the get-go.

Yes, continue to work on yourself. I'm guessing there are wonderful and amazing adventures ahead of you!

Hmmm you could be right there. Like in the beginning of the relationship she could see herself with me for a long time, like she could even see herself marrying me, but all that has changed now. I guess this happens sometimes, people's feelings change. I tried my best to make her happy, and I know I was good to her, just not good enough.

I shall work on myself, try to get closer to God again and get my life to where I want it to go. I'm not sure about the adventures ahead of me, but its good to know my life doesn't end when she left. Hopefully there will be someone out there for me.

Thanks for your support and encouragement. Take care. Peace

Great insight and thought God is so in you, his light shines always. Yes there is definitely someone out their for you, someone better, someone like your soul mate who will complete you on a soulful level.

Good luck to you

great insight and thought God is so in you, his light shines always. Yes their is definitely someone out their for you, someone better, someone like your soul mate who will complete you on a soulful level.

good luck 2 u

Thank you very much :)

Thanks Joe,

Much appreciated. Just spoke to her, told her she can do what she wants and I'm not gonna force her into anything. Last thing I want is to force someone to marry me. She lost it as usual, threatened to kill herself and hung up, and turned her phone off. There is nothing I can do.

Yes, we are going to counseling with my church pastor because we wanted him to marry us, but when we go there, she makes it out to be that I'm the bad guy and I did so many things wrong. I never bring up her anger issues or anything about her because I don't want to upset her or make her feel bad, but on the way home, she starts on me again, feeling horrible about herself and by the time I get her home, its a full blown fight, she slams the door in my face, throws things, breaks up with me and cries herself to sleep. In the morning, she says she is sorry and didn't mean for all that to happen, but she just can't do it.

This seems like a never ending cycle, but I don't know if I can end it with her. I still love her, and I know she loves me, and she finds this hard and therefore can't do it. She just yelled at me on the phone because she feels like I'm not supporting her and that I don't love her, but its quite the opposite. I need her to support me, because with the way she is now, I don't see her marrying me, and if she does for some reason, I don't see her staying for more than 2 weeks, judging by how many times and how easily she breaks up with me.

I'm lost because I love her, but I don't know what to do.I can't leave her and it doesn't seem like she can marry me, so where does that leave us?

Are you SURE you want to spend your life with this girl? She is so immature and is going to be HIGH maintenance. I would sit her down and say, here's the deal...

I love you, you say you love me.

However, these temper tantrums are deal breakers. I will not marry you as long as I feel the need to walk on eggshells to avoid your wrath.

We need to find out what is REALLY behind this behavior and make it stop.
I'll support you in your efforts , but only if you treat me with the dignity and respect that I give you.

Your outburst are not acceptable.

I don't think anyone has ever really been tough with her. Diva needs to be taken down a notch or two.

As far as a wedding goes, the actual wedding is SO not important. It is the marriage you need to think about.

I wrote post #42 BEFORE I had finished reading the rest of the posts. You don't have to give her this ultimatum because you are already separated. My guess is that she will come back though. In that case, I'd tell her what I wrote about in my previous post. Good Luck!

Thanks a lot for the advice, and that is a very good script. I think I might use it if she does come back. She does keep trying to call and e-mail from time to time, saying she is sorry and stuff, but I'm going to give it more time and see if she settles down too.

But the speech looks good... could come in handy... Thanks :)

She is not ready to get married. It has nothing to do with you. She may have a fear of being the center of attention, or be overwhelmed by the prospects of planning it, or just not feel ready to settle down. IN any event, she's not communicating with you and she has no self-control over her emotions and resulting behavior, so you flat out cannot marry her.

Break things off and leave the door open if you really love her - not to stop her from killing herself or whatever. If she makes that kind of a threat, call her family and tell them that you're worried about her but are not going to remain involved.

Just tell her, "I'm ready to get married but when I do marry, I want the person I am marrying to be thrilled about every aspect of it - I want to enjoy my future wife's excitement about our family's coming together, being blessed in the church, our future, her dress, picking bridesmaids - the whole thing. When it's an ordeal, it feels like I'm forcing you into a horrible thing, and it should not be horrible to marry me.

I also need to be with a woman who has more control over her emotions, and can discuss things without getting so angry. I'm not saying that you are wrong for handling things your way, but it is not a way that I'm comfortable with and I cannot live with it for a lifetime. I do love you, but we need to like each other and build each other up, and both want the same thing in life to stay together, and we just don't." Anyway, you get the idea... be clear and give her all the information so she can have some closure and move on. Just don't act spiteful and if it turns into an argument, end the discussion, leave, and send her a letter.

Wow!

Thanks a lot! That was really good.

Well, she argued with me again yesterday, said some pretty horrible things which I'm already used to hearing, and she said its over, so I just let it at that and didn't say anything to her. Its been a whole day, like 24 hours, and no contact.

If there isn't any more contact for a few days, I will send her a letter outlining the things you said about how I need a woman who is excited to marry me, because you are very right, I feel like I'm such a horrible person and it's the worst thing in the world I'm asking her to do to marry me.

She does have some issues to sort out and some things to deal with, so I will try to leave the door open for as long as I can, but if I don't hear anything from her for a while, I will just take it as she has moved on and we were not mean to be.

Thanks again :)

I wouldn't keep that door open too long... sometimes, it's best to be done and start fresh. But now that you're on a hiatus, perhaps don't make any decision except that you want a break - you're in charge now, not her. If she contacts you tell her you don't want to talk through things right now, you just want some time. Then really take that time to think without her being around. Go out with your family and friends, do what you enjoy doing without her. The answer of whether you want to try again will come to you but know it's unlikely she can change enough, and sustain that change long enough, for you to be fulfilled with her. Best wishes!

Thanks, and yeah I won't keep the door open forever. I mean if she needs such a long time to decide if she is going to be with me or not, after a 2.5 year relationship, something is wrong.

I will go out and do what I want, take care of myself, and see what happens. I have my doubts if she will come back, but even if she does, I don't want to go through this again, so I will be very cautious and careful not to get hurt again. Thanks

I think that deep down she just may not want to marry you due to underlying issues from a child hood experience or maybe she is just not ready, some people are never ready. And you love her, but would you rather be in pain for a few months to a year then find someone sane and be in love for the rest of your life? Or spend your life struggling, cause that's what sounds like will happen. You have christianity on your side and I think that is a great way to find a good mate, and keep your marriage strong. Good luck with everything!!

Wait till you get to see the real her after you get married. And are with her 24 / 7.If you want to live like that the rest of your life like that fine. But if you have kids they will think her behavor if normal because that's what they see evryday. So keep in mind the future. Show her you have feeelings to and like a read above your not a doormat.sounds like you are a easy going guy. Sometimes you have to show your back bone, and man up.She's acting that way because you're letting her. Stop it! Or nothing will change. Good Luck! I feel for you.