I cannot stop thinking about my ex and masturbating to him. I don't want to masturbate to him anymore because it makes me sad and forelorned and all that "ugh" stuff, like no one can make me feel like that again or something. Because basically, he was the first guy to make me feel that way (no he wasn't my first everything either)

I've tried fantasizing about other men, Ala Robert Downey Jr. or my Ceramics teacher. These are men I have the hots for. What the eff is wrong with me? Obviously I still have feelings for my ex and the heebee jeebes, but this is ridiculous. I can't even masturbate anymore with out feeling sorry for myself.

Is this normal? Have any of you experienced this? How did you guys cope? I want to stop, but I don't because there is just too many good times.

Why don't you watch porn?

Sarah

I have, and yeah.. it's kind of ty. I started masturbating to the porn but then I started imagining me and him in that scenario. It was very hot... but then I felt ty afterwards.

When you start masturbating and you see your ex stop. Every time you do that stop. Train yourself and learn self control.

Sarah

There is actually nothing wrong withwhat you are doing-its fantasy.

Don't feel bad.

Enjoy yourself!

You may need to look for some other people to get in contact with considering your relationship with your ex is finished though!

Is it normal? I'm sure there are people who have done it. It's normal to feel close sexually to the last person you've been with.

Is it healthy for your emotional benefit? Unlikely. You'll have a hard time getting over this person if you keep thinking of them in a sexual way.

What you are doing is fantasizing about something familiar. Something that at the time, was a good situation.

It's normal to think back on "pleasant" memories. I've had this happen before and like you, felt bad afterwards because the reality was that the relationship was over. It made me sad because I knew we wouldn't be together again.

Sorry Mud, I don't think the answer is as simple as "watch some porn" or "just stop" because this is an emotional connection. The thing is, when it comes to breaking any sort of emotional connection, it takes time. Right now you're still grieving the relationship and he was your most recent sexual experience.

I would suggest to try to refrain from masturbating for a while (gasp!). I don't know how difficult that would be for you but it'd give you some time away from intimate thoughts of your ex. You can't control what thoughts pop into your head, but you can control whether you allow yourself to dwell on them. So perhaps take a break from "loving yourself" just to clear your head. At least until you get to a point where he's not the central focus of your fantasy.

How long will it take? Well there's no definitive answer because each person is different and each person has different sexual needs. I would suggest taking back your life- get out meeting new people, doing thing that make you happy and therefore eventually shifting the focus from your ex in general. Then the natural progression will be that he will no longer creep thoughts during your alone time.

If you masterbate think about how good your making yourslef feel. That's what I do.

I had an ex that was FABULOUS in bed, I fantasized about him for awhile after we split up.

It's a fantasy and it's all yours, when you begin a new relationship, this fantasy will lose it's luster.

Given the guy is still very much on your mind, and the feelings still very fresh, I can understand you feeling bad about finding pleasure in your fantasy.

Don't, as you will move ahead with your life, and be able to enjoy your fantasy.

Right now its to close to real life for you, and you don't have reasonable substitutes, but you eventually will in time.

mkay.

so last night I woke up with a steel piercing hard on after dreaming about an ex that I haven't seen in years. The dream was not sexual. She was irritated and pi$$ed at me... as usual. ;) but somehow some daMn random neurons fired and I woke up at 3AM bothered.

it happens.

even a dozen years later.

mentally projecting your desires onto other (old) partners is not uncommon. Every woman I've ever dated has had unique attributes that made me nuts about them. And sometimes, the memory of what was great, even in the middle of all the chaos, is still a prime turn on.

so...

would I get pi$sed if my lover was thinking about another man when making love to me?

depends...

if it was the guy she saw in the coffee shop with the tight arse and a shirt one size too small... no...

if it's the guys she has loved secretly for years, well, yeah, I'm ready to burn down the city.

so...

your ex isn't out of your head.

welcome to the crowd.

its taken anywhere from two to six years for me to shake old lovers whom I really loved.

most of the time, I was already with another lover while trying to shake the old one out of my system.

but that's me. I speak for nobody but me. But then again, I don't think I'm all that special... there are many who probably feel and think as I do. And others who don't.

I maturbate all the time with my ex on my mind. I think that he is sexy and the new boyfriend is sexy too. But sex is sex and feeling good is feeling good.