Hi all,

From the beginning I would like to tell you that I am looking for to hear a lecture from anyone, I am just looking for some opinions.
Here is my situation: I am trying to figure out if a coworker of mine, who is married, is interested in me. Sometimes I see him staring a me, sometimes he comes and makes jokes to me.
A few days ago he gave me a pack of sticky notes that have my short name on.He didn't buy them, he found them in a department where they were getting rid of some unused stuff. He put them on my desk, when I wasn't there, but later he told me they were from him.He said he gave them to me because they had my name on.
Sometimes he talks to me softly, for example when we run into each other by the coffee maker. One thing that I'm "worried" about is that he called in sick on my birthday. I wonder if it has anything to do with his feelings.
There is nothing between us, but I am thinking about becoming "closer". I am not married, but I am in a bad relationship which I might end soon.
Thanks

You don't want to be lectured- fine. However you will be scolded.

He is married. Back off. You know it's wrong. What would you do if he was your husband and someone wanted to do it to him? Wouldn't feel so nice huh?

Don't be another woman- be someone's woman. There are single guys out there.

Just because a man talks to you and has some office politics doesn't mean he likes you. If this were true than all my co-workers would like me.

Sarah

Honestly, I do not know there may be a connection. People spend more time at work then at home so it is not surprising. At the same time, you knowing that he is married. This type of relationship is off limits. Whether he likes you or not does not give you the green light to go after him. You might be in a bad relationship but that does not mean you jump into another relationship especially considering this person is married.

So as to the first answer. Back off are two important action words you need to do.

Joe

Sarah,

Some marriages are not going well and I believe that a man or a woman looks in a different place when this happens. Maybe that's the case with him. I do talk to many other men and make jokes, but with this guy it seems to be different. His chat with me is longer and he stops by my cubicle and talk to me or with the guy next to me. He also asked me some personal question, about my parents, who live overseas.
Thanks

I would also like to add:

Okay lookie here. Truth is; it might be fun. It might be exciting. That rush you get when it's a secret- nothing will compare to.

However affairs have this thing, that well let's say, it'll backfire.

He's not going to love you, he loves his wife. He has children with her. Then your going to fall in love and he's not going to leave her. What if he does, you say? Okay then you got divorce, and that's a lot of money and a lot of stress- are you going to stick by that? Let's say you do. His true colors will begin to show during this hard time- and you won't like it. Okay what if you pass through this stage. Now you got his kids to deal with, oh yea and they will know that you're the woman who broke mom and dad apart- now that would be a BIG obstacle in your relationship.

So save your time, money, and energy.

And I quote "If he'll lie for you, he'll lie to you. If he'll cheat for you, he'll cheat on you"

Is this a future relationship? Could be.

What I know for sure is, this is a future disaster.

Sarah

Sarah,

First, he doesn't have kids.
Second, I know some couples who started a new relationship before they ended the previous one and they are happily married as today. I would not get involved with a married man if his marriage is fine, but I have the feeling that something is not going well with his marriage. Well, someone told me.

How many coworkers you working with? He's only nice to you in the office, or he is just nice to everyone? Talking to a person softly doesn't mean that he has "special" feeling for you...

He's married, I think you shouldn't put yourself in this kind of situation... there're many single man out there that care about you, talk to you softly, and have a better future "relationship" with you

First whether he has kids or not, does not matter. He is married is the point.

Second, Whether you know couples or not that do that. Does not mean that it is right or okay to do. If his marriage is not so well it is not up to you to make it worse.

Joe

Sarah,

First, he doesn't have kids.
Second, I know some couples who started a new relationship before they ended the previous one and they are happily married as today. I would not get involved with a married man if his marriage is fine, but I have the feeling that something is not going well with his marriage. Well, someone told me.

Okay then scratch the kids out of my comment. You still have the rest to worry about. PLUS you don't know for a fact what IS going on in his marriage- let alone should you. I don't go around telling my business at work and I don't know many men that do do that. So stay out of his b-i business. He's not your man, he's someone else's.

Have some respect for other people's relationships- wouldn't you want that if you had your own relationship [troubled or not]. Or at least have some respect for yourself!

I can tell you this much when it comes to cheaters making a relationship out of an affair: it looks happy on the outside, but inside it's twisted. There is always one partner that is doubting the other. It could even be the man who cheated on his ex wife! No joke! My uncle cheated on his wife with my "new" aunt and he has said that he doesn't trust her because SHE knew he was married prior and CONDONED his behavior.

So please spare us the baloney and be realistic.

Sarah

How many coworkers you working with? He's only nice to you in the office, or he is just nice to everyone? Talking to a person softly doesn't mean that he has "special" feeling for you....
I did notice that his behaviour towards other female coworkers is different. He doesn't joke with them, he doesn't visit with them or have "soft talks ". Usually he talk about work with the other staff.

Do you really think you can have a future with a married co-worker? Please! Start living in reality and get a grip.

You can't find a single guy in your area.

Okay then scratch the kids out of my comment. You still have the rest to worry about. PLUS you don't know for a fact what IS going on in his marriage- let alone should you. I don't go around telling my business at work and I don't know many men that do do that. So stay out of his b-i business. He's not your man, he's someone elses.

Have some respect for other people's relationships- wouldn't you want that if you had your own relationship [troubled or not]. Or at least have some respect for yourself!

Sarah
I do agree with you when you said that it's sure his marriage is bad, but you only blame on me. If he flirts with me or wants more, then don't you think he is to be blamed to?
I'm not doing anything to approach him, he appears to be.
I never understood why women and maybe men always blame on the woman when they cheat with other women's husbands.

Do you really think you can have a future with a married co-worker? Please! Start living in reality and get a grip.

You can't find a single guy in your area.
AS I said he might not be married in the future with this woman.
Yes, I can find a single man , if I look, but you know how it is. He happaned to be there, around me and got to know him better over the years.

So then wait a while till his marriage is over, he done the divorce, he's had his time to repair himself .

If your willing to wait a long time to go right ahead. But cheating would not be a positive thing for the future.

Have fun waiting.

By the way, I think it's both the woman AND the male's fault when it comes to cheating. [B]The partner seeks and the cheatee complies, they are both, in my book, at fault!

Sarah

I want to toss in my red flag here too, this is not a good situation all the way around.

You are thinking a married man is interested in you for really questionable actions; minor things that had you been happily married yourself, you wouldn't have given a second thought to probably.

You are unhappy in your relationship, and are 'thinking' about ending it. Thinking about ending it, and doing it are two different things, and shouldn't be considered along with jumping right into a new relationship, particularly with a married man.

When and if you leave your current mate, you need time to reflect, and learn how to live your life under your own steam again. To jump from the frying pan into the fire will not put you in a position where you are in control of your life.

He is married, and that alone as the others have said, should be enough for you to realize that regardless of how he communicates with you, he is off limits. Should he initiate something more, I hope you have the courage to say no.

To try to solve your relationship issues with your current mate now, should be your first priority in my opinion. Failing that, when you are single again, pursue men who are not married. That's just asking for trouble.

I think you will to know , I had a similar situation ,but I'm a man and I had an affair with a married women the worked with me,she had problems with her husband,everything was great ,a lots of excitement until I develop feelings for her then drama starts ,I didn't trust her I was always jealous of any men the she talks in a friendly way,in the end she chose her husband , I had to go to work and see her everyday,not easy to get over,
And then I finally get over after like 6-8 months(it did feel like years),we start not getting
Alone she make my life miserable for the next 2 years, when she quit I finally feel free.
I know every situation is different but you should think in the pros and cons before moving forward.

Good luck

I would not get involved with a married man if his marriage is fine, but I have the feeling that something is not going well with his marriage. Well, someone told me.

Just because a marriage is damaged it does not mean its okay to damage it further. To peruse a relationship with man will only serve to degrade yourself and cause yourself more hardship in the long run. It is very unlikely that such an affair will end well and you will have yourself labeled a "home wrecker." You really don't want to be that woman.

I think you will to know , I had a similar situation ,but I'm a man and I had an affair with a married women the worked with me,she had problems with her husband,everything was great ,a lots of excitement until I develop feelings for her then drama starts ,I didn't trust her I was always jealous of any men the she talks in a friendly way,in the end she chose her husband , i had to go to work and see her everyday,not easy to get over,
and then I finally get over after like 6-8 months(it did feel like years),we start not getting
alone she make my life miserable for the next 2 years, when she quit I finally feel free.
I know every situation is different but you should think in the pros and cons before moving forward.

Good luck

It's very true what you are saying, but I also know that there are many people who have a double life and they are Ok even happy that way. Of course these type of relationships can turn the other way, one of them might change their mind while the other one fell in love and yes it's terrible. But the true is that one never knows how is going to be.

Just becuase a marriage is damaged it does not mean its okay to damage it further. To peruse a relationship with man will only serve to degrade yourself and cause yourself more hardship in the long run. It is very unlikely that such an affair will end well and you will have yourself labeled a "home wrecker." You really don't want to be that woman.


This is not necessary true in my opinion. I know this from my own experinces. I've been in this relationship for about 5 years now and been trying to make things go better with any pozitive resault. So I'm now tired of trying and ready to give up.This doesn't have anything to do with my coworker. I don't see my boyfriend changing himself soon and I know it's hard. We are 2 different people who every time when we try to do something, nothing good comes out from it. We argue every day, many times about the same things. I see many "bad" things in him and less good things.

You are messing with bad KARMA

You are messing with bad KARMA

Nah

This is not necessary true in my opinion. I know this from my own experinces. I've been in this relationship for about 5 years now and been trying to make things go better with any pozitive resault. So I'm now tired of trying and ready to give up.This doesn't have anything to do with my coworker. I don't see my boyfriend changing himself soon and I know it's hard. We are 2 different people who every time when we try to do something, nothing good comes out from it. We argue every day, many times about the same things. I see many "bad" things in him and less good things.

While these may be your circumstances this may not be the case for your co-worker. He may be able to salvage his relationship with support, not temptation to waver. If you are truly unhappy in your own circumstances and you feel you are past the point or repair then perhaps you should end the relationship and let both of you move on with your lives.

Listen, you need to read all the other threads from woman in your situation.

If he is having problems in his marriage, like the rumor you heard, don't you think your just be adding to it? And if anything just would be his ecape goat?

Are you really telling me that you want to sit around and wait for him? If so, this is really sad.

Of course he is wrong but so are you and he isn't on here asking this question but you are. People are just trying to talk some common sense into you, which is something you should have.

You knowing is thinking about getting involve with married man. So what if he flirts with you. He wouldn't continue to flirt with you if he know you didn't want his attention. It takes 2 to flirt and all your doing is giving an opening which is something you shouldn't have did.

Two wrongs don't make it right and if your really considering a future with this then that tells me a lot about you and don't even know you.

What's make you think that if he can do this to his wife he won't do it to you? Wake up! What is wrong with some women today?

First and foremost, HE IS MARRIED!! Do not be a homewrecker. You only like him because of the attention he's giving you and that makes you feel special. Think about his wife and maybe children. Put yourself in the wife's shoes and the children. Do you really think that worth it?

Many red flags are waving here, and the first one is your seeing things through the eyes of someone frustrated with there own partner, and THINK, because you have heard RUMORS of his marriage, and gives you some very ordinary attention, he may have feelings for you. That's wishful thinking at best, with hardly any facts behind it.

True its natural to have feelings, and be attracted to others, especially seeing them every day, but even that is based on feelings, as you still only know him from work, and not how he is the rest of the time.

Tell you what, end the relationship your in, and be single, and then see what options, and opportunities, there are that can be healthy, and rewarding, before just jumping into something that's a figment of your imagination at this point.

From what you have written, his interest is nothing more than as a co worker, in a friendly way, that your blowing up into some hope of future happiness. Or he is using your feelings against you, to see if you are side sex material, and if you will accept his being married, and allow him to cheat on his wife.

Both cases should be a caution to your actions, and thinking, to be aware of the facts, and not just the feelings. Then you won't have to regret, being made a fool of, by not seeing what's really going on.

That's something you owe to yourself, so take care of home first, before you mess up at work.

I'd stick to this advice that everyone is giving you. It's a bad move. She's married and if you did care at all for him, you would let him go and have a future with his own wife. He married her and as all people have temptations of some sorts, you're not being a very good friend if you're making it harder for them to resist the temptation. Yes, it is a rush. And you will truly regret it if you get into this mess. Trust me.

If he IS interested in you, why would you do this to another woman?

Aen't there any single, eligible men in your town?