Hello,

I am looking for some advice and it seems many of you have had experienced abuse of some kind in the past. I have been physically, emotionally and sexually abused for many years and now as a more mature adult (30) I am finding that many of these experiences have made me really look at my "defects" and where they stem from. I am very insecure, have trust issues, low self esteem and I have a lot of sexual problems such as basing love on sex... I am going to counseling and working on me and growing as a person. However, I am in a relationship which is great except these "defects" of course carry over. I have talked with my boyfriend and he is very supportive. My problem is with sex. He does not have a high sex drive, which is opposite of me, however, this is one area in our relationship that causes problems. If he doesn't feel like it, rather than just accepting that I get very emotional and think I am not good enough - it's hard to be rejected sexually. Anyway, this week him and I had a talk about sex and he expressed to me that he loves to have it with me, it's just that I use sex as a way to feel loved or raise my self-esteem. He also said that he doesn't want our relationship based on that (been together over a year) and that he wants me to understand what love is outside of sex. He also said that a lot of the times I pressure him into having sex and that it's hard for him to want to when he feels pressured. As a result he wants to take a "sex break" so I can realize this and I think so he can feel less pressured.

I agree with him, and to be honest I think this is really open minded and therapeutic. However, the this break is killing me. Not only on my whole level of rejection, which I'm dealing with better and this is helping, but because well I just want sex! I can't ask him and I don't want to bring it up as this has just happened this week. I haven't had sex for this week and I don't know how long this break of his is going to last. Can someone just help me think clearly or feel better about this? I know it's a good thing but it's really hard on an emotional level.

The sex break is needed however you can have intimacy without actually having sex. Cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc are some other ways of showing affection.

You have a good man that wants to be by your side and loves you for you. This kind of man is hard to find and I am glad you have him.

Continue on with your path on healing the wounds from your past and sorry you went through what you did. Stay strong and embrace the sex break because in the end this will only strengthen your already strong relationship.

Best of luck and you can always come on here to vent sexual frustrations out.

Well The boyfriend and I do not have the best relationship. I actually moved out today and we broke up. I am very scared. I moved from Michigan to Georgia to be with this guy, got divorced and now I don't know what to do. I look at this as a good thing because I need to grow and learn who I am and heal a lot of wounds. He brought me down more than up - however I am feeling terrible right now - I have really nothing here, have to find a better job, no car. He blames it all on me and said I've done nothing in this relationship - he's always blamed me for everything but this just hurts. I feel like a failure in relationshis, but I have to learn to fulfull myself without a man in my life. I have to learn who I am. I have to for once just be alone.