My story is slightly long, but I will try and keep it short.


I fell in love with my ideal girl my senior year in high school our love was exciting, passionate, and rooted in a deep and trusting friendship. When college rolled around
I went to a school one state away, we stayed in touch and visited each other as often as
Possible. Eventually I noticed changes in her behavior and when I would ask what was
Wrong she would tell me everything was fine.

It wasn't

Eventually she broke up with me twice, both times in very hurtful ways and both times for the same reason. We are both young, and it is incredibly lonely for her being in a long distance relationship at this age. She never told me that this had anything to do with me or how I treated her, she says she still loves me but the distance is too hard. I was crushed.

My problem is that I am still very much in love with her. I never acted anything but classy and respectful (not calling her all the time, acting crazy, anything like that) I just let her go and respected her wishes. But my love for her still grows, like a cancer, and nothing I do, no one I am with, makes it easier on me. I realize that we are both young, but I am torn because I want so much to have her back with me, at the same time I don't know if I could ever be with her after all that's happened.

I just have no idea what to do, everyone says I just need time but time is just making is worse. I feel like I am slowly bleeding out all the while pretending like I am doing just fine. In my heart, in my soul, I know she is the right one for me.

I can never love another like I loved her. As the months pass into years I grow stronger through my pain, but not happier.

I guess I don't know what help I expect. There is so much I left out, so much that I want to say, so much that has no point to explain. Time is nothing but cruel to me, teasing me with false hope as she still, even now, haunts my dreams.

You will love another. Even stronger then this one. You at this time do not think it is possible but believe me it will happen.

As far as long distance relationships. It is hard and not easy and eventually one partner feels it is better to end it, because you need to look at the pain the other person is feeling. Being apart is heart breaking.

Time heals only if you grow and learn and become a better you because of this experience. Instead of learning from it your creating your own personal hell which is your own problem and no one else's. You need to change the way you think. You need to look at things at different ways. Better ways.

You need to let go of the past. Realize it was a good experience for you at the time but know that you can never be a couple it is better now then later. Imagine how much harder it would be if down the road?

She does not haunt your dreams but your dreams are haunted by your own thoughts and your own EGO THAT CAN NOT LET GO, WHICH YOU NEED TO.

Well you both handled that with maturity:p and wisdom:rolleyes:, now you just have to handle the aftermath, with more maturity, more wisdom, and a lot of time.:eek:

Sorry for your loss, eventually you'll get over it.

Interesting.

I don't know how I am creating my own personal hell, I have done everything I can think of to let go. This would include zero contact, new social groups, going out with different people, making positive life changes (exercise, renewed efforts in school and work) and knowing that I can never go back.

I also don't know how my ego is factoring into this, I know that she is my ideal relationship, I am not someone who becomes close to many people, but you must trust me that the distance was our only problem. But as far as ego plays into it there are of course things I would have done differently, but I in no way feel that I cannot function or live without her, I just don't feel like I will ever love another as deeply as her, personally.

I cannot control unrequited love and I truly wish I could. And at this point I don't know what else to do, because when five months have passed, and I feel literally no different in my heart...


I just don't know, I guess your right

I want to move on but if I do then my love is meaningless. However I feel if I completely let go then no matter how much I love someone, care for someone it will ultimately mean nothing. If I can condemn such a sincere and deep love then love is empty. And if love is empty, then everything, all human interaction is empty as well.

And so what is worse, living with heartbreak or living with the knowledge that love is a cruel joke.

Just because the love might not be there now, does not mean it was never there.

Love changes, relationship changes.

You will find love that is more amazing that what you have ever experienced before, but what you need to realize is that your looking at this all the wrong way.

Love life and every moment it brings. For each moment is unique and important. You have loved, some people do not ever experience this. Just because it is not there now, does not mean it never was. Appreciate everything you have experienced and except whatever comes.

Live each day as it is your first day. All with new life, and new love. Yesterday is gone, Tomorrow is not here yet. Think about today and live in the moment of today.

Joe

Thanks joe.

I know your right.
Its just not cutting it for me.