Since I've been with my boyfriend, I've always had a problem with jealousy. But with past boyfriends it was never an issue. Anyway, I try my hardest to control it and have been doing good until recently. He is going to a bachelor party this Saturday and will be going to a strip club. I just can't relax about this at all. I just keep getting the image in my head of him with a bunch of naked women and it makes my stomach turn. I don't know how to deal with this. He's never cheated on me and has never gone to a strip club the whole time we've been together (he went a few times when he was younger with his friends) but I just don't know how to make myself feel all right with this. I keep trying to tell myself that nothings going to happen, that all the attention will be on the groom. But I just can't stand the thought of him looking at them. Please help!

Don't even worry about it. You answered your own question by saying that he never goes to strip clubs. This is the guys night out, and being involved in several bachelor parties, everyone is their to have a good time at the future grooms expense. Its tradition.

Yes, he will come home very drunk at sunrise. Let them go out and celebrate with his friends last few days of freedom.

Believe me, strippers are their for one thing only: cash. They are not their to troll the crowds stealing boyfriends.

Let him have a good time and don't trip out on him. Bachelor parties are very sacred to most males, and you just would not understand being a female.

It's a bacholer party... quite understandable that a bunch of lads would go to a strip.
If this was a every wkend thing then yes I would worry but 1 bacholer party its no problem, and in any case as there will be naked women dancing I assume the dances will pick on the bacholer himself mostly ;)

Why don't you go out with your girlie friends that night instead of sitting at home worrying and waiting?

It's a bachelor party. It's sort of a right of passage. If he were spending his entire check in the strip club every time he got it then he'd have problems. If you went to a bachelorette party with a male stripper it would be the same kind of thing. It's just a night out.

Precisely Chuff, I agree, if it were a hen night full of crazy drucken women there would surely be a male stripper, its part of the whole evenings event.

You deal with this by realizing the problem is YOURS, not his. He is going to this party because he wants to celebrate with a friend who is getting married. Did he organize the party? Was a strip club his choice? If not, then the location of the party is immaterial. Look at it that he is not going to a strip club, but going to celebrate with his friend. His going is absolutely no reflection on your relationship or danger to it, unless YOU make it one.

ealm141, tell me - what do you seriously think is going to happen on that night in the strip club?

I will agree, I guess as a pastor I should condemn the evils for strip clubs and the den of satan that they are, but I will do that in another post.

It is obvoius that he does not go to these places on any regular basis and this is a party for a friend that was arranged.

Also believe me in general there is a reason they keep the places sort of dark, if you actually saw most of those girls with the lights on, you would run. ( not all of course for those ladies on here that do that). There are various levels of clubs and the girls who dance there.

And you may be surprised that some dancers are actually college students who do just that dance, and pay their way though college.

So while no this is not a place to hold a church social, in the end, if your boyfriend was going to unfaithful he is no matter if he is at a church social or not.

So let him go, he will of course make up lies with his friends on how great it was and they will believe they had a lot more fun than they really did.

I understand your frustrations, I don't approve of strip clubs either. But as all other have said, he did not plan the party he is merely going to help celebrate with his friends. A word of advice, go out with your friends to keep your mind off him, and also, don't ask a lot of detailed questions the next day, it will only make your jealousy worse. I would just ask how the party went and if they all had fun and leave it at that.

Good Luck! Don't let the green bug make you a lesser person.

As all others have said, he's there for the buddy.

He's coming home to you, like he always does.

Men see women everyday they find attractive. Its just the way it is. You need to let it go. You want to tell him you don't approve of his going there, but you want him to be with his friend, fine. Don't lay out a big guilt trip.

The fact he doesn't frequent them is proof that he's not that kind of guy... and I agree, the only thing he's likely to come out of there with is an emptier wallet.

Do not drive yourself mad. He's with you.

Thanks for all your comments... I know I'm overreacting. It helps so much just to hear that nothing will happen. But Im curious too about what goes on in a strip club. I know the guys can't touch the girls but can the girls rub all over them? I think that's a big part of why I'm so scared because I have no idea what even happens there as far as lap dances or anything like that...

From what I have heard, the guys cannot touch them. But I have also heard that they can do lap dances. It also depends on the state you live in.

Just don't think about it, go out with your friends.

It does depends on where you are and the club. But even if that does happen, so what? Its unlikely, that he will have actual sex with any girl. And he is highly unlikely to change to how he feels about you because some girl is paid to rub against him.

Trust me, not much happens. They are actually pretty lame and boring and from my experience most males walk out saying how boring they found it. Just my experience though. I have been and been completely bored. Lukcy you can drink in there or it would be a complete waste of time. I suppose it depends on where you go too.
I wouldn't worry. He is there for his mates and will be coming home to you.

First of all, why is jealousy such an issue with this boyfriend but not with others? That's a very mixed message. Secondly, have you talked with him about how you feel regarding the situation? It's certainly your prerogative to be uncomfortable with him going to a strip club but it's just as much his prerogative to go regardless. A lot would depend on just how serious the two of you are with each other. Unless you two are to the point of contemplating marriage I don't think it's reasonable for you to object to his going even though you may personally disagree with the idea.

We are very serious. We live together and have been together for 3 years. I have talked to him about this a lot... almost too much to the point he's sick of me and isn't willing to reassure me about it at all. But I just feel like I need to hear it over and over but I feel like I have to beg for him to tell me.

Oh, I agree with Father about how the guys always exaggerate how much fun they had.

Just because you go to the strip club, does not mean anything will happen.

At the same time I agree with father. That some of these women who look good afar, are probably very scuzzy looking up close.

Having a bachelor party is a ritual. You do not have anything to worry about.

Joe

Sheesh I used to waitress at a club like this. It is basically a guy gathering and little attention is paid to the dancers actually. Only the real freaks got into "watching" them.

This is a place where guys can be guys with no influence from girlfriends. The "dancers" are there for mere distraction.

Let him have his fun because you know who he is going to come home to. Right? He will come home to you.

This is just a place where guys can have fun without girlfriends/wives interrupting.

Oh, Yeah, and I also saw many men take their wives to these places also. So, as the others said, this is a rite of passage, but in the end he will come home to you.

Also, I have to add that the bachelor will be getting more attention than your boyfriend.

We are very serious. We live together and have been together for 3 years. I have talked to him about this alot...almost too much to the point hes sick of me and isnt willing to reassure me about it at all. but i just feel like i need to hear it over and over but i feel like i have to beg for him to tell me.

There are some trust and/or self esteem issues here that really have nothing to do with the strip club. That's just an event that's letting this problem be of discussion.

You're likely going to need to find a way to balance this out if you want to keep a healthy relationship. Begging him to reassure you only lets him know 1) you don't believe him or/and 2) you are insecure

You're not a bad person because of this. Its normal to have some insecurities, and we all have our own little struggles to deal with. But if he is showing signs of becoming frustrated then you need to find a way to change your perspective. I know one guy who was happily married for a long time to a person who acted this way (jealous and insecure)... id have to say he was a one in a million guy. It would just wear me down to have to reassure over and over, especially when id been in a relationship that was serious and 3 years in the making.

So... try to find a way to deal with your insecurities that does not mean projecting them onto him. I PROMISE you, most guys are more attracted to a woman who is confident and assured (as most women are likely attracted to men that way)...

Find a friend, talk to a counselor, do whatever it takes for you to get a little more footing under you. Your relationship will be even better without the added noise and anxiety.

We are very serious. We live together and have been together for 3 years. I have talked to him about this alot...almost too much to the point hes sick of me and isnt willing to reassure me about it at all. but i just feel like i need to hear it over and over but i feel like i have to beg for him to tell me.

Please on that night, go out for a girls night out.
Don't stay at home moping around. Go out and have fun.. have a laugh with the girls, have a drink or 2 ;) so then the next morning you can swope funny stories with your boyfriend about last nights events.

Don't worry so much. I must amdit if my hubby went to a strip club for a bacholer party I wouldn't be jumping with joy.. its true! But if you trust him, what's the problem... He will be only looking and no touching..

Then the next night.. you give him his own private lap dance ;) that will make him completely forget lol

I don't have any facts to back this up but I believe most strippers are either bi or lesbian anyway. They see your boyfriend as an open wallet.

You need to work on your jealousy issues, Have you sought counselling? You really should if a little thing like a bachelor party upsets you.

Upon coming to the realization that the two of you live together and have for 3 years, I agree with kp (couldn't spread the love) ; the whole strip club thing is just a red herring. There are some more fundamental issues here. Frankly, I think 3 years is way too long to be shacked up together and not have tied the knot ; that's red flag #1. You're going to have to sort out a lot of things here if you want this relationship to be successful. Communication is key and there needs to be lots of it.

Okay this actually just recently happened to me...
My boyfriend and his best-friend turned 18 within the same week and decided to go to a strip club.. I was completely okay with this... for some odd reason. But when it happened I got extremely jealous because just like you said I pictured him with naked women all around him... and it made me feel sick. I was upset about it for a while but then... I thought about it and I know he wouldn't "do" anything with one of these strippers and guys are visual people... they will always enjoy looking at other women.. no matter what you do. It's not because they don't find you attractive or they find them more attractive... it's just how they are. The only thing I can tell you is to just relax about it... and know that a stripper is just another "pretty girl"...
And... they aren't always that attractive

I've read the posts above and I understand what they are saying but I agree with you. I don't think there's anything right about going to a strip club especially when you are committed in a relationship. I was in my best friends wedding party years ago and they all voted to go to the strip club and I said I wouldn't go... and I never did. I did get bumped down the line but I guess that was the price I had to pay. I honestly don't think there is anything right about being committed to someone and going to a strip club. I don't care if its for a bachelor party. Respecting the one you are with is more important. I'll never understand a bachelor party at the strip clubs... so it's the last time they will see naked ladies before they get hitched... hmmm... maybe they shouldn't get hitched then.

Ok sweetie, it depends. Either go with him or drop him. My goodness.... lighten up... if you can not go with him and have a great time, then you guys are doomed. So either be is partner and have fun; or try to be a control freek mother type and then after 3 to 4 years when you have not saved him and/or made him reach his potental he will leave your for a girl who will be his partner and have fun with him and not try to control his life..

Oh OK the same thing happened to me! Oh god the stress. He went after lying to me about it, hmm no trust now, are still together. But I went out that night to and got v drunk in london which was near to where he was, luckly for me after enjoying himself for an hour lol he came to the club to see me partly because he was worried! Lol worried I wld cheat he's just as bad as me, he said it was really anti social all his mates an himself were ed hopefully that lacks his memory of it and he never saw the groom. He saw me because he said it was really seedy and pervy men everywhere the dancers looked OK but way too much make up. He saw my point of view but had to go for a stag, why do men want to see naked women and have a women touch him before he gets married, last night of freedom right? Well why don't you just have sex with someone to celebrate. It's a waste of money and yer why have a burger when you have meat at home, to be honest doesn't seem like a big deal to men does to us as well lets put it this way would they be OK if we stripped for a man? Hmm x

Please marry me :) you're perfect.

I've been in the same position as you before, my partner has been to strip clubs in the past with his brother and his brother got married in augest and I made him tell me if they were planning on going to a strip club or not and he said as far as he know's, no. I knew what his brother was like and I couldn't believe it, I had to look on my partners phone to find a message "the girls are on at 8.30" I knew exactly what it meant and I confronted it with him and I told him I don't like the thought of you going to somewere like that and while your with me please respect that, he wouldn't like it if we went to male striper place rubbing oil all over them! I think personally maybe on this occasion let him go but if he then started going on the regular I wouldn't be happy at all! It makes us girls fill so unatrractive.