I am 27, smart, funny, and am beginning to better appreciate my looks. I run a lot, do the makeup/hair thing on the weekends and have scores of friends. People are naturally attracted to me on a friendship level because I really love connecting with people and am very much an extrovert. But, I have incredibly low self-esteem. My friends tell me that I push guys away as a defense mechanism, but honestly, I don't think any guy has ever tried to get close enough to me for me to get the chance to push him away. Although a lot of my friends are paired off/married, I am not desperate to land a man or get married just because of my age. I just want to know what it feels like to have a boyfriend--just once! I just want to know what it feels like to have a guy like me, be interested in me, etc.

Do you think there is someone out there for everyone? I guess maybe I sound good on paper but I am lacking in other stuff necessary to be attractive to the other sex. Do you think my chances have passed or do I still have a shot at something special? How come no one wants anything to do with me?

Some people need to have somebody in their life and others do not. Some find there true love at an early age. Some find love later on in life. There is not a rush. Even though you may have pressure from family and friends. There is no need. Also it seems when your seeking, looking it seems like it never comes. When you just let it go and go with the flow and just live your life and find things that interest YOU and YOU Do them out of the blue when you least expect it BAM, you have an interesting connection with somebody which may turn out to be the most important experience in your life.

Self esteem, what do you mean you have low self esteem? What makes you think that? What kinds of things bother you? This could have an effect but you yourself said you have great connections with others.

Your chanches are never NEVER ever Passed. I hope you understand that very most important part of my post. You will one day experience something special, but if you rush, if you seek. It will take longer to actually experience that special experience.

Joe

Why settle for something you would never dare to have? I mean to say, relationships a mess and if you haven't had that in the past then it will be very challenging for you this time. Just try to have fun and see where it leads you to. Don't worry about a boyfriend. It will come anyway. I think what you need is a good time experience either sexually or just emotionally. Just be prepared you can control all the forces coming to you.

Your friends may actually have a good handle on the situation. I think it is altogether possible that you do push guys away due to some kind of fear of getting close and making yourself vulnerable. You seem to want that connection but at the same time are obviously doing something to sabotage yourself. Have you ever been asked out on dates? How do you respond when you are? I think you need to take a close look at yourself and how you act around men. At age 27 you certainly still have a chance but first you have to identify whatever self-destructive behaviors have kept you from experiencing what you want.

Age doesn't matter.
Its just a number, its how you feel inside, and people sense that.

I believe that when you search for a boyfriend or girlfriend that person will never show up, but when you stop looking you will be surprised :)

I suspect the guys that have presented themselves to you aren't what you want so don't worry just keep being true to yourself and let the right one come along. Nothing wrong with dating though until then, with no strings attached and no pressure, just fun. No hurry for a b/f , he'll show up.

It's amazing how we perceive ourselves in our own minds. Who hasn't seen those shows on TV where someone acts outrageously but doesn't really believe it until they pull out the tape and show them? We all tend to put ourselves in our own best light. It may be your body language, the tone of your voice, your approach to sarcasm - or perhaps that you own a thousand cats - something is getting in the way of a close personal with a man. Since a videocamera is a little too obvious and you'd be on your best behavior, ask a trusted friend to watch you interact and make a few mental notes on the vibe they are getting. Also, nothing is more annoying than a woman who is constantly bemoaning the fact she has no boyfriend - that in itself could send them running. Guys begin to wonder, "Hmmm, no boyfriend, what's up with that?" Loosen up, agree with everything he says, brush & floss - you'll get a man... You can revert back to your old ways after the wedding...

Wedding? She hasn't even passed the security stage yet you are talking about wedding? You see she never had boyfriend. Wedding would never be the best resolution here. And for god sake you're groom will just ditch you on the altar. Witrav, your situation is less likely common in the society but the ratio is 1 out of 10 women who suffers the same dilemma. I wouldn't think of it as a problem but a challenge which should have been dealt with before adulthood. You also mentioned that you have other convincing skills that can make people like you. If you are an extrovert then you shouldn't be suffering low self esteem but I'm not sure how is that coming together. If you're talking about confidence of getting laid or someone especial for you then you'll never get through it. Think of it the other way around and remove some stress that affects your goal. Build your confidence by making a man get you instead of you getting them. This might cost you some wire pulling but try to get some feedbacks from your other girlfriends or guy friends how to enhance yourself. And one more thing, observe other couples around you. Try asking yourself why is the guy so into her? What does she have that he likes from her so much? Maybe outward appearance or it could be something intellectual? Men are always intrigued with something they've never explored. So you just have to show them what you have or maybe even talk less and let nature take its course.

Witrav,

Honestly, I'm sure you have no reason what so ever to have low self esteem. It sounds though like you do push away guys because of this but even so I bet you think "well even so why hasnt a guy tried harder to get to know me?"
I think when you really want it as it sounds like you aren't completely open to the idea it will happen. There is no expiry date or deadline to love or finding the right person. I think you have to open yourself up more for the possibility of at least having fun/dates with a few guys which will in time make it a little easier for you to open yourslef up to someone you really care about.

I am a bit the same as guys always loves being my friend and I think the thought of anything else just doesn't enter their minds. And I have just the same as everyone else.. I'm not hideously ugly! Sometimes when you're everybodys friend and your good to tlak to .Everyone associates that with you first and nothing else. If you spot someone you like don't try so much to be all buddy buddy with them!

Sorry not much of a quick response, but I know exactly how you feel I hope I helped little!

You'll be fine! I promise!

So... um your 27 and never had a boyfriend? Can I have your number?

Couldn't spread it Chuff... hehe :D
But I like your post... I smell romance in the air ;)

Couldnt spread it Chuff... hehe :D
But i like your post... I smell romance in the air ;)

Why... Thank you. What she sees as a negative I can only see as a positive. A woman with no baggage, and no games to play. Witrav, I think I may love you. But lets take it slow.

Why....Thank you. What she sees as a negative I can only see as a positive. A woman with no baggage, and no games to play. Witrav, I think I may love you. But lets take it slow.

That is so so sweet :)

Some times you females are so picky, so let me just ask our OP if there are some guys or guy she finds attractive and would like to explore dating with or is the feelings you have just of the physical nature?

that is so so sweet :)

Yeah, believe it or not some of sweet guys do exist. I'm also employeed so I have that going for me as well.

Of course there are great sweet guys about, I am married to one for starters :)

You get all sorts in both sexes!

I think I've chased Witrav away. She hasn't posted since the original post.

I'm 17 and I've never had a BF. :(
I don't really know why.. I guess its because my parents raised me a certain way.. to stay away from sex/bfs/watever..
I mean 17 for goodness sake! I am going to get a boyfriend.. right after this damn exam is over..
All I can say is... I hope I don't face your situation in 10yrs time...

Gal stop feeling so low! I'm sure there's sum1 out there for you! There's alotta fish in the sea but only a golden one for you and me...

So try to be more sociable.. just smile @ guys but don't be too desperate.. I think you should find some male friends first and then who knows...
It could develop and vuala hello new bf

So... um your 17 and never had a boyfriend? Can I have your number?


... Oh wait SEVENTEEN!! Scratch that.

Witrav, where are you? I miss you.

It's amazing how we perceive ourselves in our own minds. Who hasn't seen those shows on TV where someone acts outrageously but doesn't really believe it until they pull out the tape and show them? We all tend to put ourselves in our own best light. It may be your body language, the tone of your voice, your approach to sarcasm - or perhaps that you own a thousand cats - something is getting in the way of a close personal with a man. Since a videocamera is a little too obvious and you'd be on your best behavior, ask a trusted friend to watch you interact and make a few mental notes on the vibe they are getting....

I read the above thinking "Wow - Right on". It's very true and a great observation. But then I read:


Also, nothing is more annoying than a woman who is constantly bemoaning the fact she has no boyfriend - that in itself could send them running. Guys begin to wonder, "Hmmm, no boyfriend, what's up with that?" Loosen up, agree with everything he says, brush & floss - you'll get a man..... You can revert back to your old ways after the wedding....

And this is bad - You don't put up a false front and act like a "different person" just to land a husband, and you definitely do not just "let yourself go" once you've married your partner. Both of these will lead you to the same place: Either an unhappy, long-term marriage that neither partner has the guts to fix or end, or a quick divorce after one partner realized the fraud of the other.

Lovely!

Phillysteakandcheese - God, can't someone be sarcasticly witty without being taken seriously on this forum? Indeed, the last section of my response was "tongue-in-cheek" - and I thought obviously so... No, I don't recommend being who you are not as it will wear thin in a very short while. But I do stick by the premise that a woman constantly complaining about not "having a man" - is difficult to befriend... There is always a tension there that will drive away even the closest friends - male or female...

Phillysteakandcheese - God, can't someone be sarcasticly witty without being taken seriously on this forum?....
Absolutely - However the "serious" advice is presented the same as the "sarcasticaly witty" advice with no indication otherwise.

If you had sepereated the last line and added a smiley I could interpret the line as you making a joke... As it reads, it's bad advice.

:)

Don't feel so bad. I'm 30 and never had a boyfriend :( and never been kissed :( . I was always a Tom Boy in school. Now that I am out of school and no longer play sports, the Tom Boy has gone away. Now I have low self esteem and I am afraid to talk to men.

I want to have kids and start my own family, but if I don't learn how to talk to men, then that dream is never going to come true (not unless I am the next Virgin Mary). I do talk to men on match doctors, eharmoney, or match.com, but I always get scared when they want to meet me and I tell them I'm not interested. We need to start a support club on how to build self confidence when talking to men.

So... um... your 30 and never had a boyfriend? Can I have your number?

So...um... your 30 and never had a boyfriend? Can I have your number?

LOL here he goes again :p ;)

LOL here he goes again :p ;)

I'm going to have Witrav and misslonewolf fighting over me!!

I'm going to have Witrav and misslonewolf fightin over me!!!

You sure are, you bad bad boy ;)

Chuff, I think your having way too much fun lately, and Krs is right. Your getting to be a bad bad boy.

Hey witrav, I'm 26 and pretty much in the same boat as you. I don't consider myself particularly ugly, I'm clever and good in my job, good with people in general and never had a boyfriend. I've been asked for my phone number once when I was 18 (and a tom boy like misslonewolf :)) and once for a date last year. That's it. And both were guys I wasn't into at all (and before you guys go on a roar again: I'm honestly not fuzzed about looks!).

Personally, I feel that thinking and phantasizing about a boyfriend is really nice and hmmmm... but as soon as it comes to imagining someone in particular as my boyfriend I find myself crapping my pants (pardon my french). But I never actually get to worry about this bit, since no one is interested anyway. This makes me think: Do I do something to make people think I wouldn't be interested in them? I don't think that's something your friends' could analyse while observing you, it must be some small long-term attitude that somehow stuck in the head.

To be honest, I can't offer you any solution for your problem. I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this (and misslonewolf will probably agree) and there's a couple of others out there facing the same problem :rolleyes:

Hope this helps :o

You sure are, you bad bad boy ;)



Chuff, I think your having way to much fun lately, and Krs is right. your getting to be a bad bad boy.

Well I agree I am having fun lately, or trying too. You know I try and bring smiles to faces all around the world. And I have been a bad bad boy. I think I need a spanking.

LMAO-Now even I admit it's gone to far.

Hey witrav, I'm 26 and pretty much in the same boat as you. I don't consider myself particularly ugly, I'm clever and good in my job, good with people in general and never had a boyfriend.

So... Umm your 26 and never had a boyfriend? Can I have your number?

Chuff Chuff

You are naughty...
Keeping your options open are you? ;)

Personally, I feel that thinking and phantasizing about a bf is really nice and hmmmm... but as soon as it comes to imagining someone in particular as my boyfriend I find myself crapping my pants (pardon my french). But I never actually get to worry about this bit, since noone is interested anyways. This makes me think: Do I do something to make people think I wouldn't be interested in them? I don't think that's something your friends' could analyse while observing you, it must be some small long-term attitude that somehow stuck in the head.

While even though I joked in the other post this is a real question that I'm going to address. Not knowing exactly how you interact with men I can only suggest that maybe your extending yourself as far as showing your interests in a man. If a man shows an interest in you and you start smoothering him than he's going to back away. I would suggest you think back to your situations in the past and think of a common denominator that may have chased the guy off.


To be honest, I can't offer you any solution for your problem. I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this (and misslonewolf will probably agree) and there's a couple of others out there facing the same problem :rolleyes:

To be honest I'm sure there are more than a couple of people in this situation. The three of you have just had the courage to admit it. Let's be honest, relationships seem great from the outside but when you get in them they can be (not always but can be) horrible and depressing. I guess what I'm saying is I've been single and happy and in a relationship and depressed and I'd pick single and happy over the other. You shouldn't be beating yourself up over this because there are a lot of benefits to being single.

Chuff Chuff

You are naughty...
Keepin ur options open are ya? ;)

Well I'm just spreading some Chuff love around for the ladies.

I am in exactly the same situation as you. I turn 28 this year and I have never had a date or a boyfriend. Plenty of guys have been attracted to me, and I've been attracted to plenty of guys, but never to each other! The men that fancy me I don't fancy, and the guys I fancy don't fancy me. I've never been interested in going out with someone for the sake of it.

Like you, my self-esteem isn't great... it's probably self-sabotaging on a subconscious level only, if you do push guys away. My advice, naff as it sounds, is learn to like and respect yourself first - be your own best friend. If you hear yourself criticising and saying hateful things about yourself just ask whether you would allow someone external to talk to you this way? Of course not! Love yourself first, men can wait.

I turn 28 this year and I have never had a date or a boyfriend.

Hello faith, I'm Chuff. ;)

Glad to have you here. If you ever need anything just let me know. I'd be happy to help.

Ummmm... Let me get this straight, your 28 and never had a boyfriend... Can I have your number?


I've never been interested in going out with someone for the sake of it.

That is such a healthy attitude. Some people get stuck in relationships for years and some people get stuck for an entire lifetime with people they don't love or that person abuses them. But they tell themselves no matter how bad the relationship is being single would be worse. That is false. I'd rather be single and happy then with someone and depressed.

Just curious as to your question you asked about being 27 and never having a boyfriend, and you think it's yourself esteem? Are your parents divorced?

I am turning 31 next month and never had a serious relationship. It really bugs me and I even lost my concentration at work because of this. Last year I got neurotic because I was still a virgin and was about to turn 30. I booked myself a holiday to Latin America and vowed to have my first time sex. I did with a greatlooking guy who had a girlfriend. I was heartbroken afterwards because I liked him a lot. I wanted to sleep with him again before I left the country but he didn't t. It s been nearly a year now since I had my first time sex and haven t had any sex in between. I would at least have hoped that getting my first time out of the way would have opened the doors for new and wonderful men coming into my life and having my first relationship but it didn't. In fact, I met a guy shortly after I returned to my contry and I was the one wanting to have sex immdiately. He refused me, what an ! Anyway, I think not having experience by my age is really a very bad thing and very embarrassing especially as people assume I ve been with men. The only men I ever attracted were idiots, taken men and ugly ones so how could I have been in a relationshi with anyone?? I do feel like I am a one off and all my friends are near to getting married or at least in a long term relationship and I haven t even started. I do feel that you need to be with more than one sexual partner before you gett married but what can I do if I have no one I can have sex with??

I found myself relating to what a lot of people mentioned so it seems we're not alone, yet I know how dreadful it is to not be able to answer why can't I have a relationship.

I'm 29 years old and never had a boyfriend. As I approach the big 30 I find myself thinking maybe I should have sex with any guy I can find because the thought of being a virgin at 30 seems so embarrassing and also seems to shout "there must be something seriously wrong with me".

I have a great social life, am outgoing and confident in meeting people and I have lots of guy friends so I know it's not necessarily a confidence in meeting guys thing. I've also met quite a few attractive guys but it never seems to move into the next stage and I did spend a long time last year in therapy to try to figure out why.

Self esteem definitely plays a part in it - I know I attract male attention, not in that I'm amazingly great looking but so far in life I've had my fair share of being able to meet guys, flirt with them, become great friends with them. So I'm not hideous but often that's how I feel.

The irony about the counselling was that the conclusion is you should face your fears in terms of having sex, a first relationship but I cannot get over how embarrassing it is that I have never done any of those things. I mean the average 30 year old guy would probably think there was something very wrong with me.

A lot of people assume my relationship history is very different and I cannot be bothered to correct them. Only my closest friends know the real truth. So more often now I think I'm almost pretending to be normal where deep down inside I really wonder if this means I will be single forever and on my worst days it just makes me wonder what it is that I seem to be doing so wrong.

Hey guys

This is going to sound really weird but I am in the same sort of dilemma, only being a bloke it is even weirder. No one knows I have never had a girlfriend, and no one would ever believe me if I told them. I am a really confident, professional chap (and to be honest pretty bloody hot) , and I always command a lot of attention from women. The reason I have never had a girlfriend is because for some reason - I am wired differently from other people. I have come to terms with that now, and never sold myself cheaply. I do search for someone who is similar to me, and has no baggage (no previous boyfriends) what so ever, and preferably someone who has never even been on a date. But finding someone like that is basically... well... impossible.

It stems back to watching my parents divorce and I promised myself that I would never become like them. Without having a choice, I evolved to look for someone who would be 'my own' and not tainted. I am not religious at all, and most people would assume that I am 'a player', but I never follow through when I chat up women.

It is hard for a woman, but even harder for a guy who is... 28.

It is just the way we are wired, and it is not a bad thing. I think that people like us who have made the sacrifices 100% get someone decent in the end. You ladies are a really really rare, and I promise you the right bloke at the right time, will come along, you just need to wait. Perhaps you were designed for someone. Who knows.


Ray

I am 27, smart, funny, and am beginning to better appreciate my looks. I run a lot, do the makeup/hair thing on the weekends and have scores of friends. People are naturally attracted to me on a friendship level because I really love connecting with people and am very much an extrovert. But, I have incredibly low self-esteem. My friends tell me that I push guys away as a defense mechanism, but honestly, I don't think any guy has ever tried to get close enough to me for me to get the chance to push him away. Although a lot of my friends are paired off/married, I am not desperate to land a man or get married just because of my age. I just want to know what it feels like to have a boyfriend--just once! I just want to know what it feels like to have a guy like me, be interested in me, etc.

Do you think there is someone out there for everyone? I guess maybe I sound good on paper but I am lacking in other stuff necessary to be attractive to the other sex. Do you think my chances have passed or do I still have a shot at something special? How come no one wants anything to do with me?
Personally I don't think it is an issue. Many guys would see it as a positive that you don't have the baggage from past relationships that often messes things up!

Keep being yourself and someone will come along when the time is right. Although if the self esteem is leading you to push people away or leads you to have unrealistic expectations then you may wish to be positive and try and resolve that e.g. through counselling.

I am 27 and am in the same boat. Now I fear that I will never meet anyone because I'm just too embarrassed to admit it, and therefore don't want to get close to people. I feel better getting that off my chest even if it is just in the safety of this forum. Thanks for starting this thread.

Agree with questions and other posters, as a guy, it would definitely not put me off anyone the fact that they never had a boyfriend before, it would be so refreshing I think to meet someone with less baggae from previous relationships, of course they would have baggage from childhood etc but who hasn't!

I'm a guy who met my ex (we split up recently, hence me visiting this forum) after having one previous serious relationship, my ex. Said that the fact I had little or no bagge from previous relationships was a very good thing. This first serious relationship was at 27 and it was hard not particularly because I hadn't had any experience of relationships before that! I also didn't have sex until I was 26, so I was not experienced at all, but in my (limited ;p ) experience, great sex doesn't depend on how many partners you have had previously, just about the two people involved!

Don't be in a hurry to jump into bed with a guy! Get involved with other things, enrich your life with your hobbies, friends, travel, whatever... and as people have said here things will happen when you least expect it!!

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm actually 25yrs old. I've never had a boyfriend and I am a virgin. I was actaully crying yesterday because I came to a realisation that I would be single and alone until I die. I know a lot of times I enjoy being by myself but I also dream,wish and even hope that I will meet someone who will sweep me off my feet. Some dream huh?lol Than I thought maybe its me? Maybe my fate is to be alone. Maybe I am made to live alone. Than there is that fiery side of me that wants the passion and love of a man. I think its just something that I will have a hard time excepting... I am made to live alone in this life.

First off bravo for posting there is no shame it not having a boyfriend at your age. Hell it take some people 40 to 60 years to find the right person.

You enjoy your life you have goals and your onto other things. You will get there and you will get the right person :)

Well thank you. You are very sweet.:)

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm actually 25yrs old. I've never had a boyfriend and I am a virgin. I was actaully crying yesterday because I came to a realisation that I would be single and alone until I die. I know a lot of times I enjoy being by myself but I also dream,wish and even hope that I will meet someone who will sweep me off my feet. Some dream huh?lol Than I thought maybe its me? Maybe my fate is to be alone. Maybe I am made to live alone. Than there is that fiery side of me that wants the passion and love of a man. I think its just something that I will have a hard time excepting......I am made to live alone in this life.

A couple of things I want to tell you.

As a man I can assure you that a 25 year without a past is actually very attractive. I'm not putting you down when I say this and I know I can't know you from a little post on a website but it comes across like this might be the focus of your life as opposed to just being a reality. In other words you appear to think way too much about this issue about being alone and that, in fact only helps to create your reality. Find some things that you will enjoy, even if it is alone and allow yourself to grow from with in as opposed to seeking your fate from the outside. What you describe is nothing to cry over, or even put too much stress or thought into, which is what it appears your focus seems to be. I guess what I'm saying is focus on the positive you have going for you and not the negative which really isn't that big of a negative, if it is one at all.

God I was actually really happy when I found this thread. So there are others who are on the same boat.

I now people say wait and Mr. Right would eventually show up. For some people I think this happens but for others maybe their idea of love and marriage will never ideally be achieved. I guess you just have to work on it.

Go out to different place, online dating, asking friends and family to introduce you to different people ( I guess it would be kind of embarrassing but you might find the right person, so its worth it).

I should probably take my own advice though.

Don't worry too much. When the right guy comes along u'll know it!

Glad to have found this... I am in the same boat with just turning 27 years old (female) and never having a boyfriend and all that goes with that. Would just like some reassurance that it will happen and what can I do to hurry it along!

Glad to have found this...I am in the same boat with just turning 27 years old (female) and never having a boyfriend and all that goes with that. Would just like some reassurance that it will happen and what can I do to hurry it along!

Sorry about that I have a new computer and did not get to finish my rating before I hit the wrong button. What I was saying was, where are you women because many honorable, well adjusted men (and yes we certainly could argue there are few of them) would cherish a female with no past. Honestly, if you see my answer from a few months ago, I stand by that, focusing on being a virgin or having no past as a negative couldn't be more wrong. That is to be celebrated and appreciated. I would love to find a girl with no past or at the very least no baggage that she's holding onto and using it on me. I swear you ladies don't know what you've got and how much a good guy would look up to you for it.

This thread is great! It's nice to know that some men are attracted to virgins. I am 27 too and feel there is something wrong with me. I've dated a few guys (2 of these guys was from online dating), and we just didn't seem to have much in common at all, there was never that spark, so I've never been in love and feel like I am never ever going to find that someone. I've started to think I might be happier if I just give up and stop looking, but then there are times of loneliness. I recently dated this guy for 2 weeks and was almost going to sleep with him just to get my first time out of the way and also so I would be more 'wanted' until a friend of mine talked me out of it pointing out that 'that isn't me', and because I didn't sleep with that guy, he dumped me... that made me feel real good, not. I worry that people think I'm weird but really it's something that just can't be controlled, I have to keep thinking that it will happen some day, so I relate to many of your stories, thank you for sharing.

Oh one other note. I'll go out with any virgin that's interested in me, I'll be your first and I'll treat you like a queen not a slab of meat. That's to any virgin females on here but it's if the beautiful poster of the message I'm replying to doesn't want me.

You are all so cool!

This is interesting... where the heck are you guys at... this is my question...

Hi Don't worry you have many admirers but you may be a bit too much of a extrovert and the boys probably start treating you as one of the lads show a few crocodile tears and see the boys come running to cuddle you. Chris

What's interesting is the OP posted here two year's ago and never came back. The poor girl will never realize how many guys are really interested in her.

I'm 26 and it seems as if we're in exactly the same boat. I seem to be OK with just having a lot of friends, but once in a while, I kind of do wish I could have a boyfriend. It would be nice to have someone to talk to apart from friends, family, and associates. I had conservative parents who didn't allow me to date in high school and even my freshman year of college, so that may have something to do with my still single status.. . honestly... I've seen so many friends go from boyfriend to boyfriend, and there seems to be no point. Seems like people are better off remaining single, than being with someone who will only cause them misery somewhere along the timeline.

Take care :)

I am 19 and in the same situation.

I have had a problem with shyness for most of my life and since I have started to see an improvement in this area, I still haven't found anyone... I never know if I am coming off as too aggressive or too quiet or as not being interested. It's all to complicated and I can't read faces or body language well

I hope that the men replying to this question are sincere in their replies and that there are more of them in the world than I have had the pleasure of experiencing, because reading over what they have said has been a breath of fresh air.

I am just wondering, what is it about a virgin or a girl who has never had a kiss or a boyfriend that is so appealing to you guys? Because in my experience it just seems like guys want to have the girls that seem to be "in demand" with other guys.

Glad to know I am not alone, thank you so much for starting this conversation. God knows there is no one else for me to talk to about this.

Thank you.

I am just wondering, what is it about a virgin or a girl who has never had a kiss or a boyfriend that is so appealing to you guys?

A girl who is a virgin usually has a certain innocence about her that makes her seem extra feminine which is extremely attractive to some men.


Because in my experience it just seems like guys want to have the girls that seem to be "in demand" with other guys.

For other men, they want a woman who is more worldly.

Speaking as a man who has dated several virgins, as well as, many more non-virgins, if I were to meet a girl who, at the age of 27, were still a virgin my initial reaction would be "Why?"

Having dated the women I've dated in the situations I've dated them in, I know that women are on the receiving end of a lot of sexual attention and a woman who is still a virgin at the age of 27 is most likely so by choice which is why I would want to know why.

I can understand a girl being 22 and a virgin because maybe she was too caught up in school and such to have a boyfriend, but at 27 that's really pushing it. In my experience, people (both men and women) who have not had sex by the age of 22 usually become stranger and stranger as time passes.

Hi witrav, I'm almost in the same situation. I'm 22, never had a boyfriend and I'm still a virgin. My friends also say I push guys away and that if I wanted I would be surrounded by guys. One of my best friend said that it's because of my dad. I don't really know him and when we talked about it she said I look kind of disappointed and that guys will always have a very hard starting point with me. I'm just hoping that when I'm finished with school next summer and start working maybe I'll change a bit and find a guy. So, you're definitely not alone with this problem.

P.S. I'm from Germany so excuse my grammar mistakes.

There is NOTHING wrong or strange with waiting! There is actually more "right" with it! What is all the hurry about? Don't let your friends and peers pressure any of you into anything! It doesn't mean you will never find that man that you will fall madly in love with, at all! Stop looking so hard! That is usually when you meet the right person. Not when you are online dating, going to clubs, etc. I'm not saying don't make yourself open and take your opportunities when you can, and get out there and do things where there are guys with similar interests! If you are interested in cars, join a car club, if you are daring and think you might to go skydiving, mountain climbing, skiing,. things that are thought of as "guy" related things, join up!

Don't settle for Mr. Saturday Night! You'll only feel worse for doing it, and he likely won't stick around for long. Don't listen to the guy who tells you how hot you are, and then is looking at your boobs instead of your face! Don't listen to the guy that you meet one night, and promises you that he will never disrespect you, but will take your virginity and a few days or weeks later, is sleeping with your bff's friend, and then the next week, with your bff's friends friend!! Stick to your guns girls! You won't regret it!

(Btw, Sungirl? Your grammar was perfect!) :)

Since some comments have been made about my last post, I'll take a few moments to respond.


Why is it "STRANGE" in your words, for a woman to still be a virgin at 27? There is nothing "strange" about that! It's called respecting your body, until you know you've found the right person. Don't call people strange for wanting to do that!

To be perfectly clear, what I wrote was:


In my experience, people (both men and women) who have not had sex by the age of 22 usually become stranger and stranger as time passes.

I did not say that a person who decides to wait for sex is strange or the fact that they have not had sex is strange. I said that they themselves become stranger partially because they are still virgins. I am not judging them for their decision to wait for sex because if someone wants to wait, I'm more than happy to support that. What I am judging are their actions, which become stranger and stranger over time.

I have several friends who are over the age of 22 who are virgins. They are nice people who are intelligent and successful but their lack of relationship experience reflects heavily in how they view the world. They say and do a lot of things in social situations that are really bizarre. I've asked them at what point they will decide to start dating and they've all given me answers that involve either establishing their careers or waiting for "the one." To that, I tell them I understand and sit by and watch while they get stranger and stranger as the years go by.


you call people strange for still being a virgin at 27?. OK ill call you strang for talking out you A@@ how's that big fella you like that? You lose it at the age of 11 or what? Geez

Again, as I stated above, I am not making a judgement on a person's decision to be a virgin but rather on their actions. They are not strange because they've decided to remain a virgin but many virgins are strange because they are virgins.

What I do think is strange was that I was told that use of the "disagree" was for factually wrong information but I managed to get two in one post. Interesting how that works.

I can understand a girl being 22 and a virgin because maybe she was too caught up in school and such to have a boyfriend, but at 27 that's really pushing it. In my experience, people (both men and women) who have not had sex by the age of 22 usually become stranger and stranger as time passes.

I did not say that a person who decides to wait for sex is strange or the fact that they have not had sex is strange. I said that they themselves become stranger partially because they are still virgins. I am not judging them


Sounds like judging to me matey boy


Now your back tracking?

Look be a man and just take it yeah.

Usually becomes stranger and stranger?

We did not miss read anything.. if so take more time to write your posts.

Since some comments have been made about my last post, I'll take a few moments to respond.



To be perfectly clear, what I wrote was:



I did not say that a person who decides to wait for sex is strange or the fact that they have not had sex is strange. I said that they themselves become stranger partially because they are still virgins. I am not judging them for their decision to wait for sex because if someone wants to wait, I'm more than happy to support that. What I am judging are their actions, which become stranger and stranger over time.

I have several friends who are over the age of 22 who are virgins. They are nice people who are intelligent and successful but their lack of relationship experience reflects heavily in how they view the world. They say and do a lot of things in social situations that are really bizarre. I've asked them at what point they will decide to start dating and they've all given me answers that involve either establishing their careers or waiting for "the one." To that, I tell them I understand and sit by and watch while they get stranger and stranger as the years go by.



Again, as I stated above, I am not making a judgement on a person's decision to be a virgin but rather on their actions. They are not strange because they've decided to remain a virgin but many virgins are strange because they are virgins.

What I do think is strange was that I was told that use of the "disagree" was for factually wrong information but I managed to get two in one post. Interesting how that works.

Have you actually read the rules and regs? It does explain the "reasons" for reddies to be used. I felt that the advice was detrimental to the OP, and that is why I disagreed. You really didn't say much more in this post than you did in the other! You just continued with your point about people being virgins, getting stranger and stranger! That is a big blanket statement you are making there. If that has been your personal experience, maybe it has something to do with the girls you know or date! In my experience, I see many more "strange"... as you put it... non virgins! They are all just people, that have made choices! If that is their choice, not having sex doesn't make you strange. Would they stop being strange if they went out and got a little? Or should they tell their first, careful of me, I've been getting stranger and stranger, but once we have sex, I will be back to normal. Is it a magical transformation?

If this has been your experience, well... sorry about your luck!

Comments on this post
TrueFaith agrees: I love you star :) you have shuch a nice way of putting everything

Awwww... thanks TF! You're a sweetie!

sounds like judging to me matey boy


Now your back tracking?

Look be a man and just take it yeah.

Usually becomes stranger and stranger?

we did not miss read anything.. if so take more time to write your posts.

You do seem to like quoting me out of context.

I did not say that "I do not judge them" I said that "I do not judge them on their decision." How about instead of misquoting and misinterpreting me, you read what I write? As someone with a technical background, I'm extremely careful about how I write things which, at this point, is much more than I can say about how you read them.

And to be clear, I have no problem with taking it like a man but if you are going to trash me, then trash me for who I am and not who you think I am. I will say this as clearly as I possibly can:

I have no problem with people wanting to stay celibate. I have several friends who have chosen to do so (FRIENDS. Not girls that I've dated, but friends I see on a regular basis both male AND female). What I do have a problem with is the fact that many of them are becoming stranger as the years go by because the fact that they've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend does strange things to their psyches.


Would they stop being strange if they went out and got a little? Or should they tell their first, careful of me, I've been getting stranger and stranger, but once we have sex, I will be back to normal. Is it a magical transformation?

Yes, interestingly enough. I've personally seen it and held witness to it on MANY occasions. The transformation is nothing short of shocking for some of these people but are much less drastic (although still noticeable) for others.

One final thing before I stop posting here, since I can see this has ceased to actually be aimed at helping anyone. I do not presume to know what your views on sex are but do not attempt to superimpose those views on someone else. If you are truly on this board because you want to help people, then provide advice and let the posters make their own decisions.

I can say simply and honestly that everything I post comes from experience and study. I say what I think needs to be said in order for the posters to make the choices that they think are best for their lives. If you think it's "normal" for someone to be a virgin at 27, fine but don't advocate celibacy (and subsequently create more 27 year old virgins) without stating what the consequences are. Everyone knows what the consequences to having sex are since they're taught in public health programs in schools but how many of you truly know what the consequences of not having sex are? Well, I have personally witnessed it and I can tell you that those who are adult-aged (that's 22 and over) get more bizarre as they age. If you ever meet a 30+ year old virgin you will understand. Until then, do not tell people that it's the norm for people to be 27 year old virgins especially when the large majority of the population lose their virginities by the end of university/college and some much earlier than that.

Ken! You are welcome to your own opinion for arguments sake, and we are welcome to ours. You are no doubt here to advertise your website, so good luck to you. Incidentally, that is against the rules of AMHD, had you read them.

I am sticking to my initial response, and I am not superimposing my beliefs on anyone! They are also free to make their own decisions based on the responses here. I also don't have to go into my sexual beliefs with you, but it might actually surprise you. So you are correct in not assuming!

You have stated your opinion, so yes, move onto other topics. We all understand your position, and this is not helping the OP at all with her question, when you keep quoting us. Move on please!

You do seem to like quoting me out of context.

I did not say that "I do not judge them" I said that "I do not judge them on their decision." How about instead of misquoting and misinterpreting me, you read what I write? As someone with a technical background, I'm extremely careful about how I write things which, at this point, is much more than I can say about how you read them.

And to be clear, I have no problem with taking it like a man but if you are going to trash me, then trash me for who I am and not who you think I am. I will say this as clearly as I possibly can:

I have no problem with people wanting to stay celibate. I have several friends who have chosen to do so (FRIENDS. Not girls that I've dated, but friends I see on a regular basis both male AND female). What I do have a problem with is the fact that many of them are becoming stranger as the years go by because the fact that they've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend does strange things to their psyches.



Yes, interestingly enough. I've personally seen it and held witness to it on MANY occasions. The transformation is nothing short of shocking for some of these people but are much less drastic (although still noticeable) for others.

One final thing before I stop posting here, since I can see this has ceased to actually be aimed at helping anyone. I do not presume to know what your views on sex are but do not attempt to superimpose those views on someone else. If you are truly on this board because you want to help people, then provide advice and let the posters make their own decisions.

I can say simply and honestly that everything I post comes from experience and study. I say what I think needs to be said in order for the posters to make the choices that they think are best for their lives. If you think it's "normal" for someone to be a virgin at 27, fine but don't advocate celibacy (and subsequently create more 27 year old virgins) without stating what the consequences are. Everyone knows what the consequences to having sex are since they're taught in public health programs in schools but how many of you truly know what the consequences of not having sex are? Well, I have personally witnessed it and I can tell you that those who are adult-aged (that's 22 and over) get more bizarre as they age. If you ever meet a 30+ year old virgin you will understand. Until then, do not tell people that it's the norm for people to be 27 year old virgins especially when the large majority of the population lose their virginities by the end of university/college and some much earlier than that.

Wow... more "stranger and stranger"... that makes a lot of sense since most people I see that are "STRANGE" are the ones with 6 kids at the age of 24 or have had 20 or plus partners already and have to be in a relationship every minute of their life to feel like they are worth something. Believe me I am toally for relationships with the right person and having sex whenever you are ready BUT to say that if you don't have sex by a certain age you are weird and wierder just does not make sense. I think if that is all someone thinks about everyday and worries about it-yes that could make them appear or act strange-but if someone is happy in their life and not worried about it-WHO CARES!

Hello, I just found this site and reading this I am not so worried anymore that I am the only one with this problem. I am 30 years old and I have never had a boyfriend in my life. It's like whenever some guy is interested in me I sabotage it somehow. I have kissed and made out with guys in my past I really don't have problems with that but somehow I don't want anything serious, it's really weird and I am a bit embarrassed whenever people ask me about my relationships I prefer to make up ex boyfriends so they won't think something is wrong with me.
I think I have never been in love with anyone before, I have had a few crushes and I do like a guy from work but I guess I like him so much because I know I can't have him. He is married with 2 children, so I am safe with him.
I am quite outgoing and I keep lots of friends but I don't go out so often anymore, I go out more while I am working.
I am a flight attendant, so I am hardly home anyway.

Thing is I have had a sad childhood, my alcoholic dad used to beat up my mom, they are divorced now, I left my country at age 18 to live far far away from home and well I got drugged and sexually abused by some guy I didn't even know who my ex best friend from university asked to have sex with me because I was already 19 and very old for being a virgin she said. I stopped being her friend of course after what she did to me.

I really don't know I mean I am not really unhappy being single but I can't stand the fact that maybe something is not right in my head I mean I should be wanting a boyfriend shouldn't I?
Besides I hate it when my family and friends are talking about me like I am a freak or something.

Hello, I just found this site and reading this I am not so worried anymore that I am the only one with this problem. I am 30 years old and I have never had a boyfriend in my life. It's like whenever some guy is interested in me I sabotage it somehow. I have kissed and made out with guys in my past I really don't have problems with that but somehow I don't want anything serious, it's really weird and I am a bit embarrassed whenever ppl ask me about my relationships I prefer to make up ex boyfriends so they won't think something is wrong with me.
I think I have never been in love with anyone before, I have had a few crushes and I do like a guy from work but I guess I like him so much because I know I can't have him. He is married with 2 children, so I am safe with him.
I am quite outgoing and I keep lots of friends but I don't go out so often anymore, I go out more while I am working.
I am a flight attendant, so I am hardly home anyways.

Thing is I have had a sad childhood, my alcoholic dad used to beat up my mom, they are divorced now, I left my country at age 18 to live far far away from home and well I got drugged and sexually abused by some guy I didn't even know who my ex best friend from university asked to have sex with me because I was already 19 and very old for being a virgin she said. I stopped being her friend of course after what she did to me.

I really don't know I mean I am not really unhappy being single but I can't stand the fact that maybe something is not right in my head I mean I should be wanting a boyfriend shouldn't I?
Besides I hate it when my family and friends are talking about me like I am a freak or something.

Well for starters, you are NOT a freak! I'm so sorry that you had a so-called friend that would put you in that situation, and you were right to get rid of her. With friends like that, you don't need enemies! I can't believe that a "friend" would do that to you! That is DATE RAPE! It was NOT your fault! Anyone who drugs you in order to have sex with you, is raping you, and your ex-friend is guilty of being an accessory, and should have been reported and charged, along with the college boy! That is wrong, and does NOT define you! Do not let it define you!

Also, growing up in such an abusive home, where alcohol and so much dysfuntion was a part of your life, it is no wonder you are confused and feeling the way you do. You do not need to feel ashamed by not having a boyfriend, or previous boyfriends! In fact you should hold your head up, and tell people you are proud to be waiting for the right man to come into your life! You don't need to make any excuses for that! In fact, I feel the complete opposite! You should be applauded for not settling for Mr. Saturday Night!

I believe you may have some trust issues, and rightly so. I think you need to work on YOU, so you can learn how to love yourself first. When you love yourself and show that you will NOT put up with anyone that tries to take that away from you, it shows! You will find that people will be attracted to that quality in you!

I wish you the very best of luck, and don't feel like you are any less of a person just because you don't have any ex's in your past. That is something to be more proud of, than to be embarrassed of. Don't let family or others make you feel this way! :)

May I suggest that you start your own thread, and then you will likely get more input. We don't want to piggyback on someone else's thread. I know you are new, so just pick a topic, probably under "relationships" and then that thread is all yours! :)

Thanks so much for your words starbuck8 they mean a lot to me, I know I have some trust problems.
On the one hand I feel sometimes I am not worth of anyone's love but on the other hand I love myself too much to get into a bad relationship, like every time I go out to a night club and I meet any men my age or younger they want to get me into bed.

OK I will follow your advise and I will start a new thread because this one is already old. Thanks again!!

I realize that the author posted this awhile ago but I just felt compelled to contribute because I was just discussing this with my close friends on New Years. I had a mini breakdown about the whole ordeal because at 22 I have never had a boyfriend or dated.

My most closest guy friend ended up having very deep feelings for me. I honestly did not feel the same way about him but he was my closest friend and in my common sense told me to give him a shot... but I'm too logical and our inexperience, close family ties and long distance were too much of a burden in my mind to consider a relationship.

I've tried my best to get out there and find things that are important for ME. I volunteer, I'm involved in numerous clubs and go out and enjoy my singledom but at the same time it's hard to believe that the only thing that has crossed my path is a person provinces away who is more family to me than a romantic prospect.

I know many of the experts have suggested to let life go its natural way, but its hard to resist that tiny voice thinking about possibly meeting someone at a new venue or event... but maybe that's a sign that I haven't allowed myself to stay open to experiences...

In any case I just thought I would share that it's natural to feel lonely even when everything else in life is going well... I guess the best thing we single gals can do is to make sure we don't put up defenses before giving it a chance... I plan on using my friends as my gauge and sometimes my prod to push myself to have an open mind about different experiences and people :)

To begin with do you feel like no one will like you like your pressured in your mind to stay away from them . Some youths relentlessy put themselves down.there convinced that no one likes them and that they have nothing worthwhile to add to a conversation.is that the way you feel about yourself. If so a negative self-image will only widen the chasm that separates you from your peers. Ask yourself what are my strengths? Think of some talents or positive qualities you poses and list them.no doubt you have flaws and it is good to be aware of these.but you also have so much to offer.regonizeing your assets will give you the confidence you need to break free from negative thinking.
I as a adult go through some of these negative thinking also and am afraid at times of what people will think of me.. It is hard thing to deal with just keep your strength and always think positive.. :)

Three years ago

I read the other daay about someone that was 20 and never had a boyfriend but being 30 is something else
Waat is wrong with you if someone wants to meet you don't turn them down that's just weird you moan that you isn't never had one but then you tell them that you isn't interested raah mann that isn't normal :L

I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend | Is It Normal? | http://isitnormal.com (http://isitnormal.com/story/im-20-and-ive-never-had-a-boyfriend-24484/#new-comment)

Her is a website about a 20 year old that has not had a boyfriend uu might want to share your problems together :L awww bless your poor little cotton socks